Jack Gindi
My eldest son lived by a silent code – I discovered it only after his passing. Shaun had a way of making people feel seen. He didn’t just ask, “How are you?” – he would say, “What’s going on in your world?”
During his shiva, more than one friend shared how this simple shift in questioning invited genuine warmth and trust. He instinctively knew how to be real with the truth, raw with emotion, and focused on what matters.
This revelation inspired me to reflect on the code of resilience I’ve discovered during my journey of life. The four principles are: being real with our facts, raw with our feelings, and relevant in our focus, to achieve the results we seek.
I found applying this code to current challenges helps me process feelings and guides me in making decisions.
It’s a code for transformation, offering clarity, purpose, and process to reset your direction.
When life hits hard, try applying this code of being REAL, RAW, and RELEVANT, to achieve the RESULTS you seek. This code won’t erase the challenges but it can help you forge a path to resilience.
REAL: Facing the Facts
Every transformation starts with truth. What’s happening? – not what you wish or fear. Being REAL means stripping away the illusions and confronting the raw facts of your situation.
When I first assessed a current building project in Denver, the facts were daunting. It wasn’t in good shape. However, we saw opportunities where others saw problems.
This might mean acknowledging a strained relationship, a financial setback, or a career misstep. Acknowledging the truth isn’t easy, but it’s necessary. It provides the solid foundation upon which everything else is built.
RAW: Honoring Your Feelings
We shouldn’t ignore our feelings; we must understand them. Being RAW means letting yourself feel without letting emotions dictate your decisions.
I felt fear, shame, and regret when I lost my real estate portfolio in 2009. For weeks I avoided those feelings, hoping they’d go away. But it wasn’t until I sat with them – allowed myself to feel – that I began to see a path forward.
Your emotions are like a compass. Fear shows what you value. Regret highlights where you wish to change. Honoring your emotions doesn’t mean wallowing in them – it means listening to them and using them as a guide.
RELEVANT: Focus on What Matters Most
When overwhelmed, being RELEVANT means asking, “What deserves my energy now?” After Shaun’s passing, I found his diary entries, which gave my mission to help teens and their families a new, urgent focus.
Relevance requires discipline. What deserves your energy and attention at this moment? Our biggest breakthroughs come from focusing on what we can create, not on our losses.
RESULTS: Define the Fruits of Action
Defining what success is in each situation is how transformation happens. Big changes can feel insurmountable, so start with small actions.
We didn’t start by fixing everything at once with the Denver building. We reinforced one beam, then another. Each step made the building stronger.
In life, results aren’t about perfection or speed. They’re about consistent progress. “Whatever it is, define success. Then, take purposeful steps to achieve that success, be it repairing a relationship or recovering from an illness.
Bringing It All Together
We applied the principles of the CODE in repurposing the building in Denver. At first glance, the structure seemed beyond saving – its foundation cracked, its purpose outdated. But we embraced the challenge by being REAL with the facts, acknowledging the building’s weaknesses and potential, and RAW with our initial doubts. We stayed RELEVANT by focusing on what mattered – reinforcing key structural points, and defined our desired RESULTS: transforming the building into something stronger and more valuable than ever before.
The CODE points – REAL, RAW, RELEVANT, and RESULTS – don’t exist in isolation. They work together, creating a compass to guide you.
Remember: Every builder follows a code – a set of principles that guides their work. Whether reconstructing a business, rebuilding family bonds, or rediscovering purpose after loss, living by a code can help illuminate your path.
What Challenges Are You Facing?
Try breaking it down:
What are the REAL facts about the situation?
What RAW emotions need acknowledgment?
What’s most RELEVANT right now – what have you been doing, and what must be done to shift it?
What RESULTS would signal progress?
Sometimes, the most significant breakthroughs come from asking better questions.