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Past Articles:

On Time

Jack had trouble getting up in the mornings and was always late to work. After a few weeks, his boss threatened to fire him if he did not start coming to work on time. So, Jack went to the doctor, who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed.

Jack got a great night's sleep and actually beat the alarm in the morning. After a leisurely breakfast, he cheerfully drove to work. "Boss,” he said, as soon as he got to work, “the pill the doctor prescribed for me actually worked!" His boss replied, "Well, you're on time, that's true.
But where were you yesterday?"

Jack Grazi

Several Experts

Several experts were all posed the following question: "What is pi?"

The engineer said: "It is approximately3 and 1/7th."

The physicist said: "It is 3.14159."

The mathematician thought a bit and replied: "It is equal to pi."

The nutritionist concluded: "Pie is an unhealthy but delicious dessert!"

Pauline G.

Applying for a Job

There are three people applying for the same job, a mathematician, a statistician, and an accountant.
The interviewing committee first calls in the mathematician. They say, "We have only one question. What is 500 plus 500?" The mathematician, without hesitation, says, "1,000." The committee sends him out and calls in the statistician. When the statistician comes in, they ask the same question. The statistician ponders the question for a moment, and then answers, "1,000... I'm 95% confident." He is then also thanked for his time and sent onhis way. When the accountant enters the room, he is asked the same question: "What is 500 plus 500?" The accountant replies, "What would you like it to be?" They hire the accountant.

Morris M.

Mets Fan

A first grade teacher tells her class that she is a New York Mets fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were Mets fans, too. Not really knowing what a Mets fan was, but wanting to be like their teacher, hands explode into the air. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Mary has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not a Mets fan." "Then," asks the teacher, "What are you?" "Why I'm proud to be a Philadelphia Phillies fan," boasts the little girl. The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Mary why she is a Phillies fan. "Well, My Dad and Mom are Phillies fans, and I'm a Phillies fan, too!" The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was ignorant and your dadwas unknowledgeable about baseball. What would you be then?" After a pause, and then a smile Mary replies, "Then I'd be a Mets fan."

Abe T.

Optimist or Pessimist

What's the difference between an optimist
and a pessimist?

An optimist is the guy who createdthe
airplane. A pessimist is the guy who created
the parachute.

Laura D.

New Hearing Aid

An elderly gentleman who had had serious hearing problems for a number of years went to the doctor to be fitted for a hearing aid that would return his hearing to 100%. The elderly gentleman went back for further tests a month later and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." To which the gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

Bobby K.

Male and Female Mosquitoes

A boy was busy trapping mosquitoes. His friend asked him,
"How many mosquitoes have you caught?" He replied, "Five – three female and two males." The friend asked, "How did you know whether they were male or female?" The boy replied, “Three were flying in front of the mirror and two were sitting on my baseball equipment."

Ralph S.

Late To School

A student comes late to school. His teacher asked him, "Why were you late to school?"

Student: "My brother and sister were fighting."

Teacher: "What does your siblings’ fighting have to do with you being late for school?"

Student: "One of my shoes was inmy sister’s hand and the other one was in my brother’s hand.

Stephen L.

Who's the Boss?

A retiring farmer in preparation for selling his land, needed to rid his farm of animals. So, he went to every house in his town. To the houses where the man is the boss, he gave a horse. To the houses where the woman is the boss, a chicken was given. He got toward the end of the street and saw a couple outside gardening. "Who's the boss around here?" he asked. "I am," said the man. "I have a black horse and a brown horse," the farmer said. "Which one would you like?" The man thought for a minute and said, "The black one." "No, no, no, get the brown one," the man's wife said. "Here's your chicken," said the farmer.

Marilyn A.

Hair & There

A man and a little boy entered a barber shop together.
After the man received the full treatment – shave, shampoo, manicure, and haircut, he placed the boy in the chair. "I'm going to buy a green tie to wear for the parade," he said.
"I'll be back in a few minutes."

When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still had not returned, the barber turned to the boy and said, “Looks like your daddy forgot all about you." "That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up to me and said, ‘Come on son, we're going to get a free haircut!’"

Jack Grazi