The Important Job
This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.
There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.
Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did.
Somebody got angry about this, because it was Everybody’s job.
Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it.
It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done!
Soft Drink Sass
I’ve always ordered beverages one simple way: “A Coke, please.”
Lately, though, this hasn’t seemed to work. Waitresses and waiters now often respond, “I’m sorry, we don’t have Coke. We have Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, Dr. Pepper, and Sprite.”
Tired of listening to the long list of soft drinks, I thought I’d make life easier. So one day I simply asked the snack bar clerk at a movie theater for a “dark, carbonated beverage.”
The young man behind the counter chuckled and asked, “Sir, would you like a cylindrical plastic sucking device with that?”
Bump in the Night
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, “Mommy, will you sleep in my room tonight?”
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
“I can’t, dear,” she said. “I have to sleep in Daddy’s room.”
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: “What a scaredy-cat.”
The Traveling Salesman
Moishe Himmelfarb was famous among traveling salesmen for being completely unflappable, always remaining cool. Today, Moishe was in the department store demonstrating the new “unbreakable combs” as they were called. He was impressing shoppers who stopped by to look by putting the comb through all sorts of torture and stress.
Finally to impress even the skeptics in the crowd, Moishe bent the comb completely in half, and it snapped with a loud crack. Without missing a beat, Moishe bravely held up both halves of the “unbreakable” comb for everyone to see and said, “And this, ladies and gentlemen, is what an unbreakable comb looks like on the inside…”
It was Friday afternoon and Max came home from work to get ready for Shabbat. He noticed that much of the food had yet to be cooked so instead of waiting for Miriam, he decided to take the initiative and roll up his sleeves and get to work. First, he was going to make the salad. He searched high and low for the big salad bowl and finally found it in the refrigerator, but it was half full of Kool Aid.
“Who on earth put Kool Aid in a bowl?” wondered Max.
He looked around and found some empty pop bottles, rinsed them out and using a funnel, transferred the Kool Aid to the pop bottles and returned them to the fridge. He then made the salad and started preparing the rest of the dinner.
Later, Miriam came home. She had been to the store to get some last minute groceries and was putting some things into the fridge, when suddenly she asked Max, “Who on earth put my Jello into pop bottles?”
Heshy the Handyman
David brought home a backyard swing set for his children and immediately started to assemble it with all the neighborhood children anxiously waiting to play on it.
After several hours of reading the directions, attempting to fit bolt A into slot B, etc., he finally gave up and called upon an old neighborhood handyman who everyone called Heshy the Handyman.
Heshy the Handyman came over, threw the directions away, and in a short while had the set completely assembled.
“It’s beyond me,” said David, “how you got it together without even reading instructions.”
“To tell the truth,” replied Heshy the Handyman, “I can’t read, and when you can’t read, you’ve got to think.”
Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A: Frosted Flakes!
Q: Where do snowmen keep their money?
A: In a snow bank!
Q: What often falls in the winter but never gets hurt?