Dear Jido,
My children are being withheld from me for almost three years now. Until recently, I was still able to spend time with my youngest child every other weekend, but that seems to be ending.
I granted my ex a religious gett without hesitation or conditions, but now, perhaps because of dissatisfaction with the monetary award decided by the court, exercising my 50/50 visitation rights to see my children has become almost impossible.
I fear they are being turned against me, Gd forbid.
The first time my youngest son asked, “Daddy, do you love me?” I didn’t think much of it. But by the third or fourth time, it became clear that something was seriously wrong.
I wish my ex and her family only good b’ezrat Hashem. But the children we both care so much about will undoubtedly suffer needlessly if their father is pushed out of their lives.
I have pleaded for help from my kids’ yeshiva and from many rabbis who have some connection to my ex and her family, but to no avail. What should I do?
Signed,
Heartbroken Dad
Dear Heartbroken,
What you write is truly sad. The love of a father for his children never ends.
I find it very surprising that the Rabbis would not be willing to intervene. It is a fact that if the custodial parent does not allow the visitation rights as decided by the Court, that that parent can actually be forced to surrender their custodial rights to the other parent. This is unless there is substantial evidence that continued association with the estranged parent would be detrimental to the well-being of the child(ren). I’m assuming that this does not apply here.
This is standard practice of the Courts but it may not be well known to the people you have been speaking with.
My advice is to meet with one of the senior Rabbis of the community. (You choose one based on where you are both holding.) Urge him to contact both your ex and her family and advise them of the potential dangers of her actions and of your intent to pursue your rights.
Of course, the best method is to pursue peace by meeting together with the Rabbi and your ex. Let her detail to him her reasoning and convince him that she is justified in refusing to allow you to spend time with your children. Be prepared to be flexible in whatever compromise can be made in the hopes that as your children grow up, they will naturally gravitate back to you.
If there is no progress, get permission from the Rabbi to go back to the Family Court of New York. Generally, we are prohibited from using the courts of the goyim but in this case, a Bet Din would not have jurisdiction over custodial rights.
I wish you much luck.
Jido