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The challenge of the singles in our community has rightfully
been our focus this summer. Speakers have addressed “the shidduch crisis” at synagogues, bake sales, and classes. Discussions have spilled over to family dinner tables, card games, and business meetings. Community members are talking more about what we as a community can do to help bring our singles together more effectively. Although many rabbis and matchmakers are doing their best, their efforts are not enough. The community has grown so much, that now community members must get involved in taking the initiative to match up our singles.

You Can Make That Match!

Many dismiss the idea of trying to make matches themselves.
They assume that this task is better suited for rabbis or matchmakers. However, we should recognize that we can be involved in various ways. Let’s all open our eyes a bit wider to see how we can personally be involved. For example, think broadly. Consider who might be a match for a cousin, a neighbor, someone you see at work or at shul, your lawyer, your dressmaker’s daughter, your dentist, or your pharmacist’s son. We can find wonderful singles of all ages and religious levels if we just open our eyes a bit more. Imagine how many more people we can bring together if each and every one of us took the step of making a match?

If you asked the man who sits next to you in shul, “Tell me a little bit more about yourself and what you are looking for, and if you don’t mind, I'll see if I know anyone that would be good for you.”
A mom can reach out to the lovely girl who tutors her daughter and do the same. If you think of someone suitable for them, mention the name you thought of, and if there's interest set it up! If any of these steps are too daunting for you, then pass the idea on to a rabbi or matchmaker. But please understand that not every person is open to working with a rabbi or matchmaker, and hearing a suggestion from you may be just what they need. Most singles would be happy to know someone is thinking of them.

Singles Can Get Involved Too

If you are single, you can help as well. After all, who knows the singles better than their peers? For example, a person who goes on a date with someone who did not turn out to be the “right” one for them, but who had good character traits, and might be right for someone else, then he or she should think of whom that person might be a good fit for. Or, the person who set them up can be contacted, with a suggestion of another more appropriate match. You could say, “Thank you for the suggestion, but we went out, and I don’t think we are the right match. However, a girl I work with, Sara, would be a much better fit for Jack.” Or Jack could tell his friend, “I met a very nice girl last night. We didn't click but I think you should take her out, she seemed more your type.” If people take the time to consider someone who might be an appropriate match, countless more people could meet.

Keep in Mind

Furthermore, if someone calls with a suggestion for your daughter or son and you think the match is not appropriate, don’t just shut the person down and say no. If you don’t think it’s for your child, you could suggest your friend’s son or daughter. Every call comes your way for a reason. If it wasn't meant for you, then maybe it was meant for you to help someone else! Each match leads you closer to your (or your child’s) own.

Lastly, the most important rule of all: always put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Match everyone as if they were your own son, daughter, sister, or brother. And remember, you never know what kind of a day someone had, or if they recently had a bad experience on a date. Don’t take it personally if they are not receptive to you. Matchmaking is never about the matchmaker. It is always about the singles.

May you all merit to make a difference is someone's life!