Dear Jido,
My son recently confided in me that he’s being bullied at school, and it’s absolutely heartbreaking to hear. He’s become more withdrawn at home, and I can see the toll it’s taking on his confidence and overall happiness. As a parent, my first instinct is to step in right away – call the school, reach out to the other parents, or even confront the issue directly. But he’s asked me not to get involved, saying it will only make things worse. I want to respect his wishes and give him a sense of control, but I also can’t stand by and do nothing while he’s being hurt. How can I support him in a way that’s helpful and protective, without escalating the situation or making him feel even more isolated?
Signed,
Terribly Torn
Dear Terribly Torn,
The fact that your son has already told you that if you bring it to anyone’s attention, “you will only make things worse,” is a good indication that something must be done. Keep in mind, as a child he may not be seeing the bigger picture and might be fearing retaliation unnecessarily. Nevertheless, you need to act.
The first thing you need to do is to gain your son’s trust that whatever you will do is going to be with his consent and support.
To do that, you need to ask him some open ended questions, like:
1. Why do you think they are picking on you?
2. How would you feel if we could make them stop?
3. What do the teachers do when they see the boy/boys bullying you? Or they don’t know about it?
4. What do you think should happen next? I’m asking because you’re such a good boy and we hate to see you suffer like this.
Use the information he gives you to determine if it’s one boy or a group of bullies. If they already have a history of bullying, it’s less of an issue if you discuss it with a member of the faculty.
Brainstorm with your son on how to go about speaking to one specific teacher, or the principal, or one of the “boy’s” parents.
As a caring parent, you need to step in and prevent any long-term negative effects to your child while making sure that whatever you do, it addresses his concern for privacy.
Don’t delay.
Jido