The Most Important Job
An architect, a surgeon and an economist were arguing over which of them holds the most prominent position.
The surgeon said, “The very first thing Gd did after creating man was surgery, to extract Eve from Adam’s rib. This shows that surgeons are the most important.”
The architect then retorted, “No, wait a minute, before Gd even created man, He was first and foremost, an architect. He made conceived a perfectly balanced world in six days out of total chaos.”
The architect and the surgeon then turned their attention to the economist who smiled as he asked, “And who made the chaos?”
Japanese banks have been hit almost as hard as American banks. The Origami Bank has folded, and we hear the Sumo Bank has gone belly-up, too. Bonsai Bank plans to cut some of its branches. Karaoke Bank is for sale and is going for a song. Meanwhile, staff at Karate Bank got the chop, and analysts report there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank, where workers fear they may get a raw deal.
Jack V. Grazi
Stumpy went to the State Fair each year with the company field trip. Every year, Stumpy would say, “I’d sure like to ride in that airplane.” And his boss would always reply, “I know Stumpy, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars.”
Finally, one year, Stumpy insisted.
“Look boss, I’m 64 years old. If I don’t ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance.” His boss replied, “Stumpy, that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars.”
The pilot overheard the two men arguing and said, “Folks, I know this ride is worth the money. I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet the entire time and not say one word, I won’t charge you a cent, but if you say one word, it’s ten dollars.”
Stumpy and his boss agreed, and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of dazzling twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He repeated all his tricks, but still not a word.
Finally, the plane landed and the pilot turned around to Stumpy. “By golly,” he blurted, “I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn’t.”
Stumpy replied, “Well, I was gonna say something when the boss fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars.”
Impressed by how well Private Jones was getting recruits to sign up for GI Insurance, the captain listened in on his sales pitch.
“If you have insurance and are killed in battle, the government pays $50,000 to your beneficiaries,” Jones explained. “If you don’t have insurance and get killed, the government pays nothing. Now,” he concluded, “who do you think gets sent into battle first?”
We had to have our garage door repaired. The repairman came and told us that one of our problems was that we did not have the correct size motor on the opener. I thought for a minute and said that we had the largest motor that Sears made at that time, a half horsepower. He shook his head and said, “No, you need a quarter horsepower.”
Confused, I pointed out that a half horsepower motor should be able to lift anything that quarter horsepower motor could.
The repair man chuckled a bit and knowingly began writing numbers on a piece of paper that looked like the beginnings of a calculation. “Let me show something,” he said.
Nervous that I wouldn’t understand a complicated physics equation, I tried hard to concentrate.
“You see,” he explained as he pointed to the ¼ and ½ he just wrote, “four is larger than two…”
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces his altitude and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?”
The man below says, “Yes, you’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 50 feet above this field.”
“You must be an engineer,” says the balloonist.
“I am,” the man replies. “How did you know?”
“Well,” says the balloonist, “everything you have told me is technically correct, but it’s of no use to me.”
The man below says, “You must be in management.”
“I am,” replies the balloonist, “but how did you know?”
“Well,” says the man, “you don’t know where you are, or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but somehow now it’s my fault.”
A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind the home team’s bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.
“Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other for such a small amount of money.”
Dumbfounded, her date asked, “What do you mean?”
“Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: ‘Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!’ and I’m like Helloooooo? It’s only 25 cents!”
Soly Z Bawabeh
10. CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.
9. Jewish women are marrying for love.
8. Even people who have nothing to do with the Obama administration aren’t paying their taxes.
7. Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM and Chrysler.
6. Obama plans to discuss the Stimulus Package with small businesses like GE, Pfizer and Citigroup.
5. A truckload of Americans got caught sneaking into Mexico.
4. The most highly-paid job is now jury duty.
3. People in Africa are donating money to Americans.
2. Motel Six won’t leave the light on.
1. Congress says they are looking into the Bernard Madoff scandal. Great idea… the guy who made $50 billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $3 trillion disappear.