Dear Jido,
I recently took a 15-hour flight that began around midnight. I sat by a window, and both seats next to me (the middle seat and the aisle seat) happened to remain unoccupied.
After dinner was served, a somewhat older lady (around 60), who was seated across the aisle in the center section, came and sat in the empty aisle seat in my row. She leaned over to me and humbly asked if she can take my window seat and suggested that I either take her seat in the center section or sit in one of the two empty seats in my row.
She indicated that she has a neck issue, and presumably wanted the window seat so she could rest her head against the wall, as I was planning to do. I told her I would prefer to keep our assigned seats, and I had hardly finished saying this when she nodded vigorously and seemed very embarrassed to have even asked.
However, I began to doubt whether I should have given her my seat. In the morning light, I noted that she was older than I first estimated, maybe 70 or so. I am a healthy male in my 40s. I was torn between guilt and irritation. I paid slightly extra for the window seat because I prefer it, especially if I’ll be sleeping.
But maybe for this older woman, the polite thing would have been to give up my seat. What should I have done?
Signed,
Weary Traveler
Dear Weary,
If you were wearing a kippah and she was wearing a sheitel, then I would say it would have been the polite thing to do. However, since you paid extra for the window seat, you would not have been obligated to give up your money for a stranger.
For example, let’s say you’re leaving shul one evening after arbit and suddenly it started raining. An older gentleman who you have never met says, “Can I borrow your umbrella? I don’t want to walk home in the rain without one.” He’s walking east and you’re walking west. You might never see your umbrella again. Would you give it to him? He stays dry, you get wet. He has an umbrella and you have none. There’s something called doing more than the law requires. If that’s you – then put your jacket over your head and make a run for it.
Now, on the other hand, if you were wearing a kippah and she was obviously NOT Jewish, the right thing to do would have been to say, “You know I paid extra for this seat but if you really need it, I want you to be comfortable. Here.” The kiddush Hashem would have been worth millions!
Nothing to feel guilty about. Travel safe.
Jido