Rabbi David Sutton & Dr. David Katzenstein, LCSW-R
Rav Wolbe, renowned author of the mussar classic Alei Shur, was multi-faceted. He did not just pursue the standard job of mashgiach, but did many interesting things in his life. During the Six Day War, he felt the Israeli soldiers were in need of hizuk. So, he went to the frontlines to help strengthen them.
On one occasion, as his plane entered enemy territory, he asked why the plane was flying so low. The pilots assured him, “Don’t worry, we are flying very low in order to remain under the radar, so the enemies cannot detect us.”
Similarly, when fighting the yetzer hara, we must fly under its radar. This is why the baalei mussar say to take on small things. Otherwise, the yetzer hara will detect our plans and cause them to backfire.
Previously, we have spoken about going against your own will, as Rav Yerucham Levovitz (the famous mashgiach at the Mir Yeshiva in Belarus at the turn of the 20th century) did when he was young. This does not mean to refrain from eating the entire day. Rather, if we’ve had one scoop of ice cream, we don’t have that second scoop. That’s going against our will in an area that’s within our reach, in a sphere that doesn’t hurt so much.
We must build up slowly. When beginning an exercise routine, we don’t begin by suddenly doing 60 reps (repetitions, i.e., complete strength training exercises). Instead, we do five or 10 reps, and when it starts hurting, we rest. If the regimen is too hard to begin with, we’re going to quit, practically before we get started.
How do we foster better outcomes and follow-through on our resolutions? We have already discussed why resolutions often atrophy or are relegated to the dustbin of our brains. Now let’s talk about our actionable response, so that we can significantly increase the likelihood of meeting our goals. This can be accomplished by taking the following measures:
Set realistic and specific goals: Resolutions are more likely to be successful if they are well-defined, achievable, and align with your overall values and priorities.
Break down larger goals into smaller steps: By breaking down larger goals into smaller, manageable steps, it is easier to stay motivated and make progress toward achieving our resolutions.
Create an action plan: Outline the steps that you need to take to achieve your resolution, along with specific deadlines and milestones to help keep you on track.
Enlist support: Having friends, family, or a support group who are aware of our resolution can provide accountability and help us to stay focused.
Be flexible: Be open to modifying your resolution if it’s not working, or if you encounter unexpected challenges. It’s important to be adaptable, and to find ways to stay motivated and determined.
Celebrate successes: Celebrate small victories along the way to help keep inspired and to maintain a positive attitude. Recent research shows that this is one of the primary ways to sustain motivation.
Stay committed: Making a resolution is just the first step. Sustained effort and discipline are required to achieve success. It’s vital to stay committed and to persevere, even when progress is slow.
Always Be on Guard
A talmid went to see Rav Elyah Lopian, the mashgiach in a yeshivah in Kfar Chassidim, a city in northern Israel before heading home to Yerushalayim for Shabbat.
There were two routes from Kfar Chassidim to Jerusalem. The shorter route involved a bus to the Haifa central bus station, and from there, a direct bus to Yerushalayim. The longer route avoided the central bus station, but added more stops and more time.
Rav Elyah asked the bachur, “Which route do you plan on taking?”
“Via the Haifa central bus station,” he replied.
Rav Lopian asked, “Aren’t you concerned that since Haifa is a beach town, there will be a lack of modesty at the bus station?”
“No, it doesn’t bother me,” the young man responded.
Rav Lopian grew very serious. “I’m 90 years old and blind in one eye, and it bothers me.”
He was aware that yes, he had a yetzer hara, even at 90 years old and with only one functioning eye.
He was constantly working on himself, never resting on his laurels.
TAKEAWAY
Instead of coercing yourself into making a commitment to improve, do it gently, positively, so as not to activate the koach meridah, the rebellious force inside of you.
For the same reason, strive for the minor things, rather than major commitments.
Remain under the radar.