Linda Sadacka

At dawn on Monday, October 13th, as sunlight broke across the Negev, the Land of Israel seemed to breathe again.

After two years in captivity, the final twenty living hostages held by Hamas were finally home. Families who had not slept for 736 days stood waiting, flags in hand, tears flowing as helicopters touched down on Israeli soil.

Among those freed were Guy Gilboa-Dalal and Evyatar David, two young men whose ordeal came to symbolize the suffering and faith of all those held underground. Their story, as told through the testimony of fellow hostage Tal Shoham, who was freed earlier this year, offers a window into the unimaginable, and into the spiritual strength that sustained Am Yisrael through one of the darkest chapters in its modern history.

Two Years Beneath the Earth

When Hamas launched its brutal assault on October 7, 2023, hundreds of innocent men, women, and children were kidnapped and dragged into Gaza.

Guy and Evyatar, both 22 years old, were taken from the Nova music festival and were beaten, bound, and thrown into trucks as mobs jeered.

According to Shoham, who was imprisoned with them for more than eight months, the two were kept for weeks with their hands tied behind their backs and their heads covered, fed almost nothing. “They came to us in terrible shape,” Shoham later said. “Starved, terrified, but somehow still with spirit.”

Food rations dropped to a single pita a day, sometimes shared between them. Water was rationed to half a liter. The guards mocked them daily, eating in front of them and saying Israel had abandoned them. Yet, even despite the cruelty, the hostages clung to faith. “We shared everything,” Shoham said. “Our food, our prayers, our hope.”

The Descent Into the Tunnels

In June 2024, the men were told they were being moved to a “better place.” Instead, they were disguised as militants, blindfolded, and placed in a Red Crescent ambulance packed with armed terrorists, a blatant abuse of humanitarian symbols.

They were driven deep underground and forced to march for hours through suffocating, airless tunnels until they reached a chamber of concrete and sand. There, four hostages were sealed behind an iron door.

“That was our tomb,” Shoham recalled.

The men received almost no oxygen and were given so little food that their bodies wasted away. “The thirst was worse than the hunger,” Shoham said. “But we made a rule: no one eats alone, no one prays alone.”

In total darkness, faith became their only light.

The Vigil Above

While the hostages prayed below ground, Am Yisrael prayed above.

Night after night, families gathered in Tel Aviv’s Hostage Square holding photos, lighting candles, and reciting Tehillim. Across the Jewish world, in yeshivot, shuls, and homes, Jews whispered the same plea: “Please, Hashem, bring them home.”

As weeks turned to months, the world’s focus shifted elsewhere. International agencies issued reports about Gaza’s “humanitarian conditions” while ignoring those literally starved

underground. But the Jewish nation never stopped believing. Every psalm recited and every tear shed became a spiritual lifeline connecting heaven and earth.

The Turning Point

In January 2025, change began to unfold. President Donald Trump, newly re-elected, launched a direct diplomatic effort to secure the hostages’ release. Working closely with Israel, Egypt, and Qatar, he insisted that every living captive be freed as a condition for any ceasefire or aid.

By February, the first group of hostages, including Tal Shoham – was freed.

Eight months later, after intense international mediation, the final twenty were released.

For Israel, the moment felt like the dawn after a long and bitter night — improbable, overwhelming, miraculous.

A Nation Reunited

When the helicopters landed, cries of “Am Yisrael Chai” filled the air.

Television cameras captured emaciated figures stepping into the sunlight, draped in Israeli flags. Medics wept as they treated survivors who had been starved, beaten, and cut off from all light.

In one hospital, Guy Gilboa-Dalal and Evyatar David, childhood best friends who were taken hostage together, were reunited for the first time since Hamas had separated them months earlier. Their embrace said everything – no words, only tears, only gratitude.

Doctors reported that all twenty freed hostages were malnourished and weak but in stable condition. Many will require months of recovery. Yet, they are home – and alive.

Voices of Gratitude

In Jerusalem later that day, President Trump addressed a special session of the Knesset. He is only the fourth U.S. president ever to address the Knesset, preceded by Presidents Carter (1979), Clinton (1994), and George W. Bush (2008). Standing beside Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, President Trump said, “This is not the end of a war, but the beginning of an age of faith and hope.”

Netanyahu, visibly moved, turned to him and replied: “Thank you for bringing our sons and daughters home. You stood with us when others turned away.”

These were not political speeches. They were acknowledgments of courage, Divine mercy, and the miracle of survival.

An Exclusive Interview with Minister Miki Zohar

In an exclusive interview with Community Magazine, Minister Miki Zohar, a respected Knesset member and Israel’s Minister of Culture, spoke about the moral clarity guiding Israel’s leadership throughout the ordeal.

“Israel is doing everything it can to pursue peace,” he said. “We want peace all the time – but if we must, we defend ourselves. The whole Middle East knows this.

Our first option is peace, not war. But we cannot allow our people to be endangered. If Hamas stands behind the agreement it signed, we will have peace. If not, we’ll have no choice but to defend our people again.

“We hope they will continue to disarm and bring all the hostages back. Then, maybe, we will finally have real peace.”

His words reflected the guiding principle of the Jewish state – that peace must never come at the cost of life, and that defense of the innocent is not only a national right, but a moral duty.

Israel’s Diplomatic Perspective

On the international stage, Israel’s leaders continue to stress both the moral and diplomatic urgency of upholding the agreement that brought the hostages home.

Earlier this week, Minister of Foreign Affairs Gideon Sa’ar addressed the issue ahead of his participation in a panel at the MED Conference in Naples, hosted by Italy’s Foreign Minister Antonio Tajani.

Minister Sa’ar stated, “We know for certain that Hamas can easily release a significant number of hostages in accordance with the agreement. What they are doing now is a fundamental violation of that agreement.”

He elaborated on Israel’s commitment to the peace framework, explaining:

“I told Deputy Prime Minister Tajani that Israel is committed to implementing the Trump Plan. We want the Trump Plan to succeed, and accordingly, we will act. But I also shared with the Minister some of the concerns and worries we have. The problem of our dead hostages – nineteen of them – are still being held by Hamas. And we know, as a matter of fact, they [Hamas] can easily bring back a significant number of dead hostages and give them back according to the agreement. What they are doing right now – it’s a fundamental breach of the agreement. We share our worries with our American friends and we expect the mediators to help us resolve this issue immediately. It’s very important because it’s also playing with families that suffered enough for more than two years.”

What sustained the hostages through starvation and darkness was not politics, but emunah – the quiet conviction that Hashem and the Jewish people had not abandoned them, even when every human comfort had been stripped away.

Shoham recalled that they recited Tehillim and whispered Shema every night. “We didn’t know if our words reached Heaven,” he said, “but we knew Heaven was listening.”

Their survival, he added, “was not coincidence – it was a miracle.”

In the days following their return, Israel overflowed with gratitude. Soldiers danced with joy, mothers, fathers, and children embraced their returned family members, and synagogues across the country filled with prayers of thanksgiving.

Communities everywhere recited Nishmat Kol Chai and Hallel in gratitude to Hashem. From the north to the south, Jews paused to remember not only those who were saved, but those who were lost.

For every hostage returned, there are many families are still mourning. And yet, even in mourning, the message remains: Am Yisrael does not abandon its children, and Hashem does not abandon His people.

Light Overcomes Darkness

The tunnels of Gaza were built as graves. Yet they became the setting for miracles.

As Shoham said, “We were supposed to die there. Instead, we came back to life.”

That is the story of our people – of Yosef thrown into the pit, of Esther standing before the king, of a nation that has endured exile after exile, yet rises again. From the depths of darkness, Hashem lifts His people toward light.

Am Yisrael Chai

As the sun set on that historic day, the sound of Acheinu filled the streets of Jerusalem. Strangers stopped to listen, some crying quietly, others whispering Baruch Hashem.

For one brief moment, there were no political divisions, no disputes — only unity, faith, and gratitude.

The hostages’ return reminded the world that while evil can bury bodies, it cannot bury souls. It reminded us that “lo yanum v’lo yishan Shomer Yisrael” – the Guardian of Israel never slumbers or sleeps.

And it reminded every Jew, in Israel and around the world, that even in the darkest tunnels, the light of Hashem’s people still shines.

Linda Argalgi Sadacka is a writer, award-winning strategist, and political activist known for helping candidates craft winning campaigns. She hosts The Silent Revolution on Spotify, where she blends Torah, prayer, and real-world reflection to make ancient wisdom powerfully relevant today.

Coca-Cola

In 1886, Atlanta pharmacist John Pemberton, a wounded Civil War veteran, was seeking a cure for his painkiller addiction. Through experimentation, he created a medicinal tonic containing small amounts of cocaine, as well as the caffeine-rich kola nut. This mixture, combined with carbonated water, was the original formula for Coca-Cola. In the years following, fellow pharmacist Asa Candler secured the formula and rights to the beverage for a reported sum of $2,300. (It’s worth noting that the company stopped adding cocaine extracts to the drink by 1903.)

Potato Chips

The popular potato chip was born out of spite in 1853. At Moon Lake Lodge in Saratoga Springs, New York, a demanding patron repeatedly rejected chef George Crum’s French fries, claiming they were too thick. Frustrated, Crum decided to teach the diner a lesson. He sliced a potato paper-thin and fried the pieces to an unusable, brittle crisp. To Crum’s surprise, the customer loved the crunchy slices, and they became an instant sensation. Customers began requesting the new creation, which was known as “Saratoga Chips” until the mid-20th century.

Popsicles

In 1905, eleven-year-old Frank Epperson was mixing powdered soda and water to make soda pop. He accidentally left the drink on his porch overnight. When he returned the next morning, he found the liquid had frozen solid, with the stirring stick frozen upright. Epperson discovered that his frozen fruit-flavored concoction was delicious. He originally called his invention ‘Epsicles’ and began selling them. In 1923, he patented the idea, eventually changing the name to the one we know today: the Popsicle.

Chocolate Chip Cookies

The chocolate chip cookie was invented in 1930 by Ruth Graves Wakefield at the Toll House Inn in Whitman, Massachusetts. While baking a batch of regular cookies, Ruth ran out of the standard baker’s chocolate. As a substitute, she broke a bar of semi-sweet chocolate into small pieces and added them to the dough, expecting them to melt and blend. Instead, the chocolate pieces held their shape, softening into distinct chips throughout the cookie. Ruth’s unexpected invention was an immediate hit. She later reached an agreement with Nestlé to print the “Toll House Cookie” recipe on their packaging in exchange for a lifetime supply of chocolate.

Kellogg’s Corn Flakes

In 1894, Dr. John Harvey Kellogg, superintendent of The Battle Creek Sanitarium in Michigan, and his younger brother, William Keith Kellogg, were attempting to make bread dough from boiled wheat. Unexpectedly, they were called away to the sanitarium, and the wheat dough went stale by the time they returned. Rather than discarding it, they decided to roll out the dough anyway. Instead of a cohesive sheet, the wheat flattened into small, thin flakes. The brothers toasted the flakes, finding them crunchy and tasty. They initially experimented with different grains before settling on corn to create the first batch of Kellogg’s Corn Flakes.

Chewing Gum

The first successful chewing gum factory in America was the result of a failed venture. In 1869, Thomas Adams of New York was attempting to use chicle, a natural gum from the sapodilla tree in Mexico, as a substitute for rubber to make items like toys and tires. Every attempt failed. Frustrated, Adams one day put a piece of the surplus chicle in his mouth. He liked the chewy texture and realized it could be an excellent base for flavored chewing gum. Shortly after, he

began adding flavoring and opened the world’s first chewing gum factory. In February 1871, Adams’s “New York Gum” went on sale in drugstores for a penny apiece.

Diet Soda

The world’s first sugar-free, zero-calorie, carbonated soft drink, called “No-Cal,” was invented by Hyman Kirsch and his son Morris in 1952. They developed the sugar-free drink, initially a ginger ale, to benefit those suffering from diabetes.

Ellen Geller Kamaras

“I love games and logic puzzles, and career counseling feels like the ultimate version of both. At the same time, it’s deeply meaningful because I get to guide people toward recognizing what makes them truly unique. It’s the perfect mix of challenge, fun, and fulfillment.” ~~ Caroll ~~

Please meet Caroll Dweck Sutton. Caroll was born and raised in Brooklyn and attended Yeshivah of Flatbush from first through twelfth grade. Her parents, Paulette and Jack Dweck, are both Flatbush graduates as well. Caroll, named after her grandmother, who also spells her name with two L’s, has three younger siblings. “My personality is very much [that of] an oldest child, and my siblings are my best friends.”

Extremely social, Caroll shared her mom’s recollections of Caroll making friends immediately wherever they went. When she was three years old, her mother took her to the beach and reportedly within five seconds she was digging holes with kids she had never met.

Caroll absolutely loved school and took it very seriously. She was Salutatorian of both her high school and college graduating classes, but she also made sure to have a lot of fun. She participated in every extracurricular activity from sports to the dance team to Model UN and student government, and kept up a very active social life.

After high school graduation, Caroll studied psychology at Macaulay Honors College at Hunter.

She earned two graduate degrees at Columbia University (Teachers College), a Master of Arts in Mental Health Counseling and an Ed.M. in Psychological Education.

Her Essence

Caroll describes herself as outgoing, fun-loving, adventurous, competitive, and a doer. “I am most definitely a thrill seeker. I have jumped out of planes and dived with great white sharks – no relaxing on the beach for me on vacations!”

Her friends and family would definitely tell us that Caroll loves games! She is super competitive and will play any game at any time – sports, board games, you name it. “I can spend hours upon hours figuring out logic puzzles without sleeping or eating. More than playing games, I also love to make up games. If it’s someone’s birthday or other celebration, I’ll create a funny game about that person.”

Caroll views herself as an “all-around camper.” Why a camper? Camp was her very favorite environment, and her interests and skills are all over the place. “I love switching activities every 45 minutes, and color war is me in a nutshell. If I won the lottery and could do anything forever, I would be a camper, no question.”

Career Trajectory

While Caroll was attending grad school, she volunteered at The Propel Network and was a Young Leadership Board member. PROPEL is a community nonprofit organization that enables women to enter the workforce by providing career guidance, educational coaching, and ongoing mentoring, and by guiding women to enroll in training, professional, and higher education.

At PROPEL, Caroll was responsible for developing programming for first-generation working women including panels, seminar-based discussion groups, and individual career coaching.

After completing graduate school, she was hired by Flatbush Yeshivah High School for two positions, the Pathfinders Department Director and AP Psychology teacher.

Through the Pathfinders Program, students are encouraged to discover and expand their special talents and abilities and explore career options for the future.

Among her many functions as Pathfinders Department Director, Caroll – along with her amazing team – created and organized programs including a Career Day with over 40 presenters, resume writing workshops, dozens of curated professional speakers and career-based trips. They provided individual career counseling to high school students and developed clubs and commissions for student growth.

“I had a phenomenal psychology teacher in high school, Erika Levavi, who really made the material come to life. After that class, not only did I want to become a psychologist, but it was my dream to teach AP Psychology. I was honored to teach AP Psych for six years alongside Erika, which was a real dream come true.”

For close to a year, Caroll was a mental health counselor at the SBH Counseling Clinic. At SBH, she did individualized therapy with clients with disorders such as generalized anxiety and major depression, and Caroll co-facilitated art therapy for geriatric women.

Taking on the Reins as Executive Director of PROPEL

Last June, Caroll left Flatbush Yeshivah to become the Executive Director of PROPEL.

She is thrilled to see how the community members support one another, especially the entrepreneurs. For example, experienced interior designers will mentor aspiring designers and teach them about pricing models. Or an established fitness instructor might help a newcomer

figure out how to structure group classes to build both community and income. Instead of viewing their mentees as competition, they give them the tools to thrive to strengthen the community at large.

Caroll is energized and in awe of working with such powerful and successful women. PROPEL recently launched a podcast called Chapters.. In each episode, they dive into the highs, lows, and turning points that shaped the careers of trailblazing community women.

PROPEL has changed over the last ten years. When PROPEL was established, the majority of its clients were a little older They were women who needed to enter the workforce for financial reasons such as divorce or their husbands’ losing jobs. Later came an influx of younger women who wanted careers, and PROPEL’s demographic changed.

Passions

On a professional level, career counseling is Caroll’s passion. In graduate school, the class she took in career counseling was her favorite.

Caroll thrives on helping people find their unique strengths. The clients she most loves to work with are the ones who have no clue as to what they want to do in the future. “It’s deeply meaningful for me because I get to guide people toward recognizing what makes them truly unique. It’s the perfect mix of challenge, fun, and fulfillment.”

Caroll’s proudest accomplishments are the little moments, such as running into a client on the street and hearing that she landed her dream job or chose a career path because of a conversation they once had.

What really lights up Caroll is coaching women, in particular. That is the demographic she is most impassioned about. When Caroll was growing up, she often heard girls say, “Why work so hard if I’m just going to be a mom?” She is dedicated to supporting young girls and women as they navigate the complexities of wanting to be incredible mothers and also pursue meaningful careers that contribute to the world and their finances.

Role Models

Caroll’s mother Paulette deeply shaped the woman she is today. “My mom was a huge role model for me: she had a career and was still a phenomenal homemaker and mother.”

Paulette owned an accessories business, decorated swanees and other occasions, and then switched to real estate sales, which she is still actively involved in.

Other significant female mentors in Caroll’s life include Shifra Hanon, the creator of the Pathfinders Department at Yeshivah of Flatbush High School, Dr. Gayle Krost, the President of Propel Network, and Viviane Darwish, the Director of Operations at PROPEL.

It’s no surprise that both Shifra and Gayle have been featured in this column. Who knows, Viviane may be next!

Family and Work-Life Balance

Caroll is married to Ovadia Sutton. The couple has two daughters, Aura, two years old and Paulette, seven months. “During high school, I learned to juggle and manage a million things at once. Those skills help me every day as a working mom.”

Work was a breeze for Caroll before she had children. As a mother, one of her greatest challenges is if her nanny doesn’t show up or she quits. “If I don’t have the proper support for my kids, I can’t be the person I want to be for my clients and colleagues. It’s something I am trying to figure out for myself and the community at large.”

At PROPEL, Caroll oversees the career coaches and volunteer mentors and plans business and career-related events. She appreciates the flexibility she has at PROPEL to pick up her daughter from nursery and to work remotely part time. Caroll works in person some days and evenings, especially when she runs programs or workshops.

For fun, Caroll enjoys sports (volleyball, tennis, and skiing) and connecting with friends. When her children are in elementary school, she looks forward to being a PTA mom.

Advice for Young Women

Learn about yourself, who you are. Do new things and try new experiences.

You can connect with Caroll at Caroll@thepropelnetwork.org. Please check out thepropelnetwork.org and follow @propelnetwork on Instagram and Caroll’s Instagram page, @careersbycaroll.

Ellen Geller Kamaras, CPA/MBA, is an International Coach Federation (ICF) Associate Certified Coach. Her coaching specialties include life, career, and dating coaching. Ellen can be contacted at ellen@lifecoachellen.com.

Dave Gordon

A delegation of Jews from the U.S. and Israel took advantage of the relaxing of tensions in Syria to pay a historic visit to Damascus last month.

This was an unimaginable venture not long ago, especially for Israeli citizens. The trip served as a vehicle for goodwill outreach, reconnection to lost Jewish heritage, and the startling possibility of new beginnings.

Asher Lopatin, an Orthodox rabbi from Michigan, spearheaded the trip sponsored by the Syrian government. Participants included Carl Gershman, the founding president of the National Endowment for Democracy and a former U.S. representative to the UN Security Council, Jill Joshowitz, a historian of Jewish visual culture, Prof. Lawrence Schiffman, professor of Hebrew and Judaic Studies at New York University and director of the Global Institute for Advanced Research in Jewish Studies, Marlene Schiffman, Rabbi Mendy Chitrik, born in Safed, currently the rabbi of Turkey’s Ashkenazi community and the chairman of the Alliance of Rabbis in Islamic States, Rabbi Asher Lopatin, Steven Dishler, Assistant VP of International and Public Affairs at the Jewish United Fund of Metropolitan Chicago and former lieutenant in the IDF, Adin Kleinfeldt co-founder of Youngfeldt Holdings, and David Horovitz, Times of Israel editor.

The trip was coordinated from Syria by Syrian-born American Joe Jajati, the grandson of a former leader of Syria’s Jewish community who has established the Syrian Mosaic Foundation, which aims “to unite Syrians and global supporters in celebrating our diversity and building a brighter future.”

Tourists with a Purpose

The visitors moved through a city marked by a Jewish history that once numbered tens of thousands but is now reduced to only six residents clinging to fading memories and crumbling cemeteries.

Through tightly controlled visits to sites such as the Eliyahu Hanavi Synagogue and the Elfaranje Synagogue – historic sanctuaries once central to Syrian Jewry – the visitors pieced together a portrait of a community that has been nearly erased.

At the centuries-old Jewish cemetery, the group prayed together, underscoring both the endurance and fragility of communal memory. One poignant episode unfolded as the group saw the recovered doors of the Menarsha synagogue, stolen in recent years and now objects of both state pride and communal nostalgia.

Dura-Europos Synagogue Murals

Perhaps the emotional high point arrived with a visit to see the Dura-Europos Synagogue murals – 2,000-year-old Biblical wall paintings renowned as the earliest known figurative depictions in a synagogue. Normally off-limits, the group was granted privileged access to this “sacred chamber,” a brush with antiquity that momentarily unites past and present. Museum officials even revealed salvaged relics from synagogues destroyed in the recent Syrian Civil War, vowing restoration in the future.

Despite the presence of uniformed guards and carefully orchestrated encounters, the group’s openly wearing of kippot and tallitot in public was met with curiosity, smiles, and even requests for selfies – a tableau suggesting that, at least in these controlled circumstances, old enemies can briefly become benign onlookers. Encounters were described as uniformly warm, upending stereotypes and hinting at undercurrents of change even as official policies remain rigid.

Damascus at a Crossroads

The travelogue closes with a city at a crossroads: Damascus, still wary, still scarred, but beginning to tentatively acknowledge its lost Jews – and opening the door, however slightly, to a new dialogue. The group spent only forty-eight hours in Damascus, which was a very short time to try to take in decades of history, heartbreak, and hope. The trip included a blur of lost sanctuaries, guarded optimism, and the stubborn possibility of something new taking root amid the ruins.

Speaking to Community Magazine is Prof. Lawrence Schiffman, who offers an astonishing eyewitness chronicle – revealing the silent persistence of memory, and the slightly surreal promise that even the most unlikely journeys can open up surprising new opportunities.

Below are the highlights of our exclusive interview with Prof. Schiffman.

CM: How did you connect to the trip and why did you think it was important to go?

It was suggested by my former student, Jill Joshua. But mainly, she initially had interest in t the Dura -Europos Synagogue (with remains from the 3rd century). She told me there was a chance to go to Damascus and see the synagogue and I was on [board] before I even knew what the whole thing was about. Then I realized that it [the trip] was something very valuable, and [I]

wanted to participate in it. But initially it was the possibility to get to see the stuff that I would never otherwise be able to see.

CM: Did you fear for your safety?

No. First of all, I knew about security arrangements. And second of all, maybe I’m crazy, but I didn’t worry about it.

CM: What did security feel like for you on the ground?

We had four guys with rifles and some plain clothes guys. I don’t know if we needed that security but it was very reassuring.

Believe it or not, there were no traffic lights, and no stop signs anywhere in Damascus. They were apparently destroyed during the war. And whenever we got into a traffic jam, the security guys would jump out, push the traffic away until we got moving, jump back into their cars, and we would be off.

That’s mostly what they did. I’m sure they were doing their job as far as security, but I didn’t see anything risky. Admittedly, we were in a different situation because we were traveling in a bunch of fancy cars. But we didn’t feel anything negative anywhere.

We walked in the shuk, the open-air market, and one of the plain clothes security guards trailed us. We recognized him, of course, and we motioned to him to come and walk with us.

So, he walked with us a little bit. We didn’t feel in the shuk that there was any need for his protection. There were some people said, “Shalom,” when they realized we were Jews.

We didn’t feel any issue at all about being recognized as Jews. We also visited a police station where we were very nicely received. The police had just recovered two doors from a synagogue that had been stolen, and we wanted to see them. They gave us fruit. Then we hobnobbed a little with them. From the first minute that we after we got off the plane we were very well received, including our visit to an airport VIP room, where there were a variety of airport officials and other types there.

We went to the Jobar Synagogue (also known as Eliyahu Hanavi Synagogue, dating back 2,700 years). I would not suggest somebody going there without security, because it’s an abandoned room. [The synagogue was severely damaged in the Syrian Civil War in May 2014.] Any kind of criminal or whatever could easily hide there, wait for some poor visitor, get his wallet or something. It’s not a place to go to without some security or accompaniment. But other than at that place, we got the impression that there were a lot of nice people around, and we had no issues.

CM: Why do you think times have changed?

The first thing to realize is that it is very important to be careful of something. We met certain people and went certain places. We can’t testify about anybody else, right? So that’s the first point that I think is very important. I’m not claiming that there aren’t other people who are not like the ones we met, who, for all I know, may be anti-Semites, ISIS, or Hamas sympathizers.

I am only able to testify about the people we met, be it the government officials or just people who we happened to see.

So, I’m not in a position yet to claim that everything has changed. That’s the first point. Second of all, I have no comparison. I know this sounds funny, I don’t have any comparison. There are places in the Arab world where the anti-Israel feelings are rooted deeply in anti-Semitism, and that anti-Semitism seems to stem from the combination of the “second class citizen” nature of the Jew in Islamic thought and law, which then gets married to a kind of European anti-Semitism that was imported to the Middle East during the Holocaust period.

We encountered people who disagreed with Israeli policies very strongly. It was clear to us, in one of our meetings. with the Deputy Foreign Minister. He rationally explained their view about relations with Israel, and the hope for the security agreement that’s being worked on. But at the same time, they display very strong disagreement with some Israeli policies that can be separate from hating Jews.

I’ll tell you a funny story which illustrates [this]. We went to visit the Jewish cemetery, and we were wandering around there. We met a woman there who seems to maintain the cemetery.

Her house is right next to the cemetery, as is her backyard. Before I know it, I see that my wife is sitting with this woman’s family, and they’re drinking ice water that they brought out and they are talking to these people.

They were just nice people. They keep the cemetery. They probably get tips from people who visit. We did not experience animosity.

That is a really good sign for the future. Remember, we’re talking about our visit to the area that is controlled by the government. I think the majority of the territory is not controlled by the government. Remember that the entire north, the Kurdish north, and the southern Druze area don’t want to be part of the country yet. And in the eastern part of the country, closer to Iraq, the United States military is still battling ISIS. That doesn’t hit the news. So, when we talk about Syria, eventually, we will want to know what the approach of these other people is, as well. We know, of course, the Druze are all friends of Israel. And a Druze journalist interviewed me, and before he started the interview, he said, “I’m Druze. We love Israel, we hate Syria.”

CM: Do you think we’ll see Jewish tourism in Syria soon?

We’re going to be seeing Jewish tourism to Syria soon. They clearly want it. There’s a demand. I think that there’s a lot that has to happen to make it really possible, but I think they would like to see Jewish tourism. And more than that, they would like to see Jewish business. In a country that has to completely rebuild, there’s enormous economic opportunity there.

CM: What would have to happen for another Jewish group to go?

I think that we have to get to a point when there’s confidence in the security situation. I think it would be great if they sign the border agreement with Israel. That’s going to be good for everybody. And I think they know that will be a first step.

And some settling down has to occur. It’s kind of funny to say this, but I really don’t know anything at all about the infrastructure for tourism, like tourist guides and busses and the right kinds of hotels. I don’t know anything about that.

One important thing to remember is you can’t use your credit card there. The U.S. dropped the sanctions. Now what has to happen is, after the drop of the sanctions, various private enterprise and banking and financial transfers have to be possible. And you need to be able to use your cell phone, which only works now with Wi-Fi, because no company has service there.

CM: What for you was the standout part of the trip?

The standout part of the trip aesthetically was the opportunity to see the paintings from the Dura Europas synagogue. And of course, for others, the standout part of the trip was the chance to pray at the grave of Chaim Vital, to have the first minyan, and to meet the government officials who we met. And we met other wonderful people. Our group had a unified purpose. We understood our unified purpose, and we put it into effect successfully.

CM: What message would you send to people now, after having gone on the trip?

I would say the first thing is that we have to hope the notion of Syria reinstituting good relations with the Jewish community, which they certainly want, and better relations with Israel. It is going to be a process. It’s going to take some time. We should all be supporting it, and while we’re supporting it and beginning to interact with the Syrians, we have to be careful to send the right message. That is, that we appreciate the moves in this direction, and we understand the

difficulty that they have in trying to re-establish a new Syria, and we’re in favor of that happening. It is very important to understand why the process with Israel can’t be immediate.

QUESTION:

Dear Rabbi Ali,

Thank you for your monthly articles, I have gained so much clarity in my relationship. I was wondering if you have any tips on how to deal with lying. How do I get my husband to admit when he was wrong? He will deny that I caught him lying or get upset at me for interrogating him. He also tells me he will be home at a certain time but comes home much later without apologizing. Is there a way to get him to see that he is wrong?

R’ Ali’s Response:

I’m glad that you are gaining from the articles, that’s wonderful. It’s also great that you reached out with your own personal question. People can be stuck with an issue for years for no reason. Most of the time a simple answer can dramatically alter someone’s relationship for the better.

You should know that your type of question is not uncommon. Most, if not all of the questions that people ask me are common. The scenarios will differ from one couple to the next but the root of the issues is common. The reason I mention this is to make people feel that they are normal and to encourage them to ask for help.

So, you want to know what to do with a lying spouse, how to put a stop to it, and get him to admit he’s wrong. Well, that’s a tall order! I would rather give a different perspective. As a matter of fact, you yourself have probably tried many clever ways of putting a stop to the lying. Maybe it’s time to look at things from a different perspective.

I like to ask my clients two questions. The first is, why do you think that your spouse is lying? When I ask people this, most of the time they say, “I don’t know.” Now, this doesn’t justify a spouse not being honest with you, but it’s worthwhile understanding their motive for what you see as their being dishonest. When you understand why your spouse behaves the way they do, it can help remove a lot of frustration. It can also help you approach situations in an entirely different way.

Most of the time a spouse is not being honest due to one of two reasons. The more common one is fear. They are scared to tell you the truth because they know good and well what your reaction

will be, and that reaction is anything but pleasant. Let’s take a common scenario. Someone would like to spend time with a friend. They know that their spouse won’t be happy with this idea. They now have a choice, to tell the truth and deal with the unpleasant reaction, or to make up a story to avoid the friction.

If you can identify that this is where you are going wrong, you will have accomplished two things. One, you possibly won’t feel deceived or tricked. Understanding that they are being put in a situation that they don’t know how to handle can make you see them as “stuck” rather than a compulsive liar. And practically speaking, you can avoid these lies going forward.

You can contemplate that maybe you aren’t giving them the space that they need and then you will not be bothered so much when they want to go out with friends. This way they will be more open to telling you where they’re going. If this is too hard, you can be more communicative in the future. For example; instead of saying, “You’re hanging out with them again?!” You can say “I’d like to spend time with you as well,” or “I need your help at home, can you please come help – and then go out?”

Again, this is just one scenario, but the point is to communicate in a way that will encourage transparency. Clearly, I would advise your spouse to do the same thing. Be more communicative and not fear transparency.

The second question that I ask my clients is, “Are you sure they’re lying?” To this most people will say, “Yes!” However, from my experience, many times people jump to conclusions and assume the worst. This point needs more elaboration, which is beyond the scope of this article.

To summarize, it’s important to analyze your situation. Is your spouse really lying and if they are, what part am I playing in this? And, of course, pray to Hashem that He gives you the siyata d’shmaya that you need to have a successful relationship.

Intelligence can be assessed in several different ways, and with several different yardsticks. For example, Pirkeh Avot (4:1) teaches that the wise man is someone who learns from all people. The Gemara (Tamid 32a) defines a wise man as somebody “haroeh et hanolad” – who foresees the outcome of his actions and behaves accordingly.

A lesser-known, but no less critical, definition of wisdom is presented by the Midrash in its depiction of Eliezer – the trusted servant of Avraham Avinu, who takes center stage in one of the stories we read this month in the Book of Beresheet. Avraham quite literally entrusted Eliezer with the future of his family and of the nation he was to establish, by assigning him the task of finding a match for his son and heir to his covenant with Gd, Yitzhak. And, according to the Midrash, Eliezer was brilliant.

The Brilliant Servant

The Midrash cites King Shlomo’s description in Mishleh (17:2) of an “eved maskil – intelligent servant,” and it applies this description to Eliezer. He was a descendant of Ham, one of the three sons of Noah, who brazenly disrespected his father, for which he and his descendants were cursed with eternal servitude. Eliezer was well aware that he was – through no fault of his own – consigned to spend his life as a servant. And he decided that instead of serving some cruel, barbaric master, it was in his best interest to become a servant for a righteous person like Avraham Avinu – and this is what he did.

At first glance, this hardly appears as a stroke of genius. Is this not a fairly simple decision that any one of us could make? What was so brilliant about Eliezer’s attitude for which he is lauded as an “eved maskil” – an especially wise servant?

The truth is that Eliezer’s thoughts on his status were indeed brilliant, and, unfortunately, few of us are this intelligent in our attitudes toward our own lives.

Like Eliezer, we are all brought into undesirable circumstances against our will. I have met many people in my life, and I cannot think of a single individual who enjoys a life without some sort of challenge. Some people struggle because of their upbringing, because of the way their parents raised them, or because of a school or a teacher. Some people struggle because of a health problem from which, Heaven forbid, they or a family member suffer. Some people struggle financially. Some people struggle with tensions among family members, or with their neighbor. Some people struggle because of mental health challenges. Some people struggle because of an addiction which they developed. Some people struggle with a child, or with several of their children.

And many (most?) people struggle with some combination of these challenges, and others.

Few of us, however, approach life’s challenges with the composure and levelheadedness displayed by Eliezer.

As the Midrash describes, Eliezer wasn’t embittered or resentful. He didn’t complain. He didn’t wallow in self-pity. He didn’t blame the world for his compromised social standing, for the proverbial “glass ceiling” that constrained him. Instead, he decided to make the best of his situation, to excel within the framework he was placed in, to achieve the most he could under his circumstances.

The result? Eliezer is credited with helping to build the Jewish People, by succeeding in his mission to bring a worthy marriage partner for Yitzhak. His words and actions in this story occupy a considerable amount of space in the Torah, and have been carefully studied and analyzed by laymen and scholars for millennia, and will always be. In fact, the sages comment about Eliezer, “The conversations of the patriarchs’ servants are greater than the Torah of their offspring” – as evidenced by the fact that the Torah elaborates at length in presenting Eliezer’s story, but is often very brief in introducing mitzvot. Eliezer earned himself a special place in the Torah and in the hearts and minds of Jews throughout the ages.

None of this would have happened if Eliezer was angry and bitter. Resentment and self-pity would not have gotten him anywhere. Eliezer was successful because he had a very rare form of wisdom – the wisdom to accept life’s circumstances and make the most of them. He understood that he was going to live his life as a servant – and so he decided to become the greatest servant that he could be, for the greatest man of his time.

We Have EVERYTHING!

Not surprisingly, Avraham Avinu himself also excelled in this special quality.

The Torah introduces this section by saying, “Gd had blessed with Avraham with everything” (24:1).

Did Avraham really have everything? True, he enjoyed great wealth and prestige, but did he really have everything? At this point in his life, his beloved wife was no longer alive. One of his two sons needed to be driven from the house. Just several verses earlier, the Torah tells of the family of his brother, Nachor, who had twelve children and several grandchildren. Nachor, an idol-worshipper, enjoyed peace, comfort and a large family, while Avraham traveled from place to place, had to fight a war, twice saw his wife abducted, and did not beget children until old age.

Yet, as Rav Yechezkel Levenstein (1885-1974) explains, Avraham had “everything” in the sense that he had everything he needed to fulfill his unique mission. Avraham lived each day of his life with the mindset that his circumstances were not random, but rather specifically designed for him to achieve what he was brought into the world to achieve.

Rashi, commenting on this verse, notes that the word bakol (“with everything”) has the same gematria (numerical value) as the word ben – son (52). The Torah here introduces the story of the search of a spouse for Yitzhak by telling us that Avraham had a son, which led him to instruct Eliezer to find a suitable partner. Now, we of course already know that Avraham had a son. But the Torah here is emphasizing that Avraham saw it as his mission at that point to find his son a wife. He looked at his circumstances to determine what his obligation was at that time – and right now, his responsibility was to find a wife for Yitzhak.

This is precisely how we are expected to live life – to focus on our situation, on our current challenges, and determine what Gd expects of us under these conditions.

So often people ask themselves questions such as, “Why aren’t my children like so-and-so’s children?”; “Why wasn’t I raised in a family like so-and-so’s family?”; “Why can’t I find a good job like so-and-so?”; “Why is it so much harder for me to marry off my children than it was for so-and-so?”; “Why aren’t I as smart as so-and-so?”

These questions all work off the grievously mistaken assumption that we and Mr./Mrs. So-And-So are supposed to live the same life. If this were true, then Gd would have created either us or Mr./Mrs. So-And-So. But Gd created all of us because we each have something unique to contribute and to achieve. We aren’t supposed to be the same, and so Hashem creates each person with different abilities, different talents, different handicaps, different challenges, and different circumstances.

It may be true Mr./Mrs. So-And-So has the perfect children, the perfect family background, and the perfect job, but Mr./Mrs. So-And-So also has problems and struggles that we don’t have. If we don’t envy his or her challenges, then we shouldn’t envy his or her blessings, either – because it’s all a package deal. Gd gives each person the life uniquely suited for his or her mission.

If we live life this way, then we will truly feel, like Avraham did, that we have everything. Yes, everything. We have everything we need to be the person that Hashem brought us here to be. The pain, struggles and challenges that we face – like the wonderful blessings and good fortune that we enjoy – are precisely what we need to accomplish all that we are here to accomplish.

It is told that the famous Hassidic master Rav Bunim of Peshischa (Poland, 1765-1827) remarked that if he would be offered the opportunity to be as great as Avraham Avinu, he would decline.

“If I would be Avraham,” he said, “then who would be Bunim?”

Rav Bunim understood that he was brought into the world not to be Avraham Avinu, but to be himself. And this is what we need to understand, too.

The Wisdom to See Ourselves

Today’s world of hyperconnectivity makes it especially challenging to live with this perspective. People spend so much of their time looking at other people’s lives, seeing what they’re buying, what they’re wearing, where they’re going, what they’re doing, what they’re achieving. It might be no exaggeration to say that social media is the greatest tool for arousing jealousy and insecurity ever created. When we look at other people’s joy and successes, it is only natural for us to wonder why we aren’t experiencing that same joy and success, and to feel envious, embittered, and unfulfilled.

Now more than ever, we need the wisdom of Eliezer, the wisdom to see ourselves and our potential, instead of looking at other people. What other people are doing or not doing should not impact our goals and aspirations. We need to live our own lives, not other people’s lives. We need to fulfill our own mission, not other people’s missions.

Because if we try to do other people’s jobs, then we not only fail to do our own job, but will also, invariably, fail to do those other jobs for which we aren’t suited…

One of the most important forms of intelligence is the intelligence to be yourself, to stop trying to imitate others, to stop worrying about what other people have or accomplish, and to focus instead on living the best life that you are meant to live.