Rabbi David Sutton & Dr. David Katzenstein, LCSW-R
Rav Wolbe (Alei Shur, Vol. II, p. 186) explains that one of the most powerful forces of the yetzer hara is the power to rebel, as can be seen from the Gemara (Sanhedrin 91b):
Antoninus, the Roman emperor, asked Rabbi Yehudah HaNasi, “At what point does the yetzer hara begin to rule over a person? Is it from the time of conception, or from the time of birth?”
Rabbi Yehudah HaNasi said it is from the time of conception.
Antoninus disagreed. “If that were the case, the yetzer hara would cause the fetus to kick its way out of the womb! So it must be that the yetzer hara begins to rule over a person from the moment of birth, not before.”
Rabbi Yehudah conceded to his logic.
What kind of craziness is that? How can a fetus kick its way out of the womb before it is fully formed? It would be like a dead fish on the floor!
The Power of Rebellion
Rav Wolbe explains that the yetzer hara says, “I don’t want to be in a locked place like this! Get me out of here,” to the point of suicide. The yetzer hara cannot be under someone else’s jurisdiction. It has to be on its own. That is the koach meridah, the power of rebellion. It is this force that gets us into trouble.
Sometimes, good people start working on themselves, but instead of making steady strides, their efforts backfire and they stop, or they even decline. For example, a young yeshivah boy accepts upon himself a taanit dibbur, a fast from speech. He is not going to utter any superfluous speech all day. What happens the next day? He speaks twice as much lashon hara than on a normal day. What happened?
The young man did not deal with his desire to speak lashon hara. He merely tried to suppress it and push it down, which aroused a force of rebellion from inside of him. The boy may not have felt that force at first; he was very happy with his new commitment, with his taanit dibbur. But
the next day, it surfaced. Rav Eliyahu Dessler compares this to a spring. You can keep pushing a spring down, down, down, but as soon as you let go: BOING! – it bounces back.
Three Key Strategies
Accepting that our desires are natural, while also recognizing our capacity for discipline, involves several key strategies:
The first strategy is understanding why we have those desires. This can be accomplished through self-reflection. Taking the time to reflect on our values, priorities, and motivations can help us to understand why we have certain desires, and makes it easier to stay disciplined when those desires conflict with our long-term goals.
The next strategy is becoming mindful of our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, so that we are more aware when we are being driven by desire, and can make conscious decisions about how to respond.
The last strategy is to set clear expectations and goals that are connected to a well-defined purpose. A clear goal can give us the motivation to stay disciplined and reign in our desires.
Also quoting the spring theory, the Siftei Chaim states that when a person is working on guarding his eyes, he should not keep yelling at himself, “Don’t look! Don’t look! Don’t look!” because that has the power to backfire.
As soon as he lets go, his resolve will dissipate and his desire will spring right back.
TAKEAWAY:
The Siftei Chaim promotes a positive approach: to appreciate the opportunity to guard your eyes, and the merit you will gain when you do. In this way, you are not fighting against your yetzer hara, and thereby not activating the renegade within you.