FACES OF SUCCESS AND YOU COULD BE NEXT!
Harold was horrible with birthdays and anniversaries. He couldn’t remember them for the life of him. He decided to compile a list so that, every time he turned on his computer, birthdays of note would be highlighted on his screen. Even this didn’t work well enough, though, so Harold went to a computer store to find a software program that would do the job.
He approached an elderly sales clerk. “Can you recommend something that will remind me of birthdays and anniversaries?” Harold asked.
“Have you tried a wife?” he replied.
Rabbi Cohen was tasked with teaching a class at the Beth Israel Yeshiva. He decided to discuss the sanctuary’s new magnificent stained glass windows, and tried todraw out a message for the children. “Look over there,” said Rabbi Cohen. “Each of you represent one window, but together as a community we make a whole picture.”
The Rabbi continued, pointing to each child as he did so: “You see, each one of you is a little pane. You’re a little pane, you’re a little pane, you’re a little pane, and….”
It took Rabbi Cohen a few moments before he realized why everyone was laughing.
Just before the final exam,
a less-than-stellar student approached histeacher and asked, “Can you tell me what grade I would need to get on the exam to pass the course?”
The teacher gave him the bad news. “The exam is worth 100 points. You would need 113 points to earn a D.”
“OK,” the student replied. “And how many points would I need
to get a C?”
Telling It Like It Is
Molly was an active, hands-on grandmother. One day, while out bicycling with her eight-year-old granddaughter, Rachel, she got a little wistful. “In ten years,” Molly said, “you’ll want to be with your friends and you won’t want to go walking, biking, and swimming with me like you do now.”
“Don’t worry, Grandma,” Rachel shrugged. “In ten years, you’ll be too old to do all those things anyway.”
The Bathtub Test
Dr. Alexander Smith, an American psychiatrist, was attending a conference in Israel and decided to visit one of the local hospitals specializing in mental health. On his visit, Dr. Smith asked the hospital director, Dr. Klein, how he determined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
“Well,” said Dr. Klein, “first we fill up a bathtub. Then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.”
“Oh, I understand,” said Dr. Smith. “A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.”
“No,” said Dr. Klein “a normal person would pull the plug. Dr. Smith, do you want a bed near the window?”
In Need of a Second Opinion
Something was wrong with Janet; she just wasn’t herself lately. Her husband, Ricky, decided she should go to the doctor. After a long appointment, Janet
“Ricky, the doctor has advised me that I’m stressed. He thinks I should take a one-month vacation to some place tranquil like the Caribbeanor the South of France. Where shall we go?”
Ricky thought about it for a second and said, “To another doctor!”
A college basketball coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, “I’m not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there.
So what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play.”
The player agreed and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asked, “Okay, now concentrate... what is two plus two?”
The player thought for a moment and then answered, “4?”
“Did you say 4?!?” the coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right.
At that, all the other players on the team began screaming, “Come on, Coach! Give him another