ELLEN GELLER KAMARAS
Are you familiar with the phrase, “Are you ready to flip the script?” Flipping the script can mean many things: rewriting your personal narrative, shifting your mindset to challenge the status quo, or making a bold, transformative change that turns everything around.
The phrase is often used when someone has been wronged and acts to change the power dynamic or uses an unexpected approach that results in a positive outcome. More recently, it’s become popular with respect to personal and professional relationships. In personal relationships, an example can be as simple as deciding where to go on a date.
The term flipping the script continues to inspire individuals to take back control by changing one’s perspective and create positive changes in their lives and communities.
Flipping the script encompasses the reversal of negative thoughts and situations into positive thoughts and opportunities.
Last month, I wrote about aging and older individuals feeling invisible. Some strategies to “flip the script” when one feels invisible included: age out loud and share your wisdom, seek out community, and engage in intergenerational relationships. Please considerthe following strategies to flip the script in your personal life and in your career.
Shift Your Mindset
We often read about altering our lens to uncover new possibilities and to reframe negative thoughts into positive ones.
A prime example of flipping the script is to change your perspective on setbacks or challenges. Can you view them as learning opportunities or new chances for growth? Know that adversity can breed strength.
A first step in flipping the script is to reframe negative thoughts into positive thoughts or affirmations. How often do negative thoughts pop into your head? Research shows that unless we are occupied with positive thoughts, worrying is the brain’s default position. Your brain is a muscle that runs on autopilot. We can learn how to keep negative thoughts and emotions in check by amplifying positive emotions. Great leaders know that a positive attitude can be contagious.
Of course, we need time to process a negative event before we try to flip the script. An intelligent person pays attention to his or her mental health, not only physical health. Know your triggers and your unhealthy thought patterns. Catch the early warning signs.
Default Patterns
Are your default patterns regarding conflict or stress making you sick?
Try this challenge: when a negative thought enters your mind, think three positive thoughts, thereby training yourself to flip the script. Use the Three Cs of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy – CBT.
One of CBT’s core principles is that psychological problems are based partially on unhealthy ways of thinking. CBT identifies and challenges automatic thought patterns or “cognitive distortions” that contribute to anxiety, depression, and stress.
Catch the thought. Check it for Reality. Change it to a thought that is more positive or realistic.
Embrace a Growth Mindset
Dr. Carol S. Dweck, a psychology professor at Stanford University, created the concept of a “growth mindset.” In her book, Mindset, she argues that the way you think influences the course of your life, starting as early as your preschool years. According to Dweck, we learn one of two mindsets from our parents, our teachers and our environment, a fixed or a growth mindset. A fixed mindset provides that personal qualities such as intelligence and personality are innate and unchangeable. For example, many of us were trained in this mindset, “It’s okay, I was never good at math. She’s naturally athletic, I can’t compete with her.” Having a fixed mindset means feeling like you must constantly prove yourself that you have more ability than you were born with.
If you have a growth mindset, you believe you can change and improve. The abilities you are born with are only a starting point. This means that with hard work, perseverance, and the right learning approaches, you can advance and get smarter. People with a growth mindset view mistakes as opportunities to learn, are passionate about learning, and seek challenges to push themselves and to grow.
Find the Silver Lining
This coping strategy is one I learned from my mother, a”h. It’s a simple yet powerful tool to reduce the results of hardships and enhance resilience by finding silver linings within difficult and painful circumstances. When we seek a silver lining, we turn problems or stumbling blocks into opportunities.
Silver linings are simply the good aspects of challenging or painful situations. The ability to perceive silver linings comes with an optimistic mindset that promotes emotional resilience and the ability to adapt to future challenges.
Many of us discovered silver linings during the pandemic, such as pivoting to find a new career opportunity after losing a job. Other examples include your flight getting cancelled but getting a refund and finding a great local staycation spot. Or your car breaking down, which caused you to become more fit while biking to work.
Transform Setbacks into Steppingstones
Flip the script by using setbacks to propel yourself forward instead of letting them derail you. Embrace failure as a steppingstone to success rather than a defeat. To achieve this, be open to growing, try new methods and attitudes, be creative, and analyze what went wrong. And don’t forget to ask for feedback and to persevere. This strategy is especially relevant to professional relationships.
Other successful methods in the workplace are recommending solutions instead of just highlighting problems during a meeting, stretching yourself to accept a project that is out of your comfort zone, being understanding rather than defensive, and showing gratitude to the rest of your team.
Acts of Kindness
Let’s conclude with one of our best tools, acts of kindness. Flip the script by exercising your hesed muscle. Research shows that being nice, kind, and empathetic to others can help you reduce stress AND improve your mood. Acts of kindness release the feel-good chemical, oxytocin, in the brain. Remember to set boundaries to protect your mental and emotional health.
Please share your feedback with me at ellen.kamaras@gmail.com.