The Incredible Story of The Miracle Twins

Past Articles:
THE LIGHTER SIDE





Visual Acuity

While driving through the city, Sam was pulled over for a random security check. The elderly police office checked his driver’s license and said, “You’re wearing glasses on your license photo, and you’re not now. I’m going to have to give you a ticket.”

“But officer,” Sam
quickly interrupted,
“I have contacts.”

“Look sonny,” said the officer, “I don’t care who you know - you’re getting a ticket.”

Michael L.

Lazy Susan

Sylvia and Susan were taking a lunch break together. Sylvia, a real go-getter, was bothered by Susan’s laid back attitude and her habit of always putting off work until the last moment. She finally worked up the courage and asked her co-worker, “Susan, why do you always tend to put off till tomorrow what you can do today?”

“Well,” Susan explained, “this way if I get fired today, I won’t have to do it at all!”

Jack V. Grazi

Another Try for Pie

Little Johnny and his family lived out in the country, and as a result they seldom had guests. So, when his father showed up one day with two dinner guests from the office, Johnny was thrilled and eager to help his mother.

When the dinner was nearly over, Johnny went to the kitchen and proudly carried in the first piece of apple pie, giving it to his father, who then promptly passed it to a guest. Then, Johnny came in with a second piece of pie and again gave it to his father, only to see him immediately hand it to another guest as he did before.

By this time, little Johnny was quite frustrated. “It’s no use, Dad,” he finally piped up, “the pieces are all the same size.”

C.L.

A Stable Currency

Libby entered the bank and approached the only teller working at the time. Handing her the bank withdrawal slip of $400, Libby requested, “May I have large bills, please?”

The teller looked up and replied, “I’m sorry, ma’am, all the bills are the same size.”

Eddie G.

Triple Checked

Morris needed a long column of figures to be added up for a sales presentation that he was supposed to give later on that afternoon.

“Sharon,” hesaid to his secretary, “please add up these figures for me and make sure you check that the total is correct. It’s for an important meeting and the information must be accurate. It might be a good idea to add up the column and check the total three times to be absolutely sure.”

“Ok, sir,” Sharon replied.

One hour later, Sharon went over to Morris and said, “Here is what you asked me to do, sir.”

“Thank you, Sharon,” Morris said. “Did you check it like I asked you to do?”

“Yes, sir, three times,” replied Sharon. “And here are the three answers...”

Elie S.

Check the Paycheck

One Friday afternoon, when Katy received her paycheck, she noticed that it was for much more than it was supposed to be. Letting her greed get the best of her, she decided not to say anything and cashed it at the bank. The following week, her check was forless than the normal amount, and so she confronted her boss to ask for the rest of her salary.

“How come,” the supervisor inquired, “you didn’t say anything when you were overpaid?”

Unruffled, Katy replied, “Well, I can overlook one mistake – but not twoin a row!”

Shmuel L.

The Right Phone Manner

The phone in Roger’s home rang late at night. Looking at the caller ID, he saw that it was from a blocked number. Against his better judgment, he answered it anyway.

“Hi this is Natalie from Acme Collections Corporation,” says the woman caller. “Can I speak with Roger Johnson, please?”

“I’m sorry,” Roger said politely, “but you’ve got the wrong number.”

“Are you sure?” asked the caller.

“Listen lady,” Roger replied as he began to feel a little agitated, “have I ever lied to you before?”

S. F.

Tooth Fairy

Shira volunteers for Bikur Holim, a wonderful organization that delivers meals to the sick. Shira usually visits the elderly and on one visit, Shira decided to take her four-year-old daughter Rivky along. Rivky was intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers, and wheelchairs.

Then, Rivky noticed a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As Shira braced herself for the inevitable barrage of questions, Rivkymerely turned and whispered, “The tooth fairy will never believe this!ˮ

Marlene K.

Irritation, Aggravation,
and Frustration

A boy asks his father to explain the difference between irritation, aggravation, and frustration.

The father picks up the phone and dials a number at random. When the phone is answered he asks, “Can I speak to
Alf, please?”

“No! There's no one called Alf here.” The person hangs up.

“That’s irritation,” says the father.

He picks up the phone again, dials the same number, and asks forAlf a second time.

“No, there’s no one here called Alf,” the voice on the other end says. “If you call again I will call the police.”

“That’s aggravation,” the father points out to the boy.

“Then what’s ‘frustration’?” asks his son.

The father picks up the phone and dials a third time. “Hello, this is Alf,” he says. “Have I received any phone calls?”

Channie E.

The Dreamer

Miriam woke up one morning and told her husband Max,
“I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond necklace for our anniversary. What do you think it means?ˮ

“Youʼll know tonight.ˮMax said.

That evening, Max came home with a small package and gave it to Miriam.

Delighted, Miriam opened it to find a book entitled “The Meaning of Dreams.ˮ

Leslie S.

Where’s the Beef?

Shloimie Rabinowitz told all of his friends about the great corned beef sandwich he'd eaten at Yitz’s Deli the day before. So, a group of his friends decided to join him and see if was really as large and delicious as Shloimie was making it out to be.

The group was seated in the back of the deli. After looking over the menu, they ordered and waited, hungrily, for their large, delicious, gigantic corned beef sandwiches.

To their collective disappointment, the waiter brought out some of the smallest corned beef sandwiches they'd ever seen.

“What is going on here?!” Shloimie exclaimed to the waiter. “Yesterday when I came down here you served me a BIG, juicy, corned beef sandwich. Today, though, when I havemy friends
with me, you serve small miniature corned beef sandwiches! What’s the deal?ˮ

“It’s very simple sir,ˮreplied the waiter. “Yesterday you were sitting by the window.ˮ

 Paulette R.