Rabbi David Sutton & Dr. David Katzenstein, LCSW-R
Contrary to contemporary postmodernist thought (which permeates our society and our approach to life) the idea that we should pursue all desires to our hearts’ content is actually antithetical to overall life satisfaction. The pursuit of desires often leads to excessive and unhealthy behaviors, creates unrealistic expectations, and can cause emotional distress when desires are not met.
Here are some risks associated with pursuing all of one’s desires:
Addiction: Engaging in excessive behavior to fulfill a desire can lead to addiction, which can negatively impact one’s health, relationships, and overall well-being.
Unfulfilled Expectations: Unrealistic expectations about fulfilling desires may lead to disappointment when those desires are not met, leading to emotional distress and to a decrease in overall happiness.
Ignoring Other Priorities: Pursuing desires at all costs can lead to ignoring other important aspects of life, such as one’s relationships, physical health, and personal growth.
Decreased Satisfaction: Excessive focus on external desires can cause decreased satisfaction and happiness in life.
Increased Stress: The pursuit of desires can also lead to increased stress levels, due to pressure to achieve those desires, and can lead to unrealistic expectations in connection with those desires.
A legend is told about the mighty Napoleon. While at war, he and his army found themselves within ten miles of a city famous for its cigars. Though Napoleon did not need to capture the town in order to succeed at war, he did want those cigars. So he made a detour. Who knows how many people he killed on the way, but he and his men captured this little city.
At long last, the moment arrived, and Napoleon’s second-in-command excitedly brought Napoleon a cigar. Napoleon put the cigar to his lips and just after the soldier had lit the cigar, suddenly, to the amazement of all those present, Napoleon broke the cigar in half and declared with conviction, “Napoleon will control the cigar. The cigar will not control Napoleon.”
When we let things control us, those things are not us. Those things are outside of us.
Once the Alter of Novaradok, Rav Yosef Yoizel Horowitz, was walking in the streets of Europe, when he saw a policeman walking with a thief. The two of them were handcuffed to each other. Embarrassed to be seen in this predicament, the thief announced to all who passed him, “I’m the officer and he’s the thief.”
When describing the scene, the Alter asked: How do we know who is telling the truth? He answered: The one who holds the keys to unlock the handcuffs is the one in control.
Though we may tell ourselves, “I’m in control. I can stop this anytime. I can lose ten pounds, quit my smoking habit,” and so on, the only way to know if we can do it, if we are really in control, is when we do it. Otherwise, we are being controlled.