The Sephardic Heritage Museum Explores THE LIFE AND ESCAPE of the JEWS OF SYRIA

Past Articles:
THE LIGHTER SIDE





One Smart Dog

A dog walked into the telegram office one day. He took out a blank form and wrote on it:

"Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."

Then he handed it to the clerk.
The clerk examined the paper and said to the dog, "You know there are only nine words here? You could send another 'Woof' for the same price."

The dog replied, "But that would make no sense at all!"

Micky S.

Early Birthday Gift

Susie and her daughter Rachel are shopping in the mall, when Susie eyes an expensive fur coat.

"My birthday is coming up," Susie says, "I think that I will buy myself this present instead of making your Dad look for a birthday gift for me."

Rachel protests, "But Mom, some helpless, poor creature has to suffer so that you can have this."

"Don't worry, honey," says Susie.
"Your father won't get the bill for a
couple of weeks."

Nathan D.

Heaven Sent

Little old Mrs. Shpeilman had an interesting daily ritual. Each morning, she stepped onto her front porch, raised her arms to the sky, and shouted:
"OY, THANK YOU GD!"

One day an atheist moved into the house next door. He became irritated at the little oldlady. Every morning he'd step onto his front porch after her and yell: "THERE IS NO GD!"

Time passed with the two of them carrying on this way every day.

One morning, in the middle of winter, Mrs. Shpeilman stepped onto her front porch and shouted: "OY, GD! I HAVE
NO FOOD. I AM STARVING, PLEASE
HELP ME!"

The next morning Mrs. Shpeilman stepped out onto her porch and there were two huge bags of groceries
sitting there.

"IT’S A MIRACLE! THANK YOU GD!" she cried out. "YOU HAVE PROVIDED GROCERIES FOR ME!"

The atheist neighbor jumped out of the hedges and shouted: "THERE IS NO GD!
I BOUGHT THOSE GROCERIES!!"

Little Mrs. Shpeilman threw her arms into the air and shouted: "OY, THANK YOU GD! YOU HAVE PROVIDED ME
WITH GROCERIES AND MADE MY YO-YO
OF A NEIGHBOR PAY FOR THEM!"

Janet H.

Oh, Brother

I’m driving with this guy, and he runs right through a Stop sign. So 
I say, “Hey, that was a Stop sign.” And he says, “I drive like my brother!”

A few blocks later, he plows right through a red light. I say, “You just ran a red light.” And he says, “I drive like my brother!”

So now we’re coming up on a green light, and he slows down. I’m confused, so I say, “It’s green; why are you slowing down?”

He says, “My brother might be coming.”

Jason B.

No Sugarcoating It

A judge tells the defendant, “You’re charged with attacking your boss with a bag of sugar.”

“You bum!” yells a voice from the back of the courtroom.

“You’re also charged with attacking your mailman with a bag of sugar,” says the judge.

“Liarrr!” bellows the same man.

“Sir,” says the judge, “one more outburst, and I’ll charge you
with contempt.”

“I’m sorry, your Honor,” says the man. “But I’ve been this man’s neighbor for ten years, and every time I asked to borrow some sugar, he said he didn’t have any.”

Marc S.

Clean-Up Time

An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman was assigned as his territory the entire borough of Brooklyn. Eager to get started he knocks on a door that says “Goldman Family” and a
tough-looking lady opens the door. Before shehas a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps garden soil all over the carpet.

He says, "Mrs. Goldman, if this vacuum cleaner doesn’t do wonders cleaning this up, I'll eat every bit of it."

Mrs. Goldman turns to him with a smirk and says, "You want ketchup on that?"

The salesman says, "Why do you ask?"

She says, "We just moved in and we haven't got the electricity turned on yet."

Eddie L.

Matter of Time

While I was out to lunch, my coworker answered my phone and told the caller that I would be back in 20 minutes. The woman asked, 
“Is that 20 minutes Central Standard Time?”

Morris M.

Zadie’s New Hat

Shlomo and Miriam Cohen were visiting Shlomo’s 95-year-old zadie when he asked them to take him to buy a new Shabbat hat.

Shlomo was worried that Zadie wouldn’t have enough money to buy the hat and might become embarrassed, so he asked the salesperson to tell Zadie that whichever hat he chose costs $25 and Shlomo would pay the difference. Zadie picked out a beautiful new Shabbat hat and was charged $25. After he left, Shlomo paid the other $175.

Later Zadie said, "What a bargain! The last one I bought there cost me $200!"

Eli N.

Career Move

“Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?” I asked my friend.

“He wants to be a garbage man,”he replied.

“That’s an unusual ambition to have at such a young age.”

“Not really. He thinks that sanitation workers only work on Tuesdays and Fridays.”

Gary F.

Mad Scientist

A scientist tells a pharmacist, “Give me some prepared tablets of acetylsalicylic acid.”

“Do you mean aspirin?” asks the pharmacist.

The scientist slaps his forehead. “That’s it!” he says. “I can never remember the name.”

Chanie A.

Expanding Inventory

I spotted several pairs of men’s pants at a garage sale. They were sizes 30, 31, and 32, but I was looking for size 33. So I asked the owner if he had a pair. He shook his head.

“I’m still wearing the 33s,” he said. “Come back next year.”

Sally T.

Silence is Golden

It was Erev Shabbatin the Kassin home and 17-year old Sara Kassin was running around the house helping her mom prepare for Shabbat. As if the stress wasn't enough, her four-year-old brother Moe insisted on asking questions about everything, wanted to eat all of the Shabbat food, and was making
a mess everywhere.

Finally, fed up with the chatter and the mess, Sara made him an offer: "Moe, if you'll be quiet and sit still for just a few minutes,
I'll give you a dollar." It worked.

Then it was time to clean Moe’s room and get him ready for Shabbat. "Moe, clean your room ... let’s get you in the bath ... then into your Shabbat clothes."

Finally he said seriously, "Sara, if you'll be quiet for just a few minutes, I'll give you a dollar."

David S.