When It’s Our Turn to Take Care of Them The unique challenges of caring for our community’s seniors

Past Articles:
THE LIGHTER SIDE





Millionaire Problems

A fellow walked into a bank in New York City asking for a loan for $4,000 dollars.

“Well, before we lend you the money, we are going to need some kind of security,” the bank teller said.

“No problem” the man responded. “Here are the keys to my car. You’ll see it, it’s a black Porsche parked in the back of the parking lot.”

A few weeks later the man returned to pay off his loan. While he was paying it up, along with the interest of $11 dollars, the manager came over.

“Sir,” he said, “We are very happy to have your business, but if you don’t mind me asking, after you left we looked into you and found out that you are a millionaire. Why would you need to borrow $4,000 dollars?”

“Well,” the fellow responded. “It’s quite simple. Where else can I park my car for three weeks in New York for $11 dollars?”

Jack C.

Who’s the Boss?

The boss of our small company complained
during a staff meeting that people didn’t respect him enough.

Trying to change the attitude in the office, he came in the next day with a sign for his door. It said,
“I AM THE BOSS.”

One of the employees, apparently not appreciating the change, stuck a Post-It note on the sign that said: “Your wife wants her sign back!”

Steven M.

Smart Alec

Teacher: “Whoever answers my next question can
go home.”

A boy throws his bag out
of the window.

Teacher: “Who just
threw that?”

Boy: “Me! I’m going
home now.”

Isaac S.

One-Liners

A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just finished cleaning the whole house.

Money can’t buy happiness – but it keeps our children in touch with us….

Years ago, it used to be only Death and Taxes. Now of course, there’s shipping and handling too.

What do you mean, “Is chicken soup good for a person with a cold? Have you ever seen a chicken with a cold?”

Jack V. Grazi

Old Age

An old man went to the doctor complaining of a terrible pain in his leg.

“I’m afraid it’s just old age,” replied the doctor, “There’s nothing we can do about it.”

“That can’t be,”fumed the old man. “You don’t know what you’re saying.”

“How can you possibly know for certain that I’m wrong?” countered the doctor.

“Well, it’s quite obvious,” the old man replied.
“My other leg is fine, and it’s the exact same age!”

Joe B.

The Missing Boots

Part of a Pre-school teacher’s job involves helping her small students put on their coats and boots. One day, as school was over and the children were getting ready to leave, one child came over to his teacher in tears.

“My boots are missing!” she wailed. “There they are, in the corner,” the teacher said pointing. “Those are not mine!” the child said, stamping her foot. “MINE HAD SNOW ON THEM!”

Hannah J.

Conquering Fear

A lady went to a psychiatrist complaining of a terrible phobia. “Every time I lay down on my bed I get this terrible fear that there is something underneath,” she said.

“Wow,” responded the psychiatrist. “I’ve never heard of such a phobia! Still, like all phobias, it can be treated, but it will likely take around 20 sessions.”

“OK” responded the lady. “How much is each session?”

“Oh, it’s $80 a session, but trust me, it is well worth it.”

When the lady didn’t come back, the psychiatrist gave the lady a call.

“How come I didn’t hear from you? he asked.

“Well,” responded the lady, “when I came home and told my husband about the cost, he thought he would save some money. He just cut the legs off the bed!”

Rachel D.

Classroom Humor

Teacher: How old is
your father?

Kid: He’s six year old.

Teacher: What? How is
that possible?

Kid: He became a father only when I was born.

***

Teacher: Mary, go to the map and find North America.

Mary: Here it is.

Teacher: Correct. Now, Class, who discovered America?

Class: Mary!

Pauline S.

Helicopter Mom

Mom: Are you getting
enough sleep?

Daughter: Sure - whenever
I sneeze my eyes close!

Esther T.

Quite a Scare

A lady went to the doctor for a check-up. A few minutes into the examination, screeching could be heard from the room. Then the lady burst out of the room, as if running for her life. After much effort a nurse finally managed to calm her down enough so that she could tell her story.

The nurse barged into the office of the doctor and screamed, “Shame on you! Mrs. Smith is 82 years old, and you told her she
was pregnant!”

The doctor continued writing calmly on his prescription pad. Barely looking up, he said, “Does she still have
the hiccups?”

Frances M.

Fine Print

One day, an employee sent a letter to his boss hoping to increase his salary. It read as follows:

In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport, including $weat and $ervice to your company. I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon Your$ $incerely, Norman $oh

The next day, the employee received this letter of reply: I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well . NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean. Yours truly, Manager

Charles F.

The Terrifying Typo

An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel he decided to send his wife a quick email. Unfortunately, when typing her address, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to anelderly woman whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.”

Beatrice D.

Millionaire Problems

A fellow walked into a bank in New York City asking for a loan for $4,000 dollars.

“Well, before we lend you the money, we are going to need some kind of security,” the bank teller said.

“No problem” the man responded. “Here are the keys to my car. You’ll see it, it’s a black Porsche parked in the back of the parking lot.”

A few weeks later the man returned to pay off his loan. While he was paying it up, along with the interest of $11 dollars, the manager came over.

“Sir,” he said, “We are very happy to have your business, but if you don’t mind me asking, after you left we looked into you and found out that you are a millionaire. Why would you need to borrow $4,000 dollars?”

“Well,” the fellow responded. “It’s quite simple. Where else can I park my car for three weeks in New York for $11 dollars?”

Jack C.

Who’s the Boss?

The boss of our small company complained
during a staff meeting that people didn’t respect him enough.

Trying to change the attitude in the office, he came in the next day with a sign for his door. It said,
“I AM THE BOSS.”

One of the employees, apparently not appreciating the change, stuck a Post-It note on the sign that said: “Your wife wants her sign back!”

Steven M.

Smart Alec

Teacher: “Whoever answers my next question can
go home.”

A boy throws his bag out
of the window.

Teacher: “Who just
threw that?”

Boy: “Me! I’m going
home now.”

Isaac S.

One-Liners

A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just finished cleaning the whole house.

Money can’t buy happiness – but it keeps our children in touch with us….

Years ago, it used to be only Death and Taxes. Now of course, there’s shipping and handling too.

What do you mean, “Is chicken soup good for a person with a cold? Have you ever seen a chicken with a cold?”

Jack V. Grazi

Old Age

An old man went to the doctor complaining of a terrible pain in his leg.

“I’m afraid it’s just old age,” replied the doctor, “There’s nothing we can do about it.”

“That can’t be,”fumed the old man. “You don’t know what you’re saying.”

“How can you possibly know for certain that I’m wrong?” countered the doctor.

“Well, it’s quite obvious,” the old man replied.
“My other leg is fine, and it’s the exact same age!”

Joe B.

The Missing Boots

Part of a Pre-school teacher’s job involves helping her small students put on their coats and boots. One day, as school was over and the children were getting ready to leave, one child came over to his teacher in tears.

“My boots are missing!” she wailed. “There they are, in the corner,” the teacher said pointing. “Those are not mine!” the child said, stamping her foot. “MINE HAD SNOW ON THEM!”

Hannah J.

Conquering Fear

A lady went to a psychiatrist complaining of a terrible phobia. “Every time I lay down on my bed I get this terrible fear that there is something underneath,” she said.

“Wow,” responded the psychiatrist. “I’ve never heard of such a phobia! Still, like all phobias, it can be treated, but it will likely take around 20 sessions.”

“OK” responded the lady. “How much is each session?”

“Oh, it’s $80 a session, but trust me, it is well worth it.”

When the lady didn’t come back, the psychiatrist gave the lady a call.

“How come I didn’t hear from you? he asked.

“Well,” responded the lady, “when I came home and told my husband about the cost, he thought he would save some money. He just cut the legs off the bed!”

Rachel D.

Classroom Humor

Teacher: How old is
your father?

Kid: He’s six year old.

Teacher: What? How is
that possible?

Kid: He became a father only when I was born.

***

Teacher: Mary, go to the map and find North America.

Mary: Here it is.

Teacher: Correct. Now, Class, who discovered America?

Class: Mary!

Pauline S.

Helicopter Mom

Mom: Are you getting
enough sleep?

Daughter: Sure - whenever
I sneeze my eyes close!

Esther T.

Quite a Scare

A lady went to the doctor for a check-up. A few minutes into the examination, screeching could be heard from the room. Then the lady burst out of the room, as if running for her life. After much effort a nurse finally managed to calm her down enough so that she could tell her story.

The nurse barged into the office of the doctor and screamed, “Shame on you! Mrs. Smith is 82 years old, and you told her she
was pregnant!”

The doctor continued writing calmly on his prescription pad. Barely looking up, he said, “Does she still have
the hiccups?”

Frances M.

Fine Print

One day, an employee sent a letter to his boss hoping to increase his salary. It read as follows:

In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport, including $weat and $ervice to your company. I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon Your$ $incerely, Norman $oh

The next day, the employee received this letter of reply: I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well . NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean. Yours truly, Manager

Charles F.

The Terrifying Typo

An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel he decided to send his wife a quick email. Unfortunately, when typing her address, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to anelderly woman whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.”

Beatrice D.