WHICH DOCTOR?

Past Articles:
THE LIGHTER SIDE





The Parking Ticket

The other day my wife and I went into town and visited a shop, browsing for a while. When we came out, there was a parking meter cop writing out a parking ticket. I went up to him and I said, “Come on, man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?” He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a dimwit. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tires. So my wife called him a birdbrain. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing more tickets. This went on for about ten minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote. Just then...our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home.

Alfred Harary

Service Call

A private eye had just moved into his new office when there was a knock at the door. He wanted to make a good impression, so he yelled “Come in!” and picked up the phone pretending to be talking to someone important. The visitor waited patiently and after a minute the detective hung up the phone and said, “As you can see, I’m very busy. What can I do for you?”

“Not much,” replied the visitor. “I’m here to hook up your phone.”

David G.

Fickle Friend

Two women are out hiking when a bear starts chasing them. They climb a tree, but the bear climbs the tree after them. The first woman gets her sneakers out of her backpack and puts them on. The second woman says, “What are you doing?”

The first woman says, “I figure when the bear gets close to us, we’ll jump down and make a run for it.”

The second woman says, “Are you crazy? You can’t outrun a bear.”

The first woman says, “I don’t have to outrun the bear. . . I only have to outrun you!”

Margo C.

Just to be Safe….

A woman goes to her doctor with some concerns about her memory. She tells him that she forgets to pay bills, mail letters and get groceries, and she can’t remember where she’s going or what she needs when she gets there. She looks quite worried and asks her doctor, “What can I do?”

The doctor replies, “Pay me in advance.”

Ikey S.

Some Uncle!

A man calls his brother with a request. He says, “As you know I’m going on a business trip soon, and if my wife gives birth while I’m away, I want you to name the twins.”

“It’ll be an honor to do that for you,” replies the brother.

A month later, the brother calls with news that the twins were born. “Your wife gave birth to a beautiful girl and a handsome boy,” says
the brother.

“That’s wonderful! What did you
call them?” the man asks.

“I called the girl Denice,” says
the brother.

“That’s very pretty. And what did you call the boy?” asks the man.

“I called the boy De nephew.”

Joey B.

Free At Last

A man who’d been in jail for 25 years began to dig a hole out of prison with nothing but his bare hands and a spoon. He dug for two days and finally got out. He ended up in a preschool, surrounded by small children. He was so happy that he shouted, “I’m free! I’m free!”

A little girl standing next to him replied, “Big deal. I’m four!”

Joseph A. Guindi

An Unlucky Break

Joey was playing in the schoolyard when he fell down and broke his right arm. His friend came running up to him with a big smile on his face. “Wow, Joey, you’re so lucky! Now you don’t have to take any exams!”

“Actually, I’m really unlucky,” replied Joey.

“What makes you say that?” he asked.

“I’m left-handed,” Joey moaned. “I meant to fall on my other arm.”

Carole H.

Night Owls

Two boys were camping in the backyard. Late at night, they started wondering what time it was. “Start singing really loudly,” one of them suggested.

“How will that help?” asked the other boy.

“Just do it,” insisted the first.

They both started singing as loudly as they could. Moments later, a neighbor threw open her window and shouted, “Keep it down! Don’t you know it is three o’clock in the morning?”

Bobby T.

A Taste of His Own Medicine

A young man at a construction site always bragged that he was strongerthan everyone else there. He especially made fun of one of the older workers. After a while, the older worker had had enough. “Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is?” he said. “I’ll bet a week’s pay that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won’t be able to wheel back.”

“You’re on,” the braggart replied. “Let’s see what you got.”

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said with a smile, “All right. Get in.”

Alan A.

Classroom

Humor

Teacher: “James, do you use bad words?”

James: “No, sir.”

Teacher: “Do you disobey your parents?”

James: “No, sir.”

Teacher: “Come now, you must do something wrong every once in awhile!”

James: “I tell lies.”

Gabe D.

Is There a Doctor in the House?

A doctor gave a man six months to live. He couldn’t pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.

A man visits his doctor and says, “Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears.”

His doctor replies,
“Don’t answer!”

Jack V. Grazi

A Magician
in the Making

“I am going to be a famous magician,” said Eddie to his father, “because I can make a golf ball float.”

Eddie’s father was very curious. “And how do you do that?”
he asked.

“Well, it’s very scientific. It requires some magic ingredients,” said Eddie.

Eddie’s father leaned forward in his chair. “Oh, really,” he said. “And what are they?”

“Well, the golf ball, of course. And then two scoops of ice cream and some root beer.”

Francine M.

The Truant Child

Teacher:“Mrs. Jones, I asked you to come in to discuss Johnny’s appearance.”

Mrs. Jones: “Why? What’s wrong with his appearance?”

Teacher: “He hasn’t made
one in this classroom
since September.”

Rosie S.

Consumer Warning

A little boy returned from the grocery store with his mom. While his mom put away the groceries, the little boy opened his box of animal crackers and spread them all over the kitchen table.

“What are you doing?” asked his mom.

“The box says you shouldn’t eat them if the seal is broken,” said the little boy. “I’m looking for the seal.”

Jack V. Grazi