Dear Jido – October 2022


Dear Jido, 

My boss is retiring, and our office wants to make a farewell dinner. The plan right now is to order dinner from a local restaurant and then to split the bill between everyone other than the boss. Since the food won’t be kosher, I don’t feel that I should pay for everyone else’s dinner, especially since I’ll have to bring my own food.  How can I tell my coworkers diplomatically that I won’t be paying the same as everyone else?   


Party Planner 

Dear Party Planner,  

If you’re concerned (1) that they’ll be serving meat and milk and you are helping to pay for that or (2) that there are other Jewish people in the office who would be eating unkosher food that you helped to provide, then you are correct, you should not contribute.  

If on the other hand, you’re only talking about it not being “fair” because you have to pay for a dinner that you’re not eating. Well, sometimes you just have to swallow your pride and ante up.  

How to break the news diplomatically if you decide not to pay? Do the math and then suggest: 

“Hey guys, we have to get the boss something to remember us by. Let’s get him a $500 gift certificate to Amazon and I’m willing to give x dollars more than my share for it ‘cause I’m not paying for the meal.”  

 By the time THEY do the math, they won’t be concerned that you’re not picking up your share of the tab. 

 That’s what I would do…