Celebrating SUKKOT 5780

Past Articles:
THE LIGHTER SIDE





Rabbit Resuscitation

A man was driving along the highway and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road and got out to see what had become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit was dead. The driver felt so awful he began to cry. A woman driving down the highwaysaw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong. “I feel terrible,ˮhe explained. “I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it.ˮThe woman told the man not to worry. She knew what todo. She went to her car trunk and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead rabbit, and sprayed the contents of the can onto the rabbit. Miraculously, the rabbit came to life, jumped up, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped down the road. Fifty yards away, the rabbit stopped, turned around, waved at the two again, hopped down the road another fifty yards, turned, waved, and hopped another fifty yards. The man was astonished. He couldn't figure out what substance could be in the woman's spray can! He ran over to the woman and demanded, “What was in your spray can? What did you spray onto that rabbit?ˮThe woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said: “ʻHare Sprayʼ– Restores Life to Dead Hare. Adds PermanentWave.ˮ

Abe Cohen

Bowl of Soup

Miriam and Moishe were in despair. Their 3-year-old son David still had not learned how to talk. Not a word had escaped through those 3-year-old lips.

One Friday night at Shabbat dinner, David took a taste of his soup, and totheir utter surprise and amazement, said: “You call this matzah ball soup? It tastes like tasteless mush!”

Miriam and Moishe sat there in shock, for this was not just their son’s first sentence, but the first words he ever uttered! Once the initial shock had subsided, Moishe asked, “Tell me David, how come you never spoke until now?”

“I never had any reason to,” explained David.

“There was nothing wrong with the soup until now.”

Jack G.

Sick Aunt

At long last the good-humored boss, Mr. Anderson, was compelled to call Hymie into his office. “It has not escaped my attention,ˮAnderson pointed out, "that every time there's a Yankees home game you have to take your aunt to the doctor.ˮ

“You know you're right, sir,ˮexclaimed Hymie. “I didn't realize it. You don't suppose she's faking it, do you? ˮ

Rochelle A.

Big Promotion

Mr. Feldman called one of his employees into the office. “David,ˮhe said, “you've been with the company for a year. You started off in the mailroom, one week later you were promoted to a sales position, and one month after that you were promoted to district manager of the sales department. Just four short months later, you were promoted to vice-chairman. Now it's time for me to retire, and I want you to take over the company. What do you say to that?ˮ

“Thanks,ˮsaid the employee.

“Thanks?ˮthe boss replied. “Is that all you can say?ˮ

“Sorry ... Thanks, Dad?ˮ

Janet H.

Going Gray

One day little Rivkah was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed thather mother has several strands of white hair sticking out. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Mommy, why are some of your hairs white?ˮ

Her mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of myhairs turns white.ˮ

Little Rivkah thought about this revelation for a while and then said, “Mommy, what in the world did you do to Grandma – ALL of her hairs are white!?ˮ

Victoria Z.

Three Sisters

Three sisters, ages 92, 94, and 96, live together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts one foot in and pauses. “Was I getting in the tub or out?ˮshe yells.

The 94-year-old hollers back, “I don't know, I'll come up to see.ˮShe starts up the stairs and stops. She shouts, “Was I going up or going down?ˮ

The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea, listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, “I sure hope I never get that forgetful,ˮand knocks on wood for good measure. Then she yells, “I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door.ˮ

Abe C.

For Sale

Yossi from Williamsburg puts up a sign that says: “Boat for sale.ˮ

Isaac, his friend says, “But, Yossi you only own a house and a car.ˮ

“Dat's right,ˮYossi responded. “And dey are boat for sale!ˮ

Maureen S.

Dining Rules

Rabbi Felder, trying to teach the children about the proper behavior in shul, asked them about some of the rules their parents might give before taking them to a nice restaurant.

“Don't play with your food,ˮone second grader cited.

“Don't be loud,ˮsaid another, and so on.

“And what rule do your parents give you before you go out to eat?ˮRabbi Felder asked little Ruben.

Without batting an eye, Ruben replied, “Order something cheap!ˮ

 Renna K.

Police Dog

Little Uri was walking home from school in Jerusalem when he came across a police officer who had a dog in the back of his van – a K-9 unit.

“Is that a dog back there?ˮUri asked the police officer.

“It sure is,ˮthe police officer replied. Puzzled, Uri looked at the officer and then towards the back of the van.

Finally, Uri asked, “What did he do?ˮ

Carl Z.

Smile

Little Maxie came screaming out of the bathroom to tell his father that he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So, his father fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Little Maxie stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to his father’s bathroom and came out with his toothbrush.

Maxie held it up and said with a charming little smile, “Daddy, we better throw this one out too then, ʻcause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.ˮ

Steven G.