By: Sito

Dear Sito,
I am an older single girl looking to get married. My desire to get married (crazy as this sounds) has lead me to a sense of feeling bitter, angry and even jealous. It has come to a point where I hate going to engagement parties and wedding (especially when I know the girl is younger than me). I often leave thinking, “Why isn’t that me?” Sito, why is it easy for some and harder for others? I feel that maybe if my parents were rich, well known in the community or even if I was prettier, maybe matchmakers would be banging down my door (and yes, I am on the Link). I really need your advice- I hate feeling this way.
Signed, Older and Bitter
Dear Older and Bitter,
My heart goes out to your pain. Virtually every woman’s dream is to marry the man of her dreams, set up a home and raise a family. But when that doesn’t happen in our younger days it can lead to anger, jealousy and yes, sometimes even depression. These negative feelings can eat away at us and sometimes even make us depressing to be with. People generally enjoy being around those who radiate positive energy and an upbeat outlook. If you are feeling bitter, angry and jealous, then perhaps your attitude is keeping away potential matches more than your parent’s bank account.
Your letter describes “an older, single girl looking to get married”. Does that sum up who you are or is it rather simply a goal that you aspire to accomplish? What are your other hopes and dreams? What interests you and makes you passionate about life? If you can begin to focus on those things rather than on what isn’t happening for you now, then your positive attitude and self- assurance may propel you into meeting people who will find you interesting and appealing.
Consider also advice from a seasoned matchmaker who observed how, many girls had to first break out of their comfort zones and try new approaches before meeting their match. This may mean different things for different people, but it certainly involves breaking old routines which may have become comfortable, but which you know deep down do not serve you well.
Finally, and probably most importantly, pray. Not only for your own success in finding a match, but also for others! Through Kol Hamitpallel ( or 646-294-4355), you can receive the name of another single who is looking for a match. According to our sages, if you “…pray on behalf of a friend with similar needs; Hashem answers you first.” (Tractate Bava Kama, 92A).
With your commitment to create new and exciting experiences for yourself and Hashem’s help, I am confident that we will celebrate your wedding soon.
Best Wishes,