Dear Jido,
Lately, I’ve been struggling with something I don’t quite know how to name. On the surface, my life is fine – I go to shul, work, see friends, make plans – but underneath it all, I feel this constant sense of guilt. There’s so much happening in Israel and in the broader Jewish world, and it feels wrong to just… carry on. I’ll catch myself laughing at dinner or enjoying a normal day, and then immediately feel like I’m being insensitive or disconnected. Part of me thinks I should be doing more, feeling more, being more affected – but I don’t even know what that’s supposed to look like.
At the same time, I’m exhausted by this feeling. I don’t want to live in a constant state of heaviness or obligation, but I also don’t want to become numb or indifferent. Is it okay to live my life fully when things aren’t okay? How do I find a balance between staying connected and not losing myself to it?
Sincerely,
Torn Between
Dear Torn Between,
I’m not a licensed Life Coach so I can’t officially advise you what to do. I can only tell you what I do because I feel exactly the same way.
First of all, you do need to keep in touch. As I recommended in this column shortly after October 7th, try the website DailyAlert.org. It’s compiled by the Jerusalem Center and it gives you the news highlights followed by world opinions. It’s a ten-minute read and then you’re finished with the news for the day.
Secondly, when you’re in shul, do your part by praying to Hashem for peace for the Jewish people. We conclude our prayers – hamevarech et amo Yisrael b’shalom, Amen. If you can follow up with real tears, it’s guaranteed to bring results.
Thirdly, actually do something to help, such as sending money to the hesed organizations in Israel like Feed Israel, Hatzalah, or even Zaka. You’ll feel that you are being part of the solution. Or perhaps send emails to your senators and congressmen petitioning for protection of our communities and institutions. My understanding is that they actually do read their emails.
As far as living life, we are commanded – ivdu et Hashem b’simha. Enjoy the weddings. Focus on family and business. Thank Hashem for all of the little (and big) things in life.
We have been fighting our enemies, not for 80 years, but for over 3,500 years. We are still here. Most of them are not. Know that Hashem is in charge, and as Rabbi Avigdor Miller, zt”l, would say – He created this world for pleasure.
Be informed. Be proactive. Be happy. Jido