ELLEN GELLER KAMARAS

“The huge shift that I made after ten years in the corporate arena to the yeshiva world was good for my Jewish soul. I feel like this is what Hashem wants me to do.”  – Tali Yaakov

Please meet Talia Yaakov, better known as Tali. She simply exudes positive energy and passion.

After a career of ten years as an optician for a global retailer of prescription eyewear, Tali had a “quarter life crisis.” She pivoted and created a new profession for herself as a dance teacher, which also greatly improved her work-life balance.

Tali is not the first family member to appear in this column. Her older sister, Shany Sharabany, a nurse practitioner, was featured during the summer of 2021.  She was a front-line hero during the pandemic.

Tali’s sister-in-law, Adina Yaakov, was featured in the February 2024 Woman to Woman column and is a registered dietician nutritionist. Her column in Community, Once Upon a Thyme, is a favorite of many shaatras.

A Little History

Tali was born in Flatbush to Shaul and Stella Dagmy, both Lebanese immigrants. They worked hard to establish themselves in the United States. Tali is the youngest in her family, with three older brothers and her older sister Shany. The siblings are very close.

Tali attended Shulamith Elementary School and Machon Yakov L’Bnos, Manhattan high school  for girls, whose principal is Rebbetzin Ruthy Asaf.

She was an outgoing child and she blossomed in social settings, including at school.  Tali enjoyed her relationships with her teachers.

“I was always that loud student.  In my yearbook, they referenced me as ‘the one who can be found singing and dancing up and down the halls.’ I received the Spirit Award in eighth grade for my influential positive energy. My favorite part of the day was always gym class – I was naturally athletic and loved sports.”

During her grade school and high school years, Tali performed and flourished in her roles in plays, dances, and skits and she attended dance classes with her friends.  She started crafting dances as early as fourth grade with her classmates. 

Tali continued to use her talents in student government and in helping with the sixth-grade production when she was fourteen.

“My earliest memory of dancing is when, as a little girl, I would hold my father’s hand during Friday night Kiddush and dance while he sang Shalom Aleichem.  Dancing is something I must do. The rhythm gets to me.”

Post High School

After high school, Tali studied at Machon Seminary in Boro Park and Shaare Bina, also in Brooklyn.  She also enrolled in NYC College of Technology and became a NYS licensed optician and dispensed glasses and contact lenses.

Tali describes herself as energetic, positive, loud, outgoing, focused, and regimented.  She likes to have fun, too. She is warm, smart, and is always growing and expanding her toolbox.

Tali met her naseeb, Yoseph Yaakov, who is four years older, through mutual friends.  Two friends living in Israel told her about a Sephardic kollel student living in in Brooklyn. It was true hashgacha pratit!  A shadchanit arranged for the two to meet.  They got along immediately. They both share the ability to relate well and to connect with others.  Yoseph is a yeshiva rebbe and a youth rabbi on Shabbat, and is also a social worker.   The couple have three children and consider themselves blessed to live in a wonderful community.

The Pivot

Tali was thriving at her job at LensCrafters and even met celebrities when she worked in Soho.

Covid hit and the world shut down in March 2020. Tali was furloughed from her position at LensCrafters.  She was itching to do something meaningful during her time off. While her daughter was in day camp, Tali offered to come in once a week and teach dance and sports to the campers.  The camp director was immediately impressed by Tali’s energy and camp vibe, and after the first day she invited Tali to return for the rest of the season.  Since then, Tali has taught in camp every summer.

“I was that girl at weddings that danced and danced and didn’t stop. Over the years, I would attend people’s parties, mostly bat mitzvahs, and everyone would come over and tell me that I should teach dance.  But the timing wasn’t right when I finished seminary.”

In the fall of 2021, Tali returned to LensCrafters.  The following summer, she asked for two days a week off to work in camp. At the end of the summer, Tali realized that she didnot want to go back to her optician position in the City.

“Although I liked the corporate world and the professional aspect, I realized I enjoyed the yeshiva world and wanted something more fulfilling. The yeshiva environment was good for my soul.”

Tali Reinvents Herself

Tali turned her passion for dancing, her positive energy, and her ability to inspire others into a new career.  Her new profession and livelihood give her the flexibility and work-life balance to be home with her children when they get off the school bus.  It helps her to feel fulfilled and gives her life more meaning and a sense of purpose. 

“I love bringing happiness and energy and unifying all girls whether they can or cannot dance. I enjoy bringing joy and spreading joy!  My husband supports me in all my decisions and is my biggest cheerleader.”

After leaving her optician job, Tali secured a job teaching math to sixth grade yeshiva students.  She likes to have fun with her students while maintaining discipline and a healthy social and emotional environment in her classroom.  No bullying or shaming is permitted in Mrs. Yaakov’s classes.  Students must respect each other as well as the teacher.  “I strive to gain my students’ trust and teach the kids good habits for the future.”

Tali’s children love to dance and even her almost two-year-old child is now dancing.  “Music is always on in my house.”

Her eleven-year-old daughter pitches in at night with the younger ones when Tali is teaching a class.

A Range of Students

Her fitness and dance students come from word of mouth.  Tali teaches Zumba and Pilates two mornings a week and she ensures her students use every muscle in their bodies. She also does girls’ dance parties and senior exercise classes with lots of stretching.   Tali started out as an assistant at bat mitzvah dance parties and advanced to running her own.

Recently, Tali started doing exercises with special needs girls once a week at theelementary school division at IVDU School for Special Education. The occupational therapist complimented Tali on how therapeutically beneficial her exercise routines are.

Tali is always expanding her skill set and knowledge base.  After giving birth to her third child, she enrolled in a fitness center that offered classes for women and she incorporated what she learned into her own programs and events. 

Nachat

At a recent event,one of the girls told Tali that she never gets up to dance. With Tali’s encouragement the girl took the leap to participate, and dance she did! The young girl was so proud of herself.  Tali felt so gratified that she was able to help that girl go from a non-participant to an active participant, and to experience the joy of dancing. “I feel like this is what Hashem wants me to do.”

The following story perfectly captures Tali’s passion.

“I was listening to a podcast interview with Benny Friedman, and they asked him how he knew that he was supposed to be a singer. He answered that it’s something he can’t NOT do. That really resonated with me. For me, dancing is a calling, something I can’t NOT do. It’s a part of who I am at my core.”

Connect with Tali at Mrsyaakov@gmail.com with or by text at 917-674-0484.

Ellen Geller Kamaras, CPA/MBA, is an International Coach Federation (ICF) Associate Certified Coach.  Her coaching specialties include life, career, and dating coaching.  Ellen is active in her community and is currently the Acting President of Congregation Bnai Avraham in Brooklyn Heights.  She can be contacted at ellen@lifecoachellen.com (www.lifecoachellen.com).

Rabbi Yehuda Beyda

In the prophecies of Bil’am (Bamidbar 24; 20) it is written, “Amalek is the first of the nations, and his end will be everlasting oblivion.” The Torah describes Amalek as a nation that, at the end of days, will cease to exist. Even in the Days of Mashiah, when the entire world will be brought to its perfect state, Amalek will not exist. When every other nation in the world will be fulfilling its function assigned to it at the dawn of time, Amalek will best serve the world by leaving it. But why is this so? What is it about Amalek that precludes any hope of salvation? Why is this one nation the only one that cannot be brought to fulfill a higher purpose?

The answer is alluded to in the beginning of the above pasuk, that Amalek is “the first among the nations.” Though all the nations of the world opposed the existence of B’nei Yisrael at one point or another, Amalek was the first to do so, thereby earning everlasting destruction. Let us probe this idea further.

The Power of Cynicism

In the Torah, the attack of Amalek on the Jews in the desert is immediately followed by the words, “Vayishma Yitro – And Yitro heard.” What did Yitro hear? The Midrash Rabba says that he heard about the war of Amalek and Hashem’s decree in its aftermath, that He would erase all memory of Amalek from the world. The Midrash applies the pasuk (Mishlei 19; 25)that states that when a cynic is punished, the fool gains wisdom. Amalek and Yitro were both involved in Par’oh’s scheme to destroy us, but when Yitro heard of Hashem’s intent to destroy Amalek, he took the lesson to heart and repented. Though the cynic himself gets no benefit from being punished, he serves as a lesson for others to improve their behavior. Amalek here is labeled a cynic, who by definition allows all rebuke to roll off of him with no lasting impact. Yet, he can serve as a lesson for others. Where, though, does this label of cynic come from? How does Amalek’s behavior earn him the title of letz? Let us examine this.

The Gemara (Megilla 25b) tells us that all cynicism is prohibited, besides that which mocks idol worship. Certainly this applies to all mockery of evil, on any level. The reason that the Gemara chose to single out idol worship for this statement is that the essence of cynicism is to devalue that which others hold in high esteem. Rabbenu Yona explains the pasuk (Mishlei 27: 21) that states, “as a crucible is for silver and a furnace for gold, is a man according to his praise.” He says that this means that the essence of a man can be discerned by that which he praises. If one is constantly praising and admiring those who are far from the will of Hashem, then we can know for certain that he himself is far from Hashem, as well.

Though he may spend his days studying Torah and doing mitzvot, by seeing where he puts his admiration his true allegiance can be known. Conversely, we may find someone who does not study Torah as much as he should, and doesn’t expend much effort in doing mitzvot. Yet, when a talmid hacham enters the room, he shows honor and respect. His children hear the way he speaks with reverence about those who study Torah. His admiration and praise are reserved for those who are following in Hashem’s ways. This man is closer to Hashem than the other, who studies the Torah but has no respect for it. A man according to his praise.

The Natural Tendency to Put Down Others

Yet before the discernment is made about what one’s praise is for – a different question must be asked. Does he have the capacity for praise and admiration in the first place? In each of us lurks a powerful urge to devalue and bring down anything that others hold dear. We will seek out and find the “chink in the armor,” and expand that to totally destroy any admiration we may feel for someone or something worthy of such.

“That rabbi? People think he’s so great. I remember when he was a kid, we used to play basketball every Shabbat together!”  “You’re saying Tehillim with 40 people? Waste of time. All these are tricks and segulot.”

We have the tendency to try and knock anything that may lead us – or others – to a higher state of existence. This is the power of cynicism – leitzanut – which is anathema to all spiritual growth. Leitzanut has the power to negate even the most powerful and awe-inspiring display of Hashem’s presence. Indeed, Eliyahu Hanavi himself, when making his demonstration at Mount Carmel, gave a special prayer that no cynic should toss out a careless word and undo all his work. Cynicism is among the most destructive powers that exist, and those who practice it are excluded from the Presence of Hashem.

The Power of Praise and Elevation

So, before we can ask if we are praising and admiring those people or actions that deserve our praise, we must first ask ourselves – do we have the capacity to admire in the first place? Are we bringing ourselves and those around us to a higher plane of existence, or do we indulge in leitzanut to denigrate and devalue the Word of Hashem? Once that question can be satisfactorily answered, we may then examine the direction of our admiration and ensure that its targets are the proper ones.

This, then, is why Chazal chose the example of idol worship to illustrate the proper use of mockery. Idol worship is the extreme case where men built up and admired – to the point of worship and servitude – a false ideal. They used the power of elevation not for its intended purpose of increasing the honor of Hashem, but rather to promote falsehood and debauchery. This is the perfect illustration of what we must mock, and all other examples flow from this. This form of mockery is not the destructive leitzanut,but rather is a natural outgrowth of the power of elevation – of the proper type – by which we must negate all that which opposes the will of Hashem.

Amalek the Cynic

This returns us to the actions of Amalek. The simple test to determine whether we are on the path of elevation or of mockery is to examine how we react to being corrected or rebuked. If we cannot stand to be told that we have been doing wrong – that is the classic symptom of the letz. Only one who is actively seeking a higher existence can be rebuked effectively. When we can thank the one who points out an error in what we are doing, then we know that we are on the path of elevation.

Amalek, on the other hand, is the embodiment of that destructive power of leitzanut. Rashi (Devarim 25:18) tells us that Amalek “cooled down the boiling water” of the fear that gripped the nations when they attacked us so soon after we left Egypt. All the world had witnessed the might of Hashem and the strength of His love for us, and they were all in awe – and admiration – of Hashem and His nation. Amalek couldn’t stand that. They set out to prove that we were just like all the others. The Jews aren’t untouchable. We can be attacked, and though they were defeated Amalek made a real fight of it. They cooled the ardor. They found the chink to exploit.

Amalek embodies the essence of mockery and cynicism. And that is why they must be destroyed forever.

In a world that has returned to its intended mission, a world where every nation is serving its higher purpose, all will be on the path of elevation. The time of Mashiah will usher in a reality where every person and every nation will know their place, and how they are expected to increase the honor of Hashem. Even the bitterest enemies that we have known will be devoted to and praising Hashem. As we say each morning in Pesuke d’zimra – “Malchei eretz v’chol leumim…yehallelu et Shem Hashem. Kings of the land and all nations…will praise the name of Hashem.” That world has no place for a cynic. Amalek and his power can serve no purpose on the path of elevation, for theirs is one of mockery and denigration.

The only thing they can do is disappear. May we see it soon and in our days. Amen.Adapted from the Sefer Pachad Yitzchak, by Rabbi Yitzchak Hutner, zt”l, Rosh Yeshiva of Yeshivat Rabbeinu Chaim Berlin.

Are Teenage Brains Really Different from Adult Brains?

Although your brain is full size by the time you are a teenager, your prefrontal cortex isn’t fully developed until your mid-twenties. The prefrontal cortex is responsible for higher brain functions, such as reasoning and good judgment.

Additionally, there is a specific region of the brain, called the amygdala,which is responsible for the person’s immediate reactions, including fear and aggressive behavior, and this region develops early. This explains some of the risky behavior of older teens, as their actions and decisions are guided more by the emotional and reactive amygdala and less by the thoughtful, logical prefrontal cortex.

Other changes in the brain during the teenage years include a big increase in the connections between the brain cells and in the effectiveness of the brain pathways. Also, the teen years is when nerve cells in the brain are developingmyelin, an insulating layer that helps the cells communicate better. All these changes are essential for the development of coordinated thought, action, and behavior.

These brain differences don’t mean that teenagers can’t make good decisions or tell the difference between right and wrong. It also doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t be held responsible for their actions. However, an awareness of these differences can help parents and teachers understand, anticipate, and manage the behavior of teens.

Adult Brain versus Teenage Brain

On the outside, the brain looks similar throughout one’s life. But some parts of the brain develop faster than others, especially in the early years. The parts that seek new thrills and exciting events develop faster than those parts that think through situations and avoid danger. Older teenagers are almost twice as likely to take risks than anyone else. As we grow older, and different parts of our brains develop, we tend to make safer choices rather than take risks.

Fact or Fiction??

Your brain gets smaller as you get older. This is true! As a person ages, hisbrain loses weight and shrinks a bit; however, only a few ounces are lost by age eighty, and most of that is water.

Mozelle Forman

My husband asked me what I had planned for the day.  This was my answer: “I am preparing the documents for my mom’s tax return, then taking her to the grocery store.  After, I will be cooking with my daughter for Pesach and then babysitting for her two-year-old while she takes the other children to the dentist.  Then, I will drive home, meet with two clients, prepare dinner, and write an article for Community Magazine.”  The world around me labels me as part of the “sandwich generation.”  Me, I call myself “exhausted.”

I am not alone.  According to statistics, 54 percent of adults in the United States are considered the “caught in the middle” generation, caring for their children while also caring for their parents – whether financially, physically, or emotionally.  My peers, who are also caring for grandchildren, are considered the “club sandwich” generation as we have multi-levels of responsibility.

Juggling and Emotional Overload

We are truly a blessed community where the term “sandwich generation” is a way of life.  Walk into any house during any of our haggim, or many houses in Deal in the summer, to find three or four generations cohabiting. This is how we all live, with no need for fancy names or titles.  We are mothers and daughters, sisters and friends, always.  We nurture and take care of our family.  And we’re stressed out. This does not negate our gratitude that our loved ones are close by and that we get to share our time with them.  Caring for our family is a fact of our life that we cherish and need support to navigate.  So much so, that I was asked to run a support group for my sandwich cohorts as caring for our elderly parents adds an extra layer of gratefulness and stress. 

When asked about the roles we play, we can tick off the many chores we perform, as I did for my husband.  What we often can’t articulate is the invisible labor that goes into caregiving – the emotional load we carry that often goes unnoticed and is undervalued, even by ourselves. 

Carrying the emotional load of a family refers to the unseen effort of remembering and thinking through solutions before anyone else even realizes there’s a problem. For instance, the simple act of having to remember to pay Mom’s bills and schedule her doctor’s appointment and to buy balloons for your granddaughter’s Humash play, takes emotional energy.  Keeping track of which pantry items are running low, what needs replenishing and mentally planning for the next grocery trip requires us to be fully in the moment and the future simultaneously like when we plan our sedermenu while listening to the megillah.

Even if we’re not directly handling every task, the cognitive load means we’re still the one overseeing, recalling, and anticipating needs. Think of it as maintaining a mental to-do list of ongoing projects and deadlines in your mind – all day, every day.  This type of mental labor, this constant state of “being on top of things,”demands significant mental space because you feel that you’re never truly “off duty.”  Having to care for your parents in addition to your own family adds more to your mental load, which can lead to chronic stress.

Antidotes

The antidote to this emotional overload is to delegate some of the tasks on your mental to-do list.  Even family members who live far away can pitch in financially, call to schedule doctor appointments, and regularly check in on a parent by phone. Keep the lines of communication open with your family with regular family meetings.  Discuss concerns anyone is having about your parents and have everyone commit to tasks that are needed.  Expect that it may not be done exactly as you would have done it and move on. 

Another antidote to emotional overload is expressed in this motto:  Loving others requires knowing how to say “yes.” Loving yourself requires knowing when to say “no.”

We have perfected the first half of this life lesson.  We are conditioned to say yes, to offer a helping hand, and to volunteer for myriad causes.  In order to succeed at “loving ourselves,” we need to develop the skills and the language necessary to sometimes say “no” comfortably and without guilt.  Many of us have a negative visceral reaction when we would like to say no.  So, exploring the myths surrounding the word “no” is beneficial.

ValidReasons to Say, “No”

No, it is not mean to say “no.”It’s a struggle to say no if you feel guilty or obligated. This might happen when a request comes from a loved one you don’t want to disappoint. Even if someone important to you is the one asking a favor, it doesn’t mean your time and energy aren’t valuable. Saying, “I’m afraid I’m not available today” is perfectly acceptable – whether it’s your daughter asking you to babysit or your mom asking you to take her to the salon. 

No, it is not selfish to take some time for oneself and delegate responsibilities to someone else.Taking care of yourself, while taking care of everyone else, can feel overwhelming. The best thing you can do for yourself and those you care for is to take care of your own needs. Because this can feel impossible at times, put on the calendar what you’re doing for yourself, and then plan work and caregiving around that.  That means giving yourself permission to block out time for whatever gives you joy – whether it’s going to the gym, meeting with a friend, or going to a book group. If you don’t make your health and well-being a priority and something happens to you, who will take care of everyone else? 

“No” is a complete sentence. You don’t need to explain or justify your decision unless you feel comfortable doing so.  It’s polite to give a brief explanation of why you are saying “no.”  This can help soften your answer and help the person understand why you decline.  You can politely say, “Unfortunately, I have too much to do today.  I can help another time.” This shows both your commitment to your own schedule and your willingness to help.

A Mix of Feelings and Emotions

As we care for our aging loved ones, we experience numerous emotions.  There is often anxiety about the future, how to best care for parents, and the potential financial strain of providing care. And regardless of how much we do, we may feel guilty about not being able to do more for our parents and simultaneously guilty about the impact our busy-ness is having on our husbands and children.  Let the guilt go!  It doesn’t serve anyone.

Frustration and anger can arise from the challenges of caregiving, the feeling of being unable to fulfill parental expectations, or even from the parent’s own reluctance to accept help. So many of my friends have complained that their parent does not take their advice or suggestions. 

Parents Pushing Back

One friend shared, “When I proposed to my mom that she attend a program at DSN, she wasn’t interested – she said there were too many old people there!”  Another friend expressed frustration that her mother would never go to the doctor.  “She has these aches and pains but refuses to be seen and if we finally convince her to go, she doesn’t follow the doctor’s directions or take the medication he prescribed.” 

It’s hard dealing with a parent who suddenly reminds us of a recalcitrant child who won’t abide by the rules.  Here is where finesse is required; Mom or Dad have to be brought to the decision with respect and patience.  Give them time to get used to an idea, especially one that further limits their independence, like when it is time for them to stop driving.  They are silently grieving all the losses they are encountering as they age – the loss of friends or spouses, the diminishment of their sight, hearing, and mobility and their necessary, sometimes uncomfortable, reliance on their children.  They may understandably be irritable, sad, or depressed; they don’t want to be a burden to anyone.

Watching parents decline in health and become dependent can be a source of deep sadness for us as well. We are grieving the loss of our vibrant parents whom we have depended on.  One client shared: “Gone are my larger-than-life figures, the couple who have been married for 61 years and built their own business from the ground up. Now I have two elderly loved ones who need me to take care of them.”

Help Parents to Feel in Control

We see them diminish in health, the ability to care of themselves, and to engage in their previous lifestyle and social interactions.  And yet, they are our parents so we must help them preserve whatever independence they currently enjoy and not make decisions for them without their input.  It’s important that we help our parents to feel they are still in control of their lives.

For more insights and support come to the workshop sponsored by  Shaare Tefilah (The Eatontown Synagogue) in Eatontown, NJ,  on May 8^th at 11am.

Machla Abramovitz

Sometimes, fairy tales do come true.  Such was the case with the Shore Area Mikveh, which was in drastic need of repair and was revived and transformed into a magnificent palace imbued with serenity and kedusha, as befitting the unique mitzvah it embodies. 

The women taking advantage of this newly renovated space, in turn, step into a wonderland of luxury and comfort and, during their short stay, feel themselves equally transformed into royalty.

From Dream to Reality

It was a project that, once begun, incurred the blessings of shamayim, hastening its speedy completion under extremely challenging conditions and with the skillful hands of a highly talented and dedicated team of professionals:  a creative community fundraiser, a uniquely-gifted designer, highly experienced builders who all accomplished the impossible, all united in their goal of elevating this mitzvah onto a higher plane and completing the project on schedule.

It was also a credit to its Rabbinic council – Rabbi Shmuel Choueka, Rabbi Shlomo Diamond, Rabbi Moshe Malka, Rabbi Saul J. Kassin, and Rabbi Edmond Nahum, who provided spiritual guidance and, when given the option between a much nicer but more costly décor, looked the other way and approved the more expensive choice in keeping with the commandment of beautifying a mitzvah.

The Heart of the Community

However, it was largely due to the efforts of Eddie Mizrahi, who stepped up in every possible way to make this project financially viable.  As president, Eddie took on the responsibility of fundraising and established a new mikveh committee with Maurice Zekaria as vice president and Edgar Cohen as treasurer.

“We have the most generous and special community on the face of the earth,” says Maurice Zekaria.  “Without their financial support, we could not have gotten the project off the ground, whether it was the donor money or those that helped with short-term loans.   What other community could do that?”

Today, when one enters the newly renovated stucco edifice, one encounters a waiting room wallpapered with large haiku flowers and branches, blush colored, as well as a cascade of plaster flowers.  Arches connect additional spaces that bear additional memorials, including a breathtaking matriarch wall, the inspiration of Eddie Mizrahi, and dedicated by Jack A. Kassin.

The Matriarch Wall was built in memory of Mrs. Mazal Kassin, the wife of Chief Rabbi Jacob Kassin, zt”l, who built the community by setting its religious standards.  Fifteen preparation rooms, including a magnificent bridal suite and four pools, branch out from the reception and waiting areas.  All rooms are painted a soft cream and creamy white; they flow harmoniously into one another, their newness glistening, producing an aura of luxury and serenity.  During the summer, when the town of Deal is overflowing with summer residents, this community mikveh accommodates over eighty women nightly, a number that has been steadily growing.

Mikveh manager Elyse Kairey still cannot believe her eyes.  Having served the mikveh for 25 years, she never thought she would see the day when the community mikveh she loved and dedicated her life to so generously would physically reflect the splendor of the mitzvah it embodies.

Under the spiritual guidance and care of Rabbi Shmuel Choueka, this mikveh accommodates a broad spectrum of women from all walks of life.  Elyse and her team of beautiful, hard-working, committed women work diligently to make every attendee feel as comfortable as possible.  As the community’s mother mikveh, it accommodates special times, many out-of-towners and kallah teachers from different states who, she says, “are looking for a serene, easy-going place for their brides, a place that will provide them with the TLC they need and a time to pray.”

The Need for Renewal

Only three years ago, the mikveh’s future didn’t seem as promising.   Humidity and inadequate air circulation had left their marks since its previous renovation 16 years ago:  tiles fell off the walls, telephones stopped working, and water compressors that control the water filtration system broke down often, at considerable expense to the mikveh.   It was hard to keep up with the mikveh’s rapid deterioration.

Elyse recalls the day when yet another compressor broke, and Rabbi Choueka gave the go-ahead to move forward with a significant renovation. 

Divine Inspiration

It was in 2022, during a conversation with Debra Shiloach, that Elyse mentioned the need for a renovation and Debra, as a talented interior designer, volunteered to undertake the project.  Debra was no novice when it came to designing mikvaot.  She has worked on a small mikveh in Ocean City, Maryland, dedicated in memory of her mother-in-law, Molly Shiloach.  She has also worked under the guidance of interior designer, Abie Jerome, who designed the renowned Carroll Street Mikvah in Crown Heights, which was a major inspiration for her.  “That mikveh took what a mikveh could be to another level; it enabled women to have a different kind of experience,” Debra recalls.

Inspired and anxious to start, she began researching her sources.  She hit upon a haiku-patterned wallpaper that deeply moved her and proved to be the inspiration for the entire décor.

Rising to the Challenge

Unfortunately, it would not be until two years later, when Maurice Zekaria offered to take over the reins of the project, that matters came to a head.  Maurice, who has left his mark on many significant buildings and structures in Deal was also eager to get started. For him, it was yet another opportunity to give back to the community. 

This project, though, proved incredibly challenging in many ways.  “It was clear that we would have to gut the entire interior, which meant that the mikveh would be closed to the public for nearly six months – from January 2024 till the end of June 2024 – when the mikveh was desperately needed to accommodate the influx of summer residents in Deal.  “We had no choice,” explained Maurice Zekaria.

The possibility of keeping some parts open while closing off others was impossible – doing so, they said, would not resolve the air circulation problems that were primarily responsible for the rapid corrosion of the mikveh. 

Another challenge was that, unlike new construction, there were no building plans to follow.  “We had no time to make plans.  The builders, therefore, determined the plans on the job while the subcontractors were working.  This job was my toughest project yet.  Fortunately, we had an amazing team all around.”

“The biggest challenge, though, was that we had to do this quickly, yet we didn’t have a dollar in the bank to meet the budget.  We had to fundraise and borrow money from a handful of us.  We also had to do whatever we could to pay the contractors and subcontractors swiftly before even having a fundraising event.  So, we often met on-site with donors.  No doubt, Hashem was watching over us,” he says.

Despite these formidable challenges, they rolled up their sleeves and got started. 

Maurice brought in contractor, Richie Benedict, whose company Ray Builders, located in Lakewood, was responsible for building many prestigious buildings in the area. “Timing restraints didn’t allow us to do this job normally, so we often had dozens of contractors working in very tight corners simultaneously,” said Maurice.

“All of the tradesmen were religious Jewish businessmen,” Debra recalls, who worked closely with Maurice and Ray Builders.  “Every person was yirat shamayim.  They forged onward, united in their goal of opening this building for the women coming for the summer.  It was beautiful to see everyone working so cohesively.”

Community Support

Eddie Mizrahi, renowned for his community work and creativity, ran full steam ahead to raise the funds. He started off working with graphic designer Stacey Gindi to produce a professional, gorgeous brochure citing the mikveh’s history and including rabbinical endorsements.

Park Avenue Synagogue’s Rabbi Shmuel Choueka reminded the community, “how important a mikveh is to a community, surpassing many, if not most, other institutions. I urge all those who can participate in this magnificent mitzvah opportunity to do so, and may you all be blessed with success from your own families.” 

Rabbi Joey Haber emphasized, “There are a few things that every Jewish community needs to survive.  With them, you have a community; without them, you have no continuity.  One of those things is a mikveh.  The mikveh, like a shul, and a yeshivah, allows our traditions to endure. We live in a time where our homes are prettier, our cars are nicer, and our vacations are more beautiful.  How can our mikvaot not meet that same standard?”

Rabbi Shlomo Diamond also encouraged donors to give generously.  “All who help in this holy project are doing a tremendous mitzvah and will not only help support the renovation of the mikveh but bring untold beracha to themselves and their family and realize the blessings of the Torah,” he explained.

Eddie Mizrahi undertook organizing a gorgeous gala event to benefit the mikveh. He dedicated endless hours and worked diligently to ensure the success of the event. Working closely with party planner Norma Cohen, Stacey Gindi, Debra Shiloach, Ellen Sutton, and other volunteers, Eddie held a memorable event at Ely and Rena Cohen’s home last Memorial Day weekend.  Community rabbis spoke about the significance of completing this project.  They also honored the mikveh’s founders Ike Hidary, Sonny Laniado, and Manny Haber, while Rabbi Diamond presented them each with an award.

Eddie, along with Joe Mansour, produced a beautiful, inspiring video for the event. 

“With Hashem’s help, we raised the necessary funds,” Eddie says.

Meanwhile, Elyse and her group of mikveh ladies held down the fort.  They accommodated their regular women and others by teaming up with a small local mikveh.  “We spread the word that we would be closed for a few months; we took phone calls and sent the women to small local mikvaot.  We juggled.  We coordinated.  We didn’t put down the phone for six months.”

The Miracle of Completion

Elyse believes that the reopening of the mikveh at the end of June was nothing short of a miracle.  “The dedication of Eddie Mizrahi, Maurice Zekaria, Debra Shiloach, Richie, Baruch, and Eli Benedict, went way beyond,” she says.

It’s an endeavor, she believes, that is greatly appreciated by the community at large, especially the women using the mikveh, who express their appreciation on comment cards, thanking them with words written from the heart.

Looking Forward

Eddie Mizrahi, though, is not yet finished!  He is determined to raise another million, half of which will go towards finishing off the building and the other half towards the budget.  But it’s not the money that motivates him.  He’s put his heart and soul into this holy endeavor. His next project is to produce an all-women’s video (women speaking to women) to promote women going to the mikveh.

“This mikveh is like a spa.  It’s beautiful.  Since its opening, women who had never connected to their religion started coming.  I believe we created a nice buzz.  We made going to the mikveh cool,” he says.

The next event will be a Breakfast & Celebration in honor of community matriarch, Cookie Chera. It will be held in May at the beautiful home of Lisa and Lee Cohen, who, along with the Setton family, have generously sponsored the name of the campus. There are many sponsorships opportunities available ranging from the Bridal Mikveh Pool to the dressing rooms and mezuzot. For more information, please contact Eddie Mizrahi at (347) 260-0745.  “We built nothing short of a palace and wish to publicize this accomplishment to all women.”

Don’t Fool Yourself!

Suppression is a psychological mechanism that refers to the deliberate effort to consciously avoid or inhibit thoughts, feelings, or behaviors. It is a form of self-control that allows individuals to regulate their thoughts and emotions, so they can align with their goals, values, and social norms. From a psychological perspective, suppression is often seen as a coping strategy that can help individuals maintain mental balance, especially in the face of stressful or challenging circumstances.

The Impact of Psychological Suppression

Suppression has been the subject of much research and has been found to be an effective, but also a limited, form of self-control. While suppression makes it easier to navigate challenging situations, it can also have negative consequences, as it requires a significant amount of mental effort and can result in feelings of psychological distress, especially when used over an extended period. Research has shown that repeated suppression can result in emotional exhaustion, and that the energy required for suppression is taken from other cognitive resources, resulting in decreased performance on tasks that require attention and memory.

One study that investigated the impact of suppression on emotions, “The Cognitive Control of Emotion” by James J. Gross, published in the Annual Review of Psychology in 1998, analyzed the effects of emotion regulation strategies, including suppression, on emotional experience and physiological responses. The research found that suppressing emotions did not lead to the elimination of the emotional experience, but instead led to an increase in physiological arousal, which subsequently fostered an increase in psychological distress. Furthermore, suppression was associated with decreased cognitive control and increased negative feelings.

Developing Better Strategies

This highlights the importance of understanding the mechanisms behind emotion regulation, and the need to develop more adaptive strategies for managing emotions. This study and others like it have contributed to our understanding of the impact of suppression on emotions and have helped to inform the development of more effective emotion regulation techniques.

Suppression is also to be avoided when it comes to working on our middot and avodat Hashem. We must acknowledge the negative feelings we have and not suppress them. But acknowledging these negative feelings must be sincere.

 Lesson from Rav Wolbe

There’s a difference between what Rav Wolbe calls a “frum Kriat Shema,” which means just closing our eyes and thinking of all of the high and holy things, and saying Kriat Shema in a real and sincere way. Rav Wolbe discusses how easy it is to fool ourselves, to close our eyes and pray aloud with a lot of kavanah. To imagine walking in joy to die al kiddush Hashem, but having no idea what’s going on inside of ourselves.

Our job is to be sincere and serious and realize what’s going on inside of ourselves. Kabbalat ol Malchut Shamayim means that our ears won’t listen to devarim assurim, our mouths won’t speak devarim assurim or eat prohibited foods or do so l’shem taavah, and so on and so forth. In Rav Wolbe’s words, “If you really know yourself, you’re going to realize all these forces are not agreeing to kabbalat ol Malchut Shamayim.”

TAKEAWAY:

Look at yourself honestly and ask yourself: What am I REALLY willing to give up for the sake of Hashem?

Sarah Dabbah

On Monday, March 31, SBH welcomed Jewish Communal Fund (JCF) and UJA-Federation of NY to its Kings Highway headquarters to celebrate a major milestone for the community: the official launch of the Jewish Communal Fund Digital Food Pantry Program. For decades, SBH’s Sarah Sutton a”h Food Pantry has been a resource for so many individuals and families. Visitors can visit the pantry and select the groceries they need, fitting their visits between carpool and work.

Now, thanks to a generous grant by JCF, the Sarah Sutton a”h Food Pantry just got the “Fresh Direct” treatment with the implementation of a digital system. “You can now order online and you can arrange a pick-up time that’s convenient for you and your family,” said Rachel Schnoll, CEO of JCF. Only instead of paying with cash, “the system uses points instead of dollars,” added Vicki Compter, Vice President of Capital Gifts and Special Initiatives at UJA, at the launch.

Providing Clients Dignity and Choices

“Healthier foods ‘cost’ less points than less-healthier options, incentivizing clients to make better choices,” she said. “The whole goal of this pantry is to give people dignity, to help with health outcomes and to give people choices.”

JCF is generously funding the first three years of the grant, powering the digital pantry system, while UJA has committed to funding years four and five. “We’re stronger together because we’re able to fund so many programs and services through the support of these partners,” said SBH CEO Nathan Krasnovsky. “We’ve proudly offered our clients the most dignified experiences through our other divisions, and now through this new digital panty, we can do the same with our Food Division,” added SBH former president and former JCF board member Lee M. Cohen. “Now there’s no need to wait on line and let the anxiety creep in, as clients can place their orders in advance on their own and pick up a box of groceries discreetly.”

Partnership at Its Best

Ray Chalmé, JCF trustee and board member of the UJA, spoke about the natural synergy between the three organizations – UJA, JCF and SBH. “It’s wonderful to see a partnership that works and continues to work.” Donors have allocated over $11 million in grants to our community institutions through JCF, along with an additional $2.5 allocated by their advisory board for special gifts and projects.

The Sarah Sutton a”h Food Pantry runs through a few different forms of support. In addition to our generous community donors, bakers, and volunteers, our partners at the Met Council, the Food Bank of New York City and City Harvest help keep shelves stocked. JCF’s support will allow SBH to modernize the way food is distributed, modernizing the entire process.

Trained staff and volunteers at the pantry have been helping clients acclimate to the new system, which many adapted to pretty quickly. “I see the difference this is making first-hand,” said SBH Vice President Michele Levy. “One of our senior clients now places his orders on the phone!” Michele also spoke about a client who has been raving about the digital system. “She’s a single mom who would rush here between carpool and work and run into the pantry and quickly decide what her family would like to eat,” said Michele. “Now with the digital pantry, she can place her order in the comfort of her home at her own pace and plan out her week – the stress is gone!” “Through this grant, SBH will continue serving the community with the heart and soul it always has, only now the process of obtaining food will be further simplified,” said SBH President David J. Beyda. “Our model is to provide hundreds of different programs and services under one roof and now we can ensure our clients have a seamless, stress-free experience when feeding their families.”

Special Election for NY’s 22nd Senate District Set for May 20^th

by Joey C Saban and Sari J Setton

In a historic move, Sam Sutton, one of the Sephardic community’s respected leaders and long-time advocate, has officially launched his campaign for New York State Senate in the 22nd District, seeking to fill the seat vacated by Senator Simcha Felder. The special election will take place on Tuesday, May 20th, and could mark a monumental moment: the first time a member of the Sephardic community would serve in the New York State Senate.

Sutton’s candidacy is more than a political run – it is a powerful statement about representation, community empowerment, and a long-overdue voice for a growing and vibrant constituency. As Sutton put it in his announcement, “Given our community’s growth and needs, we deserve a representative who is deeply rooted in our community and understands its dynamics.”

A Proven Civic and Communal Leader

A lifelong Brooklyn resident, Sam Sutton’s decades of leadership and advocacy stretch across civic, educational, and humanitarian spheres. He served over 30 years on the board of Sephardic Bikur Holim (SBH), including five years as President, helping grow the organization into a multidivisional social service center.

Sam also co-founded and is the President of the Sephardic Community Federation (SCF), the political and public policy arm of the Sephardic Jewish community, and has played a central role in securing government resources and legislative support for key community needs.

His resume also includes supporting his wife Nancy when she founded the New York Cancer Center. He also was a founding board member of the SAFE Foundation. Sam also was privileged to serve as a Trustee at NYU Langone Hospital. 

An Advocate for Education and Jewish Continuity

Education has long been at the heart of Sutton’s public work. Sam was chairman of the education committee at the Sephardic High School and shortly after chaired their fundraising committee as well. A graduate of Yeshiva of Flatbush (67’) and Yeshiva University (71’), he was nominated as a Trustee to CUNY Board of  Trustees by Governor Pataki and served from 2006 to 2012. During his tenure Sam helped hire the Presidents of Brooklyn and City College. He is also the co-founder and current chairman of Teach NYS, an organization committed to securing government support for non-public schools. 

In 1973, Sutton ,along with four other young men, founded the Sephardic Torah Learning Center, which was eventually brought over to Shaare Zion by former President David Cohen.

Sam along with a few other community leaders, including Harry Adjmi, relaunched Ozar Hatorah NY in 2017, helping transfer over 3,200 children in France from public schools into yeshivot -a bold, international effort in Jewish continuity and education.

 A Humanitarian with Global Impact

While his civic accomplishments are impressive, Sam and Nancy are equally admired for their quiet, personal acts of compassion. Sam and Nancy were likely the first Sephardic family to become foster parents, after going through a 3-month training program. They opened their home to 14 foster children, including one with special needs who lived with them for 18 months and became like a sixth child. 

In 2005, in partnership with American Jewish World Service, Sam led a humanitarian mission to Senegal to launch a development project focused on clean water access and sustainable agriculture. Earlier in his life, in 1973, Sutton took part in a mission facilitated by the Nativ Division of the Mossad to the Soviet Union, countering false propaganda against Israel as well as facilitating individual efforts to escape the USSR. 

A Moderate Voice at a Critical Time

If elected, Sutton would bring a much-needed moderate voiceto the State Senate – someone capable of bridging divides and working pragmatically on behalf of all constituents. In a political climate often defined by polarization, Sutton’s balanced, solutions-oriented approach would bring stability, clarity, and credibility to Albany.

Sutton’s top legislative priorities reflect both local concerns and core Jewish values. Among other community priorities, he is committed to:

• Fighting anti-Semitism with zero tolerance, protecting Jewish students and institutions across New York.

• Unwavering support for Israel, ensuring state partnerships and moral backing for the Jewish state.

• Delivering increased funding to critical institutions like SBH, The Sephardic Community Center, SAFE, and the community’s Yeshivahs, ensuring they continue to thrive and serve all generations.

• Funding (not defunding) the Police and fighting against the current Bail Reform

A Community Milestone

For the Sephardic community in particular, Sam Sutton’s campaign represents more than a candidacy – it’s a chance to make history. After decades of growth, contribution, and community-building, the opportunity to elect one of our own to such a high level of state government sends a clear message: our voice matters.

“I believe it’s time for me to contribute directly from within government,” Sutton said. “We’ve come so far as a community – this is our moment to take the next step.” As May 20th approaches, the momentum behind Sutton’s campaign is growing, fueled by grassroots support and the recognition that this is a once-in-a-generation opportunity to secure representation that truly reflects the community’s values, heritage, and future aspirations.