SZ Connect: Helping Community Singles Split the Sea

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Why don’t we celebrate a bat-mitzvah for a girl the same way we celebrate a bar-mitzvah for a boy?


One of the reasons – and this is an important reason – is that the derech ha’Torah (Torah’s path) is for women to be modest. The idea that women should come out in public more than required and be on display is not the derech ha’Torah – even when it comes to young girls. We will not be foolish and ignore human nature. The other nations are doing their best to ignore human nature and they’re suffering terribly because of it.

There must be a separation between the two genders. This is not because of any deficiency, Gd forbid, in women. Women can be even greater than men in the eyes of Hashem. And often they are! But they have to keep away from men. And men have to keep away from women.

So, at a boy’s bar-mitzvah, he comes to shul, and everybody listens to him and looks at him. He’s on display. It’s not good for a girl to be looked at too much. The less people see of her, the better we off we all are. It can’t be helped. Men have a drive which women don’t have. Men are more easily excited than women are. That’s why men have to be especially careful not to have women around them.

Any woman who walks in the street with her body exposed is going to pay a very big price for that. She’s going to be punished terribly for what she has done to men. If she walks in the street exposing her body to men, a great punishment will fall upon her. She doesn’t realize how expensive that outfit really was. And that’s because men are sensitive. It can’t be helped. That’s their nature. And therefore, Gd says that there should be a significant separation between men and women forever and ever. And that’s the kedushah (sanctity) of the Jewish Nation. We are separate.

This doesn’t in any way reflect anything about Jewish women, Heaven forbid. Jewish women are kodesh kodashim (“the holiest of the holy”) just like the Jewish men are kodesh kodashim. And the Gemara says that in a certain sense, women are more fortunate than men. Why? Because they don’t seek kavod (honor) like men. They don’t fight about who gets shishi (the sixth, and most prestigious, aliyah to the Torah in the synagogue). They’re at home, and because of their nature, it’s easier for them to avoid many things that cause challenges to men.

The Jewish woman is just as holy as the Jewish man. There’s no question about it. And in Gan Eden, they are considered no less than men. No less than men at all! Only that in this world we have to separate because that is the derech ha’Torah. That is the Jewish Nation. That is the Holy Nation.