Jack Gindi

My eldest son lived by a silent code – I discovered it only after his passing. Shaun had a way of making people feel seen. He didn’t just ask, “How are you?” – he would say, “What’s going on in your world?”

During his shiva, more than one friend shared how this simple shift in questioning invited genuine warmth and trust. He instinctively knew how to be real with the truth, raw with emotion, and focused on what matters.

This revelation inspired me to reflect on the code of resilience I’ve discovered during my journey of life. The four principles are: being real with our facts, raw with our feelings, and relevant in our focus, to achieve the results we seek.

I found applying this code to current challenges helps me process feelings and guides me in making decisions.

It’s a code for transformation, offering clarity, purpose, and process to reset your direction.

When life hits hard, try applying this code of being REAL, RAW, and RELEVANT, to achieve the RESULTS you seek. This code won’t erase the challenges but it can help you forge a path to resilience.

REAL: Facing the Facts

Every transformation starts with truth. What’s happening? – not what you wish or fear. Being REAL means stripping away the illusions and confronting the raw facts of your situation.

When I first assessed a current building project in Denver, the facts were daunting. It wasn’t in good shape. However, we saw opportunities where others saw problems.

This might mean acknowledging a strained relationship, a financial setback, or a career misstep. Acknowledging the truth isn’t easy, but it’s necessary. It provides the solid foundation upon which everything else is built.

RAW: Honoring Your Feelings

We shouldn’t ignore our feelings; we must understand them. Being RAW means letting yourself feel without letting emotions dictate your decisions.

I felt fear, shame, and regret when I lost my real estate portfolio in 2009. For weeks I avoided those feelings, hoping they’d go away. But it wasn’t until I sat with them – allowed myself to feel – that I began to see a path forward.

Your emotions are like a compass. Fear shows what you value. Regret highlights where you wish to change. Honoring your emotions doesn’t mean wallowing in them – it means listening to them and using them as a guide.

RELEVANT: Focus on What Matters Most

When overwhelmed, being RELEVANT means asking, “What deserves my energy now?” After Shaun’s passing, I found his diary entries, which gave my mission to help teens and their families a new, urgent focus.

Relevance requires discipline. What deserves your energy and attention at this moment? Our biggest breakthroughs come from focusing on what we can create, not on our losses.

RESULTS: Define the Fruits of Action

Defining what success is in each situation is how transformation happens. Big changes can feel insurmountable, so start with small actions.

We didn’t start by fixing everything at once with the Denver building. We reinforced one beam, then another. Each step made the building stronger.

In life, results aren’t about perfection or speed. They’re about consistent progress. “Whatever it is, define success. Then, take purposeful steps to achieve that success, be it repairing a relationship or recovering from an illness.

Bringing It All Together

We applied the principles of the CODE in repurposing the building in Denver. At first glance, the structure seemed beyond saving – its foundation cracked, its purpose outdated. But we embraced the challenge by being REAL with the facts, acknowledging the building’s weaknesses and potential, and RAW with our initial doubts. We stayed RELEVANT by focusing on what mattered – reinforcing key structural points, and defined our desired RESULTS: transforming the building into something stronger and more valuable than ever before.

The CODE points – REAL, RAW, RELEVANT, and RESULTS – don’t exist in isolation. They work together, creating a compass to guide you.

Remember: Every builder follows a code – a set of principles that guides their work. Whether reconstructing a business, rebuilding family bonds, or rediscovering purpose after loss, living by a code can help illuminate your path.

What Challenges Are You Facing?

Try breaking it down:

What are the REAL facts about the situation?

What RAW emotions need acknowledgment?

What’s most RELEVANT right now – what have you been doing, and what must be done to shift it?

What RESULTS would signal progress?

Sometimes, the most significant breakthroughs come from asking better questions.

Rabbi Zamir Cohen

The nature and meaning of dreams have fueled the imaginations of modern scientists no less than they challenged the thinkers of the ancient world.

What is a dream and where does it come from?

Do dreams contain hidden messages?

Is there a use for the good or bad information that appears in a dream, or is a dream merely a kind of illusion unworthy of serious reflection?

A survey of the science’s approach to dreams reveals an incremental change that has taken place over the years.

Only 120 years ago, the intellectual community scoffed at the idea that dreams were worthy of serious study, deeming them mental illusions that carried no deep significance.

All this changed with the arrival of Sigmund Freud (1856-1939), the central figure in a movement teaching that dreams are key elements for revealing the deep motivations and obstacles buried in the human soul. Freud claimed that when a person is awake, his or her consciousness serves as a kind of gatekeeper, filtering out some of the richest voices of the soul. During sleep, the “censorship” of the waking consciousness no longer controls the swirling pool of the subconscious, and the mind is flooded with all variety of messages, ideas, and desires normally buried in the furthest recesses of the soul.

But what about the supernatural element of dreams? Freud addressed this question, too, rejecting the notion entirely. In the conclusion to his book, The Interpretation of Dreams, Freud wrote that the idea that a dream could reveal anything about the future was worthless.

Futuristic Insights

However, in the decades since the publication of Freud’s work on dreams, scientific researchers have collected testimonials, evidence, and data demonstrating that dreams can actually provide knowledge of the future. This evidence, verified by careful and precise tests, has forced scientists to reject Freud’s stance on the value of dreams as a source of insight into future events – even while many researchers still remain baffled about the essence of dreams and their interpretations.

Professor Yaakov Bazak, a noted Israeli judge and legal scholar, wrote the following lines in his book Beyond the Senses, after his own experiences confirming the power of dreams:

Taking into account the minute details that came true, it is extremely difficult to explain the actualization of dreams as mere coincidence. Anyone willing to approach this topic without preconceptions must admit – at the very least – that the relationship between dreams and the future deserves serious scientific study. It is simply not logical to claim that there is no basis whatsoever for the power of dreams to relay information about future events. It is true that some dreams can be explained as the result of subconscious reflections on events that happened in reality. In other cases the element of telepathy must be considered. Some dreams really are the result of “sheer coincidence.” But after all is said and done, one cannot deny those dreams that do carry solid evidence of predicting the future and cannot be explained by any of the approaches listed above. Unfortunately, we must continue to wait patiently for scientific tools capable of investigating the prophetic foundation of dreams.

While there is certainly no universal agreement among contemporary scientists concerning the ability of dreams to predict the future, some researchers have indeed concluded that the phenomenon exists, with England leading the international community in this field. Among the most notable examples occurred in 1966, when many people had dreams predicting a disaster in Aberfan, Wales, a small village where a mountain of coal slag collapsed over a school, burying 144 people.

As a result of this incident, a British institute was launched with the expressed purpose of researching the possibility that dreams can predict disasters. Today, a number of similar private institutes – often staffed by volunteers – have taken on similar projects worldwide, gathering data and personal testimonials on the topic. Even though this area of research is still new, the amount of available data has grown dramatically in recent years.

The Torah’s View

Does the Torah completely ignore dreams, as did many scientists of the past? Does it regard dreams as a purely psychological phenomenon, as did Freud? Are we fated to remain in the dark about the concept of predictions through dreams, just like so many researchers of our generation?

Not surprisingly, the Torah sages were far ahead of scientists of the past, Freud, and today’s scientists. A clear understanding of the Torah’s approach to dreams eliminates the confusion surrounding the topic, and answers all the major questions in the field, one by one.

Before we cite teachings of the sages on dreams, let us first briefly consider the phenomenon of sleep in general. Only after gaining an understanding of the various elements and reasons for sleep can we suggest an approach to understanding the nature and power of dreams.

The Torah knew thousands of years ago what science has only discovered recently. Namely, that the true “I” of each of us is an internal, spiritual being wrapped in a material, physical exterior composed of flesh and bones. Just like clothing cannot move without a person wearing it, the human body cannot live and function in the world without this interior, spiritual essence. After hundreds of years of denial and doubt – and thanks to new research in the field of near-death experiences – even noted scientists now understand that death is not the end. Rather, it is the release of the true, spiritual person from the bonds of the material, temporal clothing of the body sewn together from transitory flesh and bones.

What is Sleep?

A sleeping person lies in an unconscious state – almost like death. He does not receive information from his environment or maintain any awareness of what takes place around him. Yet, he still breathes and can be reawakened. Thus, he is not really dead, but neither is he truly living. The Talmud therefore states, “Sleep is 1/60th of death.” In other words, the process and the circumstances of sleep are very similar to those of death, though only to a small extent. To put it another way, we can say that there is a separation of the soul from the body during sleep similar to the separation that takes place at the time of death. If this is true, how does a human being continue to breathe while sleeping and then “wake up alive” afterwards?

The Ramchal (Rabbi Moshe Haim Luzzato), a great Kabbalist, writes in his book Derech Hashem (3:1) that the soul is comprised of five parts: nefesh, ruah, neshamah, hayah, and yehidah. Some of these parts leave the body during sleep, which accounts for the deep rest experienced, but others remain, ensuring that basic bodily functions continue. This is why sleep is considered 1/60th of death.

Death separates the soul from the body completely – each and every one of these parts of the soul – and the body moves fully from a living state to a dead one. By contrast, a sleeping person can still live and breathe, despite the unconscious state brought on by the departure of some parts of the soul. These parts return to the body at the conclusion of the required hours of sleep, or as a result of a sudden arousal, such as when a sleeping person hears his name called or hears a harsh, sudden noise. Then his soul returns to the body in a flurry. This is often marked by the deep breath people take before opening their eyes.

The Benefits of Sleep

The Kabbalists taught that flesh, like any inanimate object, does not require sleep. However, in order for a person’s soul to function properly, it must occasionally receive sustenance from its supernal source – much like a battery occasionally needs to be recharged. If this source would “charge” the soul while the person is awake, the person would be unable to withstand the power, and would collapse, We might draw an analogy to a strong electrical charge flowing through a fuse, or boiling water suddenly being poured into a thin crystal glass. The fuse would burn out and the glass would shatter. For this reason, the soul must separate itself from the body when it is to be “recharged,” leaving behind the “nefesh” portion to ensure that the body continues to function.

This is the meaning of the verse, “In Your hand I will place my spirit [ruah]” (Tehillim 21:6). A person’s “ruah” leaves him at night, but not the “nefesh,” as its departure would cause death.

Sleep, then, is a process of spiritual replenishment. After the soul receives its bounty of energy as required, it returns to the body to recharge and refuel it so that it can awaken like new. This, too, is the deep meaning of the verse, “New in the mornings, your faith is great” (Echah 3:23). This is also the reason why a person goes to sleep tired and awakens refreshed. The physical body does not experience sensations such as “refreshed,” “tired,” “sleepy,” or “awake.” These terms refer only to the soul – the spiritual being.

(These concepts are developed at length in the writings of the Arizal – Sha’ar Hahakdamot, Derash 3.)

What is a Dream?

Here, as in many other instances, the sages have masterfully condensed a tremendous amount of knowledge into several pithy phrases. We will begin with several Biblical verses and Talmudic statements, and then proceed to explore the deeper meaning of these passages through the teachings of the Ramchal.

The prophet Zecharya (10:2) declares, “False dreams comfort in vain.” And in the Book of Iyov (23:15-16) we read, “In the dream of a night vision…people’s ears will hear.”

The Talmud (Berachot) states, “A dream is 1/60th of prophecy,” but also teaches:

“Just as there cannot be wheat without straw, similarly, there cannot be a dream without some nonsense. A person who dreams sees the reflections of his heart, as it says: ‘You are the King and your thoughts rise up when you lie down’ (Daniel 2:29).”

As discussed earlier, sleep results from the departure of certain parts of the soul from the body. The body continues to function through the soul remaining within it, though it lacks to ability to stand, walk, listen, or understand. Note that our ability to stand erect while awake is due to the soul’s “support” of the physical body allowing it to resist the pull of gravity. When the soul departs at the moment of death, the body loses its ability to withstand the force of gravity, and thus falls to the ground. This is the reason why a dead body weighs a little more than it did during life. As the Talmud says: “A living thing holds itself [up].”

The parts of the soul that separate from the body during sleep – ruah, neshamah, hayah, and yehidah – are the higher and purer forms of the soul. These are also the parts that perform higher functions when one is awake, such as concentration, the retrieval and analysis of information from the brain’s memory banks, decision making, the ability to draw conclusions, emotions, and more.

The lower part of the soul – nefesh – controls breathing, imagination, and other “simple” actions. This part of the soul remains in the body during sleep, as reflected in the continued activity of the respiratory system and the imagination. This is why in a dream a person can see himself in faraway places that he had wished to visit, or winning long coveted prizes, or even witnessing a disaster from which he harbors hidden fears while awake.

A Divine Gift

Sleep is a gift from Hashem that allows us to release our tensions and fears, as well as to recall our hopes and desires – precisely during a period of rest, when we gather strength to awake renewed for a new day. (The physical body itself has absolutely no connection to thought, imagination, or the like. Only the parts of the soul listed above, which are stationed in the body, create the sensation that certain parts of the body can think or feel.)

Concerning these types of dreams, the verse says, “False dreams comfort in vain!” Such dreams have no real meaning and are only a means to release various tensions and fears that have accumulated during the day, saving the person from collapse. They teach us about a person’s inner world: What troubles the person? What frightens him? Where does he or she wish to go? What are his or her desires and hopes? And so on.

However, there is also another kind of dream, one which connects to deeper spiritual elements, and which, if they could be seen, would fill the earth with visions of uncontrollable forces beyond description.

When people are awake and all parts of the soul are grounded in the body and the material realm, the connection with spiritual entities is naturally blocked from normal awareness. However, during sleep, when the body is in some sense “dead” due to departure of the highest components of the soul, these detached parts of the soul are free to encounter other, similar spiritual beings, and receive from them information that they are otherwise unable to access, including facts about what will happen in the future.

Partial Prophecy

This information flows directly into the spiritual element that remains in the body during sleep, appearing in the form of dreams. This is why a person can awake with knowledge of the future. About dreams such as these our sages have said, “A dream is 1/60th of prophecy.” However, an ordinary person, who lacks the pure mind and spirit of a prophet, does not grasp a high level of spirituality. Thus, the Sages have said, “There is no dream without some nonsense.” In other words, even a truthful dream has elements of base human hopes and fears mixed within it, for these continue to operate even as spiritual information flows to the sleeping individual.

The Kabbalah also teaches that the purpose of a bad dream, which predicts dire events, is to give us the opportunity to actually alter the negative decree. By changing our behavior and aligning ourselves with the will of our Creator, we are able to change the future. If a person did not have a chance to preempt the evil occurrence through proper behavior, Hashem would not have sent the dream in the first place.

As noted, the Torah’s knowledge of the nature and meaning of dreams preceded Freud by thousands of years. Even science is now following the Torah’s lead, as the scientific community has little doubt that some dreams do foretell the future – though science itself does not know how to handle or explain this fact. As an example of the scientific community’s confusion concerning the nature of dream, we repeat Professor Yaakov Bazak’s words cited earlier: “Unfortunately, we must continue to wait patiently for scientific tools with the ability to investigate the prophetic foundations of dreams.”

The Creator of the world, however, who knows all the mysteries of His creation, revealed this secret in the Torah, along with the entire compendium of Divine teachings meant for us to use in a proper, helpful, and healthy way.

Donald Epstein was awarded the annual Joseph M. Betesh Community Leadership Award on December 28th. The award, in memory of Joe Betesh, a’h, one of the founders of Congregation Magen David of West Deal, was presented by his son, Daniel Betesh.

Working Behind the Scenes

One of the things that makes this year’s recipient special is that he has not tried to grab the spotlight, but has often worked behind the scenes. “Since 1987, Donald has always worked in the background of the community and was involved with things that nobody knew that he was involved with,” Daniel Betesh commented. Donald, a partner in the large real estate firm Matrix Development Company, is often sought out for his expertise in business, construction, and real estate. He served as an advisor for many of the buildings that have gone up in the community. As Daniel Betesh put it, “Everyone goes to him.”

Donald was involved with the synagogue’s most recent project, a footbridge that connected Kramer Court to Brookside, which made Magen David of West Deal more accessible for those walking to the shul on Shabbat.

Donald’s community involvement is not limited to Magen David. He has been active in many community projects over the past four decades. The Chabad of the Jersey Shore went up with his help and Donald also supports the Rutgers Chabad House. Donald is very involved with the JCC, which has always been the hub of the community. Schools have operated out of the JCC (including Hillel Yeshiva in its earliest years) and the building has been crucial to many of the goings-on in Deal. Donald’s mother served as the JCC’s Executive Director, and he joined the board when he was only fifteen years old. Since then, Donald has become one of the mainstays of the JCC. He served at the JCC president for many years and participated on the national JCC board. On top of all that, he helped support the JCC financially.

He opened the JCC up to different institutions that needed a space. In the past, the JCC served as the location of Hillel Yeshiva’s hockey team (Donald himself coached the team for many years). Today, the gym is also used by Maor Yeshivah High School and Ilan High School for their sports teams.

A Little History

In the summer of 1976, Joe Betesh moved his family from Philadelphia to join the

community in Deal. In those days, the Syrian community lived almost exclusively in Brooklyn. Although Deal was a popular summer location, only a handful of families lived there year-round.

Joe Betesh bought the house on the corner of Deal Road and Whalepond, which was surrounded by sprawling forests. People thought he was crazy to move his family to join the Deal community and on top of that, he chose a house in such a remote area. But Joe Betesh was a visionary, and he envisioned the thriving community that Deal could become. He visualized in his mind the opening of a synagogue in the heart of this area. He wrote, “It was then that I had my vision – that someday those 100 homes [to be built in the area] would be occupied by community families, and the hundreds of houses surrounding it [would be] filled with community families.”

Joe bought his house from the Walter Reade family, who owned the entire forest on the west side of Deal Road. They also owned an old office building. They planned to sell the office building and build houses on the rest of the 6.29 acreage. At the closing for the Betesh’s home, the realtor told the sellers that she had a potential buyer for their office building. Joe’s wife Sonia nudged him and said, “That’s your synagogue!”

With the guidance and support of his wife Sonia, Joe went on to make a deal to buy the old office building and the surrounding 6.29 acres. He bought the property for a great price, promising the sellers that once they opened a synagogue, our community would flock to the area, as they did not drive on Shabbat and needed a synagogue building within walking distance. With Gd’s help Congregation Magen David of West Deal opened its doors in the summer of 1978. The land on which Joe Betsch envisioned 100 homes was, indeed, eventually filled by community members, and the West Deal area was born.

Joe Betesh, a Modest Team Player

Despite his many hours of hard work that went into founding Magen David of West Deal, Joe Betesh gave credit to Hashem for the birth of this area. “I feel that Hashem wrote my destiny when he moved me and my family from Philadelphia to Deal.” He was a man who showed his hakarat hatov to others, and credited two of his good friends, Charlie and Slatzy Cohen, a”h, as being instrumental in helping to start the synagogue.

West Deal prospered and grew. Joe Betsch and a team of community members led the Magen David of West Deal expansion and the construction of a new building. Community members including Charlie Saka, a”h, Elliot Dweck, Maurice Zalta, David Azar Cohen, and many others were dedicated to the synagogue and stayed connected to West Deal in the decades to come.

Once the synagogue was up and running, Joe went on to start many other institutions and programs including the Deal Sephardic Youth Center, (the predecessor of the DSN), programs for senior citizens, young adult programs, and many more.

The Joseph M. Betesh Community Leadership Award

Joe Betesh passed away in 2001. His wife, Sonia, wanted Joe’s legacy to be remembered and honored by the community. To that end, Elliot Dweck created the Joseph M. Betesh Community Leadership Award, to be presented annually to a community member who has shown exemplary leadership and service to the community.

Past recipients include Rabbi Elliot Braha, Brenda Saka, David and Al Azar, Sandy Esses, Maurice Zalta, Ralph Sasson, Morris Ashear, Elliot Dweck, and Emily Labaton.

Daniel Betesh explained what was required of award recipients. “It’s different every year but the common thread between recipients is a long period of service that positively impacted our community. These are people who made it their life mission to make our community better for us and for our future generations.”

Back to This Year’s Award Recipient

Donald was active from the beginning. He was on the synagogue’s committee and was involved with the original financing for Magen David of West Deal, participating in the presentations to local banks to get the financing needed. He was very involved in the original renovations. Staff from Donald’s offices helped to maintain the synagogue in its early years.

Donald also contributes to the quality of life in the community as the owner of two kosher restaurants 656 and Stingers. Both restaurants provide high quality kosher dining options in Deal.

Daniel Betesh noted that over the years, Donald Epstein has been influential in getting our community to where it is today. “He is someone who always cares, and someone who has always been involved. He has given decades of service to our community.”

All would agree that Donald Epstein’s Joseph M. Betesh Community Leadership award is well deserved. In his speech, Daniel Betesh concluded, “Donald Epstein exemplifies the qualities of conviction, loyalty, and intelligence. His life is a testament to the power of faith, hard work, and leading by example. Through his selfless service, Donald has touched countless lives and inspired all of us.”

Dave Gordon

Tal Huber was glued to the television set in her Tel Aviv area home, watching as information came in about the Hamas terror attacks on her country. “I was in shock, just like everybody else,” said the Israeli graphic designer.

“That was a nightmare for all of us, and the situation with the hostages, on top of everything, horrible. I thought at that moment I needed to act.”

As the sun came up a day later, Huber headed to her design studio, at Giraff Visual Communications, on a mission to do her part. “I knew that I cannot continue doing my regular stuff, because it wasn’t important anymore.”

A Campaign Is Born

Huber reached out to two Israeli street artists, married couple Nitzan Mintz and Dede Bandaid (yes, that’s a pseudo name), for a brainstorming session on how to get the attention of New Yorkers, who she believed would be the best test case for a marketing campaign.

“I wanted people in the streets of New York to understand the horrible situation, with a visual, emotional language,” Huber said. Those sessions inspired her to design the “Kidnapped” posters of the Israeli hostages – in bold lettering, with the hostage’s name and age.

The format was based on missing persons posters and milk carton campaigns. Initially, it was unclear how many hostages there were, so Huber and her team used the information they had at the time, uploading just twenty posters. The posters fanned across Manhattan within a day, she said.

“People were starting to see that something was wrong. They came closer to the posters, and then they understood,” she said.

The Campaign Takes Off

Soon, the posters popped up in countries in the European Union, and to Huber’s surprise, they got traction in Turkey. “That amazed me, because we didn’t expect that [spreading of posters] to be so fast,

and so big.”

Volunteer teams translated the posters into French, Italian, and Spanish, with demand growing across the world, necessitating translation of the posters into another three dozen languages. By Huber’s reckoning, all but fifty countries in the world saw the faces of the kidnapped, in three thousand cities. It was “amazing to see” how the grassroots campaign has raised global awareness of the hostage crisis. Within six months of the launch, a million posters were downloaded.

Israeli soldiers in Gaza requested posters printed in Arabic, to place them on buildings, and “show the Gazans why we were there, and that we’re not going to leave until the hostages come home.”

Previously, Huber worked on branding projects for the Maccabiah Games, and designed the official stamp for Israel’s 70th anniversary. She intentionally did not include Israel’s blue and white colors on the hostage posters so as not to “turn it into only an Israeli or Jewish” issue.

Vandalism

What was surprising for Huber were the number of times she’s been notified of posters being torn down. “This is anti-Semitism, the brutal way they treated the posters. At first, it was scary. I didn’t know how to react,” she said. In an unexpected twist, the tearing down of posters motivated donors to help her grow the project – including the funding of placing the message on billboards, vehicles, and a large screen at Times Square.

“It was funny,” Huber said regarding people’s ingenuity to smear Vaseline on the posters to make it less likely people would put their hands on them to rip them down. Users on social media took the opportunity to add some levity, by running videos of the vandalism in reverse, to make it look like vandals were putting the posters up, instead of tearing them down. “Those videos went viral and they did a good job. It gave us the opportunity to take the message louder, and bigger.”

With the benefit of hindsight, Huber realized that it became more difficult for people to hit the streets on a postering campaign in the chill of winter, beginning two months after the terror attack. “People were cold, and it was frustrating. People stopped going out for a while,” she told Community. “Looking back, I would have tried to figure out a way to solve this, and keep the movement alive, in high volume.” Fortunately, she said that government officials in the US and Europe still noticed the posters in their cities. “It started to put pressure on governments and decision makers. If I look back, I would try to figure out how to keep it [the hostage crisis] all the time in a high level of discussion.”

Recognition

In recognition of her activism, Huber received the annual Presidential Award for Volunteerism, given by the President of Israel, Isaac Herzog.

In early November 2024, Ronald S. Lauder, President of the World Jewish Congress, presented Huber with the ninth WJC Teddy Kollek Award for the Advancement of Jewish Culture. It was noted at the ceremony that “through her ‘Kidnapped from Israel’ poster art, she has raised global awareness of the Israeli hostage crisis in Gaza and kept alive the hope for their safe return.”

“It’s not my comfort zone to stand in front of a huge crowd and speak, but I did it on behalf of the kidnapped, and the people who took action, and did this campaign around the world. So, it was very important,” she said regarding the ceremony.

“I feel like things are getting back to normal, and people are forgetting, going back to their life and

continuing their life. For me, every event or every recognition, is a chance to talk about the hostages and to keep it focused for everyone.”

The Campaign Continues

For Huber, the project is now more than just a humanitarian effort. She has made personal connections with those affected. “When I first started, I got thousands of messages from the families. They knew something was going on with this campaign, and they wanted their loved ones to be a part of it. I now know all their stories. I learned about all the people who were kidnapped.”

Tala Zilberman reached Huber from Kibbutz Nir Oz, one of the hardest hit communities, where some 74 hostages lived, including the Bibas family and their well known redheaded children, Kfir and Ariel. “She [Tala] started to work with me, giving me the names and pictures of the hostages from their kibbutz.”

With 101 hostages still being held in Gaza, Huber is determined to continue her activism, until they all return home. “I won’t stop until they’re back,” she said.

“I know there’s a lot of despair, and we all get tired. We feel hopeless, feeling that we don’t know if what we’re doing is changing anything. The politicians haven’t pushed this. When the first hostages came back, there was a lot of power in the streets, and people didn’t let go.

“This is why I’m trying to keep on going. We cannot stop. I do believe that people have the power to change and influence.”

Rabbi David Sutton & Dr. David Katzenstein, LCSW-R

Rav Wolbe (Alei Shur, Vol. II, p. 186) explains that one of the most powerful forces of the yetzer hara is the power to rebel, as can be seen from the Gemara (Sanhedrin 91b):

Antoninus, the Roman emperor, asked Rabbi Yehudah HaNasi, “At what point does the yetzer hara begin to rule over a person? Is it from the time of conception, or from the time of birth?”

Rabbi Yehudah HaNasi said it is from the time of conception.

Antoninus disagreed. “If that were the case, the yetzer hara would cause the fetus to kick its way out of the womb! So it must be that the yetzer hara begins to rule over a person from the moment of birth, not before.”

Rabbi Yehudah conceded to his logic.

What kind of craziness is that? How can a fetus kick its way out of the womb before it is fully formed? It would be like a dead fish on the floor!

The Power of Rebellion

Rav Wolbe explains that the yetzer hara says, “I don’t want to be in a locked place like this! Get me out of here,” to the point of suicide. The yetzer hara cannot be under someone else’s jurisdiction. It has to be on its own. That is the koach meridah, the power of rebellion. It is this force that gets us into trouble.

Sometimes, good people start working on themselves, but instead of making steady strides, their efforts backfire and they stop, or they even decline. For example, a young yeshivah boy accepts upon himself a taanit dibbur, a fast from speech. He is not going to utter any superfluous speech all day. What happens the next day? He speaks twice as much lashon hara than on a normal day. What happened?

The young man did not deal with his desire to speak lashon hara. He merely tried to suppress it and push it down, which aroused a force of rebellion from inside of him. The boy may not have felt that force at first; he was very happy with his new commitment, with his taanit dibbur. But

the next day, it surfaced. Rav Eliyahu Dessler compares this to a spring. You can keep pushing a spring down, down, down, but as soon as you let go: BOING! – it bounces back.

Three Key Strategies

Accepting that our desires are natural, while also recognizing our capacity for discipline, involves several key strategies:

The first strategy is understanding why we have those desires. This can be accomplished through self-reflection. Taking the time to reflect on our values, priorities, and motivations can help us to understand why we have certain desires, and makes it easier to stay disciplined when those desires conflict with our long-term goals.

The next strategy is becoming mindful of our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, so that we are more aware when we are being driven by desire, and can make conscious decisions about how to respond.

The last strategy is to set clear expectations and goals that are connected to a well-defined purpose. A clear goal can give us the motivation to stay disciplined and reign in our desires.

Also quoting the spring theory, the Siftei Chaim states that when a person is working on guarding his eyes, he should not keep yelling at himself, “Don’t look! Don’t look! Don’t look!” because that has the power to backfire.

As soon as he lets go, his resolve will dissipate and his desire will spring right back.

TAKEAWAY:

The Siftei Chaim promotes a positive approach: to appreciate the opportunity to guard your eyes, and the merit you will gain when you do. In this way, you are not fighting against your yetzer hara, and thereby not activating the renegade within you.

By Rabbi Hayim Asher Arking and Rabbi Ezra Ghodsi

What is the significance of Tu B’Shevat?

Each year features four distinct occasions that mark the beginning of a specific New Year, meaning there are four Rosh Hashanahs. The first day of Nissan serves as Rosh Hashanah for the counting of a king’s reign. The first day of Elul is designated for determining ma’aser from animals. The first day of Tishrei, Rosh Hashanah, is the time when all people are judged, and it is also pertinent to the counting of years for events such as yovel and shemitah. Finally, the fifteenth of Shevat – Tu B’Shevat (where “Tu” refers to the Hebrew letters ט”ו, corresponding to fifteen) – is the New Year for trees. This date marks the beginning of the year for purposes related to terumah and orlah.

What changes are made in the tefillah?

Tachanun is not recited on Tu B’Shevat, nor is it recited during Minha prior to Tu B’Shevat. If Tu B’Shevat falls on Shabbat, “Tsidkatecha” is also not recited.

Just as on Rosh Hashanah we pray for a good year, it is customary on Tu B’Shevat to recite berachot and prayers for the year’s prosperity. As such, we recite berachot for all types of fruits, vegetables, and foods. Reciting a beracha brings blessing to all living flora on Earth, the source of our sustenance. For example, when one recites the beracha of ha’ets, it invokes a blessing upon all fruit trees globally, enabling them to bear fruit abundantly.

Is everything kosher?

In general, one should be aware of the status of terumot and ma’asrot, as well as the varying opinions on these matters. Additionally, for guidance on ensuring your produce is bug-free, please refer to the JSOR Produce Guide available at https://ask.jsor.org/t/produce-checking-guide/171. This guide provides detailed instructions for how to check a wide variety of fruits and vegetables.

Is there a special prayer to say before eating the fruits?

It is a long-standing Syrian custom to recite the Arabic translation of the Aseret Hadibrot found in Shir Ushvaha (page 515) on Tu B’Shvat. Many also have the custom of reciting certain specific passages from the Torah, Mishnah, and Zohar that are relevant to the particular fruit they are eating, as detailed in the Sefer Pri Ess Hadar. There is also a custom to eat a dish of etrog jelly, made from the etrog used as part of the Arba Minim on the previous Sukkot. One should say a prayer that he should merit to find a beautiful etrog to use for the mitzva on the following Sukkot.

What is the proper order to recite the berachot?

When reciting berachot outside of a bread meal, the typical order is as follows:

1. Mezonot

2. Hagefen (Note: when reciting Kiddush, the hagefen needs to be said first.)

3. Ha’ets

4. Ha’adamah

5. Shehakol

Why is there a preferred order?

The order of blessings is determined by the specificity and descriptiveness of each beracha. A more focused blessing provides a more enhanced expression of gratitude to Hashem. Mezonot, the blessing recited over wheat and other grains, occupies the highest position. It is the most descriptive in its praise, as we mention the benefit we have from Hashem’s creation: that these foods are a source of sustenance.

Following mezonot are the blessings of hagefen (on wine and grape juice), ha’ets (for fruits from trees), and ha’adamah (for fruits from the ground). Each of these berachot describes where the food originates from, and the order reflects the decreasing specificity of each blessing. Hagefen specifies the exact source of origin – the vine, offering the most detailed description. Ha’ets, while acknowledging that the fruit grows on a tree, is a more general beracha as it does not specify the type of tree. Ha’adamah, while mentioning the source as “the ground,” remains the most general, encompassing a wide range of fruits and vegetables, including those that grow on bushes.

Finally, the least descriptive beracha, shehakol (“that all was created with His Word”), is recited last. This blessing simply acknowledges creation without providing any specific details about the origin or nature of the food.

What if I mistakenly recited a beracha not in the preferred order?

Although the berachot are supposed to be recited in the proper order, reciting a beracha out of order does not invalidate the beracha itself. However, it is important to note that in some cases a more specific beracha can be covered by a broader beracha. For example, if one mistakenly recites the beracha of ha’adamah intending to include an orange, a subsequent blessing of ha’ets on that same orange would not be permissible. However, if the ha’adamah beracha was recited on a vegetable without the intention of including the orange, the orange would not be covered by the initial beracha, and a separate ha’ets would still be required.

If I am eating different types of fruits, on which one do I recite ha’ets?

If a platter of many different fruits is served, for example, dates, figs, apples, etc. then the ha’ets is recited on one of the Shiv’at HaMinim (the seven agricultural products mentioned in the Torah as being special to the Land of Israel). There is also a specific order within this group. It is based on which fruit is mentioned closest to the word ‘erets’ in the pasuk ארץ חטה ושעורה וגו’. Therefore, the first beracha would be on the olives, and if there are no olives, then on the dates. If there are no dates, then it is said on the grapes, the figs, and then pomegranates.

What if there are no fruits from the Shiv’at HaMinim?

If the fruits that are served do not include one of the Shiv’at HaMinim, then the beracha is recited on a fruit that is whole. If there are many whole fruits, then you recite the beracha on the fruit that is generally more desirable to you. This is done out of honor for the blessing.

These rules also apply to any assortment of foods that are of the same beracha, such as bananas, watermelon, and cantaloupe; or cookies, cake, and pretzels.

If there is a shehehianu fruit, when would shehehianu be said?

According to many opinions, a shehehianu fruit is regarded as the “preferred fruit.” Therefore, if there are fruits from the Shiv’at HaMinim, the ha’ets would be recited on one of them. When only eating regular fruits, one should make a beracha of ha’ets on the shehehianu fruit, provided it has not been cut up. (Others say that a shehehianu fruit always takes precedence.)

What fruits require a shehehianu?

One can only recite shehehianu on produce that is seasonal and not available year-round. Nowadays, many seasonal fruits are still readily available to be purchased year-round, as they are imported from countries with warm climates, and would not require a shehehianu. If one wants to recite a shehehianu on a new fruit, they should get a more exotic one, like starfruit, passionfruit, etc.

What if I do not enjoy the taste?

If one knows that he does not enjoy the taste of a specific fruit and does not feel any happiness in eating the new fruit, a shehehianu should not be recited.

Should I recite ha’ets or shehehianu first?

It is preferable to recite ha’ets first, followed by a shehehianu, and then eat from the fruit. Some have the custom to recite the shehehianu first followed by the ha’ets.

What if I forgot to recite shehehianu?

If one is still in the middle of eating the fruit, he can still recite the beracha. However, if one is finished eating the fruit, the beracha can no longer be recited.

In Summary: When one is ready to partake of the Tu B’Shevat table, he should begin with a beracha of mezonot on cookies or cakes. Next, he should recite hagefen upon wine or grape juice. Then he should say the beracha of ha’ets on olives, dates, grapes, figs, or pomegranates (in that order). Otherwise, ha’ets is recited on any fruit of his choice if it is a whole fruit. If there is a fruit that one will be reciting shehehianu on, then that will take preference over other fruit. Afterward, one recites ha’adamah on the vegetable he generally prefers. Shehakol is the final beracha recited on food.