Here are some practical tips to consider before, during, and after a date. May you have siyata d’shmaya in finding your naseeb!
BEFORE A DATE IS EVEN MADE:
Do your hishtadlut – don’t just sit back until things happen to you – be proactive.
Be open-minded – you never know how and where a match will come from.
Don’t get upset if a suggestion is not what you expected to hear- try it! You never know.
Do your own homework if someone suggests a name.
Have a mentor – either a rabbi, matchmaker, or a parent help guide you.
Don’t rely on any one means of meeting. Try them all.
Believe that Hashem will find the right one at the right time. Pray!
Don’t rely on social media photos – you need to see someone in person to appreciate them.
Don’t look for perfection- it doesn’t exist.
Don’t say no to a friend or say you know them already. You don’t really know someone until you’ve dated them.
Always look your best and always smile.
Be discreet – don’t tell everyone your business.
If a shadchan made the match you may allow her to set up the date for you if that’s what you both agree on, or tell her you’d prefer direct communication instead.
Don’t text to ask her out. Only permissible text is “Hi, would like to speak to you – when is the best time to reach you.”
Don’t push off the date to accommodate your social calendar.
Think of interesting stories and topics to discuss on date.
Men should advise girls where they are taking them so she knows how to dress.
Approach the date with realistic expectations.
Go for coffee or a soda if it’s a blind date and you don’t want to commit to a full evening just yet.
Focus on one date a time. Don’t make plans to date someone else until you know for sure your current date is not a match.
Approach the date with care. Don’t squeeze a date it in because you are busy, take time to prepare yourself properly.
ON THE DATE:
Go with a positive attitude. Talk positive.
Be on time.
Men – Don’t text or to say you are at her house and she should come outside. Be a gentleman and go to her door to pick her up.
Relax and be yourself – have fun!
Don’t talk too much about yourself – listen and ask questions as well.
Don’t disclose too much on the first date- some things are best saved for subsequent dates.
Don’t brag, show off, or name drop.
Don’t send a girl home in a cab or train. See to it yourself that she gets home safe.
Don’t dismiss the date prematurely.
Don’t worry about the little things.
Ask questions with meaning – don’t just discuss topical things.
Trust your own instincts.
Don’t talk about your ex or previous dates.
When asking questions, don’t make it sound like a job interview.
Don’t check your phone all night.
AFTER THE DATE:
If you are not sure about the person keep dating until you know 100% they are for you or not for you.
In a timely fashion, let your matchmaker, mentor, or rabbi, know how the date went.
Remember it may take more than one date to know if this is a match or not. First dates are often awkward. Always go on a second date even though you are unsure.
Space dates in timely fashion – not every other day and not every two weeks. Don’t lose momentum!