SECRETS of the FOOD INDUSTRY

Past Articles:
THE LIGHTER SIDE





Based on a True Story

"I have to stop at the supermarket,” a wife told her husband on their way home from the city. “I need a bottle of milk.”

The milk was all the way at the back of the store, so the husband told his wife he would wait her for to grab it and browse in the meanwhile. After half an hour, the husband called his wife to see what was keeping her.

“I’m almost finished,” she said. “I’ll meet you by the cashier.” The husband’s bill came out to $27.00. His wife’s bill came out to $73.00 – exactly $100.00 total. The two got back in the car and drove home, satisfied with their purchases. But when the wife was putting everything away, she started shrieking. And what do you think she shouted? That’s right – "Oh my gosh, you'll never believe it. I FORGOT TO BUY THE MILK!"

Jack V. Grazi

Aphorisms

The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.

Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.

A goodtime to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.

No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.

There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM. It could be a right number.

No one ever says 'It's only a game.' when their team is winning.

Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it.

Al Harary

Kids These Days

Rachel went to stay at her grandmother’s house for a few weeks in the summer. While there, her grandmother decided that she was going to teach Rachel how to sew.

After she’d had gone through a lengthy explanation of how to thread the machine and sew a garment, Rachel stepped back, put her hands on her hips, and said in disbelief, "Grandma, I don’t understand, you cando all that, but you can't figure out how to use Skype?”

Frieda B.

Kindergarten Concerns

Little Ruthie was in Junior Kindergarten at Eitz Chaim preschool. Her favorite time of the day was when the Morah taught parsha. Morah Dinah was telling the story of Lot and Sodom. "There was a man named Lot,” Morah Dinah explained, “who was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt."

Concerned, Ruthie asked, "What happened to the flea?                                            Sylvia S.

Small Valuables

Dave was playing basketball in his driveway with some of his friends after school when suddenly he lost his contact lens. After a fruitless search, he went inside and told his mother the lens was nowhere to be found.

Undaunted, she went outside, and in a few minutes, she returned with the lens in her hand.

"How did you manage to find it, Mom?" Dave asked.

"We weren't looking for the same thing," his mother replied. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150."

Sylvia S.

A Lesson in Subtraction

Teacher:If you have ten slices of chocolate cake and someone asks you for two, how many do you have left?

Student:Ten! I’m not going to let someone take my chocolate cake!

Diana R. Azrak

Q&A

Q:What asks no questions but receives a lot of answers?
A:A telephone!

Q:What can you always count on?
A:Your fingers!

Q:What is the center of gravity?
A:The Letter V!

Q:What can clap without any hands?
A:Thunder!

Shirly and Paula Sardar

Playpen Party

Shifra was starting to get a little stir crazy with her three young kids all under the age of 4. She complained to her best friend Miriam, "I’m getting no rest! They’re driving me crazy!"

"What you need," said Miriam, "is a playpen."

So Shifra bought a playpen. A few days later, Miriam called to ask how things were going.

"Amazing! I can't believe it," Shifra said. "I get in that pen with a good book and a chocolate bar, and the kids don't bother me for hours!"

Lillian H.

Perfect Vision

Morris is 90 yearsold. He's played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago.

One day he arrives home looking downcast.

"That's it," he tells his wife Miriam. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has gotten so bad that once I've hit the ball, I can't see where it went."

Miriam sympathizes and makes him a cup of tea with a piece of cake. As they sit down, she says, "Why don't you take my brother Herman with you and give it one more try."

"That's no good," sighs Morris. "Your brother's a hundred and three. He can't help."

"He may be a hundred and three," says Miriam, "but his eyesight is perfect."

So the next day, Morris heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law Herman. He tees up, takes an almighty swing, and squints down the fairway.

He turns to Herman. "Did you see the ball?"

"Of course I did!" replies Herman. "I have perfect eyesight."

"Where did it go?" asks Morris.

"I don't remember."                                                                  Joey B.

A Mysterious Feat Revealed

As the bus pulled away, a woman realized that she had left her purse under the seat. Frantic, she called the bus company and was relieved to hear later that the driver found her bag.

When the woman returned to pick it up, several off-duty bus drivers surrounded her. One of them handed her her purse, two typewritten pages, and a box containing the contents of her purse. "We're required to inventory lost wallets and purses," he explained. "I think you'll find everything there."

As she started to put her belongings back into the purse, the man continued, "I hope you don't mind if we watch. Even though we all tried, none of us could fit everything into your purse. And we'd like to see just how you do it."

Sherry C.

Another Kind of Exercise Regimen

No matter what he did, Dr. Stern couldn’t get one particular patient of his to exercise. So he came up with a new strategy.

"I'm prescribing these pills for you," Dr. Stern said, as he weighed the man who tipped the scales at over two hundred and fifty pounds.

"I don't want you to swallow them. Just spill them on the floor twice a day and pick them up, one at a time."

Morris M.