AHI EZER YESHIVA The Much-Beloved Institution Moves Forward

Past Articles:

Sink or Swim

While ferrying workers back and forth from an offshore oil rig, a helicopter lost power and went down. Fortunately, it landed safely in a lake. Struggling to get out, one man tore off his seat belt, inflated his life vest and jerked open the exit door.

"Don't jump!" the pilot called out. "This thing is supposed to float!"

As the man leapt from the helicopter into the lake, he yelled back, "Yeah, and it's supposed to flytoo!"

Hal S.

A Puzzling Party

Mike and Nick go into a restaurant, cheering and shouting. "Bartender, drinks for everyone. We're buying!" they shout.

"What's the occasion?" asks the bartender.

"We just finished a jigsaw puzzle, and it only took us seven months," Nick replies.

"Seven months?" saysthe bartender. "What's the big deal? It shouldn't take you seven months to do a puzzle."

"Oh, yeah?" Mike answers. "On the box it said 'two to four years'!"

Rachelle D.

City Slicker

As a Realtor, I deal with all types of people. Recently I showed a home to a couple who seemed eager to check out the property after I mentioned the fantastic view from the living room. But when I dramatically pulled back the drapes, instead of exclaiming over the majestic scenery, the disappointed husband asked, "Where's the view? Those mountains must be blocking it."

Janet D.

Camping Lesson

Moe and Joe went camping.
They'd gone to sleep beneath the night sky, when Moe awoke and shook his companion.

"Joe, look at the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions of brilliant stars,"
Joe answered.

"And what does that tell you?"

"Astronomically, it tells me that there are countless galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically speaking, Saturn is in Leo. Theologically, I see that Gd is all-powerful and that we are small and insignificant. And you, Moe?"

Moe paused. "What I see, Joe, is that someone has stolen our tent!"

Leslie M.

A Little Gift

After being away on business, Jack thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. “How about some perfume?” he asked the cosmetics clerk. The clerk showed him a bottle for $50.00. “That’s too much,” said Jack. The clerk returned with a smaller bottle for $30, but that was still not in Jack’s budget. The clerk then brought out an even smaller bottle of perfume for $15.00 – but that was still out of Jack’s price range.

Jack said, “What I mean is, I would like to see something really cheap.”

The clerk then ran to the stockroom and came rushing out and handed Jack a mirror.

Jack V. Grazi

Office Assistant

Spotting the befuddled CEO holding a piece of paper and standing by the shredder, the assistant decided to help. "This document's very important,"
said the CEO. "Can you make this
thing work?"

The assistant turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed "start."

"Great," said the CEO as his paper disappeared into the machine.
"I just need one copy."

Ralph S.

Faulty Hoop

Morris was teaching his 5-year-old grandson how to shoot baskets on his child-sized basketball hoop. After missing three shots in a row, the boy gave Morris the ball and said, “Grandpa, this thing doesn’t work!”

Mary C.

Monkeying Around

A boy with a monkeyon his shoulder was walking down the road when he passed a policeman who said, "Now, now young lad, Ithink you had better take that monkey to the zoo."The next day, the boy was walking down the road with the monkey on his shoulder again, when he passed the same policeman. The policeman said, "Hey there, I thought I told you to take that money to the zoo!" The boy answered, "I did! Today I'm taking him to the aquarium."

The Shmulster

Fast Thinking

Two rookie recruits found three hand grenades on the road and decided
to take them back to the base.
"What if one of them explodes?"
asked one young private.

"No problem," said his buddy. "We'll say we only found two."

Donald C.

Man-Eating Chicken

A little girl and her older brother were visiting their grandfather's farm. The older brother decided to play a trick on his younger sister. He told her that he discovered a man-eating chicken. The girl was frightened, and ran inside in fear. Then the older brother heard his little sister scream. He ran inside immediately. She was screaming at their grandfather, who was chowing down on a plate of fried chicken. "What is it?" he asked. The sister turned to him in fear and said," It- it's- IT'S A MAN EATING CHICKEN!!!"

Solomon M.

Dream Jobs

Jim, Mike, Victor, and Abe were talking about their dream jobs. ''I want to be a lawyer,'' Jim began, ''so that I can defend my countrymen.'' ''I want to be a congressman,'' said Mike, ''so I can draft laws to benefit my countrymen.'' ''I want to be a doctor,'' said Victor, ''so that I can cure my countrymen.''
''How about you, Abe? What would you like to be?'' asked Jim.

 Abe thought a moment and replied, ''I'd like to be
a countryman.''

Marvin G.

the Future

Sadie was bored in retirement so she decided to go back to work. She got a job as a telemarketer for a mortgage broker. This was one of her calls.

“Hello,” said the man.

"Hi, it’s Sadie from Mortgage Financial. Do you have a second mortgage on your home?"

"No," the man replied.

"Would you like to consolidate all your debts?"

"I really don't have any," the man said.

"How about freeing up cash
for home improvements?"
Sadie tried.

"I don't need any. I just recently had some done and paid cash," the man replied.

There was a brief silence,
and then Sadie asked,
"Are you married? My daughter’s still single!"

Laurie A.

Road Service

A police officer pulls over a driver and says, “Your tail light is broken, your tires must be exchanged, and your bumper hangs halfway down. That will be
300 dollars.”

 The driver looks up at the police officer and cheerfully responds, “Alright, go ahead. They want twice as much as that at the garage!”

Leon T.

Food Fight

A sign posted on the wall of an Army mess hall read: "Don't Waste Food - Food Will Win the War."

Beneath these words someone had scrawled: "That's fine, but how
do we get the enemy
to eat here?"

Manny B.