Jenna  Ashkenazie

Keeping up with new technology can be a real challenge for parents. However,  it is important for parents to understand all the new technology and policies being integrated into their child’s day-to-day learning. Schools use websites or apps, and make these accessible to parents to facilitate tracking students’ attendance, grades, disciplinary actions, and more.

The good news is that following what is going on in your child’s school life has never been easier.. Having information as to how your student is doing in school is as easy as knowing the school website password. Since  most websites require a password, it makes sense to have passwords saved together in a logical place. Keep a small notebook near the device you use most often. Even  easier, have a list of passwords in the notes app on your phone. You can easily lock a specific note in the app to keep it more private and secure.

Some elementary schools require students to use laptops or tablets, so create a device charging routine early. As devices are being integrated into learning more and more, a student not having a charged device could prevent them from participating in lessons. Every night before kids go to bed, have them charge their device, and make sure they put it in their knapsack the next morning.

Online Safety

Technology is becoming more integrated into daily life, so it is important to teach children about online safety. The National Cybersecurity Alliance is a non-profit organization that promotes cyber safety, data privacy, and digital education. According to the NCA, some of the most basic ways to stay safe online include using strong passwords, keeping all software up to date, and most importantly, being very aware of scams. Scams can come  through emails, phone calls, text messages, or even social media messages.

“Phishing remains the most common online threat. Criminals send fake emails, texts, or social media messages to trick you into revealing sensitive information or clicking malicious links. These messages aim to get you to click before you think by playing your emotions. Be highly skeptical of unexpected messages, especially those urging immediate action or asking for personal details. Phishing emails can light up positive emotions (“You’ve won our sweepstakes!”) or negative ones (“You’ve been hacked!”).

“Don’t click suspicious links or download unexpected attachments. Report phishing attempts to your email provider, social media platform, or IT department. If you’re unsure if a message is legit, ask a friend, coworker, or family member. A second set of eyes can be invaluable in spotting scams.” If an email or text message seems like a scam, block the number or email address immediately. Do not engage or click on any links. If you receive a call from an unknown number, it can often be  a scam. Do not answer. If it is someone who is legitimately trying to get in touch with you, they will leave a voicemail or message you.

Teach children not to click on any unknown links, and not to engage with anyone unfamiliar.

Using AI Responsibly

It is important that we teach our children how to use AI responsibly. Most importantly,  AI should be treated as a tool, not as a cheat code, or a way to get out of actually doing work that was assigned. According to the NYC Public School’s Guidance on Artificial Intelligence, it is important to remember that “AI is not a replacement for your child’s teacher, counselor, or school leader.” AI lacks human judgment, empathy, and consciousness. Know that AI is also not always accurate. Every teacher will have different rules regarding the use of AI. Students should adhere to those guidelines. It is becoming nearly impossible to completely avoid AI. It exists in nearly all the technology that we use. However, it is up to parents and educators to teach students how to use AI properly, without becoming solely reliant on it, as so many already are.

The National Education Association (the largest labor union in the US, which represents public school teachers and faculty and staff at colleges and universities) notes that it is up to the educators to ensure that AI is used without compromising ethics (such as data privacy or transparency), while always ensuring that human interactions and human education is the first priority. However, it is not solely up to teachers to show students how to properly use AI. It is also  the parents’ responsibility. Parents need to  ensure their children are not using any forms of AI to do their assignments. It is reasonable to use AI as a tool to study, such as having AI make flashcards. However, parents should make sure that their children recognize that while AI can be an incredibly useful tool, it should be used as a tool and not as a crutch to do their work for them.

Kids’ Mental Health

Beyond all the digital readiness that is required for the new year, parents need to be on the lookout for signs of their child struggling with mental health issues. In the new age of social media, and media in general, it is easy for children to begin to compare themselves to what they see online, or to see or hear things that could negatively affect their mental health. Mental Health America is a leading community-based nonprofit organization dedicated to promoting mental health, preventing mental health conditions, and advocating for those living with mental illness. MHA has compiled a list of signs to look out for, including problems with concentration, changes in appetite, changes in sleep, angry outbursts, and more. It is often difficult for children to express how they are feeling. They may be led to believe that these changes are simply due to growing pains, and parents may believe that as well. Although this might be true for some, it is not true for all. Keeping an eye on your child’s mental health, and getting help when needed are necessary steps to allow children to thrive. Beyond spotting the signs, children need to know that they are not alone, and that their feelings are valid. Sweeping mental health issues under the rug and not taking advantage of the many resources available is, in a way, setting up a child who needs help to fail.

While all of this information may seem overwhelming at first, these are all ways for parents to not only keep on top of their child and their child’s education, but these are also ways to help parents help their children thrive. Afterall, isn’t that every parent’s goal?

Ellen Geller Kamaras

A recent study titled, “More stressful than a wedding: first time buyers share the shocks of homeownership” was released by Nationwide, an insurance and financial services company.  1,009 adults were surveyed who purchased their first home within the last year. While eight in ten respondents still value homeownership, more than 50 percent reported that they now view success differently. For them, success means living within their means, growing retirement savings, and maintaining freedom and flexibility rather than focusing purely on ownership and real estate size.

Buying a home is one of the biggest decisions one can make, both financially and emotionally. It is one of life’s most stressful events, along with landing one’s first job, planning a wedding, or finding one’s life partner. Buying a home can trigger both anxiety and excitement because it combines a significant financial investment with a major life transition.

Guidelines

The first step is determining how much you can afford. 1) How much do you have available for a down payment and closing costs? 2) How much can you afford to borrow? and 3) How much can you comfortably pay monthly for other costs, such as property taxes, insurance, utilities, maintenance, and repairs?

Next, research the type of home and location you desire. Tour open houses and search online to determine what is available within your price range. Make a list of “must-haves” and “nice-to-haves,” then decide where you can compromise and what are your dealbreakers. Visit the neighborhood at different times – during the week, rush hour, and on weekends – to get a realistic feel for what it is like.

Consider whether you will need more space in the future and whether the neighborhood has good schools. Also determine whether there are restrictions regarding future renovations or additions.

Young Buyers

Today’s younger buyers, particularly young families, often prioritize kid-friendly features. Open-concept floor plans make it easier to supervise children while working or cooking. Large backyards with clear sightlines, safe and walkable streets with sidewalks, and flat lots that are easier for children to bike on are all appealing. Many young parents also want multipurpose rooms where they can keep an eye on toddlers, as well as a dedicated space for remote work.

Young home buyers frequently prefer move-in-ready houses that do not require major and expensive repairs. Energy-efficient heating and lower utility costs are also important. Some may prefer a smaller house in a desirable neighborhood rather than a larger home farther away.

Prices are higher and inventory remains low, so today’s young home buyers increasingly look for their “forever homes,” rather than viewing their first purchase as a steppingstone. More than 60 percent reportedly view their first house as their “forever home.” They want homes they can “grow into” over the next ten to fifteen years.

Today’s buyers also emphasize proximity over commuting. Nearby daycare centers, good school districts, playgrounds, shopping, fitness centers, and other amenities may be more important than being close to downtown or the workplace.

The Challenge for Young Jewish Couples

Unfortunately, many young couples are having difficulty affording the communities where their parents or grandparents were able to buy homes and put down roots.

When considering a neighborhood, young Jewish couples may ask: Will we make friends here? Are there families similar to us in observance and at the same stage of life? Can we afford the tuition? Are there schools, shuls, kosher options, and other Jewish resources nearby? Can we build a community and raise our family here for the next 10 to 20 years?

Young couples may consider newer or growing Jewish communities, nearby towns and suburbs with lower purchase prices, or smaller homes that allow them to remain within a community that meets their religious and family needs.

For today’s Jewish home buyer, the American Dream may no longer be defined simply by owning the biggest or most expensive home. Increasingly, it means finding a home and community that provide financial security, family stability, meaningful relationships, and the opportunity to put down roots while living within one’s means.

A Nerve-Wracking Experience

A recent Nationwide survey found that 71 percent of first-time home buyers find the process of buying a home more stressful than landing their first job. Almost 60 percent rate that it is worse than planning a wedding, and 56 percent find it more anxiety-inducing than dating.

Ellen Geller Kamaras 

“I am privileged in helping build the school I always dreamed of – a place where academic excellence, joyful Judaism, creativity, and meaningful relationships all exist together. What means the most to me is hearing a child tell her parents they can’t wait to go back to school tomorrow. That’s the culture we’re trying to build.” –  Rachel                                           

Please meet Rachel Harari, a warm and passionate Jewish educator who serves as Head of School at The Stanley I. Chera SAM School. Founded by Rabbi Elie Abadie as Sephardic Academy of Manhattan, the school remains deeply rooted in Sephardic tradition while welcoming a diverse community of Sephardic and Ashkenazi families.

Origins                                                         

Rachel, born to Joyce Hanan Salame Frommer and Robert Salame, a”h, is the youngest of eight, with five older sisters and two brothers. Both of her parents are first-generation Americans of Sephardic descent. Her father had an all-American upbringing, while her mother was raised in Brooklyn’s Syrian Jewish community.

Rachel’s older siblings were born in Florida, where her father’s businesses were based. Although the family had built a good life there, Joyce longed to return to Brooklyn and its close-knit Jewish community. When her oldest daughter was eighteen, she convinced her husband to make the move. Rachel was the only Salame child born in Brooklyn.

Because most of her siblings were already married, Rachel sometimes felt like an only child and grew up alongside nieces her own age. “Being part of such a large family, I was on the quieter side, absorbing everything, but I also learned the importance of speaking up and having my voice heard.”

Rachel attended Yeshivah of Flatbush from kindergarten through twelfth grade. She then enrolled in New York University for a bachelor’s degree in English education. She attended Brooklyn College for her master’s degree in special education, and then earned her PhD from Columbia University in Educational Leadership.

At NYU, Rachel participated in an honors program that included a research trip to Ireland. During her senior year, she began working with Dr. Rose Vukovic, who was studying math disabilities in young children. Rachel proposed exploring math anxiety, and together they published three studies, with Rachel named as the first author. Recognizing her talent for research, Dr. Vukovic encouraged Rachel to pursue a PhD, and later served on her dissertation committee.

Enter Albert

Rachel met her naseeb, Albert Harari, at a mutual friend’s engagement party. The bride-to-be was also named Rachel and married a Harary! The two couples still occasionally receive one another’s messages. Albert is president of G & A Services, a company that manages back-office operations for wholesale businesses.

Rachel and Albert settled in Brooklyn and have five children.  David, 16, and  Shelley, 14, are students at the Yeshiva of Flatbush High School, while Bobby, 11, and Joy, 6, are at The SAM School. The baby, Lila Rose, is three months old and has not yet embarked on her studies. 

Rachel’s Core and Her Mentors

Rachel’s family and friends describe her as curious, determined, compassionate, and optimistic – someone who sees possibilities where others see obstacles. That outlook shapes her passion for Jewish and Sephardic education. “Children remember how school made them feel. Academic excellence and joyful Judaism aren’t opposites – they belong together. When children feel known, challenged, and loved, extraordinary learning follows.”

Rachel is also especially interested in our community’s young women.  She advocates the “having it all” model, where  our young women do not have to choose between building a beautiful family and pursuing meaningful professional goals.  They can do both.

“I was fortunate to marry young, have children young, and continue my education and career. I’ve learned that with a supportive family, community, and a lot of hard work, those dreams don’t have to compete with one another.”

Rachel recognizes that her mother has been an extraordinary role model in every sense of the word. When Rachel was eight, her father’s business burned down, prompting her mother to return to college in her fifties after raising eight children. She earned a bachelor’s degree in education and became a fourth-grade teacher, often trying out projects on Rachel before bringing them into her classroom. “Watching my mom begin a new career in her fifties and genuinely enjoy it taught me how capable women are – and how quickly life can change.”

Rachel also gives credit to her professional mentors, Dr. Rose Vukovic, Sabrina Maleh, Ilissa Cappell, Nicole Nash, and her colleagues at the Prizmah Day School Leadership Training Institute.

Career Path – Why Teaching?

Even as a student, Rachel loved teaching others. She helped her nieces and nephews with schoolwork and often learned with friends by explaining the material to them. Watching her mother become a creative and beloved fourth-grade teacher further showed Rachel the lasting impact an educator could have. “People would stop us in the street and tell us about the difference she [her mom] had made in their children’s lives.” Education felt like a natural calling.

After graduating from NYU, Rachel began teaching English at Magen David Yeshivah High School. Her first class of teenagers, not much younger than she was, felt intimidating. But she learned to combine strong classroom management with meaningful relationships. Within a few years, she became English Department Chair and built a strong team.

In 2016, Rachel received the Covenant Foundation’s Pomegranate Prize, designed to recognize emerging leaders (with less than 10 years of experience) in the field of Jewish education, awarding a $15,000 prize to encourage them in their pursuits. This introduced her to the broader world of Jewish education. Through the experience, she connected with inspiring educators, participated in transformative professional development, and felt seen and valued for her work.

After ten years at Magen David, Rachel began pursuing her PhD in Educational Leadership and she moved to Yeshivah of Flatbush to teach middle school English. After completing her PhD, Rachel learned that The SAM School was looking to grow and immediately felt that it was the right match. She joined SAM in 2023 as Co-Head of Elementary School and became Head of School in 2025.

Roses and Thorns

Rachel considers her family her greatest personal achievement. “Each of my children is unique, and nothing brings me more joy than watching them grow into kind, thoughtful people.” Rachel is equally proud of her marriage. Albert believed in her from the beginning, even when she doubted herself, and his encouragement has been one of the greatest gifts of her life.

Professionally, Rachel is proud that she persisted in pursuing her dream of becoming an educational leader. Some doors closed, and opportunities did not come as easily as she had expected, even after earning her PhD. Ultimately, those disappointments led her to SAM and the opportunity to help build the school she had always envisioned.

Together with Rosh Yeshivah Rabbi Shlomo Farhi, SAM’s leadership team, and its faculty, Rachel has helped create distinctive experiences that include individual piano lessons beginning in kindergarten, public speaking through acting, innovative STEM programming, and social-emotional learning woven throughout the curriculum. At the heart of it all is a learning environment in which every child feels known, loved, challenged, and excited to come to school. Looking ahead, Rachel hopes to see The SAM School continue growing through high school.

Parenting and Balance

Rachel shares a close relationship with her children, and they talk about anything and everything. At the same time, she believes strongly in boundaries, routines, and discipline. While always supporting her children, Rachel encourages responsibility and independence. Her teenagers, for example, schedule their own appointments, and although she is available when her children need help, she does not do their homework with them.

Her children are also among her greatest supporters. “They’ve watched me work hard, celebrate successes, navigate disappointments, and continue growing. I hope they’ve learned that meaningful work, resilience, and family can all exist together.”

How Rachel Does It All

Rachel is quick to clarify that she doesn’t do it all: “We do it all. I have an incredible husband, family, friends, colleagues, mentors, and people who step in to help. Community makes everything possible. Some days my family needs more of me, and other days my school does. What matters to me is that, over time, both know they are deeply loved and prioritized.”

Relaxation

Rachel recharges by reading, writing, taking a long bath, or enjoying dinner and meaningful conversation with family and friends.

Community

Rachel serves on the board of The SAFE Foundation, where she helps provide parents with tools to raise children who can cope with anxiety and pressure.

Connect with Rachel at Rachel@Harari.biz.Ellen Geller Kamaras, CPA/MBA, is an International Coach Federation (ICF) Associate Certified Coach. Her coaching specialties include life, career, and dating coaching. She can be contacted at ellen.kamaras@gmail.com.

Menucha  Fuchs

Everyone knows that before Yom Kippur we must ask forgiveness from our friends and family members we have hurt. Our prayers to Gd do not help to fix our wrongdoings to our fellow man. But how do we get the courage to ask forgiveness? I messed up with my spouse or friends so much, how can I even ask?

Asking forgiveness is not pleasant, but when you do ask, it shows the other party you wronged that you admit you made a mistake, and you show him you are not proud of your actions, and you regret them. So, although it is difficult, you will feel cleansed after asking forgiveness. Knowing this will help you to garner the courage you need. When asking forgiveness, you demonstrate that you did not maliciously cause harm on purpose, but rather, you were not thinking properly or were not paying attention when you wronged your friend or family member, especially your spouse.

Living with a spouse that is incapable of saying sorry is difficult. The conclusion one draws from such refusal is: “He/she wanted to hurt me and doesn’t care.” As soon as you say you are sorry you clarify that you actually do love them, you had no intention of hurting them, and that what you did or said that was taken as hurtful was by mistake. When you apologize you take a great load off of both of you.

Asking forgiveness from a 10-year-old boy whose foot you stepped on is pretty easy. But asking forgiveness from the same child for speaking meanly about him, either behind his back or to his face, is much harder. Some “sorrys” are easy and spontaneous, and some cause you to approach with trepidation.

There are those who cannot get the word “sorry” out of their mouths, but on the other hand, they do a lot of good deeds. If such a person needs your forgiveness, accept it even if that person attempts to gain forgiveness only through deeds and not through words.

Saying sorry can repair broken relationships. Where two people have kept a distance from each other because of something that happened, saying sorry can help them to get back on track.

When someone asks you for forgiveness, be open to accept it. If you close the door on your friend he may never come back and ask for forgiveness again and you may lose a friend. How can you refuse him? He went the distance, overcoming his internal opposition and discomfort, and came to ask forgiveness. Let’s remember we could be in his shoes. How can  we be so brazen to ask forgiveness if we won’t give it ourselves?

My father, zt’l, who passed away two years ago, used to always ask us siblings to forgive each other. Invariably, one child would say: “But Dad, I didn’t do anything hurt to him!” And my father would answer, “It’s sufficient that he even thought that you did something wrong to him that you should ask his forgiveness. Now, think that maybe you actually did do something to him that you just forgot. So just go ask forgiveness…”

It can be  difficult to say, “I’m sorry.” But when we do, we can come to the synagogue on Yom Kippur feeling purified in all our limbs. We succeeded and we overcame the obstacles in our way, and we did what we were supposed to do. Now we are clean and pure.

Eddie Esses

For years, many believed our community simply didn’t have a meaningful voice in government, that we had no sway over the decisions made on our behalf by those in Albany and City Hall. 

Those days are over.

Recently our community has undergone a political awakening. Through record voter registration and unprecedented civic engagement, we have become a force that politicians cannot ignore. When New York is being pulled further and further to the left by extremists who openly attack our values, our schools, our neighborhoods, and our support for Israel, there has never been more at stake.

This November is not just another election; it is a referendum on the future of our community.

Elections Close to Home

State Senator Sam Sutton is seeking re-election in the 22nd Senate District, while his Chief of Staff, Joey Saban, is running for the State Assembly in the 45th District. Their victories would give our community something new – strong, unapologetic representation in both chambers of the New York State Legislature.

And make no mistake – who represents us in Albany matters.

Radical voices are gaining influence in New York. Politicians aiming to weaken law enforcement, slash support for Israel, impose policies that threaten religious institutions, and prioritize ideological agendas over public safety are becoming louder and more powerful. While ordinary families worry about anti-Semitism, rising crime, and the future of their children’s education, too many elected officials are focused on appeasing activists and political extremists.

This November voters must consider who will stand up and fight back?

Sam Sutton and Joey Saban

Sam Sutton already has.

When anti-Semitic incidents have exploded across New York, Senator Sutton led the fight to establish protective buffer zones around houses of worship, ensuring that families can attend synagogue without fear of intimidation. He helped secure nearly $20 million in security funding for yeshivas and Jewish schools from Governor Hochul and delivered millions of dollars more for our community institutions.

These are real victories that have made our community safer and stronger.

Behind many of those victories has been Joey Saban.

Joey has worked alongside Senator Sutton every step of the way, helping write legislation, secure funding, and advocate for our community. Unlike politicians who suddenly appear every election season asking for votes, Joey has already spent his time fighting for our community in the halls of government. 

Now he takes that fight to the State Assembly.

Joey’s campaign is built around the issues that matter most: combating anti-Semitism, strengthening public safety, supporting the NYPD, protecting yeshivas and private education, increasing security funding for schools and synagogues, and standing firmly against extremist and socialist policies that threaten our community.

We Need Representation

But perhaps the most important reason this election is so important is because we need our voice represented in the majority conference in Albany. New York is overwhelmingly controlled by Democrats. Unfortunately, members of the minority party are not able to accomplish anything in Albany and their voices are considered meaningless. Real change will not come from politicians shouting from the sidelines, it will come from strong voices inside the majority who are willing to challenge their own party when it embraces dangerous ideas.

Joey Saban would immediately become one of the strongest moderate voices in Albany, willing to stand up to the growing influence of the Democratic Socialists and politicians like Zohran Mamdani who seek to push New York in a radically different direction. Joey would be a voice for common sense, public safety, religious freedom, and unwavering support for Israel.

Together, Sam Sutton and Joey Saban would create an extremely powerful partnership capable of fighting for our community’s priorities in both houses of the Legislature.

Taking a Stand

The extremist forces reshaping New York are organized, motivated, and determined. The only question is whether we will match their energy and determination.

This November, every vote is a statement. Every volunteer matters. Every conversation counts.

The future of our schools, our synagogues, our neighborhoods, and our community’s place in New York politics will not be decided by pundits or activists, it will be decided by the people who show up on Election Day.

For the first time in a generation, we have an opportunity not simply to participate in government, but to help shape it.

The question is whether we are willing to seize it.

This article is adapted from a conversation on the SIMHA Video Series with Dr. Avi Muschel, a clinical psychologist specializing in dating and relationships.

By SIMHA Health

Dating today can feel like a high-stakes, pressure-packed maze. Whether you are stepping out on your very first date, working with a matchmaker, or going out for a while, it is easy to feel overwhelmed. Between the dreams of certain lifestyles and societal pressure to hit specific milestones, the true purpose of dating easily gets lost in the shuffle.

Real connection isn’t about executing a flawless strategy or finding someone who looks perfect on paper. Building a lasting partnership requires self-awareness, an appreciation for mutual growth, and the courage to show up as your authentic self.

Step 1: Flip the Checklist

When asked what they are looking for in a partner, most people quickly pull out a long mental checklist: character traits, religious goals, or career ambitions. While values matter, focusing solely on the other person skips a critical first step: knowing yourself.

Before asking who your ideal partner should be, turn the mirror inward and ask: Who am I?

A powerful exercise Dr. Muschel suggests is flipping the traditional checklist on its head. Instead of writing down five qualities you want in a spouse, sit down with a piece of paper and write four or five things that your future spouse will be looking for in you.

Are they looking for someone grounded, funny, religiously ambitious, or calm?

If answering that question feels difficult, it is a sign to step back from the noise and take time to understand your own identity before trying to integrate someone else into it.

Step 2: Look for a Match, Not a Resume

It is easy to treat dating like a business transaction, trading one set of desirable traits for another. But a successful marriage is never built on a resume match.

There is no universal “great” partner; there is only a good match for you.

Matters of the heart are wonderfully unpredictable. You might meet someone who checks every box on paper, yet feel little to no connection. On the other hand, you might click deeply with someone who completely contradicts what you thought you wanted.

More importantly, who you are at 20 will inevitably evolve by the time you are 30, 40, or 50. Rather than searching for static perfection right now, focus on finding someone with shared core values who is committed to learning, adapting, and growing alongside you as life changes.

Step 3: The Risk (and Power) of Vulnerability

The deepest relationships require genuine vulnerability.

When you pretend to be someone you aren’t, whether about your confidence, your job, your finances, or your religious standing, you build a relationship between two fake personas. Those masks might get along fine, but the actual individuals remain total strangers.

Opening up happens gradually, like peeling back layers one at a time. It requires taking a real risk: the chance that showing your authentic self leaves you open to rejection. But that risk is the only way to build a real foundation. When you allow someone to see the real you and they accept you, it creates the most powerful bond possible.

You Don’t Have to Navigate It Alone

Navigating self-awareness, dating anxiety, and emotional openness isn’t always easy to do on your own. Naturally, your first line of support is often a mentor, parent, rabbi, teacher, or another trusted person in your life. However, if you still find yourself stuck in repeating patterns, feeling overwhelmed by the process, or needing more guidance on your relationship journey, SIMHA is here to help.

As a dedicated mental health referral organization, SIMHA can connect you with experienced professionals, like Dr. Avi Muschel, to help you build clarity, confidence, and the right support for your specific path. Reach out to SIMHA today to take the next step: 718-675-3000.

QUESTION:

Dear Rabbi  Ali,

I am hoping you can give me some advice on how to make the most out of the Shabbat meals. I would love for my husband to say divrei Torah and sing zemirot. He usually falls asleep as soon as the meal starts. The kids are running around and not involved much. We usually argue and that doesn’t help.

R’ ALI’S RESPONSE:

We all picture a home filled with zemirot, divrei Torah, lively conversation, and children absorbing the warmth and holiness of the day. Those moments become cherished memories, and it’s understandable that you long to create them for your family.

At the same time, it helps to remember that every Shabbat table has its own reality. The picture we imagine is often different from what unfolds in real life, and that doesn’t necessarily mean something is wrong.

You mention that your husband is usually very tired and dozes off as soon as the meal starts. Before viewing this as a lack of interest in Shabbat, consider what may be behind that exhaustion. Many husbands – and wives as well – work incredibly hard throughout the week. They carry the responsibility of earning a living, supporting a family, and juggling countless pressures. By the time Friday night arrives, they may be running on empty. Sometimes falling asleep is not a reflection of a person’s priorities, but is simply a reflection of how depleted they are.

Rather than seeing his fatigue as something standing in the way of your ideal Shabbat, try viewing it through the lens of appreciation. The very exhaustion that frustrates you may also be evidence of how hard he has worked for your family all week. Looking at it this way can soften feelings of disappointment and replace them with compassion.

You also mention your children. Every parent wants their children to experience the beauty of Shabbat. But it’s important to remember that children are, first and foremost, children. They are naturally energetic, curious, and often unable to sit quietly through a long meal. Expecting them to behave like mature, attentive adults can lead to frustration for everyone involved.

Here is the most important point. Do not allow one disappointment to create a much bigger problem. If your husband’s tiredness becomes a source of criticism, arguments, or resentment, the attempt to improve Shabbat can unintentionally damage the very peace that Shabbat is meant to bring into the home.

Our rabbis place tremendous value on shalom bayit. A peaceful home is not separate from Shabbat – it is one of its greatest expressions. Sometimes preserving that peace is more spiritually meaningful than insisting everything unfold according to our expectations.

If you would like your husband to share more divrei Torah or sing zemirot, positive reinforcement will almost always accomplish more than criticism can. Notice and appreciate the moments when he does engage, even if they are brief. A sincere comment such as, “I really loved hearing you share that thought,” or, “The children enjoyed when you sang that song,” can be incredibly encouraging. People naturally gravitate toward places where they feel appreciated.

By contrast, repeated reminders, complaints, or comparisons often have the opposite effect. No one wants to come to the Shabbat table feeling that they’re about to be evaluated. Encouragement creates motivation; criticism usually creates resistance.

You might also consider making your expectations more modest. Perhaps one short dvar Torah, one favorite song, or involving the children in simple ways is enough for this stage of your family’s life. As circumstances change and the children mature, your Shabbat table will evolve as well.

The goal of Shabbat is not to produce a perfect performance but to create a home filled with holiness, love, and rest. If your husband feels accepted, your children feel welcome, and your home is peaceful, then you are already giving your family one of the greatest gifts Shabbat has to offer.