Dear Jido,
I’m in my mid-twenties and generally doing well professionally, but not in a way my parents fully understand. I’ve built a career that gives me flexibility, decent income, and a sense of balance – I’m not chasing titles or corner offices, and I’m not sure I ever want to. My parents, however, measure success in promotions, prestige, wealth, and visible milestones. They worked incredibly hard to give me opportunities they never had, and I know they see my choices as “settling” or lacking ambition. At family gatherings, I’m asked when I’ll “move up,” “do something bigger,” or “make more of my potential.” I don’t feel unmotivated – I just don’t define achievement the way they do. How do I respond without sounding defensive or ungrateful? Is it possible to honor their sacrifices while choosing a quieter, more balanced version of success? And how do I stop internalizing their anxiety as my own?
Signed,
Grateful but Torn
Dear Grateful,
We are all familiar with the saying – “Who is rich? One who is satisfied with his lot.” You’re quite fortunate that for someone who seems to be at a relatively young age, you have already achieved that level of contentment.
The ONLY question is – will you look back one day, many years from now, and say, “I could have done more”?
It seems that those closest to you see within you a greater potential than, perhaps, you give yourself credit for. A wise man once said, “If you don’t recognize your talents, you’ll never have the benefit of using them.” Make sure that what you’re feeling is really contentment and not, perhaps, fear of failure.
As far as showing your gratitude for all of your family’s sacrifices, here’s a thought. On their next anniversary or large family gathering, get them a gift that is “over the top.” Let your parents know that even if they feel that you have only achieved a lower level of success, you can still afford the finer things in life when it’s called for while showing them how much you appreciate all that they’ve done for you.
Jido