Dear Jido,
I recently hosted my wife’s birthday party. B”H, it was a beautiful event. I reserved for 150 people, including the DJ, his assistant, the party planner, and her crew. On the day of the event, thirty percent of the guests who RSVP’d did not show up.
I gave my guests ample time to RSVP. I sent the save-the-date cards three months before, the invitation two months before, and the deadline to RSVP two weeks before the event. I think it’s rude for families who RSVP for a certain number of people to dismissively not show up, not considering that each head count means additional cost and planning for the meal, entertainment, seating, etc.
How do I let them know I wish they would have told me ahead of time so I could have removed them and saved myself a couple of thousand dollars? Or should I even let them know?
Signed,
Disappointed Host
Dear Disappointed,
You’ve already taken the first step towards letting people know your displeasure. By writing in to this magazine and publicizing that it’s wrong to be inconsiderate, in whichever way it manifests itself. Hopefully, people, and your guests specifically, will begin to get the message.
You can even take it one step further. You can place a full-page ad in Community or even in the local Jewish papers and say:
PLEASE BE CONSIDERATE
The same way that they have been advertising for many years:
STOP THE TALKING IN SHUL
(Have you been to shul lately? Is it working?)
The next time you see any of your no-shows, the most tactful way to broach the subject is to make a big deal of it, like this: “Oh, we missed you so much! We wish you could have been there! We had a great time, but it wasn’t the same without you! We even had a special place setting for you and your wife!”
You’ll likely hear the same response from all of them, “Oh, I’m sorry, we planned on coming but something came up at the last minute. Mabrouk!”
Being angry and upset will get you nowhere. Let’s get the message out:
PLEASE BE CONSIDERATE
Jido