An Honesty Issue
A guy goes into a company for a job interview. The interviewer asks him, “What would you consider to be your biggest weakness?” The guy thinks for a minute and says, “I’m honest with everyone. I don’t know how to be anything other than completely honest, no matter what someone asks me.” The interviewer says, “I don’t really see how honesty could be considered a weakness. In fact, I think it’s a great strength!” The guy looks the interviewer right in the eye and says, “I don’t really care what you think.”
Jake D.
Looking for Work
A lion walks into a police station and asks the policeman at the front desk, “Do you have any job openings?” The policeman shakes his head sadly and says, “No, sorry. Why don’t you try the circus?” The lion gives him a funny look and says, “Why would the circus need a detective?”
Joey S.
Cool Recognition
The three Goldberg brothers, Norman, Hyman, and Maximillian invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner.
On July 17th, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees Fahrenheit.
The three brothers walked into old man Henry Ford’s office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that three gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.
Henry was curious and invited them into his office. They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car.
They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees inside, turned on the air-conditioner and cooled the car off immediately.
The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them 3 million dollars for the patent.
The brothers refused saying they would settle for 2 million but they wanted the recognition by having a label, “The Goldberg Air-Conditioner” on the dashboard of each car that it was installed in.
They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on 4 million dollars and that just their first names would be shown.
And so, even today, all Ford air-conditioners show on the controls the names: “Norm,” “Hi,” and “Max.”
Isaac S.
Stranded in the Desert
Three men are in the middle of a desert when their car breaks down. For their hike to town, they each decide to take one thing with them. One man takes a jug of water. The second man takes a sandwich. The last man takes one of the car doors. The first man says to the last man, “I’m bringing the water because if I get thirsty, I can take a drink. And it makes sense to bring a sandwich in case we get hungry, but why bring a car door?” The last man replies, “If I get hot, I can just roll down the window.”
Marty A.
No Politics, Please
Four Israelis are sitting in a restaurant in Tel Aviv. For a long time, nobody says a word. Finally, one man groans, “Oy.”
“Oy vey,” says the second man.
“Nu,” says the third.
At this the fourth man gets up from his chair and says, “Listen, if you guys don’t stop talking politics, I’m leaving.”
Esther K.
Play Ball
Many of the schools in the local neighborhood fielded a baseball team, forming the School Baseball League. Beth Israel challenged Beth Tikvah to a game in a week’s time and Principal Goldberg felt that he needed to do something to support his kids. So he gave a special contribution of one hundred dollars to the captain, with the direction that the money should be used to buy bats, balls, gloves, or anything else that might help to win the game.
On the day of the game, the principal was somewhat surprised to observe nothing new in the team’s paraphernalia. He called the captain to him.
“I don’t see any new bats, or balls, or gloves,” he said.
“We don’t have anything like that,” the captain admitted.
“But I gave you one hundred dollars to buy them,” the rabbi exclaimed.
“Well, you see Principal Goldberg,” came the explanation, “you told us to spend it for bats, or balls, or gloves, or anything that we thought might help to win the game, so we gave it to the umpire.”
Ikey F.
Bad Word
A young boy was sitting in the waiting room for a little bit after getting his tooth pulled. The receptionist asked him if he was okay. “Yes, but I didn’t like the bad word the dentist used while he was pulling my tooth.” “What did he say?” asked the receptionist, worried. The boy replied, “Oops.”
Raymond K.
Late for School
A child was late to school for the first time. The teacher asked him if anything was wrong. “No,” the child said, “I wanted to go fishing, but my dad told me I needed to go to school.” The teacher was impressed. “And did your father explain why it was important to go to school instead of going fishing?” The child nodded solemnly and said, “He said it was because there’s not enough bait for both of us.”
Sharon B.
That Special Something
A little old lady gets onto a crowded bus and stands in front of a seated young girl. Holding her hand to her chest, she says to the girl, “If you knew what I have, you would give me your seat.” The girl gets up and gives up her seat to the old lady. It is hot.
The girl then takes out a fan and starts fanning herself. The woman looks up and says, “If you knew what I have, you would give me that fan.” The girl gives her the fan, too.
Fifteen minutes later the woman gets up and says to the bus driver, “Stop, I want to get off here.” The bus driver tells her he has to drop her at the next corner, not in the middle of the block. With
her hand across her chest, she tells the driver, “If you knew what I have, you would let me off the bus right here.”
The bus driver pulls over and opens the door to let her out. As she’s walking out of the bus, he asks, “Madam, what is it you have?” The old woman looks at him and nonchalantly replies, “Chutzpah!”
Arlene M.