Sam Sutton

From the play-in chaos to a winner-take-all World Series, the 2026 M&S postseason delivered everything.

For nearly two decades, M&S Softball has found different ways to create memorable summers.

Different players. Different teams. Different rivalries. Different generations.

But every once in a while, a season comes along where the ending seems to capture everything the league has become. Year 18 was one of those seasons…

By the time the final firework exploded over M&S Park and Icey Hot raised the M&S Cup, it felt like we had squeezed an entire summer’s worth of drama into the final couple of weeks.

There were elimination games. Extra innings. Elite pitching performances. Comebacks. A Wild Card thriller. A semifinal walk-off. A World Series that went the distance. Even the sprinklers decided they wanted to become part of M&S history.

And somehow, through all of it, the final out of Year 18 wasn’t decided until the tying run was within shouting distance of home plate. It was that kind of postseason.

The Madness Begins

Before anyone could think about a championship, we first had to figure out who was even getting into the playoffs.

The final regular-season night featured Take Two against Downtown, with both teams still fighting for their lives.

Game 1 immediately set the tone.  Take Two survived a 9-8 classic, but not before Downtown threatened to steal it on the final at-bat. With the game hanging in the balance, Adam Azar made a spectacular diving catch to end it.

Take Two eventually completed the sweep, but there was no time to celebrate. That only earned them another game.

The fifth and final playoff spot would be decided through an elimination mini-tournament featuring Take Two, Party Animals, and Murderers Row.

Party Animals ended Take Two’s season and advanced to face Murderers Row.

What followed was one of the best games of the year. Seven innings weren’t enough. Neither were eight, nine, or ten. Finally, after 11 innings, Murderers Row survived the Party Animals 3-2, earning the #5 seed and a date with #4 One Mo Time in the Wild Card.

Three teams had entered the play-in. Only Murderers Row was left standing. And somehow, things were just getting started.

One Mo Time…. Literally

The Wild Card was a single nine-inning game. Win, and advance to face #1 Icey Hot. Lose, and go home.

One Mo Time apparently had no interest in suspense early on, exploding for six runs in the first inning. Murderers Row responded by making the kind of move that only postseason desperation creates. They pulled their starting pitcher and moved Hall of Famer Allie Marshall from shortstop to the mound. It changed the game.

Marshall held One Mo Time at bay while Murderers Row slowly chipped away at the deficit. By the top of the eighth, the impossible had happened. Murderers Row had the lead.

One Mo Time was suddenly three outs from elimination. Then came Yehuda Fallas. Two outs. Season on the line. Fallas went the other way and ripped a two-run triple, putting One Mo Time back in front, 9-8. Then he went back to the mound and retired the heart of the Murderers Row lineup in the ninth.

Ballgame. One Mo Time survived, 9-8. The Final Four was set.

Four Teams – Two Tickets

On one side of the bracket stood #2 Chronicles Unhinged and #3 Summer Knight Kings.

Chronicles had been one of the most complete teams throughout the summer, while Summer Knight Kings had established themselves as a legitimate contender. The semifinal represented exactly what the postseason should: two teams that had earned their position battling for the right to play for a championship.

When the series was over, Chronicles Unhinged had punched its ticket to the World Series. Then they waited. Because on the other side, things were about to get wild.

#1 Icey Hot vs #4 One Mo Time

On paper, it was the top seed against a team that had barely survived the Wild Card. On the field, none of that mattered. Game 1 became a pitcher’s duel between Marc Sayegh and Yehuda Fallas.

Every baserunner mattered. Every pitch felt important. Mo Dwek battled through an incredible 15-pitch at-bat. And in the final inning, Icey Hot loaded the bases with an opportunity to steal the game. Fallas escaped. One Mo Time 2, Icey Hot 1.

Suddenly, the #1 seed was in trouble. Icey Hot’s response in Game 2 was emphatic. The offense that had powered them throughout the season powered by Mench, Brecher, and company finally broke loose, evening the series and setting up the two words every sports league wants in September.

Game Three

One Mo Time scored first in the deciding game. Icey Hot answered and eventually moved ahead, 2-1. One Mo Time refused to disappear and tied it. 2-2.

The tension kept building until the bottom of the seventh. A trip to the World Series was now one swing away. And then Jackie Haber did what Jackie Haber does. He got a pitch to hit and drove a rope into left field for a Walk-off.

Game over.

Icey Hot poured onto the field. After finishing the regular season as the league’s #1 seed, they had survived a semifinal series that pushed them to the absolute limit. Icey Hot was going to the World Series.

And there was barely time to process it. Because Chronicles Unhinged was already at the field waiting.

The World Series Begins

That same night, the World Series began. The atmosphere around M&S Park had changed. The crowd stayed. The energy grew. It had the feel that every commissioner, player, and fan hopes for when a season begins months earlier. This felt like postseason softball.

Chronicles broke the 2-2 tie in the 6th to go up 4-2 and with Game 1 reaching its late innings, suddenly something happened that nobody could have scripted.

Unexpected “Rain” Delay

In the middle of the World Series the water sprinklers went on. Water covered the field and Game 1 had to be suspended. Of course it did. Because apparently a normal ending wasn’t going to be good enough for Year 18. The teams would have to come back and finish what they started.

One Final Night

Labor Day: When everyone returned to M&S Park, championship night became more than just softball. There were pregame huddles. Families and friends surrounded the field. Chronicles captain Hank Dweck sang the national anthem. The league celebrated another summer before turning its attention back to unfinished business.

And then the World Series resumed.

Chronicles stretched its advantage to 5-2 before Icey Hot finally started making noise. Two runs. Suddenly a game that looked finished wasn’t finished at all. Chronicles ultimately held on 5-4.

One game away from a championship. Icey Hot, meanwhile, had no margin for error. Their answer in Game 2 may have been their most dominant stretch of the entire postseason.

They jumped all over Chronicles, at one point building a 9-0 advantage. Chronicles fought back and made the final score more respectable, but Icey Hot had controlled the game and won 9-4.

One game apiece. Of course. After everything that had happened, there was only one appropriate ending.

World Series Game Three

Winner takes all. Game 3 had everything hanging over it. One game would decide  the champion.

Icey Hot eventually created separation, but Chronicles never allowed the celebration to begin early. Two outs in the 7th and the tying run was close enough that everyone around the field understood what one swing could do. Sammy Seruya, one of the league’s most dangerous hitters, waited on deck. There would be no comfortable ending. There rarely is at M&S.

But Icey Hot got the out it needed. 6-3. Final.

The field erupted.

Icey Hot Crowned the 2026 M&S Softball Champions

And at the center of their championship run was World Series MVP Marc Sayegh, whose performance throughout the series helped carry the #1 seed through three games and ultimately to the trophy.

Rookie Captain Isaac Cohen accomplished what many set out to do but very few accomplish. A championship! The celebration spilled across the field.

Players. Families. Friends. The Cup was raised. The Rings were distributed.  And then came the fireworks. A fitting final image for a season that refused to end quietly.

Ellen Geller Kamaras

Are you ready to get married?  That’s the million-dollar question. 

Let’s face it. It is unrealistic to expect 100 percent readiness.  But let’s look at  some pointers that can help you out.

Marriage requires a commitment to dance in the moment and to have an open and steadfast mindset, to be there for your spouse, and to respect and value each other’s differences.  Relationship experts recommend viewing your different skills and strengths as a balance that can help you to better face challenges together. 

As life happens, husband and wife need to be able to adapt to their circumstances and be flexible. We are all works in progress, as are our marriages.   If we don’t grow, we stagnate or get stuck.  Successful marriages often find both individuals growing.  Each person works on their own growth and development to become a well-rounded, complete person.  Only then can they support each other in being the best version of themselves. 

Marriage Readiness

  Relationship experts and psychologists agree that marriage readiness depends on one’s emotional maturity, clear communication skills, expectations about finance and family, and shared core values and life goals.  Marriage readiness is not just tied to age or how long you have dated.

Let’s unpack marriage readiness and what young (and older!) people need to know, think about, and discuss before marrying.  Having these conversations will help to build a healthy and successful marital relationship.

Stay Focused

Once you are engaged, focus on your marriage rather than just the wedding celebration.  Planning the wedding together is usually a couple’s first opportunity to face challenges together as a team.  Couples can begin creating a blueprint for how they will deal with conflict as a married couple and choose their battles.

Dealing with Conflict

Conflict in a marriage, as well as in other relationships, is normal.   It’s not only normal – it’s inevitable.   The same rule applies to all relationships.   Learning to deal with daily life conflict can help us decrease stress, create stronger and more successful relationships, and grow as a person.   Every couple argues.  The key to a healthy marriage is figuring out how to resolve disagreements in a calm and fair manner. 

While we are on the topic of conflict, where do in-laws fit in?  This subject touches on communication and expectations about family.   What will you call your in-laws?  Will you use Mom and Dad or their first names?  Do you want to live close by or far?  Do you expect them to call you and make plans to visit or are you ok with them just dropping in?

Having this conversation before you get married, making these types of decisions in advance, and getting along with in-laws, will reduce stress in your marriage.  A smart couple safeguards their marriage and their relationship by setting clear boundaries with family. Remember that your in-laws raised the person you love and chose as a life partner.

Kind in-laws can be helpful and loving and cam offer much support.  Remember to recognize them and show them hakarat hatov.

Keeping Your Own Identity

 It is important to keep hold of one’s own identity, personal goals, hobbies, sense of self-worth, and self-respect.  A healthy marriage is made up of two complete individuals versus two halves trying to complete each other. You fell in love with your spouse’s spark and unique traits and passions.  Keeping that spark alive leads to a healthy and happy marriage.

Communication Is Key

Communicate about everything.  Talk honestly and openly about finances, debt, ambitions, and family expectations.   Be transparent about how much you owe in student loans. Tell your fiancée if  you have big dreams, such as to study for a PhD or to have a large family.   Do you want to live close to your parents?  These are cards to put on the table and share with a prospective life partner.

Emotional Maturity

Are you emotionally mature? Emotional maturity matters more than age.  An illustration of emotional maturity is when a couple handles a heated argument by pausing to calm down, taking responsibility for their own reactions, and addressing the issue without blame or insults.  Signs of emotional maturity include self-awareness, empathy, and willingness to take responsibility, such as being accountable for one’s actions.  A good example is where a wife is aware of her needs and addresses them by telling her husband that she needs some alone time and

asks her husband to take over for an hour and be with the children.  He, in turn, exhibits empathy when he agrees to help.

Active empathy also entails listening to your spouse’s perspective and trying to understand their feelings, even when you disagree.  The ability to hold two truths is another indicator of emotional maturity.  This means accepting that you can be hurt by a spouse’s action while also recognizing he or she did not intend to inflict pain.

Healthy relationships are reciprocal and embrace give and take.  Some people have a hard time balancing reciprocity. It is important not to be meticulous in keeping tabs on whose turn it is to give in or to do a certain task.

Couples should both be dedicated to seeing and valuing each other’s inner world. When two people can hold space for each other’s truth – even when they seem contradictory – something powerful happens. Instead of arguing over who is “right,” the focus shifts toward understanding.

Conversations that Matter

Before getting married, couples should have honest conversations about the practical and personal issues that will shape their life together. Start by discussing your core values, hopes, and career goals. Where do you see yourselves in five or ten years? What are your individual ambitions, and how will you support each other in achieving them?

Finances should definitely be discussed openly before marriage. Will you combine your bank accounts or maintain separate accounts? Will you set a spending limit that requires checking in with each other before making a purchase? How much debt, if any, including student loans, does each one have, and how will you work together to pay it off? Where can you realistically afford to live? Creating a budget and tracking your cash flow is a good starting point for managing money as a couple. Automating bills and building an emergency fund with three to six months of living expenses can also provide greater financial security.

And what about children? What actually happens when your children arrive may be different from your planned-ahead vision. However, it is a good starting point to talk about how you envision raising your children and sharing the responsibilities that come with parenthood. What will your approach to discipline be? How will you divide the day-to-day work of caring for your children? What role will grandparents and other family members play? These conversations can help couples develop shared expectations before children arrive.

And don’t overlook the ordinary routines of daily life. Who will handle household chores, grocery shopping, cooking, and errands? How will you divide responsibilities such as carpooling and getting children to activities? Marriage is built not only on the big decisions but also on the countless small tasks and choices that make up everyday life. Discussing these expectations ahead of time can help prevent misunderstandings and create a stronger sense of partnership.Here is a parting quote from Dave Meurer, an award-winning humorist, author, and public affairs professional.

“A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.”

Art of Compromise

Try these simple tools to resolve and diffuse conflict: Pause and breathe before you respond, listen to what your spouse is saying and feeling, concentrate on the actual issue, don’t hurl blame or insults or mention past mistakes. Instead, look for a solution, a middle ground, that you can both live with.

Ellen Geller Kamaras, CPA/MBA, is an International Coach Federation (ICF) Associate Certified Coach.  Her coaching specialties include life, career and dating coaching.  

Ellen can be contacted at [email protected] (www.lifecoachellen.com). 

Rabbi Yehuda Finchas

Ralph has diabetes. He generally monitors his glucose with a continuous glucose monitor (CGM), but at times he needs to confirm a reading by pricking his finger and placing a drop of blood on a test strip. He also needs to inject insulin. Before Shabbat he asked, “Rabbi, I know that drawing blood is forbidden on Shabbat. So how do I check my blood sugar? And what about injecting my insulin?”

Drawing Blood Is a Melachah

Drawing blood on Shabbat falls under the Torah prohibition of chovel, causing a wound. Yet not every instance of bleeding has the same halachic status.

The Or LeTzion (vol. 2, ch. 36:21) distinguishes between blood that emerges incidentally and blood that is intentionally extracted because the blood itself is needed. When blood is drawn for testing, the blood is actually being used: without the sample, the test cannot be performed. He therefore considers this a melachah hatzerichah legufah (an act that matches the constructive intent of that melachah) and rules that such blood may be drawn on Shabbat only for a patient whose condition involves danger.

This explains Ralph’s glucose testing. When he pricks his finger, he does not merely cause a tiny wound; he needs the resulting blood in order to determine his glucose level. The fact that the blood is discarded afterward does not change matters.

Hacham Ovadia Yosef, zt”l, explains that where glucose monitoring is medically necessary to prevent a potentially dangerous deterioration, pikuach nefesh overrides Shabbat (Hazon Ovadia, vol. 3, p. 373). Ralph should therefore perform the testing he medically requires for pikuach nefesh. Shabbat itself commands us to protect life. One does not become “more observant” by skipping this necessary monitoring.

An Injection Without Drawing Blood

Ralph’s insulin injection, however, is halachically different from his glucose test. The Or LeTzion (vol. 2, ch. 36:20) writes that an intramuscular or subcutaneous injection is permissible when needed for a sick person because ordinarily no blood is extracted. The medication is introduced into the body, but blood is neither intentionally removed nor needed for any purpose, this a melachah she’einah tzerichah legufah. Such an injection is therefore not comparable to drawing blood for a test.

Accordingly, Ralph may administer the insulin that he medically requires on Shabbat. In his case, there may in any event be considerations of pikuach nefesh. But the injection itself is less problematic than his glucose test because no blood ordinarily needs to be extracted or used.

What About Intravenous Injections?

Sometimes an intravenous injection requires drawing back a small amount of blood to confirm that the needle has entered the vein. Here too, the Or LeTzion permits the procedure for a patient even though blood is drawn, since the blood is not needed or used diagnostically. He therefore regards its extraction as a melachah she’einah tzerichah legufah and also as mekalkel, destructive rather than constructive activity. Hacham Ovadia Yosef, zt”l, similarly endorses permitting injections for a patient on Shabbat, including intravenous injections, in Yabia Omer (vol. 9, Orach Chaim 108:178), and notes that the Tzitz Eliezer reaches the same conclusion.

Conclusion

Ralph’s two procedures illustrate the distinction clearly. His glucose test intentionally extracts blood and uses it for testing. When such monitoring is medically necessary because of  possible danger, it is permitted under pikuach nefesh. His insulin injection does not require blood to be extracted and is therefore permitted for a choleh even when there is no pikuach nefesh.

Rabbi Yehuda Finchas is a worldwide expert, lecturer, and author on Medical Halacha. He heads the Torat Habayit Medical Halacha Institute. He is the author of Brain Death in Halacha and the Tower of Babel Syndrome and his latest book is Nutrition and Hydration in Halacha. To contact Rabbi Finchas, email [email protected].

Pnina Souid

The Mitzvah Man relayed the following story:

I was driving along in Brooklyn  and when I got to a red light at Nostrand Avenue I noticed a homeless man sitting by the bus stop without shoes and socks. I was shocked, and my heart went out to him. I pulled over to the bus stop and handed the man my shoes and socks.  I have plenty of shoes and socks to spare at home, I could afford to give what I was wearing to this unfortunate fellow. He so appreciated this small act of kindness.

 I happened to notice a woman who had stopped to take a photo of me handing over the socks and shoes. What I didn’t know was that she was going to post the photo on the internet with the caption “Look at This Act of Kindness.”

A Mother Reaches Out

The man’s mother lives in Detroit, and she saw the photo. She contacted the photographer. She told her that the man in the picture is her son and she desperately wanted to know if he was alright. She asked to speak to the kind man who bequeathed him the socks and shoes off his feet.

I was contacted by a friend who told me, “Michael, the mother of the homeless man wants to speak to you. She wants to know if he is alright.”

Of course, I did not know the man, but I said I would be happy to speak to his mother. I was given the mother’s number. When I spoke to her, she expressed her deep appreciation for the socks and shoes, and she told me that her son is Jewish. She hasn’t seen him for three months.. He travels from city to city, state to state, never staying very long in one place. She said, as would any Jewish mother, “I want to know how he is!”

I asked if she had any clue as to where he might be. She told me that she knew of a rabbi with a shul in downtown Brooklyn who lets homeless men sleep there at night. She gave me the contact information and I called the rabbi right away.

Angelic Rabbi

He told me that many years ago he started offering a place to sleep for just one homeless man, and now there are 50 homeless men who he helps. They sleep in his shul from 10pm, after the congregants leave, until 5am, when the congregants will be coming back. Additionally, the rabbi collects leftover food from kosher restaurants to distribute to these homeless men whose only home is his shul. The rabbi sighed. “I sustain them as best as I can.”

I asked how I could help him. He told me that the men are sleeping on the floor or on broken benches.

The Mitzvah Man Organization got into gear. We headed over to the shul with brand new cots, blankets, pillows, and other necessities.

The next day a team of volunteers loaded cars and vans with brand new coats, sweaters, socks, shoes, and more, and brought them to the shul. The men had tears in their eyes. They were so very thankful to get the brand new items.

There is a message here – if you find an opportunity to do an act of kindness – go do it! You never know where it can lead. And it didn’t matter that the homeless man was Jewish or not. I would have helped him even if he was not Jewish!

One of the ideological challenges that many observant Jews struggle with is the balance between emunah (faith) and hishtadlut (effort).  It is clear that a Jew is expected to both believe that Gd determines everything that happens, and also that we are expected to make reasonable effort to care for ourselves and secure our needs.  This means that, for example, when the sidewalks are icy, we need to walk very carefully and try not to slip, but whether or not we slip is entirely Gd’s decision.

This balance is not always easy to maintain.  Sometimes we wonder whether we are exerting too much effort, or perhaps exerting insufficient effort; if our efforts reflect a deficiency of faith, or if, conversely, we inappropriately use faith to justify irresponsibility and recklessness.

One approach we might take to gain a proper perspective on the relationship between emunah and hishtadlut emerges from the laws of Sukkot, which we recently celebrated.

“Supporting” Emunah

The first Mishnah in Masechet Sukkah establishes that a sukkah higher than 20 amot (around 30-40 feet) is disqualified.  One of the reasons given in the Gemara is that in a very tall sukkah, the shade is produced mainly by the walls.  The mitzvah of sukkah requires a person to reside in the shade of the sechach, which is the primary component of the sukkah, whereas the walls serve the secondary purpose of supporting the sechach.  If a sukkah is very high, the bulk of the shade comes from the walls, and so this sukkah is unfit for the mitzvah.

The Aruch La’ner (Rav Yaakov Ettlinger, Germany, 1798-1871) uncovers for us the deeper meaning of this halachah.  The sechach, situated above our heads, represents Gd’s providence that hovers over us and protects us at every moment.  It must be made from vegetation that grew on its own, without having been processed through human creativity, because it symbolizes Gd’s exclusive control over our lives, how He alone cares for us.  The sturdy walls that we build, by contrast, represent human industriousness, the hard work and effort that we invest to responsibly care for ourselves and our families.

The relationship between the walls and the sechach, the Aruch La’ner explains, shows us the relationship that ought to exist between emunah and hishtadlut.  Just as a sukkah requires walls, Jewish life requires effort and initiative.  However, our efforts play only a “supporting role.”  For reasons we cannot understand, Gd invited us to work as His partners in caring for ourselves and developing the world.  But the real care and protection come from the sechach, not the walls; what determines the final outcome is not our efforts, but Gd’s will.

A person sitting in a sukkah must be under the shade of the shechach, and not the shade of the walls.  Likewise, when we go through life, we must see ourselves as under the care and protection of Gd, not of ourselves.  We are required to “build walls” – but we must live with realization that it is the “sechach” – divine providence – that is watching over us and providing us with everything we have.

How do we know if we’re doing this right?  How can we determine whether we’re sitting in the “shade” of the “sechach,” fully trusting in Gd, or sitting in the “shade” of the “walls,” relying on our own efforts?

To answer the question, we turn to the story of Avraham Avinu, which we read this month.

Avraham’s Faith

Gd appeared to Avraham and commanded to him to relocate, to move to a new land.  The Torah tells that Avraham promptly complied, and it then finds it necessary to add that Avraham was 75 years old when he left his home to live in the Land of Israel (Beresheet 12:4).

We must ask, why is this information important?  How is Avraham’s age significant to understanding this story?

Some rabbis answered that this number in fact contains what is likely the most crucial lesson of Avraham’s obeying Gd’s command to leave his homeland.

This number is the gematria of the Hebrew word bitahon, which is used in reference to our trust in Gd.  The Torah is not simply telling us Avraham’s age when he left his homeland – it is telling us Avraham’s attitude and mindset when he left his homeland. 

Gd told Avraham to go “to the land that I will show you” (“el ha’aretz asher ar’eka” – 12:1).  Avraham was not even told where he was going.  Not only did he have no idea what the future would bring in his new home, he did not even know where that home would be.  He knew absolutely nothing except that Gd told him to go – and this was enough for him.  He left with complete bitahon – trust that Gd would care for him and fulfill His promises.

But the connection between the number 75 and bitahon runs even deeper.

There are two questions that people ask when they lack faith in Gd – questions which we’ve all heard people ask many times, and which, unfortunately, we ourselves have probably asked.  The first is “Why?”  When people’s plans fail to produce the desired results, when things do not work out the way they wanted, when they face hardship and adversity, their instinctive response is “Why did this happen?  Why can’t things just work out?  Why can’t I have an easier time?  Why does this need to be so difficult?”

A person asks “Why?” only if he trusts himself, rather than Gd.  If we live with true faith, if our emunah is intact, then we have no need to ask “Why?”  The fact that Hashem willed it is enough for us.  It might be difficult, it might be painful, but we trust that Gd decided this should happen, and He knows far better than we do what’s best.

The second question that should not be asked, but people so often ask, is “What’s going to be?”  People worry about the future only because they feel the outcome depends on them, and they thus feel anxious about things they cannot control.  When we live with emunah, we understand that Gd is taking care of the future for us, so we do not need to wonder or fret about what tomorrow might or might not bring.

Remarkably, the Hebrew word “lamah” – “why” – in gematria equals 75.  As does the phrase “Mah yiheyeh” – “What is going to be?” 

The response to both these questions is “bitahon.”  This word equals 75 because it counteracts the instinctive thoughts of “Lamah” and “Mah yiheyeh.”

Avraham was 75 – meaning, he never asked these questions.  When he set out on his journey to the unknown, he did not ask, “Mah yiheyeh?”  When famine struck the land soon after his arrival, forcing him to move to Egypt to survive, where his wife was abducted, he did not ask, “Lamah?”  When he and Sarah had no children for many years after Gd promised that he would father a great nation, he asked neither “Why?” or “What’s going to be?”  He did what he needed to do, and calmly left everything in Gd’s capable hands.

How do we know if we are managing the emunah/hishtadlut balance correctly?  By whether or not we ask these two questions.  If we find ourselves frustrated by things that happen which we wish did not happen, asking “Why?” or if we find ourselves anxious and uneasy about the future, wondering, “What’s going to be?” then we likely need to recalibrate our perspective.  We need to remind ourselves that although we must act responsibly, the outcome depends only on Gd, who is orchestrating events precisely the way they ought to be orchestrated.

When Gd is “Against” Us

In one of the most famous verses in Tehillim (16:8), King David proclaims, “Shiviti Hashem lenegdi tamid – I have placed Gd opposite me, always.”  This verse famously establishes the requirement to always sees oneself in Gd’s presence, to realize that Gd watches His behavior at all times, and holds him accountable for his actions.

However, I once heard a powerful insight into this verse from one of our generation’s greatest Torah luminaries, Rav Gamliel Rabinowitz of Jerusalem.  The word “negdi” can mean “opposite me” – that is to say, “in front of me” – but can also mean “against me.”  This verse affirms our unwavering faith in Gd even when He appears to work against us, when He foils our plans, when He obstructs the path we embarked upon, when He does not allow our efforts to yield their intended results. 

Emunah is relatively easy when we see Gd helping things work out the way we wanted; when the person is fired and then finds a better job, when a promising shidduch does not work out but then a much better one comes along and does.  The challenge of emunah is trusting in Gd when we don’t see things working out, when we cannot understand, when our minds cannot interpret events in any way other than “negdi,” as Gd working against us.

This is when we need to harness the power of emunah of our ancestor, Avraham Avinu.  As we read this week in Parashat Lech-Lecha, “Ve’he’emin be’Hashem” – Avraham believed in Gd (Beresheet 15:6).  This has been explained to mean not only that Avraham believed, but that he bequeathed this belief to us, his descendants.  Avraham implanted within our people’s spiritual DNA the ability to trust Gd even under the direst circumstances, even when we encounter the most difficult hardships, even when we cannot possibly see how Gd is helping us.

Just imagine how our lives would look if we never asked, “Why did this happen?” or “What’s going to be?”  Imagine how much calmer and happier we would be if we remain calm and composed when things don’t work out the way we want, when people don’t treat us or speak to us the way we want, when life does not proceed according to our plans – because we know that it’s proceeding according to Gd’s plan, which is always the best plan.

QUESTION:

Dear Rabbi  Ali,

I have a few things that have been bothering me in my marriage, and I’m hoping someone can help. I’m not sure you can, but it’s worth a try. My husband is an over-spender and it really bothers me. He doesn’t ask me or tell me what and when he’s buying things. I open my garage and an expensive bike is there. There are many other things, but I think if I can get him to slow down things would improve. Thank you.

R’ ALI’S RESPONSE:

First, you mention that you’re not sure if I can help. Sometimes people call me with a more extreme statement, such as, “I know you can’t help me, no one can.”  This type of attitude can prevent people from growing in a marriage, if they start out thinking they cannot be helped.

Couples need to understand that counselors who specialize in helping marriages are trained in dealing with relationships. If a couple can’t figure things out on their own it does not mean that there’s nothing that can help. Counselors and therapists can offer many approaches to help couples cope with different situations. Many couples come to my office saying that there’s no hope. Lo and behold, weeks later they tell me that they’re shocked that things have improved.

I want people to view seeking marriage counseling in the same way they view seeking medical help from a cardiologist. Someone with chest pains dials 911 with no hesitation. They wouldn’t dare say, “What’s the doctor going to do already?” This is an extreme example,  but I want people to understand the concept that it is legitimate to  reach out for advice in any area, to knowledgeable professionals.  Whether the challenge is with marriage, parenting, or life in general, seeking help is a step in the right direction. We are blessed with so many wonderful rabbis and professionals. Consult them!

You mention that your husband is an over-spender. We would need to have one-on-one conversation about this because there are so many possibilities of what is going on. Is his overspending putting you in debt? If so, that is a real issue and must be dealt with. Of course, this should not be done in an aggressive manner. Actually, nothing should ever be dealt with aggressively, which would include criticizing, yelling, screaming, or use of force, and surely not giving the silent treatment. 

Some people are big spenders and their spending does not put them into debt. It is common that one spouse does not like to spend while the other does. This is normal. We like to believe that the way we behave is normal and anything else is abnormal. This is a huge mistake. Even though the way you act and think may be different from your spouse, you can both be normal!  

You say your husband does not ask you or tell you in advance what he’s purchasing. This should depend on the situation. I don’t believe husband and wife need to ask permission or need to tell their spouse when making purchases. Of course, there are exceptions that are out of the norm. If someone were to purchase a $500,000 yacht and not mention it to their spouse this would not be advised. While I don’t believe that it’s wrong not to mention it, it would be correct and polite to mention this tremendous purchase to your spouse. 

My point is that if people are spending in a healthy way, in a way that is generally accepted, and their spending is not making a strain on the family’s financial status, leave it alone. It is a good idea, however, for troublesome issues to be  spoken over with a third party. 

By Simha Health

If this school year feels to you like a continuous cycle of starting, stopping, and restarting thanks to an early holiday calendar, you are not alone. Between early September drop-offs and the constant holiday breaks, getting our kids – and ourselves – into a sustainable routine can feel overwhelming.

Isaac Setton, LMHC, clinician coordinator and community liaison of the SIMHA Organization, hosted a valuable discussion with esteemed school psychologists Mrs. Rose Lee Pifko of Magen David Yeshivah, Dr. Nicole Yossef of Yeshivah Prep Elementary School, and Dr. Simone Hidary of Barkai Yeshivah, who shared their expert insights on supporting our children and navigating this critical transition.

Embrace Challenges and Learn from Mistakes

A powerful takeaway was the importance of parents shifting from being “fixers and protectors” to “empowerers.” As Mrs. Rose Lee Pifko noted, allowing children to tackle challenges and even make mistakes is crucial for development.

“The growth zone, just outside their comfort area, is where real learning happens,” Mrs. Pifko explained. When children tolerate discomfort and push through challenges, they build skills like grit and resilience. This means gently nudging them to try new things, whether it’s a new club or a tricky social situation.

The experts highlighted the value of teaching children how to fail. By reframing failure as “just one possible outcome,” parents can alleviate the pressure. Share with your children your own experiences with mistakes and challenges, show empathy, and use these moments as opportunities to teach problem solving. This approach cultivates a crucial life skill: learning from setbacks.

Re-establishing Routine: The Foundation for Success

After summer and the holiday’s relaxed schedule, getting back into routine can feel daunting. Dr. Nicole Yossef provided practical, actionable steps to ease this transition, emphasizing that consistency is key for children of all ages.

Dr. Yossef’s top tips for a smooth gear shift:

Adjust Sleep Schedules: Gradually shift bedtimes and wake-up times earlier (20-30 minutes each day) to reset internal clocks.

Foster Independence: Involve children in choosing outfits the night before and packing healthy snacks. This gives them a feeling of control and helps to streamlines mornings.

Promote Healthy Eating: A balanced diet impacts mood and focus. Involve children in snack preparation for easier healthy choices.

Encourage Physical Activity: Aim for at least 20-60 minutes daily. Walking to school, playing outdoors, or joining a team improves focus and reduces stress.

Manage Screen Time: Set clear boundaries for screen use, explaining these rules are for their well-being. Encourage alternatives, such as reading.

The goal isn’t perfection, but consistent effort. The more regulated parents are, the more children will mirror that behavior.

The Power of Partnership: Home and School as a Unified Front

“When parents and schools work as a unified team, children receive consistent messaging,” Dr. Simone Hidary explained. This reinforces that they are supported and believed in. Parents offer invaluable insights into their child’s personality, while school staff provide expertise in child development and education. This synergy creates an “unbelievable partnership.”

Isaac Setton emphasized that the goal is “school plus parents,” not “school versus parents.” When children see that their parents and the school are on the same page, they receive consistent messages, understand expectations, and recognize that everyone is on their side.

Finally, the experts discussed balancing support with parental boundaries. Dr. Hidary highlighted that effective parenting involves both love and limits. Providing love and support while setting clear boundaries is essential for a child’s self-regulation and success. Children understand that rules are for their best interest, even if they don’t like them.

As the school year sets in, let’s embrace these insights to empower our children and ourselves for a successful, fulfilling, and well-supported experience. By fostering open communication, building strong routines, and strengthening the vital partnership between home and school, we can set our children on a path to thrive.

Tips for a Strong Parent-School Partnership

• Don’t Hesitate to Ask Questions: Reach out to teachers and staff about your concerns.
• Proactive Communication: Early communication can prevent minor issues from escalating.
• Respectful Dialogue: Approach the school with the intention to collaborate.
• Be Persistent: If you don’t hear back immediately, follow up. Advocating for your child is crucial.
• Find Your Connection: Identify a staff member with whom you communicate best.