At one point during a little league baseball game, the coach said to one of his young players, “Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?” The little boy nodded with affirmation. “Do you understand that what matters most is whether we play together as a team and put forth our best effort?” The little boy nodded yes. “So,” the coach continued, “When a strike is called, or you’re out at first, you don’t argue or attack the umpire. Do you understand all of that?” Again, the little boy nodded. “Good,” said the coach. “Now go over there and explain it to your father.”
A middle management executive has to take on some sport, by his doctor’s orders, so he decides to play tennis. After a couple of weeks his secretary asks him how he’s doing. “It’s going fine,” the manager says. “When I’m on the court and I see the ball speeding towards me, my brain immediately says, ‘To the corner! Back hand! To the net! Smash! Go back!’”“Really? What happens then?”the secretary asks. “Then my body says, ‘Who? Me? You must be kidding!’”
Visit to Grandma
Rachel went to spend a few weeks with her Grandma Miriam. They had a lot of time together so Grandma Miriam decided to teach Rachel how to sew. After the first day, having gone through a lengthy explanation of how to thread the machine, Rachel stepped back, put her hands on her hips, and said in disbelief, “Grandma, you mean you can do all that, but you can’t figure out how touse an iPhone?”
It was the kindergarten teacher’s birthday and the students decided that they would each buy their teacher a gift.
The first student, whose parents own a florist shop, gave her a present. She held it and said “I guess that it is flowers.” “How did you guess?” asked the little boy. She laughed and thanked him.
The second student, whose parents own a candy store, gave her a present. She held it and said, “I guess that is some candy.”
“How did you guess?”asked the little boy. She again laughed and thanked him also.
The third student, whose parents own a liquor store, gave her a box which was leaking. The teacher touched the liquid with her finger and tasted it. “Mmmmm is it wine?”she asked.
“No,”said the little girl.
So, she tasted it again. “Is it champagne?”she asked.
“Noooo,”replied the little girl. “It’s a puppy.”
Job Acceptance Letter
Thank you for your letter of May 17th. After careful consideration I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment with your bank.
This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number ofrejection letters. With such a varied and promising field
of candidates it is impossible for me to accept
Despite Company 203’s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants,
I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I will initiate employment with your firm immediately following graduation. I look forward to seeing you then.
It was graduation day and Mom was trying to take a picture of their son in a cap and gown, posed with his father.
“Let’s try to make this look natural”she said. “Morris, put your arm around your dad’s shoulder.”
The father answered, “If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand in my pocket?”
A small boy ridiculed the talk about a painless dentist in his neighborhood. “He is not painless at all,” said the boy. “He put his finger in my mouth and when I bit it – he yelled just as loud as anybody else.”
Little Sarah took her report card home and showed it to her mom.
Her mother was very disappointed by all the very low grades.
“Well look on the bright side,”
said Sarah. “You know for sure
I don’t cheat.”
Hole In One
Little Moishie knocked on Mr. Sugarman’s door.
“I think you have something of mine in your garage,” Moishie said.
Mr. Sugarman opened the garage door and noticed two additions: a baseball and a broken window sporting a
baseball-sized hole. “How do you suppose this ball got in here?”
Mr. Sugarman asked Moishie.
Taking one look at the ball, one look at the window, and one look at Mr. Sugarman, Moishie exclaimed, “Wow! I must have thrown it right through that hole!”
A businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law.
“I love my daughter very much, and now I welcome you into the family,”said the businessman. “To show you how much
we care for you, I am making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations.”
The son-in-law interrupted, “I hate factories. I can’t stand
“I see,”replied the father-in-law. “Well, then you’ll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations.”
“I hate office work,”said the son-in-law. “I can’t stand being stuck behind a desk all day.”
“Wait a minute,” said the father-in-law. “I just made you a half-owner of a moneymaking organization, but you don’t like factories and you won’t work in an office. What am Igoing to do with you?”
“Easy,”said the young man. “Buy me out.”
Cops and Robbers
Mrs. Sapirman had six boys under the age of 8. One Sunday afternoon, she was playing cops and robbers with them in the back yard. One of the boys “shot”her and yelled, “Bang! You’re dead.”She slumped to the ground, and when she didn’t get up right away, a neighbor ran over to see if she had been hurt in the fall.
When the neighbor bent over, Mrs. Sapirman opened one eye and said, “Shhh. Don’t give me away. It’s the only chance I’ve had to rest all day.”
Little Saul was telling his mother about how he had won a part in a play that was being done at school.
His mother asked, “What is the part you will play, Saul?”Saul responded, “I shall play the Jewish husband,”to which the mother replied, “Well, you go right back to that teacher and tell her that you want a SPEAKING part!”