Last month’s editorial by Rabbi Mansour (“The Three Most Difficult Words”) was right on the mark. His inspiring message needs to be spread world-wide. Many times we fail to see the benefit of simple, yet important things like admitting our failures. Saying, “I was wrong,” usually brings more happiness and satisfaction to a person’s life than the common expression of “I love you.”
I would like to add one more point. When a spouse admits they were wrong, it is very tempting to blurt out something sarcastic, such as, “I told you so” or, “Next time do it my way from the beginning.” DON’T DO IT! It will be the last apology you ever receive. It is far better to accept graciously, letting the person know how much better you now feel, thanks to their words.
While in general I usually agree with Rabbi Mansour, I feel there are times when admitting you were wrong is not such a great idea. Many times, women especially, admit fault when they are not at fault in order to diffuse a situation. This can lead to very low self-esteem and unhappiness. It can also lead people to start assuming that everything that goes wrong is their own fault even when it isn’t. I am anxious to admit my fault when I am truly at fault, but with the help of my mentor I am learning only to take responsibility for the mistakes that I truly make.
In regard to last month’s column about the shidduch crisis (“Matchmaking: Could We Be Doing It Better?”), the obvious answer is YES!! If so many Jewish singles are suffering and are unhappy, something is obviously wrong. Why is this becoming a growing problem of today’s generation? Our community leaders needs to take greater action and solve this issue. I believe the main problem stems from the lack of traditional values. It used to be that men and women were by and large compatible since they were raised in similar households with the same values. Now in this secular world we live in, men and women grow up with different ideas and outlooks about who they are and what they want their lives to be about. It used to be that matchmaking led to marriage rather than discontent. Perhaps it would be a good idea to include “dating classes and etiquette” in our yeshivot. Something needs to be done asap.
While last issue’s article about matchmaking included some fine and encouraging ideas, I felt some of the suggestions were unrealistic. I have been in the shidduch system for almost five years. In the interim, I continued my education and advanced my career goals. I have remained positive throughout and continue to pray to find my naseeb. The truth is, sometimes despite what you do, it’s simply not the right time. People need to have more faith and patience.
Thank you for bringing awareness to an alarming problem that can affect any one of us – tick-borne infections and deer infestation. This feature article was very helpful and extremely informative. I would like to add that it is imperative to take preventative measures to keep deer off your property, as this will decrease the likelihood of encountering tick infestations. Erecting fences or planting strongly scented herbs in gardens, such as garlic, chive, and mint, will also help keep deer away.
Last month’s helpful hints about raising satisfied kids was very insightful. You made a very valid point in suggesting that adults need to show gratitude to one another in order that children pick up this wonderful trait. As the saying goes, “Actions speaks louder than words.” Gratitude in the attitude can, and will be achieved, if we all practiced more.