Tammy Sassoon
Letting Go of the Future:
Nurturing Genuine Connections with Our Kids
We all yearn for deep, meaningful connections with our children. Yet, often we find ourselves mistakenly creating distance. A significant blockage lies in our tendency to obsess about potential negative future outcomes. We might worry about how our child’s current behavior will impact their future relationships, academic success, or overall well-being. Questions like, “What if this means they won’t make friends?” or “What if tomorrow the child does not listen to the teacher?” are rooted in our own insecurities, and can hinder our children’s growth, and can create massive disconnections between them and us.
The Perils of Future-Worry Parenting
Children pick up on our worries. “If Mommy thinks I am a problem, then surely I am.” “If Mommy thinks my mistake today means I will fail tomorrow, she must be right.” Instead, let’s focus on the work or strategy at hand, and completely let go of results. Anyway, the results are completely out of our hands, so why spend even one moment allowing our thoughts to be busy with such empty nonsense? We may not have control in that moment of the thought that pops up, but since we can only think one thought at a time, as soon as we are able to identify an unhelpful thought, we can choose to think about something else. The unhelpful thought may keep popping up, and that’s okay because thoughts can’t hurt us, unless we engage with them.
Instead of dwelling on “what might be,” we can shift our focus to the present moment. By concentrating on the task at hand, we can approach situations with a clear mind and a calm demeanor. This not only alleviates our own stress but also fosters a more serene and supportive environment for our children.
The poor choices our children make today have zero to do with their decisions tomorrow. After all, do we want people to think that just because we struggle with something now it means we are doomed to continue struggling with it?
The Power of Present-Moment Parenting
When we are fully present with our children, we can truly connect with them. We can actively listen to their thoughts and feelings without judgment. We can offer guidance and support without criticism. And we can celebrate their successes, no matter how small.
By relinquishing our worries about the future, we empower both ourselves and our children to make better choices. We enable them to learn from their mistakes, embrace challenges, and develop into confident and compassionate individuals.
The Ripple Effect of Inner Peace
It’s fascinating to observe how inner peace can profoundly impact our interactions with our children. When we approach situations with a calm and centered mindset, we create a more harmonious and loving environment. This, in turn, fosters a deeper sense of connection and trust between parent and child.
Remember, we cannot control the future. However, we can control how we respond to the present moment. By choosing to focus on the here and now, we can cultivate stronger, more meaningful relationships with our children.
Let’s strive to be present-moment parents, letting go of our anxieties about the future and embracing the beauty of the present.
Remember that parenting is a journey, not a destination. It takes time, patience, and understanding to build strong relationships with our children. By practicing patience and compassion, we can create a more positive and supportive parenting experience, and we can further enhance our ability to connect with our children on a deeper level.
Practical Tips for Present-Moment Parenting
Active Listening: Give your child your undivided attention, listening without interrupting or multitasking.
Validate Feelings: Acknowledge your child’s emotions, even if you don’t agree with them.
Set Boundaries: Establish clear and consistent boundaries to provide a sense of security.
Practice Self-Care: Prioritize self-care to ensure you can be the best parent you can be.