Intelligence can be assessed in several different ways, and with several different yardsticks. For example, Pirkeh Avot (4:1) teaches that the wise man is someone who learns from all people. The Gemara (Tamid 32a) defines a wise man as somebody “haroeh et hanolad” – who foresees the outcome of his actions and behaves accordingly.
A lesser-known, but no less critical, definition of wisdom is presented by the Midrash in its depiction of Eliezer – the trusted servant of Avraham Avinu, who takes center stage in one of the stories we read this month in the Book of Beresheet. Avraham quite literally entrusted Eliezer with the future of his family and of the nation he was to establish, by assigning him the task of finding a match for his son and heir to his covenant with Gd, Yitzhak. And, according to the Midrash, Eliezer was brilliant.
The Brilliant Servant
The Midrash cites King Shlomo’s description in Mishleh (17:2) of an “eved maskil – intelligent servant,” and it applies this description to Eliezer. He was a descendant of Ham, one of the three sons of Noah, who brazenly disrespected his father, for which he and his descendants were cursed with eternal servitude. Eliezer was well aware that he was – through no fault of his own – consigned to spend his life as a servant. And he decided that instead of serving some cruel, barbaric master, it was in his best interest to become a servant for a righteous person like Avraham Avinu – and this is what he did.
At first glance, this hardly appears as a stroke of genius. Is this not a fairly simple decision that any one of us could make? What was so brilliant about Eliezer’s attitude for which he is lauded as an “eved maskil” – an especially wise servant?
The truth is that Eliezer’s thoughts on his status were indeed brilliant, and, unfortunately, few of us are this intelligent in our attitudes toward our own lives.
Like Eliezer, we are all brought into undesirable circumstances against our will. I have met many people in my life, and I cannot think of a single individual who enjoys a life without some sort of challenge. Some people struggle because of their upbringing, because of the way their parents raised them, or because of a school or a teacher. Some people struggle because of a health problem from which, Heaven forbid, they or a family member suffer. Some people struggle financially. Some people struggle with tensions among family members, or with their neighbor. Some people struggle because of mental health challenges. Some people struggle because of an addiction which they developed. Some people struggle with a child, or with several of their children.
And many (most?) people struggle with some combination of these challenges, and others.
Few of us, however, approach life’s challenges with the composure and levelheadedness displayed by Eliezer.
As the Midrash describes, Eliezer wasn’t embittered or resentful. He didn’t complain. He didn’t wallow in self-pity. He didn’t blame the world for his compromised social standing, for the proverbial “glass ceiling” that constrained him. Instead, he decided to make the best of his situation, to excel within the framework he was placed in, to achieve the most he could under his circumstances.
The result? Eliezer is credited with helping to build the Jewish People, by succeeding in his mission to bring a worthy marriage partner for Yitzhak. His words and actions in this story occupy a considerable amount of space in the Torah, and have been carefully studied and analyzed by laymen and scholars for millennia, and will always be. In fact, the sages comment about Eliezer, “The conversations of the patriarchs’ servants are greater than the Torah of their offspring” – as evidenced by the fact that the Torah elaborates at length in presenting Eliezer’s story, but is often very brief in introducing mitzvot. Eliezer earned himself a special place in the Torah and in the hearts and minds of Jews throughout the ages.
None of this would have happened if Eliezer was angry and bitter. Resentment and self-pity would not have gotten him anywhere. Eliezer was successful because he had a very rare form of wisdom – the wisdom to accept life’s circumstances and make the most of them. He understood that he was going to live his life as a servant – and so he decided to become the greatest servant that he could be, for the greatest man of his time.
We Have EVERYTHING!
Not surprisingly, Avraham Avinu himself also excelled in this special quality.
The Torah introduces this section by saying, “Gd had blessed with Avraham with everything” (24:1).
Did Avraham really have everything? True, he enjoyed great wealth and prestige, but did he really have everything? At this point in his life, his beloved wife was no longer alive. One of his two sons needed to be driven from the house. Just several verses earlier, the Torah tells of the family of his brother, Nachor, who had twelve children and several grandchildren. Nachor, an idol-worshipper, enjoyed peace, comfort and a large family, while Avraham traveled from place to place, had to fight a war, twice saw his wife abducted, and did not beget children until old age.
Yet, as Rav Yechezkel Levenstein (1885-1974) explains, Avraham had “everything” in the sense that he had everything he needed to fulfill his unique mission. Avraham lived each day of his life with the mindset that his circumstances were not random, but rather specifically designed for him to achieve what he was brought into the world to achieve.
Rashi, commenting on this verse, notes that the word bakol (“with everything”) has the same gematria (numerical value) as the word ben – son (52). The Torah here introduces the story of the search of a spouse for Yitzhak by telling us that Avraham had a son, which led him to instruct Eliezer to find a suitable partner. Now, we of course already know that Avraham had a son. But the Torah here is emphasizing that Avraham saw it as his mission at that point to find his son a wife. He looked at his circumstances to determine what his obligation was at that time – and right now, his responsibility was to find a wife for Yitzhak.
This is precisely how we are expected to live life – to focus on our situation, on our current challenges, and determine what Gd expects of us under these conditions.
So often people ask themselves questions such as, “Why aren’t my children like so-and-so’s children?”; “Why wasn’t I raised in a family like so-and-so’s family?”; “Why can’t I find a good job like so-and-so?”; “Why is it so much harder for me to marry off my children than it was for so-and-so?”; “Why aren’t I as smart as so-and-so?”
These questions all work off the grievously mistaken assumption that we and Mr./Mrs. So-And-So are supposed to live the same life. If this were true, then Gd would have created either us or Mr./Mrs. So-And-So. But Gd created all of us because we each have something unique to contribute and to achieve. We aren’t supposed to be the same, and so Hashem creates each person with different abilities, different talents, different handicaps, different challenges, and different circumstances.
It may be true Mr./Mrs. So-And-So has the perfect children, the perfect family background, and the perfect job, but Mr./Mrs. So-And-So also has problems and struggles that we don’t have. If we don’t envy his or her challenges, then we shouldn’t envy his or her blessings, either – because it’s all a package deal. Gd gives each person the life uniquely suited for his or her mission.
If we live life this way, then we will truly feel, like Avraham did, that we have everything. Yes, everything. We have everything we need to be the person that Hashem brought us here to be. The pain, struggles and challenges that we face – like the wonderful blessings and good fortune that we enjoy – are precisely what we need to accomplish all that we are here to accomplish.
It is told that the famous Hassidic master Rav Bunim of Peshischa (Poland, 1765-1827) remarked that if he would be offered the opportunity to be as great as Avraham Avinu, he would decline.
“If I would be Avraham,” he said, “then who would be Bunim?”
Rav Bunim understood that he was brought into the world not to be Avraham Avinu, but to be himself. And this is what we need to understand, too.
The Wisdom to See Ourselves
Today’s world of hyperconnectivity makes it especially challenging to live with this perspective. People spend so much of their time looking at other people’s lives, seeing what they’re buying, what they’re wearing, where they’re going, what they’re doing, what they’re achieving. It might be no exaggeration to say that social media is the greatest tool for arousing jealousy and insecurity ever created. When we look at other people’s joy and successes, it is only natural for us to wonder why we aren’t experiencing that same joy and success, and to feel envious, embittered, and unfulfilled.
Now more than ever, we need the wisdom of Eliezer, the wisdom to see ourselves and our potential, instead of looking at other people. What other people are doing or not doing should not impact our goals and aspirations. We need to live our own lives, not other people’s lives. We need to fulfill our own mission, not other people’s missions.
Because if we try to do other people’s jobs, then we not only fail to do our own job, but will also, invariably, fail to do those other jobs for which we aren’t suited…
One of the most important forms of intelligence is the intelligence to be yourself, to stop trying to imitate others, to stop worrying about what other people have or accomplish, and to focus instead on living the best life that you are meant to live.