SALUTE TO THE HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATES OF 2017

Past Articles:
THE LIGHTER SIDE





Sounding The Alarm

At the local Yeshiva they brought in a fireman to talk about safety.
He brought some visual aids with him including a smoke detector.
The fireman pressed the button to demonstrate and asked the children if anyone knew what it meant when an alarm sounded from the smoke detector.

A little boy immediately raised his hand and said, "It means my father is cooking dinner."

Morris C.

One-Liners

Q:Why is it hot in the stadium after the baseball game is over?

A:Because all the FANS have the left
the stadium.

Q: What is the best time to go to the dentist?

A:TOOTH HURT

Jacqueline Ades

Car Trouble

A teenager tells his father, “There’s trouble with
the car. It has water in
the carburetor.”

The father looks confused and says, “Water in the carburetor? That’s ridiculous.”

But the son insists, “I'm telling
you the car has water in
the carburetor.”

His father is starting to get a little nervous. “You don’t even know what a carburetor is,” he says. “I’ll check it out. Where’s the car?”

“In the pool.”

Sara S.

Money Lender

"Give me $10 till payday,” a homeless man begged a businessman.

"When is payday?"
the businessman asked.

"I don't know,” he said. “You’re the one who’s working."

Jack V. Grazi

The Doctor Will See You Now

Patient:Doctor, doctor! You’ve got to help me! My hands won’t
stop shaking!

Doctor:Do you drink a lot of coffee?

Patient:Not really. I spill most of it.

***

Doctor:I have some bad news and some very bad news.

Patient: Okay, give me the bad news first.

Doctor:You have 24 hours to live.

Patient:Only 24 hours?? That’s awful! What could be worse??

Doctor:I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday.

***

A woman went to her psychiatrist and said, “Doctor, I want to talk to you about my husband. He thinks he’s a refrigerator.”

“That’s not so bad,” said the doctor. “It’s a rather harmless problem.”

“Well, maybe,” replied the lady. “But he sleeps with his mouth open and the light keeps me awake.”

Sharon D.

Play on Words

A computer rolled into a bakery and went up to the counter. There were doughnuts and muffins and pastries, but the computer pointed to a plate of cookies. “Hello,” it said in an electronic voice.

Astonished the person behind the counter said, “Wow. We don’t get too many computers in this store. Do you want some of these cookies?”

“Well,” said the computer. “I might. Could you tell me how many bites are in each one?”

“I’m sorry,” said the counter person. “There aren’t any bytes in these cookies, just chips.”

Geoffrey R.

License and Registration Please

A young woman is speeding down the freeway when a highway patrol officer stops her. The officer asks if he can please see her driver’s license. The woman replies angrily, “I wish you guys would make up your mind. Just yesterday you took away my license and now you expect me to show it to you!”

Joseph J.

I Ate My Homework

Rachel came to school one day without her
homework assignment.

“Where is your homework?” asked her teacher.

“I ate it,” said Rachel.

“But why did you do such a thing?” asked her teacher.

“You told the class yesterday that it would be a piece of cake.”

Bobby T.

In a Manner of Speaking

A speaker was booked to address an audience at a school. About two hours before she was supposed to speak, however, a couple of student jokers loaded all the folding chairs from the auditorium into a truck and drove off. No one knew about this until the audience began to arrive for the lecture. It was too late to do anything about it, and the audience had to stand throughout her talk. That evening, she wrote a letter to her mother: “It was a tremendous success. Hours before I got there, every seat in the house was taken and I was given a standing ovation throughout my speech.”

Charlie A.

Q&A

Q:What are the coolest letters in the alphabet?

A: A/C (air condition)

Q:What do you call an
old snowman?

A:A puddle

Paula and Shirly Sardar

Stung!

Jack: How did you get a swollen nose?

Jill: I bent down to smell a brose in
my garden.

Jack: Not brose; it’s Rose, Jull. There’s no B in rose.

Jill: There was in this one!

Joanne P.

The Fastidious Fairy

A frog is walking along one day when he comes across a fairy.

“For forty bucks,” the fairy says, “I can turn you into a prince.”

“Wow!” exclaims the frog and gives the fairy fiftydollars.

The fairy changes the frog into a handsome, dashing prince. The former frog is overjoyed and asks the fairy for the 10 bucks that was left over so he can rent a really snazzy limo to the next ball. The magic fairy gives him the money and is about to leave when suddenly the prince shrinks down in his boots, turns green and is once again a frog. Shocked and despairing, the frog stares at the magic fairy. “What happened?” he asks.

“Well, she replies. “You gave me fifty bucks and then asked for your change back.”

Michelle K.

(Not so) Tailor-Made

Mary’s husband lost his job as a tailor in a local shop, but he didn’t talk much about it. He didn’t seem to be too bothered, though, and Mary was so curious that she finally asked, “Why is it that you’re not working as a tailor anymore, Bill?”

Bill thought a moment and then he said, “Well, I guess it didn’t really suit me. It was a sew-sew job.”

Rita F.

Criminal Activity

Did you hear about the crimes over at the house they’re renovating? The shower was stalled, while the curtains were held up. Apparently the doors were also hung and I heard the window was framed for it.                                             Valerie B.