Tammy Sassoon
Much of our children’s understanding of healthy relationships is built upon the interactions they observe between us and the people around us. Whether it’s how we relate to neighbors, friends, or distant and close family members, our actions shape their perceptions of how to navigate complex social dynamics. Before we can even attempt to instruct our children on handling disappointment, respecting others, accepting authority, and practicing kindness, we must first embody these qualities ourselves.
As none of us lives in isolation, we inevitably encounter conflict, providing our children with priceless opportunities to observe our responses. For me it’s important that my children learn two things from watching:
1. How to accept life’s challenges and…
2. How to recognize the inherent worth of both themselves and others, even in the midst of adversity.
If I succeed in modeling this, I am paving a path for respectful and compassionate behavior.
Teaching by Example
When we model these behaviors, we teach our children that it’s okay to feel disappointment, anger, or frustration, but it’s not okay to lash out or resort to hurtful words or actions. We show them that it’s possible to express our feelings in a constructive way, to seek understanding, and to work towards finding a solution. We teach them the importance of empathy, of putting ourselves in another person’s shoes, and considering someone else’s perspective. From watching us do all this, our children learn the value of forgiveness, acknowledging our frustration in a healthy way, and of letting go of resentment and moving forward.
Often parents wonder why their children are act aggressively, not realizing that they themselves are doing the same thing with adults in their lives. Whatever character trait you see in your child, you would be wise to ask yourself if your child is growing up watching you act with dignity. If not, it is never too late to start fresh.
By modeling healthy behaviors, we create a safe and supportive environment where our children can learn and grow. We help them develop the social and emotional skills they need to build
strong, healthy relationships. And we instill in them a sense of compassion and empathy that will benefit them throughout their lives. If you want your child to be kinder, BE KINDER. If you want your child to be more accepting of challenges, BE more accepting of challenges. You get the point.
Scenario with the Neighbor
Imagine that your neighbor keeps on playing loud music late at night, disturbing your sleep.
If your children observe you engaging in a disrespectful response, they would see you blasting your own music even louder in retaliation, or yelling across the fence, expressing your annoyance in a hostile manner. This approach is likely to escalate the situation and damage your relationship with your neighbor.
If your children observe you engaging in a kind and boundary-setting response, they would watch you approaching your neighbor calmly and politely, explaining how the late-night noise is affecting your sleep. You could say something like, “Hi Sara, I hope you don’t mind me asking, but I’m having trouble sleeping because of the late-night noise. I was wondering if we could come up with a way to compromise, maybe by turning down the volume after a certain time?”
This approach demonstrates respect for your neighbor while assertively stating your needs. It opens the door for a constructive conversation with the neighbor and a potential solution that works for both of you.
So, the next time you’re faced with a challenging situation, remember that your children are watching. Model the behavior you want them to emulate. Show them how to handle conflict with grace and dignity. Teach them the importance of kindness, respect, and understanding. By doing so, you’ll be giving them the greatest gift of all: the ability to build strong and healthy relationships.