QUESTION: 

Dear Rabbi Ali,

I am a bit confused with some marriage concepts. We are taught that a wife is supposed to be a helpmate for her husband. To help him grow spiritually and maximize in his potential. However, there’s these often-repeated sayings such as, “You’re not his mashgiach” or, “ Stay on your own page.” This seems like I should be letting him do what he wants. So, which one is it!?

R’ Ali’s Response: 

This is an excellent question, and I’d like to start by explaining these concepts for those that are not familiar with them.

Most of us have heard of the pasuk where Hashem says to Adam that he will create a helpmate for him. Based on this, it is taught (or should be taught) to women that they are charged with a mission to be a helpmate for their husband, to help him grow spiritually. There is a Gemara that elaborates more but that’s beyond the scope of this article. 

Now, many women take this the wrong way. They assume responsibility for their husband’s spiritual growth. If he is not doing well spiritually, it is either their fault or their responsibility to ensure that he is doing his duties. This is a big mistake. No one is responsible for another’s choices nor can we make choices for another person. As a good wife, we are concerned about our husbands spiritual growth or lack of. This means we pray for him and think of tactful ways to get him to succeed.

Practically speaking, if a wife tells her husband that he’s slacking with minyan, and he says leave me alone, it is clear that this approach will not help him, hence she is not being a helpmate at the moment. 

To illustrate this point I often speak about the famous story from Parashat Korach. On Ben Pellet was part of the rebellion against Moshe Rabeinu. His wife knew this was dangerous and tried explaining to him that he wouldn’t benefit from this, to no avail. What did she do next? Did she pester him? Did she say, “I’m never talking to you again?” No. She got creative!

She got him intoxicated and waited by the entrance of her tent with uncovered hair. This scared away Korach and his people as they wouldn’t look at her with her hair uncovered. In the end, her husband was saved while many perished.

This story teaches what a helpmate is. Be creative, don’t pester him. If you get stuck, ask someone what you can do. But don’t fall into the trap of hurting him in an attempt to help.

The other concept of staying on your own page is a popular concept in marriage advice. Basically, the idea is to let your spouse be. For example, if your husband wears a shirt you don’t like, leave him alone . Now, this concept also gets confusing. It doesn’t mean not to say anything to him about his behaviors. It means, kindly and gently voice your opinion with the understanding that the ultimate decision is his. 

With regards to spiritual matters, we don’t “stay on our own page,” and leave him alone . As I explained, we are supposed to be concerned, but we can get creative and communicate in a gentle manner. For example, a wife sees her husband is not going to class anymore. Mention to him how nice it is when he learns. Words of encouragement work wonders. But aggression and frustration seems more about you than it is about his growth. This is also another point to ponder. Are we bothered about their growth or the way it makes us look? To summarize, a woman is to be a helpmate for her husband. Being a helpmate means praying for his success and being gentle and creative with ways to help him grow. Staying on your own page is similar. Help him without aggression, or even worse, force! I believe every wife should take inventory from time to time and think, am I fulfilling the awesome task that Hashem has charged me with, that of being a helpmate for my husband or maybe not?  Hashem should give us all the clarity to do the right thing and we should all have harmony peace in the home.

Jenna  Ashkenazie

Samson Armory is the first licensed firearms dealer to be established in New York in the past sixty years. Mr. Michael Bergida, a community member,is dedicated to helping Jews in the community get licensed to carry firearms, for the protection of themselves and their families.

His journey as an entrepreneur began when his business was featured on Shark Tank, the business reality tv series. There he and his business partner promoted Bumpeez, a ride-on bumper car for kids as young as 18 months. Mr. Bergida later moved on to My First Pistol, where he helped over one thousand community members obtain firearms andhe trained them how to handle them properly. He has gained approval from the ATF (Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives) and has acquired state and federal licenses. Next, he needs one more bureaucratic approval and he will then be able to officially open Samson Armory to the public.

Firearms for the Community

Mr. Bergida was one of the first to obtain a firearm once the Supreme Court relaxed restrictions on ownership of concealed handguns in New York. Now he is helping other Jews obtain their licenses, believing that sometimes, “the only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.” Many feel it is important to exercise our second amendment rights, and keep ourselves safe, especially after October 7^th and the sharp rise in anti-Semitism that followed.

Many in the Jewish community have not been supportive of the Armory, and of owning firearms in general Undeterred, Mr. Bergida continues to help others to obtain firearms legally, and to train them properly. He believes that the most dangerous weapons are the ones left in untrained hands.

Gun Ownership – Not So Simple

In order to purchase a gun in New York, state law requires that the potential purchaser must reside or have a business in New York State, be at least twenty one, and he or she may notbe convicted of felonies, domestic violence misdemeanors, or other serious offenses. Certain mental health conditions may disqualify one from owning a gun. Applicants  must also pass a background check, be of good moral character , and have four people willing to vouch for them.

Samson Armory is able to expedite the process for procuring a gun license, but all applicants are carefully vetted before they obtain a weapon.

Deciding to Purchase a Gun

Mr. Bergida does not try to convince anyone to purchase a gun. He stated that, “Just because you can have one [a gun] doesn’t mean you should. Owning a gun isn’t for everyone. With enough training, anyone can shoot, but I’m not looking to convince anyone. They have to understand their second amendment right.”

The company offers free seminars. Participants can ask questions about owning a firearm, and they can simply get more comfortable around guns. Often participants ask questions regarding children in the house. How do you keep them away from firearms? How do you explain to a young child how truly dangerous a gun could be in the wrong hands? Mr. Bergida answers, “Educate your kids. Accidents occur because children don’t know what it [a gun] is, if they understand, then they won’t use it.” The more educated a child is concerning the potential dangers of playing with a gun, the less likely they are to go near them.             With rising anti-Semitism, coupled with the desire to keep ourselves and our families safe, many are grappling with the decision of whether to obtain a firearm. Mr. Bergida is happy to answer all community members’ questions regarding firearms.

Most of what we were hoping to experience from the trip was canceled. There was no Kotel, no Tel Aviv, no hike up Masada… But we did spend four days together and five nights in the bomb shelter… There was basically nowhere to go and not much to do. And yet, somehow, it is still one of the best trips I have been on.

The trip was not perfect by any means. We missed so much. But, still I believe we gained so much more than we missed. This trip was unforgettable and I would never change a thing about it.

SCA’s Birthright Trip in the Line of Fire:

A Journey Through War and Resilience

Linda Dayan

On June 12^th  2025, Israel launched a targeted attack on Iran’s main nuclear sites. That same night, Iran retaliated with ballistic missiles of their own, leaving 30 dead, over 5,000 homeless, and causing a series of sleepless nights for Israelis around the country.  The constant barrage of rockets also shut down all air travel to Israel, leaving many thousands of Israelis stranded abroad. Anyone planning to fly out of Israel suddenly could not leave the country for the foreseeable future. Among the stranded outbound travelers were many Birthright groups, including my group, an all-girls trip run by SCA, the Sephardic Community Alliance.

After that Thursday night, our group spent the following four days restricted to the area extending no more than a five-minute walk from our hotel. We were staying at the Spirit of Herzl Hotel in downtown Jerusalem on Ben Yehuda Street. The main topic of conversation became how and when we would be able to get home. The answer turned out to be a cruise ship bound for Cyprus, which was arranged by Birthright in collaboration with the Israeli government. This arrangement facilitated Birthright groups to get out of the country and Israeli citizens waiting in Cyprus to get back home. From Cyprus, SCA organized our flights. Within 24 hours, we were on our way to JFK airport with a seven-hour stopover in Milan. We spent about 70 hours in transit, nearly three days. Whenever I relay the experience, I am often asked the same question: was it worth it?

Birthright’s Itinerary Cut in Half

Birthright was designed to show young diaspora Jews all that Israel has to offer. The itinerary is carefully planned to showcase both the hidden and the well-known and loved gems of Israel. Clearly, this trip was cut too short. Friday the 13^th was meant to be a day at the shuk (the outdoor market), and many dreamed of the Kabbalat Shabbat at the Kotel as promised in the itinerary. But those dreams never came to fruition.

Jacqueline Halabi, another girl on the trip says, “It hurt in my soul to be stripped of the opportunity to pray by the Kotel. Visiting Israel without experiencing that holiness was unfathomable to me, so much so that I was anxiety ridden as soon as the war broke out. Being a short drive away for days, yet confined to the hotel … I felt powerless.” Most of what we were hoping to experience from the trip was canceled. There was no Kotel, no Tel Aviv, no hike up Masada, and no night spent in Bedouin tents. But we did spend four days together and five nights in the “bomb shelter,” which was just the dining room on the hotel’s lowest level. Instead of traveling the country we were only allowed to stray five minutes walking distance from the hotel. There was basically nowhere to go and not much to do. And yet, somehow, it is still one of the best trips I have been on.

Worried Family Members Call

Throughout our stay at the Spirit of Herzl Hotel, I got many phone calls from concerned family members asking about the safety of my sister and me. “Are you okay?” “Do you feel safe?” “Are you hoping for the next flight out?” My answers were always yes, we are safe and okay, and if we have to stay in Israel an extra week since the skies are closed, so be it.

Most callers responded,  “You are only so calm because you don’t truly understand the situation.” But, how could we not? SCA was doing everything they could to keep us informed and in the loop. Our chaperones, Sonny and Lauren Setton, and our tour guide, Ido Reuven, made sure to share with us anything they heard to make us feel less lost. We were confined to the hotel and the immediate surrounding area, alerts from the phone ap “Tzofar-Red Alert” were constant, and we could not even visit the Kotel, which was only a 30-minute walk from the hotel, because there is no bunker there. Of course, we understood the danger, but we also had things that my family outside of Israel did not. The news is a constant barrage of the worst. They flood our feeds with death, destruction, and horror stories. While unfortunately those things do happen you cannot wallow in it.

Keeping our Cool

While the country was at war the streets around us were never empty and never quiet. The piano in Zion Square was constantly in use, the restaurants were not deserted. While the foot traffic was less than it usually would be, there were always people out. Being in Israel taught us that while it is important to recognize the tragedies that occur, and to sit with them, it is also important not to drown in them and to recognize that we must also hold close what joy we can.

We were we surrounded by Israeli culture and we also had ten soldiers join us on our trip for five days. We became fast friends. Within the first day we already had new shared jokes and shared experiences we would never forget. And Thursday night, when most of us experienced our first rush to the bomb shelter at 2:30am, our soldier friends helped keep it light. If anyone had a question about what was happening, there was an answer. And while we were made aware that since the attack was from Iran it would be more intense than missile attacks from Gaza (which has much less sophisticated weapons), we were told so in a way that kept panic at bay. And since the time in the shelter became every night occasion, we grew to expect it and adapted to the situation. Although it was impossible to guess exactly when the alarms would sound, they typically sounded at night, so many of us made a point to shower early, and wear pajamas that we would not be embarrassed to wear if we had to run to the shelter.

The sirens created a routine, and routine creates stability, no matter how unstable the situation was in reality. A key factor as to why we felt this stability was because of the soldiers’ presence. They were only scheduled to stay with us for five days, meaning that unfortunately, that Sunday they had to leave us to go back to their base.

Heading Home

Once the soldiers  left the air shifted. They had become a big part of the group and were crucial to the positive atmosphere created at the hotel. With their absence, where we were stared us in the face again, and the number of the requests from group members to move from the hotel grew.

That Sunday, morphing into Monday, we began to hear of groups leaving Jerusalem for Eilat.  One of the groups staying with us left for Eilat that Sunday night. We began to grow antsy. No one knew what was happening or when we would be allowed to further explore the country or the city. In those four days after our soldiers left the group grew extremely close. Girls who I have known my whole life but had never spoken to became my close friends. But long conversations and longer games of Jungle Speed could not keep away the feelings of anticipation and uncertainty.

Our chaperones tried their best to keep our spirits up. Ido led us on a walking tour of our surrounding area. Sonny and Lauren let us walk to the bakery farther up the street. Ido tried to find us sushi to take a break from the hotel’s meat buffet, but sadly the sushi restaurant was closed. These were seemingly little things, but they made a huge difference.

We were told that by 9pm that night (Sunday) we would be taking a cruise from Haifa to Cyprus, and from there we would make our way home.

Was It Worth It?

So, back to the question everyone loves to ask: was it worth it? The short answer is yes. I asked my friend Esther Shaab the same question, and she said the following: “Growing up I would always hear stories from my father about how amazing Israel is and how every Jew needs to go there at least once in their life. I took this advice and signed up for Birthright not knowing how my trip would inevitably turn out. As it was my first time in Israel, I was excited to do anything and everything Mayanot [Mayanot is one of the organizations that organizes and runs Birthright trips, and is affiliated with the Mayanot Institute of Jewish Studies] and SCA had planned for us.

The first few days of the trip were amazing and then the war began. At first this was not something I was happy about. How could I be? More than half my trip was now obsolete. Things like the Kotel, Tel Aviv, climbing Masada, experiencing the shuk, were all things I would not be able to do. But even though I missed out on most of my trip, I wouldn’t change a thing.

“The people I met including all of the girls and the Israeli soldiers that joined us for a couple days are some of the most amazing people that I now consider some of my best friends. The relationships I have gained outweighs any negatives I experienced on the trip. People have asked me since I got back,‘Did it ruin Israel for you?’‘You’re never going back, right?’They couldn’t be more wrong. This experience actually made me want to go back more than ever. This trip will always hold a special place in my heart and I will never forget it.” The trip was not perfect by any means. We missed so much. But, still I believe we gained so much more than we missed. This trip was unforgettable and I would never change a thing about it.

Message from the Simha Health Organization

As the lazy days of summer wind down, a familiar mix of excitement and anticipation, perhaps with a touch of dread, starts to bubble up. Back-to-school season is almost here! Getting our kids ready for academic and social success involves more than just new backpacks; it requires preparation, communication, and a strong partnership between home and school.

Isaac Setton of the SIMHA Organization hosted a valuable discussion with esteemed school psychologists Mrs. Rose Lee Pifko of Magen David Yeshivah, Dr. Nicole Yossef formerly of Yeshivah of Flatbush and now of Yeshivah Prep Elementary School, and Dr. Simone Hidary of Barkai Yeshivah, who shared their expert insights on navigating this critical transition.

Embrace Challenges and Learn from Mistakes

A powerful takeaway was the importance of shifting from being “fixers and protectors” to “empowerers.” As Mrs. Rose Lee Pifko noted, allowing children to tackle challenges and even make mistakes is crucial for development.

“The growth zone, just outside their comfort area, is where real learning happens,” Mrs. Pifko explained. When children tolerate discomfort and push through challenges, they build skills like grit and resilience. This means gently nudging them to try new things, whether it’s a new club or a tricky social situation.

The experts highlighted the value of teaching children how to fail. By reframing failure as “just one possible outcome,” parents can alleviate the pressure. Share your own experiences with mistakes and challenges, show empathy, and use these moments as opportunities to teach problem-solving. This approach cultivates a crucial life skill: learning from setbacks.

Re-establishing Routine: The Foundation for Success

After summer’s relaxed schedule, getting back into routine can feel daunting. Dr. Nicole Yossef provided practical, actionable steps to ease this transition, emphasizing that consistency is key for children of all ages. The goal isn’t perfection, but consistent effort. The more regulated parents are, the more children will mirror that behavior.

The Power of Partnership: Home and School as a Unified Front

“When parents and schools work as a unified team, children receive consistent messaging,” Dr. Simone Hidary explained. This reinforces that they are supported and believed in. Parents offer invaluable insights into their child’s personality, while school staff provide expertise in child development and education. This synergy creates an “unbelievable partnership.”

Tips for a strong parent-school partnership include communicating with teachers and staff about any concerns, and approaching the school with the intention to collaborate with them respectfully.

Isaac Setton emphasized that the goal is “school plus parents,” not “school versus parents.” When children see that parents and school are on the same page, they receive consistent messages, understand expectations, and recognize that everyone is on their side.

Finally, the experts discussed balancing support with parental boundaries. Dr. Hidary highlighted that effective parenting involves both love and limits. Providing love and support while setting clear boundaries is essential for a child’s self-regulation and success. Children understand that rules are for their best interest, even if they don’t like them. As September approaches, let’s embrace these insights to empower our children and ourselves for a successful, fulfilling, and well-supported school year. By fostering open communication, building strong routines, and strengthening the vital partnership between home and school, we can set our children on a path to thrive.

Dr. Yossef’s Top Tips for a Smooth Gear Shift

Adjust Sleep Schedules: Gradually shift bedtimes and wake-up times earlier (20-30 minutes each day) to reset internal clocks.

Foster Independence: Involve children in choosing outfits the night before and packing healthy snacks. This gives them control and streamlines mornings.

Promote Healthy Eating: A balanced diet impacts mood and focus. Involve children in snack preparation for easier healthy choices.

Encourage Physical Activity: Aim for at least 20-60 minutes daily. Walking to school, playing outdoors, or joining a team improves focus and reduces stress.

Manage Screen Time: Set clear boundaries for screen use, explaining these rules are for their well-being. Encourage alternatives like reading.

Ellen Geller Kamaras

“My motto is ‘show your story.’ I show people their vision of themselves, reflect it back onto them, who they are, what their brand is, what the event they created felt like in the moment. Everyone has a unique feel and vibe, meant to be cultivated through video and music.”  ~~ Nancy Mizrahi ~~

Please meet Nancy Mizrahi, a passionate and creative Gen Z storyteller, videographer, and film producer.  Throughout her young life, she has worked on her personal development, growing her business, and making her vision a reality.

Let’s explore Nancy’s story and understand her personal, spiritual, and career trajectory. Nancy possesses a keen self-awareness, a goal-oriented focus, and a continual desire to learn and grow. 

Origins

Nancy’s parents, Sabrina Benzaken and Roger Mizrahi were both born in Egypt and left with their parents due to the rise in anti-Semitism.  Sabrina’s family moved to France when she was a year old and then to the U.S.   Nancy’s father Felix was a tough and smart man who had a jewelry business on 86^th street in Brooklyn.

Nona Fortune, Roger’s mother, took her family to Italy for a short time and then to Israel. Roger greatly enjoyed his childhood in Israel, going to the beach and playing soccer, before moving to the States as a teenager.

Nancy is named after her grandmother Nona, who unfortunately passed away before Nancy was born.  “I learned about her through stories and pictures: she was passionate about photography and fashion.”

Nancy has three older brothers, Mikey, Steven, and Solly, all of whom she admires. 

The Early Years

Nancy became a storyteller in elementary school.

Nancy attended the Yeshiva of Flatbush from pre-school through eighth grade. Nancy especially enjoyed her  English and history classes, “the storytelling classes.”

Nancy did well academically, particularly in elementary school.  After graduating from Middle School at the Yeshiva of Flatbush she attended Lincoln High School. In high school all she wanted to do was explore the world. She did not like being confined to a classroom.

Nancy was a very creative child and enjoyed being in her own world.  While she was on the shy side through high school, afterwards Nancy began to embrace her full self, and her extroverted nature. Her self-assuredness blossomed. This was primarily due to her spiritual growth  and to her venturing into her own film business.

A pivotal moment occurred in Nancy’s eighth-grade science class.  Nancy made a video for a group astronomy project. Her teacher, Mr. Schwartz, was silent when she presented the video in class. He then said it was the best one he had seen in his teaching career and he would show it as an example to future classes.  “I’ll never forget that moment when I recognized my talent and skill.  Before that, I had only made fun music videos and sketches with friends.”

Nancy took a film class with Mrs. Kaplowitz in high school with just two other students.  They watched old films and discussed the themes and subliminal messaging, comparing them to modern films.  It was her most enjoyable class.

Nancy’s Special Spark

Nancy describes herself as real, deep, spiritual, religious, adventurous, cultured, and outgoing. 

She is passionate about life and sees every single day as a gift and new adventure.  “I love to create, I have so many passions, my business is one of them.  So much to do in this life and so little time.”

Mentors

Nancy’s family and other role models helped to shape her values, life and professional skills, and aspirations.

Nancy’s parents imbued her and her siblings with a love for life and allowed them to be themselves, guiding them lovingly.

Nancy attributes her work ethic and her open-mindedness to her mother.  Sabrina worked in her husband’s business as a young girl and continued after she got married.  Sabrina rises early and is a do-it-yourself person.  A worldly woman, she enjoys traveling, learning about culture, and music. “My mom inspired me to be as real as possible and to always strive for more.”

Nancy’s brothers were all in musical bands. Solly can pick up any instrument and play it on the spot.  Steven had his friends over to play guitar and sing.  Mikey inspired Nancy’s creative side by showing her films.   All three brothers helped Nancy to develop a keen interest in music and film, and nurtured her creative spark.  Religiously, Mikey was a huge inspiration, and Nancy learned to grow slowly at her own pace.

Nancy is moved by the friends she grows with, who have their businesses and passions; some are wives, some are mothers, and some are single.

Nancy’s Film Career Trajectory

Outside of her family, Shifra Hanon, the creator of Flatbush Yeshiva’s High School Pathfinders Program, was her #1 muse. From Nancy’s early years in high school, Mrs. Hanon helped Nancy to find her rhythm. After graduation, Nancy worked as a Pathfinders administrative assistant, organizing student trips and facilitating exploration of potential careers.  “If it wasn’t for Mrs. Hanon and her encouragement, I wouldn’t have my career today.”

Nancy’s other incredible mentors are Esther Sarway and Mazal Mizrahi, her Torah teachers, and Joy Dushey, her healing coach and friend.

At one of her first jobs for a fashion company, Nancy was assigned to organize a photoshoot. On a whim, she created a recap video of the day with clips from her iPhone. All the buyers loved the video, and her boss later hired her to create a slideshow for a birthday celebration.  This small job was Nancy’s “aha” moment: she realized she could take her skill set further into a business.

Never having picked up a camera before, that same year Nancy asked a friend to help her film three videos for small businesses owned by community women.  Nancy opened up a business account on Instagram and posted the videos one after the other.

The videos blew up and  NMizrahi Productions was born. Shortly afterwards, Nancy secured her first real gig with POPBOX NYC. 

Nancy’s Career Takes Off

About two years later, Nancy decided she needed to ramp up her business professionally.  She learned more about pro-lighting, pro-audio, and pro-video and even spent the day at B&H Photo, endlessly asking questions.  Nancy invested a large sum and was determined to pay it off through booking jobs, and with Hashem’s guidance she did.

During the pandemic, Nancy was busy with Covid weddings and promotional gigs.  Nancy was also part of a giveaway trip in Paris, organized by Shelly Schmool of ByShelly.  Shelly saw Nancy’s talents early and took a chance on her.  She was a huge help in kickstarting Nancy’s career, for which Nancy is eternally grateful.

It was time to hire a main camera person and then professional drone people and graphic editors.

Since 2017, Nancy markets her business through Instagram and word of mouth.  “There is something I gain from every job.”  Her remarkable clients include life coaches, “Simply Traditional,” an amazing culinary project spearheaded by Rochelle Hanon Dweck, the powerful women at PROPEL Network, SAFE, Flatbush Yeshiva, Barkai, and Magen David.

Her female entrepreneurial clients include Jenny Braha Mizrahi, Jennifer Nissan, Randi Tamir, Sari Dana, and Heleyne Tamir. 

Appreciation

“There is nothing comparable to the high of finishing a project. When all the pieces are finally put together, each scene in its place, and the song is perfect. You and your client have created something beautiful together, and there’s nothing like the smile on your client’s face.” 

Nancy is immensely grateful for all the experiences she has had and the connections she has made with creative and impassioned people.  Nancy is always looking forward to who she will meet next and future opportunities.  “Every day in this business is a new adventure.”

To unwind, Nancy goes for coffee, prays, learns Torah, travels, meditates, cooks, and lives life in her best element. 

What’s Next

Nancy seeks to cultivate presence and calmness in her life.  She has many future goals and would like to motivate others through her business and spirituality.  One goal is to produce her own podcast and another is to make a short film based on an inspiring story.

Nancy is not yet married and is looking forward to meeting her naseeb, being a mother, and giving her children a life where they can find their purpose.

Her advice to students: Focus on self-development.  Enjoy and be present in school: absorb the knowledge you’re receiving.  Take small steps to get closer to your goals.

Nancy would love to connect and hear from Community readers. You can DM her on Instagram – @NMPRODUCTIONS_INC or text her at 917-538-7810.  Ellen Geller Kamaras, CPA/MBA, is an International Coach Federation (ICF) Associate Certified Coach.  Her coaching specialties include life, career, and dating coaching.  Ellen can be contacted at ellen@lifecoachellen.com (www.lifecoachellen.com).