NEW YORK STATE ASSEMBLY WOMAN HOPEFUL REBECCA HARARY IN PROFILE
Seeing is Believing
Yossi, a full time yeshiva student, noticed that his eyes were starting to give him some trouble – no doubt staring at the small Talmud print all day wasn’t helping. So Yossi decided to visit an ophthalmologist.
The doctor showed Yossi the eye chart, displaying the letters ICNRDTHT.
“Can you read that?” the doctor asked.
“Sure,” Yossi replied. “It says ‘I can read that’”.
“Wait, what?” the Doctor said, confused for a moment. Then he smiled. “Ah…I think someone hasbeen spending too much time staring at Talmud pages with no vowels!”
Michael had just moved to Israel and assumed the job as safety manager for a large manufacturing company. He initiated an ambitious program to increase workplace safety. One day he called a meeting on the plant floor.
“Does anyone know,” Michael asked, “what the speed limit is in our parking lot?”
A short moment of silence was interrupted when one fellow named Itzik piped up. “That depends. Do you mean coming to work or leaving?
Standing in the park, I found myself wondering why a Frisbee looks larger the closer it gets. Then it hit me.
Every Little Bit Helps
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
Lily: I heard that exercise kills germs.
Lily: Yeah, but the tricky part is getting the germs to exercise.
Caller: Hello, is Mrs. Walls there?
Answerer: No, I think you have the
Caller: Is Mr. Walls there?
Answerer: I’m afraid not.
Caller: Are there any Walls there?
Caller: Then what’s holding up the roof?
As the hostess of the casino buffet showed the woman to her table, she asked her to keep an eye out for her husband, who would be joining her momentarily. She started to describe him: “He has gray hair, wears glasses, and is a little overweight...” The hostess stopped her there. “Honey,” she said, “today is Senior Day. They all look like that.”
When asked for his name by the coffee shop clerk, the man answered “Marc, with a ‘C’.” Minutes later, Marc was handed his coffee cup with his name written on the side: “Cark.”
Two rabbis walk past a Judaica store, where pictures of rabbis hang in the window.
The first rabbi says to the second rabbi: “There’s my picture! Where’s yours?”
The second rabbi says: “ Mine is sold out.”
While traveling through an unfamiliar town, Jimmy, who was starving, spotted a small restaurant. A sign said, “Special: Vegetable Soup with Fried Chicken and Grilled Vegetables.”Jimmy walked in and requested the special.
A few minutes later, he called over to the waiter, furious. “Is this what you call a special?!” he asked. “The sign said ‘grilled vegetables,’ but the vegetables are baked. It said ‘fried chicken’ but the chicken isn’t fried!” The waiter said, “My friend, that’s what makes it so special.”
Quiet in the Library
Once, a man entered the library and asked the librarian: “Hi, can I please order a burger and fries?”
The librarian told him: “Sir, this is a library.”
So the man whispered: “Sorry, can I please have a burger and fries?”
Sign of the Times
Isn’t it great to live in the 21st century, when deleting history has become more important than making it?
The Key to Happiness
People say money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you had enough money, you can have a key made.
Play on Words
I tried to catch a fog earlier. I mist.
Why do people leave cars worth thousands of dollars in their driveways and keep useless junk locked up in their garage?
Why the sun lights out hair but darkens our skin.
Why we don’t ever see the headline “Psychic Wins the Lottery!”
Why “abbreviated” is such a large word.
Why doctors and attorneys call what they do “practice.”
Why a man who invests all your money is called a “broker.”
An individual applied for a customer-service job. When asked what he might not like about the job,he replied: “Dealing with people”.
One golfer was so used to cheating on his scorecard that, one day, he hit a hole-in-one and marked his scorecard “O.”
Jack V. Grazi
“I was standing outside waiting for a bus the other day and a man came up to me and said, ‘You know, while you’ve been standing here, 2,000 acres of rainforest have been destroyed!’
Well, I won’t stand there from now on,” I replied.
What’s the best time to go to
“Windows school start? I don’t want to be late!”
You’ve Got Mail
What did the stamp say to
You stick with me and I will take you places!
Play on Words
Amaylie: Want to hear an herb joke?
Amaylie: Never mind. I don’t have thyme right now.
Answer Me This….
What did the magician say to the fisherman? “Pick a cod, any cod.”
Why did the horse cross the road?
To visit his neigh-bors.
What is the best time to trim
a beard?Daylight shaving time.
What did Mozart’s mom say to him when he was misbehaving?
What did the seal call the painting?
“Art, art, art!”
What sport do astronauts play?
How did the egg get off the bus?
It used the eggs-it.
What type of soda do you drink when you’re looking at a map?
What is a rock’s favorite food?
No Internet Connection
When I call a family meeting, I turn off the house WiFi
and wait for them all to come running.
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