Dear Jido,
My kids often babysit for relatives, and they really enjoy it. Sometimes they’re not paid, and that’s completely fine – they haven’t complained, and I know they love spending time with their little cousins.
However, there was one occasion when they babysat for many hours and didn’t receive anything in return. They felt a bit disappointed afterward. Wanting to smooth things over, I quickly told them, “Oh, she said she’s sending you an Amazon gift card,” and I ended up buying one myself to give to them on her behalf.
I felt awkward bringing it up with my relative directly, so I didn’t. But is it okay for me to do something like this from time to time – cover a small token myself and let my kids think it came from the family they helped?
I completely understand that not everyone may have the means to pay, and I’m more than happy for my kids to help out because we’re family. Still, I’d love to acknowledge their effort once in a while in a way that keeps their spirits up.
Is that approach okay, or should I be more direct with relatives about compensation?
Sincerely,
Babysitter Buster
Dear Babysitter Buster,
Kudos on raising your children with the admirable trait of always being willing to help others. It is something that will redound to their credit and benefit as they get older. Not only that, sometimes they get satisfaction because, as you say, it’s fun and other times it’s just a great feeling knowing that you’ve helped others.
As far as being materially rewarded, that’s a whole other story.
I’ve been asked so many times on this page about gratitude. It IS something that needs to be carefully taught to others.
The potential problem with your approach is – what happens if your kids say to Aunt Millie the next time they babysit – “Oh Aunt Millie, thank you so much for the present you gave us last time. We bought three X’s, two Y’s, and a Z with it.”
When the truth comes out, either Aunt Millie will be hurt, you will be embarrassed, or the kids will feel that Mommy didn’t tell us the truth.
Try this next time she calls for babysitting – “How long do you think you will need them for? Hmmm, that’s long. Maybe on the way back, you can get them something. You know, a treat, or a game, doesn’t have to be anything big. Just something to let them know how much you appreciate them.”
And she says, “I thought they do it because they enjoy playing with their cousins!”
“Yes, but they’re still babysitting.”
Hopefully, she will respond, even according to her means.
Jido (BTW – What are your kids doing next Sunday from 12 to 5pm?)