QUESTION:

Dear Rabbi Ali, 

I am recently married and I am a bit confused about certain marriage concepts. For example, whenever I tell my husband something about the way that he dresses, he gets so frustrated and it turns into a fight. Aren’t we supposed to be one, which means we’re on the same page on all matters? There are many other examples but they are irrelevant. I’d appreciate some clarity on this concept of being one.

R’ Ali’s Response:

This may seem like the idea of being one is a simple concept. However, this misconception is one of the biggest causes of marital friction. I write and speak about this often. Yes, once we get married we are supposed to become one. Let’s first explain what one does not mean. “One” doesn’t mean that one person dictates how the other should now behave and the other person becomes submissive and completely obliterates their individuality and who they are. That would mean that there is one person here and the other has disappeared. 

This reminds me of a joke that I heard from Rabbi Shimon Gruen. Two people got married and someone told them that they will now become one. A while later, they went back to that person and said that they’re confused, which one are they to become? The point is clear – “one” does not mean that you now take the identity of one person.

Every person has their own unique personality and individuality. Everyone has a right to their opinions, thoughts, and tastes. Of course, I’m not talking about dangerous or ridiculous behaviors. If your husband likes gray pants and you don’t, it’s his choice and you should not  tell him that he must change, all in the name of being on the same page or of being one. This can manifest itself in multiple ways, well beyond the clothes that he wears. How to raise children becomes a very sensitive topic. People will want the children to be raised a certain way. When their spouse disagrees, they get frustrated and say, “We’re not on the same page.” Really what they’re saying is, “You’re not on my page.”

So, what is this concept of being one that takes place when we get married? “One” means that you are one unit. You are two completely different individuals learning how to work together as a team. There’s no more “you,” there’s “we.” If one spouse doesn’t feel well, “we” have a problem. If one of the two is going through something emotionally or financially, “we” have an issue.

Before marriage, you were the only one who had your own personal struggles and dilemmas. Now that has changed. “One” means that we are now concerned about the unit and not only about ourselves. You wake up in the morning and think about what you both need.

Instead of saying, “I like pizza,” now you say, “ I like pizza and my husband prefers sushi.” Accepting each other’s differences and respecting them is one of the most fundamental concepts of marriage. If this concept is clear, then the stage is set for a healthy marriage. Once the lines get crossed and one person “rules” the relationship, it creates a resentful and frustrated spouse. They might do as you please or demand, but they do so begrudgingly, like a child being coerced by their parents. A husband/wife relationship is much different than the parent/child relationship.

To answer your question, stop giving him orders, especially about the way that he dresses. Believe it or not, if you would approach the situation differently he might even change his clothes. “Hey, I think you look so much better in the white shirt than in the gray one.” Now, he knows which one you prefer, and he just might change to make you happy. This really leads to another point – the more you push someone, the more they don’t want to do as you say.

This is just basic human nature and is not exclusive to men or to women. Try it, you’d be surprised how well your words are taken. Also, your husband will be happy that you mentioned something positive instead of how ridiculous he looks.

This is the way of the Torah. Words that are spoken nicely and gently are received very well. To conclude, it’s important to know that if an issue arises that seems like a halachic or hashkafic issue, a rabbi should be consulted. The ideas I mention here are a basic outline for simple mundane matters.

By Tuvia Cohen 

If this describes you, please don’t feel offended… 

One of the most popular words in the expressive Yiddish language is the word “nudnik.” Even more popular than the word are the examples of the word. One classic nudnik is someone who, when innocently asked, “How are you?” spends the next half-hour telling you. Another species of nudnik is someone who calls you at 2am and asks, “Did I wake you?” Another favorite question from this rare breed is: “Why is it that the hallah knife can cut through the hallah, but hallah can never cut through the knife?”

In truth, although this type of question drives people crazy, it is quite legitimate. If you never observe simple phenomena, you will never discern wisdom and design in creation. Similarly, if you do not have the type of mind that asks irritating questions, you will never invent anything. 

Many inventions appear so simple that we take them for granted. For example, before there were zippers, buttons, or other fasteners, people fastened their clothes with large pins. But pins caused problems. Their sharp points were dangerous, and could easily slip out and cause injury. The solution? Go and invent something! 

An Innovative Inventor

Listen to an interesting story. Walter Hunt was an American who thought up many inventions, which he usually patented. Since a patent application normally included drawings, and Mr. Hunt could not draw, he had to employ the services of an artist, to whom he was usually in debt. The artist agreed to wipe out the debts if Walter Hunt would give him sole rights to whatever he could make out of a length of old wire. Hunt came up with the safety pin, and the artist became a rich man!

Inventions may seem simple, once they have been invented. But analyze any invention that you like, from a safety pin to a zipper (first patented in 1893), and perforce you will admit that without a great deal of inquisitiveness coupled with intelligence, that invention would never have seen the light of day.

Problem Solver

In that case, you will appreciate the following problem. Sometimes you need to hang a picture on the wall, and you cannot find the hammer, let alone nails, and your neighbor borrowed the ladder, and naturally, failed to return it. Could you please invent a method whereby you can climb up the wall without a ladder, grip the wall securely with your feet, and bang a hole into the wall with your nose? You will react with disbelief, and quite rightly so. I can understand that wood can be fashioned into a ladder, and metal into a drill, but that you should be able to transform yourself into both a flying creature and a human drill simultaneously, sounds like something from science fiction. Is such a thing possible?

Not only is this possible, but it is so common that, like the humble safety pin, it is almost taken for granted. 

Knock, Knock 

Enter the woodpecker…

Woodpeckers are the only creatures that spend most of their waking hours banging their heads against wood. They do this because of the role that they have been given in the animal world, gleaning insects from under the bark of trees. They have the rare distinction of being the only living things able to locate and eradicate these insect hordes. 

The woodpecker deserves our respect for its vital role. It is tremendously important to the woodland economy, for it strips dead trees of their bark and prevents the spread of carpenter-ant colonies to sound trees nearby. Woodpeckers can be unbelievably efficient: a large woodpecker once removed 30 feet of bark in less than 15 minutes. And its appetite matches its efficiency. Examination of the stomach contents of one bird revealed 2,600 carpenter ants!

Divine Design

Every part of the woodpecker’s body is directed toward the sole object of hewing wood. Its legs are short and powerful, and they grasp the bark with a unique arrangement of sharply pointed toes – two toes point forward, two backward, forming a gripping pair of tongs on each foot. So there you have it – if you want to climb the wall without a ladder, just tell your body to please comply and grow a pair of wings, and then to rearrange its toes in the manner described. If the woodpecker can do it, why can’t you?! 

The woodpecker’s tail sits firmly against the tree trunk, acting as a brace, propping and steadying the bird as it delivers jackhammer blows with its bill. The middle pair of those tail feathers is unusually strong, and remarkably, these feathers, which are the main props, do not fall out during molting until all the other tail feathers have been replaced and can support the weight of the bird. You really do not have to look hard for evidence of design in anything; you just have to open your eyes – it’s right there for you to see.

Slamming Your Head Against a Wall

And now for the biggest problem of all. Try to slam your head against an unyielding wall. Once will give you a headache, twice a migraine, three times a severe concussion. How about banging your head against the wall at the rate of 100 times a minute? How would you protect your brain from irreparable damage? Woodpeckers do this without any problem. You will never find woodpeckers with concussions lying dazed at the foot of the tree, nor have there ever been any like that, for the little bird is perfectly equipped for slamming its head against wood without any injury whatsoever.

The beak is straight, very hard, and pointed. The skull that drives it is unusually thick and is moved by powerful neck muscles. But that’s not even the amazing part. The bones between the beak and skull are not rigidly joined, as they are in most other birds. Instead, the connective tissue is spongy and elastic, serving as a shock absorber. When you bear in mind that shock absorbers were not introduced into moving vehicles until well into the 20th century, it becomes apparent that a system of shock absorbers built into the head is anything but simple. 

Master Builder and Engineer

The woodpecker wonders don’t end there. The woodpecker’s ability to locate insects is uncanny, and for this it has been endowed with an acute sense of hearing. 

After the bird taps on the trunk, it pauses a moment, waiting to hear whether the tapping has disturbed any insects hidden inside. Once a bird has found a place where the sound indicates that further investigation is necessary, its taps become sharper. Then, as it zeroes in on the insects, the bark begins to fly. 

Woodpeckers have an exceptional skill for gauging the strength of the wood in which they find their feast, and in which they nest. More than half the weight of the tree trunk may be above their excavation, yet they dig the hole in such a way that it does not place a strain on the tree. 

Rain and wind are kept out of the woodpecker’s nest by drilling the entry passage upward before turning downward to hollow out the long, vertical nesting cavity. Who taught them these advanced building and engineering skills?

Talented Tongue

Of all the tools in its small body, the woodpecker’s tongue is the most remarkable. It is very long – in some cases four times as long as the beak – and can be flicked in and out like a snake’s. 

The tongue is pliable and dexterous, and can wind itself around the curves and bends of the insect galleries. Examine its tongue closely and you will see that it is pointed and has barbs on the tip like little fishhooks. It is used to impale grubs and pull them out of their galleries. 

The tip of the tongue is coated with a sticky substance that the woodpecker uses as bait to catch ants. The ants rush forward to attack what appears to be a worm climbing into their nest, and there they remain, stuck to the hungry woodpecker’s tongue. 

One species of woodpecker has an especially unique way of obtaining its food. It drills a series of small holes close together into the bark of trees, and licks the fountains of sap. The fountains also attract insects, which are then added to the diet without the necessity of drilling for them. 

Because of their wondrous equipment, woodpeckers can dig out insects both in winter and summer. Consequently, their migrations are of limited range. Many survive the winter by living on acorns and nuts that they have stored. 

Nudniks Are Welcome

Never be afraid of being described as a nudnik. If you don’t observe, and you don’t ask unusual questions, your mind will remain so closed to the wonders of the Creator that fill the universe that not even the woodpecker will be able to open it.

Walter Hunt 

Walter Hunt was one of the most prolific inventors in American history. His inventions include the safety pin, the sewing machine, the fountain pen, ice breakers for ships, repeating rifles, nail making machines, safety lamps, and many others. So why doesn’t every person know his name? Unfortunately, every time he had a stroke of inventing genius, he sold it to pay off debts or simply to provide food and shelter for his family.  

Drumming Detectives

The woodpecker’s ability to locate insects is uncanny. After the bird taps on the trunk, it pauses a moment, waiting to hear whether the tapping has disturbed any insects hidden inside. Once a bird has found a place where the sound indicates that further investigation is necessary, its taps become sharper. Then, as it zeroes in on the insects, the bark begins to fly.

Divine Design

The woodpecker’s tongue can be four times as long as its beak. The tongue is pliable and dexterous, and is able to wind itself around the curves and bends of the insect galleries. In addition, the tip of the tongue is coated with a sticky substance. It uses its sticky tongue as bait to catch ants. The ants rush forward to attack what appears to be a worm climbing into their nest, and there they remain, stuck to the hungry woodpecker’s tongue.

DAVE GORDON

“We are fighting a just war, with just means,” thundered Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu from the podium of his September 4th Jerusalem press conference. He has repeated this proclamation throughout the past twelve months of war with Hamas, everywhere from his media appearances to his July 24th address to U.S. Congress to his September 24th presentation at the United Nations.

Civilian Casualties

The war, Netanyahu insists, has “the lowest ratio of non-combatants to combatant deaths in urban warfare history.” He added, “We have taken efforts that no other military has taken.” Netanyahu also said Israel has provided Gazans a million tons of aid, 700,000 tons of food, medical aid, and water, among other necessities. 

Critics accuse Israel that this war has a had disproportionate number of casualties, and Israel has used excessive force, indiscriminate bombing, and has conducted a campaign to starve the people of Gaza. 

An Expert Weighs In

John Spencer, Chair of Urban Warfare Studies at the Modern War Institute at West Point, investigated these matters thoroughly. He determined Israel is in the right. 

Spencer was embedded with the Israel Defense Forces (IDF) in Gaza three times, last December, February, and July 2024, to “explore the campaign and operation against Hamas from multiple angles, with political and military arms.” Spencer interviewed the prime minister, the military chief of staff, division commanders, brigade commanders, battalion commanders, “all the way down to soldiers in the field.”

“I believe in not just looking at the data everybody else has, but I have a research methodology of walking the ground, observing, asking the hard questions,” said  the foremost expert in urban warfare.

“You really don’t understand the complexity of what the IDF had to face until you see the dense urban terrain. You’re walking on top of hundreds of miles of tunnels. You have a war of this scale, in a context that no military has faced in modern history.”

Spencer’s U.S. Army career spans over 25 years, including  serving two tours in Iraq as infantry platoon leader and company commander. Today, he serves as a colonel in the California State Guard as Director of Urban Warfare Training. There, he co-created and instructs the only existing course designed to improve the ability of commanders and staff to coordinate large-scale urban operations. He has advised four-star generals and Pentagon officials and has written two books.

Mitigating Harm

Throughout his Gaza investigations, Spencer observed clear and consistent following of legal requirements, and what is militarily referred to as “civilian harm mitigation steps.” These included evacuating civilians from certain areas by handing out maps of safe areas, real time population tracking methods, and warning shots on roofs. “Harm mitigation at a level that nobody’s ever tried,” he said of the IDF. “It’s been a unique eye opening experience.” 

“Of course, militaries have soldiers that do things that are wrong,” Spencer commented. But Israel has a system to hold wrongdoers accountable and to investigate problems that arise. 

“If Israel was trying to conduct civilian harm there, nothing shows that. Not [seen with] my on-hand research, or the numbers. Very few people have the understanding of everything that’s come before every large-scale military operation, against a defending an urban enemy.” If Israel was not following the rules of war, Spencer concludes, “Gaza would look a lot worse than it does now.”

Other military investigations, including those led by Col. Richard Kemp (a highly-decorated retired British Army officer and head of the UK Friends of the Association for the Wellbeing of Israel’s Soldiers) and Major Andrew Fox (a British Army major and war studies lecturer at the Royal Military Academy), have come to identical conclusions, Spencer said.  

Over the course of a decade, Spencer’s research has focused on military operations in dense urban areas and subterranean warfare, including Nagorno-Karabakh (Azerbaijan), Ukraine, and Israel.

Consistent Analysis

The charge that Israel’s response has been disproportionate or indiscriminate, is “baseless,” Spencer contends.

Each strike has a “proportionality analysis,” including determining the level of threat or value of the target, how many civilians surround them, whether it is possible to strike without harming civilians , and doing everything reasonable to prevent harm. Israel takes seriously this type of rigorous analysis, Spencer said. “There has been no actual evidence – unless you believe Tik Tok videos – of Israel targeting civilians, or any prohibited target.” 

U.S. intelligence confirms this, he said. 

Spencer contends that the accusation that Israel is trying to starve Gazans is also “a big lie,” and “the data does not support the claim.” Spencer insisted that Israel “has done everything feasible and reasonable to flood Gaza with food.” There are, however, examples where Hamas intercepted aid, sometimes shooting people to get it, then selling it at a high price. “There’s a lot of evidence showing that as well,” Spencer told Community Magazine.

Public Opinion

Spencer noted that Israel is “horrible at communicating operations to the public.”  If he had the ability to change things, he would “assign more resources to winning the battle of narratives on a day-to-day, hour-to-hour basis.” 

“Under the social media algorithm-driven confirmation bias, if you had negative ideas about Israel, it’s going to feed you that. Then you’re going to infer what you want.”

Observers both inside Israel and abroad have criticized the length of the war. However, Spencer asserted, “the enemy had 15 years to prepare to defend the area, meaning it’s going to require a lot of force to overtake the enemy.”

Projections for an Israeli Vicory 

For Spencer, a win for Israel would look like the following: Hamas is virtually eliminated, Gaza is demilitarized, the hostages are freed – and afterwards would come reconstruction and deradicalization. (Netanyahu has called for something similar, adding to the list the importance of securing of the Philadelphi Corridor, a narrow strip of land situated along the entirety of the border between the Gaza Strip and Egypt – that otherwise would be porous to smuggling.) 

Spencer proposed starting with “the inkblot strategy,” also known as “the inkspot strategy.” This is a military strategy for subduing a large hostile region with a relatively small military force. The force starts by establishing a number of small safe areas dispersed over the region. In this case, it would be a small and secure area of Gaza, to bring about more stability in the area.

“Even when I was operating as a junior soldier in Baghdad, we put concrete walls around everything. People don’t like those, but it created safe neighborhoods. And then we found people within each neighborhood to be the security force of that neighborhood.”

Spencer wrote in an August 21 Foreign Affairs column, “[Hamas] is much shakier today that it was on Oct. 7,” owing to the death of hundreds of its leaders, minimization of weapons and units, as well as crushed infrastructure.

Israel’s Ethical Stand

Israel has made significant progress in the Gaza war, despite formidable odds. These include Hamas’s strategy of using civilian shields, storing/firing weapons in places internationally recognized as neutral zones (such as hospitals, schools, and mosques), and booby-trapping buildings where arms are stored. Despite the other side playing dirty, Israel has taken the moral high road, protecting civilians, allowing and even providing humanitarian aid, and putting its own soldiers at risk to protect Gazan innocents. Although, much of the world criticizes Israel, military expects, such as those cited above, give testimony to Israel’s being in the right, and going to extreme lengths to protect innocents. 

We pray that soon the war will end, and our enemies will be vanquished.

Frieda Schweky

After Labor Day, the number one thing on every mom’s mind is back-to- school shopping and preparing for the holidays. The moment the kids get off to school our minds turn to holiday prep. Since it’s our job to take care of clothing, our family, and cooking the meals, holiday prep is mostly physical. We plan what we’re buying, and making, then we shop and prepare. Generally, we don’t have time to think about the spiritual part of Elul, which is so important. Isn’t the whole point of the holiday is to prepare your soul for the coming judgment? But the fact is, as the ones who run the household, we moms rarely have any time to ourselves to reflect and grow at this time of year, when we’re supposed to do it most. But this year, the holidays don’t start until October. Personally, I’m still busy with editing my photos from the summer (I’m a professional photographer). However, I know I have some time I can dedicate to growth. Since this is the first time in my adult life I’ve had this opportunity, I realized that I really don’t know what to do to get ready! I recognized that a lot of moms are in the same boat, so I decided to ask people who I feel really do prepare, what they do ahead of the holidays to get ready spiritually. Let’s hear from them. 

Dorit Kanik 

We need to think of our year like a business would. Towards the end of the year, we do an honest review. Check the books, what we did well, what we did wrong, what we can do better, what should I do to  invest in learning and improving, how much time can I realistically invest, and so on. We must reflect. Hashem is so kind to us, he lets us reflect and start new each year! We’re going on trial. We should prepare like a business would. We get the best lawyer (figuratively speaking), we do our best to get our story straight and prepare our plan for going forward before the judgment on Rosh Hashanah. This is no small thing, How we do determines our next year. Sit and think with a clear mind. You can make a list, what you did good, why is my life great, what do I need to work on, and so on. Evaluate your relationships. Are you a valuable friend, are the friends you keep adding value to your life or do they talk too much lashon hara? If so, maybe they’re not the best people to surround yourself with. If you’re fighting with someone, try to clear the air and make amends. Make peace. In this time leading up to the holidays, every minute of Torah counts for more, mitzvot count for more! Hashem wants to tip the scales in our favor and give us a great year. He’s our father. He loves us. The best thing for us is to put in the effort. That is what He wants from us at this time.

Sofia Schweky

This time of year, the main thing I do is I breathe and I connect inside myself. When I meditate it’s easiest to think clearly. In my opinion, our souls are already ready for the holidays, it’s our minds and our bodies that we need to prepare, so our souls have the space that we need. 

Millie Schweky

This month has so many deep and beautiful concepts, and intense energy to tap into. But, if someone doesn’t know where to get started, I would recommend figuring out how to do cheshbon hanefesh, which basically translates into taking an accounting of everything they did this past year and figuring out where exactly they need to improve.

Journaling practices are the pathways to starting cheshbon hanefesh, a yearly review and deep dive into your inner world.

Here are some journal prompts my teacher sent us starting with dealing with hardships:

What have these past three weeks taught me about myself? What were my opportunities for growth? Where could I have done better and why? What lesson am I taking from this? 

What am I proud of myself about concerning how I handled the challenge/hardship? 

What hidden good came from the hardship?

What decreases my happiness or doesn’t serve a good purpose in my life? 

How does it feel knowing this [going through hardships] is a natural phase and there’s hidden comfort that is yet to be revealed? 

What are five things I love about myself that I show others? 

What are five things I love about myself but don’t show others? 

Notice your hidden good in hopes of revealing it. Bring to the surface and engage in a dialogue with your shadow side. This can include hidden fears, suppressed emotions, acknowledging feelings, and the parts of yourself you tend to avoid.

Take the next two weeks to work on these journaling questions and be intentional with your time. Letting life happen to you is easy, but you’re not here for that. You are here to show up to your life, to make decisions aligned with your truth, and to do the real work of getting to know yourself deeper and reaching your greatest potential. Even when going through hardships, you still show up for yourself.

Danielle Renov 

As Elul approaches, my whole mindset shifts to a more purposeful look backwards, in order to facilitate my looking forward toward the future.

With the arrival of Rosh Hashanah comes an almost month-long period of intense prayer and introspection. Like everything else that truly matters, I like to be prepared.

I want to determine what I really want to pray for, what my goals for the coming year are, and what areas I need to work on to achieve those goals. The answers come only through the process of a detailed internal accounting. Taking stock of what was accomplished in the last year, noticing areas where improvements could be made, and recognizing the places I haven’t begun to work on are all part of my process. 

Usually by the time Rosh Hashanah approaches I have a few areas picked out in specific categories that I want to work on for the coming year.

My process feels personal and not something I’d ever considered sharing.   However, if this helps even one person then it’s worth it to share. We all know that the process of preparing for Tishrei can be overwhelming My categories are: 

Getting close to Hashem – All the things related to how I interact with Hashem fall this category: praying, Tehillim, berachot, kavana, bitachon…

Family- Seeing my role within in my family relationships and noticing where my own character traits created stumbling blocks in those relationships and focusing on working on them (patience, acceptance, quality time…).

Community – This includes everything from friends to kids’ schools, to shul, to spending time in the park and noticing where I need to work on myself. I think about the following: acceptance, lashon hara, hachnosat orchim, bikur cholim, etc. 

Self – these are the areas that I need to work on in order to build my own character and to enable myself to work on everything else. Here I include boundaries, self-respect, confidence, anger, and pride.

Adele Cohen

The two books I always want to read this time of year are Elul by Dovid Goldwasser and My Father, My King by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin. One of the main themes of the high holidays is recognizing Hashem  as our king. Especially during an election year, when we can get so wrapped up and reliant on one person winning over another, it does not matter as long as Hashem is our king. What my husband does to prepare for the holidays, as well as others do, I’m sure, is go through a Hebrew/English machzor and just read the prayers and learn what they mean. This is so important because it helps a person understand what they’re saying. Once you understand, it allows you to pray from the heart! Additionally, to take Post-it notes and write down beforehand what you want to pray for the coming year and stick them inside of your machzor. A lot of the times we think we know what we want to pray for, it’s obvious to us. And then the moment we open the book in shul our mind goes blank. This small preparation can really help you to reflect and also to remember!

Mari Gindi

The women of Deal, myself included, instituted a goal-oriented program that is really helping us get and stay in touch with Hashem. Our program started right after Oct 7th. We felt like we had to do something. We decided to learn for the protection of am Yisrael and to bring Hashem’s hesed down. We partnered up in pairs of two and we committed to read a lesson-a-day kind of book with our partner over the phone once a day. The phone calls aren’t very long but they are impactful. We’ve been learning books that are inspiring, mostly on the topic of ahavat Yisrael, shmirat halashon, and things like that. Everyone is literally on the same page and we’re all learning the same material. So, whoever I see on the street (which happens often in this small Deal community) we’re learning the same thing and we can discuss it. It’s very cool. We’re going strong and going forward and we’re going  to keep going. It’s made people a lot more aware of their actions, words, and overall ahavat Yisrael!

Now, just in time for Elul, we are starting our fifth book together. This book is geared to preparing for the high holidays. It’s a workbook. We started on Rosh Hodesh Elul, which is 40 days until Yom Kippur. Each day there is another small task we can do to keep us aware via self-introspection.

Wow, so beautiful. I hope to be able to take some of these things and apply them to make the holidays even more special. I pray that everyone has an incredible and uplifting holiday season.

Until next month,

Frieda Schweky!

Frieda is an event and portrait photographer. Check Frieda out on Instagram @ friedaschwekyphoto For photography inquiries or article topic suggestions email her friedaschweky@gmail.com

When we think of the celebration of Sukkot, we naturally think of meals in the sukkah, waving the arba minim (four species), and the special prayers, such as the Hoshanot, which we recite while carrying the arba minim around the synagogue.

In the times of the Bet Hamikdash, however, this special holiday had additional features.  For example, an unusually large number of sacrifices were offered on each of the seven days of Sukkot, including a total of 70 bulls.  And, there was an especially intriguing ritual performed each day called nisuch hamayim – the water libation.

Throughout the year, many sacrifices – including the daily tamid sacrifice – were accompanied by a wine libation, the pouring of wine into a special pipe on the altar.  Each day of Sukkot, at the time of the daily wine libation, water was poured, as well.

On one level, the purpose of this mitzvah relates to the theme of water that features prominently on Sukkot.  The Mishna (Rosh Hashanah 16a) teaches that on Sukkot, which is observed at the onset of autumn, the world is judged with regard to rainfall, as to whether or not sufficient rain will fall during the winter months.  Hence, we approach Gd with a sample of the different types of vegetation (the four species) that depend on rain, and we pour water on the altar, as a means of praying for rain.

Additionally, however, there is deeper significance to the nisuch hamayim on Sukkot, one which gives us a more profound understanding of the nature of this special Yom Tov.

Mixing the Water with the Wine

Let us begin by noting a number of surprising features of the water libation that was performed on Sukkot.

First, the Mishnah (Sukkah 48b) teaches that the tube into which the water was poured over the altar was slightly thinner than the tube used for the standard wine libations.  The reason is that water is more fluid than wine, and flows more rapidly.  In order for the wine and water to descend simultaneously, it was necessary for the water pipe to be somewhat thinner than the pipe used for the wine.

This halachah, of course, works off the assumption that it was important for these two liquids to descend at the same time.  But the Mishnah does not explain why.  For what reason did the wine and water need to flow down to the bottom of the Temple courtyard at the same time?  Would it matter if the water flowed more quickly than the wine?  Moreover, why was it even necessary for the wine libation and water libation to be performed at the same time?  Why are these two linked at all?  Why couldn’t the special Sukkot libation with water be done after the daily wine libation?

This question is compounded by Rashi’s controversial opinion regarding these two pipes.  In explaining this Mishna, Rashi writes that although the wine and water were poured into separate tubes, these tubes then merged together, combining the wine and water.  According to Rashi, then, not only were these two libations performed simultaneously, but they were specifically intended to mix the two liquids, which then descended as a blended mixture down into the drainage system underneath the Bet Ha’mikdash.  Although Tosafot and other commentators challenge Rashi’s position, his view needs to be understood.  What connection is there between the daily wine libation and the special water libation performed on Sukkot?  Why did they need to be mixed?

The answer begins by an examination of the Biblical source of the nisuch hamayim obligation.

Nowhere does the Torah explicitly command pouring water on Sukkot – which is why, incidentally, the heretical Sadducee sect (“Tzedukim”), who rejected the rabbinic oral tradition, and followed only the strict, literal meaning of the text – opposed this practice.  However, the sages found a number of subtle references to nisuch hamayim, one of which appears in the command to offer wine libations to accompany the daily tamid sacrifice.  The Torah speaks of this daily wine libation with the seemingly repetitive expression “hasech nesech” (Bamidbar 28:7).  The rabbis inferred that the terms “hasech” and “nesech” refer to two different libations: the standard wine libation, which accompanied the tamid offering each day of the year, and the additional water libation which was done on the seven days of Sukkot.

It turns out, then, that the Torah introduces the mitzvah of nisuch hamayim in the context of the daily wine libations.  From the sages’ reading of “hasech nesech” it seems clear that the nisuch hamayim obligation is required on Sukkot as part of the daily wine libations.  This is not a separate mitzvah that is observed on Sukkot, like eating in the sukkah and waving the four species.  Rather, the Torah commands that on Sukkot we perform the daily libations in a unique fashion – together with water. 

This easily explains why the water libation was performed on Sukkot simultaneously with the regular wine libations, and why, according to Rashi, these liquids were actually mixed together.  The Torah precisely commands that on Sukkot, the standard wine libation accompanying the tamid sacrifice must be performed in a special way – together with wine.  The mitzvah is precisely to mix these two liquids.

Diluting Judgment with Mercy

What remains to be understood, then, is the meaning behind this mixing of water and wine.  Earlier, we mentioned that the obligation of nisuch hamayim is part of our prayer for plentiful rain during the winter months.  But if this were the full extent of the meaning behind nisuch hamayim, then why would the Torah require mixing it with wine? 

The rabbis explained that the mixing of the wine and water on Sukkot symbolizes the kabbalistic notion of mituk hadinim – the “sweetening of the judgments.”  Like all kabbalistic teachings, this concept lies well beyond the grasp of our limited comprehension.  Nevertheless, we will endeavor to understand the idea behind mituk hadinim on a level that is accessible to us.

Throughout the Yamim Noraim (High Holidays), we are subject to dinim – harsh judgment.  We are all guilty of certain misdeeds, and thus during this period of din (judgment), when Gd applies strict justice, we face the risk of being found culpable and deserving of punishment, Heaven forbid.  Therefore, during the Yamim Noraim, we are in a state of fear, and we repent and beseech Gd for forgiveness in an effort to protect ourselves from the dinim.

We might have thought that once Yom Kippur ends, and we begin the festive season of Sukkot, the force of the dinim no longer prevails, and we now enter a period characterized by compassion and grace.  But in truth, the dinim remain in force even during Sukkot.  However, instead of responding with fear, attempting to shield ourselves from the dinim, we are able to “sweeten” them, and transform the harsh judgment into kindness.  This is because on Sukkot, we come before Hashem not with fear, but rather with joy.  The Talmud famously teaches that repenting out of fear has the effect of erasing our guilt, but repentance driven by genuine love of Hashem goes even further – actually transforming our guilts into merits.  When we joyously celebrate our relationship with Gd, we not only earn forgiveness, but earn His special love and affection.

We need the period of fear, the days of the Yamim Noraim, to begin our process of repentance and change.  The prospect of harsh judgment shakes us from our complacency, and motivates us to take steps to improve.  But once we complete this stage, we advance to the next stage, which is teshuvah me’ahavah – repentance out of love.  On Sukkot, instead of reflecting on our wrongdoing and wallowing in remorse, we festively rejoice over the great privilege we have to serve our compassionate, loving Creator.  And this joy brings us much more than forgiveness – it achieves the “sweetening of judgments,” the transformation of our guilt into sources of merit, thus bringing us great blessings.

This is symbolized by the merging of the wine and the water on the altar.  The red wine signifies harsh judgment, whereas the fresh, life-sustaining water represents love and mercy.  The joy of Sukkot, the exhilaration of our relationship with Hashem, has the effect of pouring “water” onto the “wine,” in a sense “diluting” the judgments, thereby arousing Gd’s love, compassion and kindness, which we hope will remain with us throughout the coming year.

Why is this so important for us to know?

There is an unfortunate phenomenon of “High Holiday Jews,” of Jews whose attendance in synagogue and general involvement is limited to the Yamim Noraim.  I want to emphasize that these Jews should be warmly welcomed and made to feel at home; no Jew should ever be made to feel uncomfortable in the synagogue or at any religious function because of his or her level of observance.  However, this phenomenon is most unfortunate – not only because our religion is relevant to our lives each and every day of the year, but also because the Jewish experience must never be seen as focused primarily on fear.  Torah life is not about being scared, about avoiding the wrath of a harsh, mean, vengeful Deity.  Quite to the contrary, Torah life is meant to provide unparalleled joy, fulfillment and meaning.  Observing the frightening Yamim Noraim without then festively celebrating Sukkot and Simhat Torah is like stopping in the middle of a trip without reaching the destination.  The dread and fear of judgment is meant to be followed by a period of unbridled joy, celebrating our special relationship with Hashem.

The special “sweetness” of Sukkot reminds us that Jewish life is to be joyous, vibrant and full of positive energy.  It prepares us for cold, dark, dreary winter months by injecting within us a healthy dose of enthusiasm and rigor, reminding us that we are privileged to live as Gd’s faithful service, and to thus be worthy of His unlimited blessings.