Rabbi David Sutton and Dr. David Katzenstein, LCSW-R
When Eastern practitioners of meditation and yoga brought their philosophies to Western civilization, they taught in the order they had always practiced. First, relax the mind through meditation, and subsequently, relax the body through yoga. But Westernized students were unable to calm their minds and be comfortable with their thoughts initially, so the teachers switched the order. They realized that many of us in our highly overstimulated society first needed to “do” something active before being able to sit with ourselves and our thoughts.
When Dr. David Katzenstein first became familiar with the practice of meditation as a therapeutic tool, he enrolled in a five-day experiential meditation retreat, to experience its inner workings firsthand, so he could later utilize it to help his patients.
For the first two days, the experience of merely “being” with himself and his thoughts was so discomforting and distressing - to the point of unbearable mental anguish - that he suffered extended anxiety attacks during the long hours of mediative contemplation. This anxiety was not at all related to life’s responsibilities and all of the stress related to what needed to get “done.” It was the exact opposite. The anxiety was caused by being forced, in a sense, to not get anything “done,” but to just “be.”
Getting to Know Yourself
This was a revelation to him, as he had always conceptualized his own struggles with anxiety as an outcome of the worries and fears of not doing enough or not doing more to help others. He believed that if only he had more time to relax and not have any responsibilities, the anxiety would fade. He realized, in these contemplative moments, that so much of that anxiety was (and at times, still is) equally related to fears of turning inward and facing himself without anything to distract him.
Or maybe it’s a little bit more than that.
Rav Wolbe served as mashgiach in Yeshivas Beer Yaakov, a city in central Israel. In those days, there was not much near Beer Yaakov, aside from orange orchards and a mental hospital nearby. Definitely no bagel shops or sushi joints. Rav Wolbe used to encourage his talmidim to take solitary walks in the area. While promoting physical health, walking is also emotionally therapeutic, as it airs out the brain.
One day, a bachur left for a walk, only to come running back a few minutes later. Rav Wolbe looked at him and said, “You know why you came running back? Because you met somebody and you got scared.”
The boy respectfully disagreed. “No, I didn’t meet anybody.”
Rav Wolbe repeated, “You met someone, you got scared, and you came back.”
They went back and forth, until finally, Rav Wolbe said, “You met yourself – and you’ve never met yourself before. You became so frightened of this stranger called yourself that you came running back.”
TAKEAWAY
Spend five minutes with yourself – not your phone, not your Mp3 player, not your car radio, just yourself.
Ask yourself honestly: Am I scared to be alone? Am I bored?