Rabbi David Sutton and Dr. David Katzenstein, LCSW-R
In Alei Shur (Vol. II, p. 276), Rav Wolbe discusses the importance of self-awareness, daat hadaat. In order to become self-aware, Rav Wolbe prescribes hitbonenut, contemplation, whereby one delves into and tunes into himself. It means really listening to what’s going on inside of us, paying attention to ourselves.
Rav Wolbe cites Rav Yitzchak Hutner (Rosh yeshivah of Yeshivas Rabbi Chaim Berlin), who relates an anecdote involving the Alter of Slabodka, Rav Nosson Tzvi Finkel.
The Alter was once sitting with his students when he began to think out loud. “The soul is greater than angels. If a person has a revelation of himself, he has had a revelation that’s greater than gilui Eliyahu, the revelation of Eliyahu HaNavi!”
When we hear a story about an individual who was zocheh to gilui Eliyahu, we may be impressed. Wow! Gilui Eliyahu! However, we must realize that an even greater revelation, a greater gilui, is realizing who we are.
It’s hard to truly get to know ourselves. We like to fool ourselves into believing that we are tzaddikim, justifying ourselves and our actions, rather than delving into who we really are. But it is imperative that we go through the difficulty of finding out who we really are, to see what’s going on “under the hood.” And the only way to get to know ourselves, posits Rav Wolbe, is by spending some time alone, which he calls “sha’ah shel hitbodedut” (an hour of solitude).
What should we do during this time?
We must listen to the many thoughts competing for space in our brains, but also, to the will of Gd that is inside of us. We are to delve, contemplate, and sift through the voices, to become aware of our thoughts and our motivations.
As Rav Wolbe sees it, most people avoid being alone. Because when they’re alone, they grow bored. And, as he puts it, if someone is bored when he is alone, that’s a sign that he’s entirely distanced from himself. This is one of the pitfalls of living in a yeshivah or seminary dormitory, where a young man or young woman is always surrounded by people, and never has the opportunity to think.
But this problem continues throughout life. We continuously create background noise to avoid listening to the voices in our mind. When going for a jog, we wear earbuds. When driving in the car, we turn on the radio or music. There must always be something else going on. We can’t be alone, lest we succumb to boredom.
Often it is more than mere boredom that impedes our capacity to sit and contemplate our inner processes. In contemporary Western society, we can become so rushed and overstimulated that doing “nothing” can foster a distinct sense of discomfort, which can quickly evolve into a kind of restless anxiety.
A man hails a taxi. As he enters the car, he pleads with the driver to hurry. When inquired about the location of his destination, the man replies: “I have no idea, just get there quickly.”
This is the life we live. We are so busy running that we forget where we are heading.
Feeling stressed or overwhelmed? Take time off, by yourself, to take a walk. Don’t talk on the phone, don’t plan your day or your menu, don’t even listen to music, just BE!