Jenna Ashkenazie
Matchmakers play a vital role in our community. Mrs. Odette Rishty has been a matchmaker for 28 years. She saw a notice inviting community members to a meeting dedicated to making matches. Attendees were askedto bring the names of singles that they knew, to introduce them to local matchmakers. Mrs. Rishtyattended, hoping to help friends find their partners. It turned out that she knew some eligible singles who the matchmakers did not know. She wasinvited to come back the next week. A few weeks later, she had made her first match! She joined the matchmaking team, and learned the ins and outs of the shidduch world. She learned that there is much more to making a match than simply putting two people together.
Mrs. Odette Rishty
Starting out, Mrs. Rishty’s goal was to make matches for those “who needed it but didn’t want to need it.” She wanted the experience to be about good feelings, good customer service, and friendship. Her goal was to look beyond the resume, and to see all sides of the person, not just what was on the surface. Her goal was to push past appearances, and to get to know who each person is, not only what they look like. She believed that was the way to help people find their forever partner. She rejects the term matchmaker, and instead calls herself a community member who wants to help people.
“We’ve always been taught that this is what Hashem is doing 24/7. I know that this is His realm, and He is letting me be his employee. We get to be a part of what He already decided, but it is clear to me that it is always Him.” A lot of people think that the matchmakers forget the singles who have approached them. But that is not the case. They do care and do not simply forget. Matchmakers ultimately have no control. It is always in Hashem’s hands. It is also up to the singles to put in the effort to meet people, and to put effort into their relationship.
When asked why she continues to work as a matchmaker, Mrs. Rishty states, “I hurt for their struggle, but I love this community. That is why I do what I do. I view them as one of me.” Her most important message: each match is from Hashem, and Hashem only. Every time she thinks of a match, it is all from Hashem.
Mrs. Rishty emphasizes that matchmaking is for everyone, including the more modern and the more religious. She notes that Mekudeshet, and Shaare Zion Connect are two incredible organizations that have supplied matchmakers with databases and support to connect them with rabbis and therapists, to help create the proper way of doing things. These organizations are rabbinically approved, and are constantly networking to improve and facilitate matches more effectively. It is the matchmaker’s job to guide couples through dating the proper way, which is why many matchmakers consult with rabbis and therapists if needed. This is not a job that can be done alone.
Mrs. Julie Gindi
When asked why she believes that singles are turning to matchmakers more than before, Mrs. Julie Gindi responded that there is simply no comfortable place for people to meet. People used to congregate after shul, meet at weddings, or other events. Today it is nearly impossible to meet at weddings and singles don’t just hang around places. With no organic way to meet, many community members have turned to matchmakers for help. Most matchmakers believe that the most important part of meeting a person is to get to know them beyond the resume. Matchmakers work to create a match that goes beyond the superficial stats. “The idea is not [just] to get someone on a date, it is to find someone who is compatible, to be able to build a happy marriage.” Mrs. Gindi believes it is important for people to know that the match has to be right for them, not only for their family or friends. She advises singles not to look for what others will think is good for you. It is also important to remember that “Hashem created each of us with our own unique imperfections. We have to keep that in mind when looking into a suggestion as well as when dating. We are not at ‘Build a Bear,’ we cannot take the image we have in mind and believe that anything slightly different is not right for us. We should see who they are today, and how they will be as a spouse.”
Someone who seeks the help of a matchmaker needs to feel comfortable with them. If a single searching for their soulmate feels they cannot be honest with the matchmaker, the matchmaker will not be able to find them a match. All matchmakers agree that one needs to have patience. The match will come about at the right time, in the manner it should happen. “I treat every single as if they are my own child. I feel their pain and frustration. And if I’m zoche to be Hashem’s shaliach, I feel their joy as well.”
Mrs. Frieda Betesh
Mrs. Frieda Betesh emphasizes that matchmakers invest in insuring that singles who come to them can trust them, and be honest and open. Frieda has been a matchmaker for 15 years and is one of the founding members of SZ Connect matchmakers’ organization, along with Kelly Sabbagh.
Frieda is involved with all aspects of matchmaking, from overseeing brainstorming meetings between matchmakers, to administrating the SZ Connect database, to finding unique solutions to complex situations with her fellow matchmakers. That’s where Frieda’s experience adds a fresh perspective. Frieda also works on her own matchmaking.
Frieda works with primarily older singles, and hopes to help them find their zivug. The process can be frustrating and difficult, but she is there for everyone who comes to her for help.
When asked about the benefits of using a matchmaker, Frieda states, “When you use a matchmaker there is more of a vetting process, more substance. Even the more modern people who might meet someone on their own ask a matchmaker about that person. It makes them more comfortable. Even if I didn’t set them up, I can coach them through it.” However, if there is one thing she could stress to anyone who is in the process of dating , it would be to“be open minded and flexible- miracles happen. All suggestions for a shidduch come from Hashem. there is a reason for everything.” The matchmakers are just the messengers, and all credit goes to Hashem.
Shirley Mansour
Shirley Mansour has been a matchmaker for 43 years. She got her start by setting up her brother and sister-in-law, then other family members and friends. She became known as “Shirley the matchmaker” and embraced her role after a conversation she had with Hacham Baruch, who told her that she was helping to do Gd’s work. Shirley is motivated to continue her matchmaking. “I hated seeing people alone. I’ve always loved the feeling of matching people,” she said. Shirley was one of the 12 matchmakers in Shaare Zion who worked together to make matches, and she helped to create Sephardic Link. Her goal is to establish trust with the people who come to her, to help them find the person who is right for them. “I feel blessed that I was able to do this for so many years, and I wish to continue to do that.”
Shirley works to gets to know each person beyond the picture. It is important for her that the people who she tries to set up are willing to look beyond the picture as well. “Look at the heart. Beauty can fade, the heart cannot.” She advises everyone, “There has to be a click. The heart is always there. Look at the character, that is not going to change. Hashem will clarify things for them. Keep going until you are sure. Give yourself the gift of being sure. You will know if it’s right or not. Go with your heart. Let Hashem guide your way. Always have bitachon and emunah.” Matchmakers all agree that every match comes from Hashem. Matchmakers are simply the messenger, so listen to the message.