Rabbi David Sutton & Dr. David Katzenstein, LCSW-R
The Alter of Kelm notes that in our heads, we have certain ways of looking at things, certain preconceived notions that are rooted in our minds. And even if we receive a sudden epiphany in the opposite direction, a short time later we naturally revert to our previous state.
Yosef and the Brothers
The Alter of Kelm uses the example of the shevatim to prove his point. The Midrash (Tanchuma, Vayigash 5) tells us that when Yosef revealed himself to his brothers and said, “I am Yosef” (Beresheet 45:3), the shevatim were so scared that their souls left them (they basically had heart attacks), and Hashem performed a miracle and their souls were returned to them.
We would think that afterward all would be good and well.
But that’s not what happened.
The Midrash continues with the story. In order to convince them that he was truly their brother, Yosef showed the shevatim his brit milah. Yet instead of being thrilled that he was now king, the Midrash tells us that Yosef’s brothers wanted to kill him. A malach came and spread them out, separating them by sending them to the four corners of the palace, in order to protect Yosef.
Why did the shevatim want to kill Yosef at this time?
Because, explains the Alter, years ago, they had concluded that Yosef was chayav mitah, deserving the death penalty, and even after twenty-two years, nothing changed in their minds. Although they initially had a sudden shockwave when he introduced himself, they naturally reverted to their original belief, their preconceived notion that he was guilty. The Alter calls this hashrashah harishonah, the first implantation.
If the shivtei Kah operated that way, how much more difficult is it for us to uproot old ideas from our psyche and plant new ones in their place!
UprootingOur Preconceived Notions
In Yosef Ometz (Perek HaBitachon), Rav Yosef Yuzpa Hahn-Noirlingenof Frankfurt echoes this idea. People may think that we don’t see the same miracles today as we did many years ago. In truth, Rav Yosef Yuzpa opines, this is a mistake. There’s no difference today. In fact, he advises, if the yetzer hara tells us that today we don’t see miracles, we must not listen to him. True, we may not see open miracles, they may be hidden, but there are miracles nonetheless.
We must make sure not to revert back to our preconceived notions, to the way we always believed, that all is in the natural realm.
This is not just about bitachon. This is true anytime we want to change anything. Why is it so hard for people to keep their new commitments, whether it’s Jewish people keeping their Rosh Hashanah kabbalot or people dropping their New Year’s resolutions in the secular world? Yes, everyone signs up for the gym in January, but stops going in February. Or we commit to being the best (fill in the blank: spouse/ child/ parent/ sibling/ friend) on Sunday morning, but by the end of the week, the resolution is out the window. What happened?
Our preconceived notions hardwire us one way, and to change them takes a lot of effort. We must constantly and consistently work on ourselves to incorporate our commitments into our very being, until they are part of us. Otherwise, we will continue doing the same things, making the same commitments, year after year, without any lasting change.
This applies not only to mindsets – as in the case of Yosef and the brothers, or in today’s day and age, of looking at the world through the lens of random events rather than through the lens of Gd’s supervision – but also to habits. People are chronically late, people are argumentative, people have an aggressive streak. All of these tendencies occur because those pathways in our brain have been enforced and reinforced so many times that they become automatic.
Changing Ourselves
But we can change…
Rav Yerucham Levovitz compares this to somebody who’s writing with a light pencil (i.e., lighter than the number 2 pencils we used to write with in school). He goes back and forth with the pencil, again and again and again, until that vague imprint eventually becomes darker and darker, even though initially, it was too light to read.
When we’re trying to change, going down that new pathway, we’re not going to see such a strong imprint on the paper. But as we keep on going over that imprint, it becomes deeper and deeper, and darker and darker. If we stick to the task, eventually we’ll create new pathways, and we will actually be able to change the way we think and the way we act.