Love and Fear
How do we work through the negative forces inside of us?
Rav Wolbe (Alei Shur, Vol. II, p. 363) recommends having a discussion with those forces: “Listen, I have no choice here. Hashem is my King; He’s the Boss over my impulses and urges, too. I am responsible for all my deeds. Gd gave me so much, and I owe Him so much. So do me a favor, guys, and just behave.”
Positive self-affirmations are powerful tools, which help cultivate a more positive and optimistic outlook on life. They allow us to reframe our negative thoughts and beliefs, replacing them with positive, empowering ones that help us to feel confident, motivated, and capable.
By taking control of our inner dialogue, we can influence our emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in a positive way, leading to greater well-being and success in all aspects of our lives.
Regularly repeating positive affirmations helps to ingrain them in our subconscious mind, allowing them to shape our beliefs and attitudes. This can lead to a ripple effect, positively impacting not only our own self-perception, but also our relationships with others, our work performance, and our overall life satisfaction.
Whether it’s affirming our worth, reminding ourselves of our strengths, or simply focusing on the good in our lives, the power of positive affirmations should not be underestimated. By making self-affirmation a daily habit, we can harness its potential to transform our lives for the better.
Now, one may ask, “What if I don’t want to get up in the morning in time to say Kriat Shema, especially on a Sunday morning?”
That’s when we have to remember that this is not the real us. The yetzer hara has stolen our identity, convincing us that we don’t want to get up. Actually, we want to get up; it’s the yetzer hara that doesn’t want us to get up. And the yetzer hatov, which is speaking to us in second person, has to say, “Do you know what you owe Gd? You’re sleeping on His mattress. You’re living in His house. The least you can do is get up in time and pray.”
We must have a dialogue with ourselves, to figure out how to cajole ourselves into doing the right thing.
But it’s a little bit deeper than that.
The Gemara (Sotah 47a) says that when dealing with a tinok, a child, one must employ the dictum: “S’mol docheh v’yamin mekarevet – The left hand drives away and the right hand draws near.” According to Rashi, if we’re too tough on a child, he is going to run away and commit suicide out of fear. Pull him close with the dominant hand, the right one, and only use the weak hand, the left one, to push away and to discipline him.
Essentially, this is a carrot and stick approach to motivation, and actually mirrors the way we are supposed to motivate ourselves regarding our relationship with Hashem: love and fear.
Love-based motivation refers to the drive that comes from a positive, internal force such as a desire for happiness, fulfillment, or connection with others. Love-based motivation helps individuals pursue their goals and aspirations in a way that is aligned with their values and sense of purpose. It leads to feelings of happiness, satisfaction, and a sense of belonging, and can be a powerful force in overcoming challenges and obstacles.
Fear-based motivation, on the other hand, is driven by an external force such as the fear of failure, rejection, or negative consequences. While fear can be a powerful motivator, it can also lead to stress, anxiety, and a lack of confidence. However, when used in moderation, fear-based motivation can help individuals to avoid dangerous or harmful situations, and to take steps to protect themselves.
The end-goal is to find a balance between the two. When individuals are driven primarily by love, they may overlook important practical considerations or avoid taking necessary risks. When they are driven primarily by fear, they may become paralyzed by anxiety or become overly cautious. By balancing love-based and fear-based motivation, individuals can find a healthy and sustainable way to pursue their goals and aspirations, leading to greater well-being and success.
TAKEAWAY:
As will everything else in life, balance is key. In order to be the best oveid Hashem possible, work on ways to serve Him out of both love and fear.