Dear Jido,
My family moved from Brooklyn to Deal in the middle of the school year, and I’m really struggling to adjust, especially with changing schools when everyone already seems settled. I miss my old friends and teachers, and my new school feels very different socially and academically, which makes me feel out of place and nervous to be myself. I try to stay positive, but some days I feel lonely and frustrated, and I don’t know how long it’s supposed to take to feel comfortable again. How can I adjust to this mid-year change, make new friends without forcing it, and still hold on to who I am while everything around me feels new?”
Signed,
New Kid in Deal
Dear New Kid,
Yes, it’s not easy being on the outside looking in. It’s also not so uncommon. Kids who have been together for many years tend to be clique-ish. So, here’s a few things you can do to break into the club.
Number One – join an after school club. Whether it’s art or math or basketball, you will be with like-minded kids who enjoy the same thing that you do. After a short while, just by being yourself, you will become a member of the team. If you’re really head and shoulders above them, they might even make you captain.
Number Two – don’t be afraid to excel. If there’s one particular subject that you’re very good at, don’t be shy. Raise your hand, answer questions, volunteer information. Let the others get to know you while you are getting to feel more comfortable with the teacher and the environment.
Number Three – you might even want to speak to that teacher and ask if there’s anyone in the class that you might be able to help with the homework or assignments. Not that you should associate only with the weaker students, but at the very least, you will feel good about yourself for helping somebody else.
Number Four – let’s say the teacher gave a great class, or there was a party or celebration. During lunch, just go over to another student and say, “Wow, wasn’t that special? Is she always that much fun?” Or if the test was hard – “Wow, what answer did you put for the third question? I couldn’t think of ANYTHING!” Be sure to be smiling and upbeat, the way you were in Brooklyn.
The worst thing you could do would be to crawl into your shell and spend ten months a year by yourself. Let the others get to know you. Smile. Ask questions. Be helpful. Jido