AN EDUCATED GUESS
Arnold and Judah, two elderly residents at the Senior Home, are sitting next to each other
in the lounge. Suddenly, Arnold says to Judah, “I bet you can’t guess how old I am!”
“I bet I can,” replies Judah.
“Well I’ll bet you can’t,” says Arnold.
“You’re on,” says Judah with a smile. “Now please stand up so that I can properly
Arnold does what he’s told. Judah then looks him up and down.
“Now turn around,” says Judah.
Arnold does what he’s told and Judah looks him up and down.
“Now turn back around and jump up and down on one leg,” says Judah.
Arnold does what he’s told and Judah looks him up and down. Then he says, “You are
83 years old.”
Arnold is absolutely amazed and can’t believe what he’s just heard. “Wow, Judah,” he says,
“you’re absolutely right. I am 83. How on earth did you work that out?”
Judah smiles at him and replies, “You told me yesterday!”
LACK OF PATIENCE
A group of expectant fathers, including
Marty, sits nervously in the hospital’s Maternity
Unit. A nurse then beckons to one
of them and says, “Congratulations
Mr. Jones, you now have a lovely daughter!”
Marty immediately drops his magazine,
jumps up, and cries, “Hey, what’s the big
idea? I got here four hours before he did!”
THE TALKING CENTIPEDE
David walks into the local pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy something unusual. After some discussion, David decides
to buy a rare talking centipede, which comes in a little white box for use as the centipede’s house. David takes the box with his new pet
inside back home and finds a good place for it.
The next day, David decides to take his pet to shul with him. So, he goes over to the box and asks the centipede, “Would you like to go
to shul with me today? We will have a good time.”
But there is no answer from his new pet in the box. This bothers David a bit, so he waits a few minutes and then asks again, “How
about going to shul with me and receiving some blessings?”
But there is still no answer from his new pet. So David waits a few more minutes, thinking about the situation, and then decides to
invite the centipede one last time.
This time, David puts his face right up against the centipede’s box and shouts, “Hey in there! Would you like to go to shul with me and
learn about Gd?”
This time, a little voice is heard from inside the box. “I heard you the first time, David! I’m putting on my shoes!”
Simon was trying to help his little son Maxie
understand math. “If you had seven cookies
and I asked for three, how many cookies
would you have left?”
Maxie immediately answered, “Seven!”
Simon was puzzled and asked, “Why seven?”
“Daddy, do you really think I would give you
any of my cookies!?”
brawny men came to
Mrs. Kohen’s house to install some
new floor covering in her kitchen.
Once they moved the stove and
refrigerator out of the way, it was not
long before the job was done.
As they were getting ready to leave,
Mrs. Kohen asked them to put the
heavy appliances back in place.
The two men demanded $65 for
this service, stating it was not in
Mrs. Kohen really had no choice but
to pay them. As soon as they left,
however, the doorbell rang. It was
the two men. They asked Mrs. Kohen
to move her car, which was blocking
Mrs. Kohen said, “No problem.
My fee is $65.”
Henry is visiting Hong Kong, and while passing through a small neighborhood he is surprised to
see a synagogue. So he decides to go inside. Sure enough, he sees an Asian rabbi and an Asian
congregation. The service is lovely and very touching.
When the service ends, the rabbi stands at the door greeting his congregants. When Henry
goes to leave, the rabbi asks him, “You’re a Jew?”
“Yes, I’m Jewish,” replies Henry.
“Funny,” says the rabbi. “You don’t look Jewish.” David E.