Rabbi David Ashear
When good people experience pain in life, they may feel like Hashem is betraying them, chas v’shalom. They have been trying to be the best they can be; they have gotten closer to Hashem, yet it doesn’t seem that He is getting closer to them. But that is incorrect. They only feel that way because they don’t understand Hashem properly.
Rabbi Yosef Mugrabi gave a mashal of an elderly farmer who had been retired for years. In his yard there was a large, deep pit in his yard that had previously been used as a well. One day, his donkey, who was also getting on in years, slipped and fell into the pit. The animal cried and screamed for help, but the old man was not able to pull the donkey out. He then took a shovel and began throwing earth into the pit.
I have spent so many years serving my owner in good faith, the donkey thought, and now he’s just going to bug me alive because he can’t get me out of here? Every shovelful of earth that hit the donkey’s back felt like fire. The pain was intolerable. But the dirt kept coming and the donkey understood that if it didn’t do something about it, it would be buried alive.
It looked to the right and it looked to the left and saw earth piling up. Suddenly, the donkey realized there was a way to use the earth to its benefit. The donkey climbed onto a pile. As each shovelful of earth hit its back, the donkey shook it off to the side, thereby elevating the pile, and climbed higher. It shook off the next batch of earth, again, and climbed higher.
Eventually, the donkey raised itself up to the top of the pit and was reunited once again with its owner, who had been hoping that the donkey would use the earth that way.
In life there are challenges, and sometimes they are very painful. There is no lack of situations that cause people to feel betrayed:
– A father raised four sons and gave them everything. Eventually, they married and moved away. In his old age, the father needed help going to the doctor one day for surgery, but none of his children helped. None of them were willing to give up time from their workday to bring their father to the doctor. The father needed just one child to help him. He had sacrificed the best years of his life for his sons, and now, when he needs assistance, they give him no sympathy. How much pain would that cause a father?
– A man hires an employee and teaches him about his business. He tells him company secrets; he elevates him to a prominent position. One day, the employee tells the boss he’s leaving. He proceeds to open up the exact same business on the same block, three doors away, and takes all the clients with him. How much pain would that cause an employer?
– A couple has a child go off the derech, abandoning Torah and mitzvot, talking disrespectfully. How much pain do the parents have?
– A father and mother have four older daughters, still single, still home. One is 32, one is 35, one is 37, and one is 39. All the parents are asking for is to see at least one wedding. Just let one daughter break the ice and get married! How much pain does that family have?
These are big challenges, and the natural reaction in these circumstances is to feel betrayed. We don’t understand the benefits these challenges are providing us. But we have a choice to make. We can sit and wallow in our misery, or we can use the challenges to elevate ourselves. We can shake them off and grow from them. We can trust that Hashem is giving them to us for our own benefit, as hard as that is to imagine. And if we do that, we’ll look back and say, “My most difficult struggles are what made me into the person I am today.”