Victor Cohen

Would you ever use a basketball to play baseball? Would you ever use a hammer to push in a screw?

Sure, with enough effort, it could work, but those clearly are not the most optimal tools for the job.

These days, we use our phones for just about everything. With access to the Microsoft Office Suite and Google Docs, Slides, and Sheets right at our fingertips, today’s phones act more like mini-computers than actual communication devices. That’s not to mention social media, the access to recently-developed AI tools, and even video games. We can do anything from our phones that we could do on our computers. But in this world of increased accessibility, is anyone stopping to ask whether we should do everything from our phones?

One morning, you happen to wake up at 3am. The first thing you do is check your phone. You look at your emails, check your messages, and WhatsApp group chats, and then, right before you’re about to go to sleep, you open up YouTube. The next thing you know, it’s 5:30am, and you begin the next day thoroughly exhausted, unable to be productive at all. Having access to everything from your fingertips is nice, but not when it costs you valuable time and disrupts your day.

Unfortunately, modern technology is marching towards an endgame of maximum immersion, and maximum reliance on phones. That means more hours spent online, and less hours devoted to better pursuits, like family, learning Torah, and other important activities. But while the big phone companies are intent on squeezing more hours from you, the Fig Phone takes the exact opposite approach, saying that sometimes, less is more.

The “Kosher” Phone & the Fig Phone

Over the past three years, the Fig Phone has pushed a sleek, viable, and serious alternative to today’s modern phone addiction. I had the opportunity to interview the Fig Phone’s founder, a product of our community in Brooklyn – who requested to remain unnamed – to learn more about how the Fig Phone got started, some of the philosophies underlying its design, and where he sees the Fig Phone heading next.

According to the founder, the Fig Phone came into being as a reaction to traditional “kosher” phones, which he first encountered in Israel. A “kosher” phone, for those unfamiliar, is a phone which is wiped clean of any distracting or addictive content – which modern companies increasingly throw into their devices to keep you hooked. People make the mistake of thinking phones are passive, just something kept in the pocket which you can then pull out to use when the need arises. But the unfortunate truth is that modern phones are active. The algorithms within these devices actively work to keep you hooked, encouraging prolonged use and even addiction. Kosher phones are a great first step in fighting back against the pull of modern algorithms, allowing you to take back your time and reduce the phone’s centrality in your life. The founder loved the concept, and wanted to bring it back into America.

Unfortunately, he confronted two issues. The first was that some of the technology simply did not work here in the United States. Too many service issues, software and hardware bugs, and other technical problems arose in devices brought from Israel to America. The second problem was that the “unkosher” phones could be found easily online, and they looked identical to the “kosher” ones, so it was easy for people to pretend to have a “kosher” phone when really they held something which was anything but.

A Tool, and Just a Tool

Setting out to solve these problems, Fig’s founder came to the conclusion that the only permanent solution was to design something completely different. Instead of buying phones and “koshering” them, he would instead create his own phone, from the ground up, which was, as he put it, “born kosher.” This would be the Fig Phone.

“The Fig Phone is a personal communications device,” Fig’s founder explained. He elaborated that whereas modern phones offer so much more than communication, and are specifically designed to take over a person’s life, a phone should really be just a tool– a very important tool– but nothing more than that.

“You wouldn’t bring your laptop to the dinner table,” the founder said. All that functionality which modern phones offer might be great, and exceedingly useful, but it blurs the lines between work and home. If you have access to everything at all times, then that access tends to disrupt the normal course of life, and gets in the way of all the important things. The Fig Phone is built to help you use it less often, so you can focus your attention on what really matters to you.

The Fig Phone offers users a great deal of flexibility. Some adopt it as a standalone device, completely replacing their smartphone. However, many prefer designating it as their primary personal phone, and reserving their smartphone for work. The idea of carrying two phones might seem daunting, but this isn’t what’s happening. The user has just one phone, and a separate device for work, much like people owning both a laptop and a smartphone which serve different purposes.

This is part of a rapidly growing movement toward reducing the use of phones as the “go-to device,” and relegating them to secondary devices.

The idea behind the Fig Phone is that it remains a tool used for specific purposes, without taking over a person’s life. To this end, it is very simple to use. Much of its operation is intuitive, allowing for an easy transition for many modern phone users.

Ongoing Innovation

Everything about the Fig Phone – including all its applications, the software, hardware, operating systems, and design choices – was built in-house, from the ground up, with rabbis advising the developers at every step of the process. One important design choice made at the advice of the rabbis was to make this device a flip phone, rather than the more prevalent “bar phone.” This was done so that the Fig Phone would be easily discernible and stand out. Furthermore, as the founder explained, snapping a phone shut has a more “nostalgic” feel than simply pressing a button to end a call. Indeed, many users have mentioned that there’s something incredibly satisfying about snapping a phone closed after finishing a call.

As all of Fig Phone’s apps are designed in-house, third-party developers have no access to its software, Fig Phone keeps everything tightly regulated inside a closed system. The founders receive lots of feedback from users as to which in-house apps to develop, which features to add, and anything else that users might find useful.

“People sent in requests for apps, asking if they could put in this or that,” Fig’s founder said.

This feedback-based approach has led to much innovation on Fig’s backend.

For example, the device comes with a very good camera, which is among the important tools on smartphones today. Another point of focus was ensuring that the Fig Phone was a touchscreen device, a must-have considering how ubiquitous touchscreen devices are today.

Recently, Fig tasked its developers to integrate Android Auto functionality, allowing users to conveniently use Waze on their car screens, giving their phones an extra dimension of utility.

Throughout the process, Fig Phone continually innovates and develops what they have, making it better than before, improving with each iteration and update.

Current and Future Fig Offerings

The company’s flagship model is the Fig Flip II X. With a 13 MP camera, simultaneous onscreen and T-9 keyboard, great battery life, and even Waze Navigation built-in, this phone is designed for enduring performance and efficient functionality. It is good at simply being a phone.

The Fig Flip Mini II offers similar functionality, but is just a smaller, more compact model.

The important thing about the Fig Phone is less what it offers than what it does not offer. It does not have the ability to download harmful apps or access addictive websites, such as social media sites. The device is built wisely and economically, aimed at providing its primary function rather than trying to suck you in and get addicted. It works for you, not against you.

When asked about future avenues Fig was looking to explore, Fig’s founder mentioned that while they continue to upgrade their devices to keep up-to-date, they are also looking to expand. A Fig Tablet, for instance, is in the pipeline. Another exciting project in the works is the Fig Beat– a fully offline MP3 player inspired by the original iPods. This device will feature the user-favorite click wheel, an iconic design which everyone loved from the classic iPods. The company has big plans to expand the Fig ecosystem, bringing more devices into the closed system of the Fig family.

The Fig Phone, growing in popularity, will continue to zig while the entire industry zags, and in doing so, might find more and more users who are fed up with the distractions, and simply want a phone.

Check out the Fig Phone at figkosher.com. Sometimes, less really is more.

Rabbi David Sutton & Dr. David Katzenstein, LCSW-R

Rav Wolbe, renowned author of the mussar classic Alei Shur, was multi-faceted. He did not just pursue the standard job of mashgiach, but did many interesting things in his life. During the Six Day War, he felt the Israeli soldiers were in need of hizuk. So, he went to the frontlines to help strengthen them.

On one occasion, as his plane entered enemy territory, he asked why the plane was flying so low. The pilots assured him, “Don’t worry, we are flying very low in order to remain under the radar, so the enemies cannot detect us.”

Similarly, when fighting the yetzer hara, we must fly under its radar. This is why the baalei mussar say to take on small things. Otherwise, the yetzer hara will detect our plans and cause them to backfire.

Previously, we have spoken about going against your own will, as Rav Yerucham Levovitz (the famous mashgiach at the Mir Yeshiva in Belarus at the turn of the 20th century) did when he was young. This does not mean to refrain from eating the entire day. Rather, if we’ve had one scoop of ice cream, we don’t have that second scoop. That’s going against our will in an area that’s within our reach, in a sphere that doesn’t hurt so much.

We must build up slowly. When beginning an exercise routine, we don’t begin by suddenly doing 60 reps (repetitions, i.e., complete strength training exercises). Instead, we do five or 10 reps, and when it starts hurting, we rest. If the regimen is too hard to begin with, we’re going to quit, practically before we get started.

How do we foster better outcomes and follow-through on our resolutions? We have already discussed why resolutions often atrophy or are relegated to the dustbin of our brains. Now let’s talk about our actionable response, so that we can significantly increase the likelihood of meeting our goals. This can be accomplished by taking the following measures:

Set realistic and specific goals: Resolutions are more likely to be successful if they are well-defined, achievable, and align with your overall values and priorities.

Break down larger goals into smaller steps: By breaking down larger goals into smaller, manageable steps, it is easier to stay motivated and make progress toward achieving our resolutions.

Create an action plan: Outline the steps that you need to take to achieve your resolution, along with specific deadlines and milestones to help keep you on track.

Enlist support: Having friends, family, or a support group who are aware of our resolution can provide accountability and help us to stay focused.

Be flexible: Be open to modifying your resolution if it’s not working, or if you encounter unexpected challenges. It’s important to be adaptable, and to find ways to stay motivated and determined.

Celebrate successes: Celebrate small victories along the way to help keep inspired and to maintain a positive attitude. Recent research shows that this is one of the primary ways to sustain motivation.

Stay committed: Making a resolution is just the first step. Sustained effort and discipline are required to achieve success. It’s vital to stay committed and to persevere, even when progress is slow.

Always Be on Guard

A talmid went to see Rav Elyah Lopian, the mashgiach in a yeshivah in Kfar Chassidim, a city in northern Israel before heading home to Yerushalayim for Shabbat.

There were two routes from Kfar Chassidim to Jerusalem. The shorter route involved a bus to the Haifa central bus station, and from there, a direct bus to Yerushalayim. The longer route avoided the central bus station, but added more stops and more time.

Rav Elyah asked the bachur, “Which route do you plan on taking?”

“Via the Haifa central bus station,” he replied.

Rav Lopian asked, “Aren’t you concerned that since Haifa is a beach town, there will be a lack of modesty at the bus station?”

“No, it doesn’t bother me,” the young man responded.

Rav Lopian grew very serious. “I’m 90 years old and blind in one eye, and it bothers me.”

He was aware that yes, he had a yetzer hara, even at 90 years old and with only one functioning eye.

He was constantly working on himself, never resting on his laurels.

TAKEAWAY

Instead of coercing yourself into making a commitment to improve, do it gently, positively, so as not to activate the koach meridah, the rebellious force inside of you.

For the same reason, strive for the minor things, rather than major commitments.

Remain under the radar.

Jenna Ashkenazie

Matchmakers play a vital role in our community. Mrs. Odette Rishty has been a matchmaker for 28 years. She saw a notice inviting community members to a meeting dedicated to making matches. Attendees were askedto bring the names of singles that they knew, to introduce them to local matchmakers. Mrs. Rishtyattended, hoping to help friends find their partners. It turned out that she knew some eligible singles who the matchmakers did not know. She wasinvited to come back the next week. A few weeks later, she had made her first match! She joined the matchmaking team, and learned the ins and outs of the shidduch world.  She learned that there is much more to making a match than simply putting two people together.

Mrs. Odette Rishty
Starting out, Mrs. Rishty’s goal was to make matches for those “who needed it but didn’t want to need it.” She wanted the experience to be about good feelings, good customer service, and friendship. Her goal was to look beyond the resume, and to see all sides of the person, not just what was on the surface. Her goal was to push past appearances, and to get to know who each person is, not only what they look like. She believed that was the way to help people find their forever partner. She rejects the term matchmaker, and instead calls herself a community member who wants to help people.

            “We’ve always been taught that this is what Hashem is doing 24/7. I know that this is His realm, and He is letting me be his employee. We get to be a part of what He already decided, but it is clear to me that it is always Him.” A lot of people think that the matchmakers forget the singles who have approached them. But that is not the case. They do care and do not simply forget. Matchmakers ultimately have no control. It is always in Hashem’s hands. It is also up to the singles to put in the effort to meet people, and to put effort into their relationship.

When asked why she continues to work as a matchmaker, Mrs. Rishty states, “I hurt for their struggle, but I love this community. That is why I do what I do. I view them as one of me.” Her most important message: each match is from Hashem, and Hashem only. Every time she thinks of a match, it is all from Hashem.

Mrs. Rishty emphasizes that matchmaking is for everyone, including the more modern and the more religious. She notes that Mekudeshet, and Shaare Zion Connect are two incredible organizations that have supplied matchmakers with databases and support to connect them with rabbis and therapists, to help create the proper way of doing things. These organizations are rabbinically approved, and are constantly networking to improve and facilitate matches more effectively. It is the matchmaker’s job to guide couples through dating the proper way, which is why many matchmakers consult with rabbis and therapists if needed. This is not a job that can be done alone.

Mrs. Julie Gindi

When asked why she believes that singles are turning to matchmakers more than before, Mrs. Julie Gindi responded that there is simply no comfortable place for people to meet. People used to congregate after shul, meet at weddings, or other events. Today it is nearly impossible to meet at weddings and singles don’t just hang around places. With no organic way to meet, many community members have turned to matchmakers for help. Most matchmakers believe that the most important part of meeting a person is to get to know them beyond the resume. Matchmakers work to create a match that goes beyond the superficial stats. “The idea is not [just] to get someone on a date, it is to find someone who is compatible, to be able to build a happy marriage.” Mrs. Gindi believes it is important for people to know that the match has to be right for them, not only for their family or friends. She advises singles not to look for what others will think is good for you. It is also important to remember that “Hashem created each of us with our own unique imperfections. We have to keep that in mind when looking into a suggestion as well as when dating. We are not at ‘Build a Bear,’ we cannot take the image we have in mind and believe that anything slightly different is not right for us. We should see who they are today, and how they will be as a spouse.”

Someone who seeks the help of a matchmaker needs to feel comfortable with them. If a single searching for their soulmate feels they cannot be honest with the matchmaker, the matchmaker will not be able to find them a match. All matchmakers agree that one needs to have patience. The match will come about at the right time, in the manner it should happen. “I treat every single as if they are my own child. I feel their pain and frustration. And if I’m zoche to be Hashem’s shaliach, I feel their joy as well.”

Mrs. Frieda Betesh

Mrs. Frieda Betesh emphasizes that matchmakers invest in insuring that singles who come to them can trust them, and be honest and open. Frieda has been a matchmaker for 15 years and is one of the founding members of SZ Connect matchmakers’ organization, along with Kelly Sabbagh.

Frieda is involved with all aspects of matchmaking, from overseeing brainstorming meetings between matchmakers, to administrating the SZ Connect database, to finding unique solutions to complex situations with her fellow matchmakers. That’s where Frieda’s experience adds a fresh perspective. Frieda also works on her own matchmaking.

Frieda works with primarily older singles, and hopes to help them find their zivug. The process can be frustrating and difficult, but she is there for everyone who comes to her for help.

When asked about the benefits of using a matchmaker, Frieda states, “When you use a matchmaker there is more of a vetting process, more substance. Even the more modern people who might meet someone on their own ask a matchmaker about that person. It makes them more comfortable. Even if I didn’t set them up, I can coach them through it.” However, if there is one thing she could stress to anyone who is in the process of dating , it would be to“be open minded and flexible- miracles happen. All suggestions for a shidduch come from Hashem. there is a reason for everything.” The matchmakers are just the messengers, and all credit goes to Hashem.

Shirley Mansour

Shirley Mansour has been a matchmaker for 43 years. She got her start by setting up her brother and sister-in-law, then other family members and friends. She became known as “Shirley the matchmaker” and embraced her role after a conversation she had with Hacham Baruch, who told her that she was helping to do Gd’s work. Shirley is motivated to continue her matchmaking. “I hated seeing people alone. I’ve always loved the feeling of matching people,” she said. Shirley was one of the 12 matchmakers in Shaare Zion who worked together to make matches, and she helped to create Sephardic Link. Her goal is to establish trust with the people who come to her, to help them find the person who is right for them. “I feel blessed that I was able to do this for so many years, and I wish to continue to do that.”

Shirley works to gets to know each person beyond the picture. It is important for her that the people who she tries to set up are willing to look beyond the picture as well. “Look at the heart. Beauty can fade, the heart cannot.” She advises everyone, “There has to be a click. The heart is always there. Look at the character, that is not going to change. Hashem will clarify things for them. Keep going until you are sure. Give yourself the gift of being sure. You will know if it’s right or not. Go with your heart. Let Hashem guide your way. Always have bitachon and emunah.” Matchmakers all agree that every match comes from Hashem. Matchmakers are simply the messenger, so listen to the message.

Rabbi Zamir Cohen

The throne of King Xerxes (Ahashverosh, or Ahasuerus) was in a city referred to by the Megillah as Shushan, situated in what is today western Iranand known in Farsi by the name Shush, and in English, Susa.

Shushan and “Shushan the Capital”

The Megillah’s references to this city can be more clearly understood in light of archeological findings. The Megillah sometimes speaks of the city simply as “Shushan,” and in other instances, as “Shushan habirah – Shushan the capital.” In Tanach and rabbinic writings, the word “birah” means a high place, a fortress or a palace. (Over the years, this word came to mean “capital city,” the seat of government.) In the Megillah, the expression “Shushan habirah” indicates the area where the king’s palace was located, as noted by the Ibn Ezra (Esther 1:2): “in Shushan habirah – where the palace was.” Today, we would call this area the “Shushan palace,” or the “Shushan fortress.”

Hebrew language expert Abba Ben-David explains:

Shushan had two parts: the city and the fortress. The king’s palace and the surrounding compound was called “Shushan the fortress,” and the rest of the city was called “Shushan the city.” Mordechai would come and go from the city to the royal compound, and from the royal compound to the city. The city was separate from the royal compound.

Shushan the fortress contained the royal palaces, the primary and secondary harems, government buildings, and more. The expression “Shushan habirah” also teaches us that the king’s palace was situated on a high plateau. Indeed, Ahasuerus’ palace in ancient Shushan was built on a high and wide plateau which is still in existence today. The sages in the Talmud (Megillah 15a)tell us that there was an arkuma d’maya (river, or canal) around the Shushan fortress. This detail, too, was discovered in contemporary archeological excavations, as Professor Elia Samuele Artom (1887-1965) explains: “Based on excavations made in the area of ancient Shushan, a river separated the city from the fortress, and the king’s palace was in a high place in the royal compound.”

According to an accepted tradition described by Rabbi Benjamin of Tudela in his book, the grave of the prophet Daniel is in Shushan, in a special edifice that is known even today.

The Splendor of the King’s Palace

The Megillah also presents a detailed description of the king’s palace. These details have been uncovered in archaeological excavations and described by scholars in the field: 

The author of the Megillah was thoroughly acquainted with the Shushan fortress and all the sections of the royal compound, such as the outer courtyard, the inner courtyard, the royal palace, and the pavilion that stood on columns and was open to the inner courtyard, as excavations conducted here by the French rediscovered. (Encyclopedia Hebraica, vol. 5, p. 101)

The Megillah (Esther 1:6) devotes special attention to the king’s orchard, describing the grandeur of the garden grounds: “There were spreads of white, fine cotton, and blue, embroidered with cords of linen and purple on silver rods and marble columns; couches of gold and silver on a pavement of green, white, shell, and onyx marble.” The Persian king surrounded himself with fancy furniture, fine fabrics, and expensive utensils.

This description corresponds to the Greek historian Herodotus’ description of the luxuries with which Ahasuerus surrounded himself. As scholars have noted (Peneh Olam HaMikra, p. 184):

The description in Megilat Ester of silver rods, gold and silver couches, and a large variety of utensils displayed at Ahasuerus’ banquet, fits the description by Herodotus of the numerous silver and gold vessels left behind by the Persians when they fled from the Greeks during the time of Xerxes: “They spread throughout the camp and found tents decorated with gold and silver, beds coated with gold and silver, gold cups and goblets and other drinking vessels.” Herodotus goes on to say that Xerxes’ own home utensils fell into the hands the Greek commander, and they included utensils, beds and tables of gold and silver, just as is described in the Megillah.

The Banquet Without Coercion

“And the drinking was according to law, with no coercion” (Esther 1:8). This means that the king enacted a law that no person would be forced or pressured to drink.

A contemporary person reads this verse and wonders: Is it necessary to legislate a special law against forcing someone to drink wine?

The Midrash explains that before this great banquet, in which King Ahasuerus sought to reach out to the citizens of his kingdom, the king repealed an ancient royal practice that had been such an integral feature of the palace banquets that the king felt compelled to enact a new law to abolish it.

According to the conventional protocol, at the beginning of the banquet, a giant golden cup filled with strong, unprocessed wine was brought to enhance the merriment of the ministers and courtiers. The chief butler was authorized by law to choose several guests from among the kingdom’s dignitaries, and force them to drink a full glass. The goal was to intoxicate these guests and get them to act mindlessly at the banquet, so everyone else would laugh at them and make them the butt of their jokes. The unfortunate individual who was chosen could not refuse, and he had to drink the entire glass even if he would become sick or even die as a result.

In the words of the Midrash (Midrash Esther, 1; Yalkut Shimoni, Esther, 1048):

This was a custom in Persia: They had a huge cup that held 30 shmatziyot [a Persian volume measurement], which was called a pitka. Each person had to drink from it even if he would die or lose his sanity as a result. The one who was the chief butler would be made rich by the attending Persian dignitaries, who would hint to him [not to face them with the large cup during the banquet] and give him several dinars of gold so he would not offer them the drink. Ahasuerus did not bring this cup to his banquet, and said instead that whoever wants to drink can drink.

The meaning of the words in the Megillah, “And the drinking was according to law, with no coercion” is that the drinking was in accordance with the new law, such that no one was coerced to drink.

Archeological excavations conducted in the Achaemenid Empire palaces have unearthed huge gold goblets in strange shapes, and everyone who saw them wondered, what kind of person drinks from such a giant wine goblet? And even if there was a strange person who would do this, he certainly would not be a prominent figure – so why would it be made from gold? It appears that these goblets were used for the cruel practice of Persian kings in their parties, with the exception of this one banquet hosted by Ahasuerus, as our sages report.

The Greek writer Aristophanes, who lived sometime after the end of the Persian era, describes the Persian banquets as follows: “They would force the guests to drink unprocessed, sweet wine from gold cups.” He does not specify the huge size of the gold cups which have recently been unearthed and can be seen by our very eyes. Most likely, as many years had passed since the downfall Persian kingdom, he was not aware of this detail.

“Misheh-misheh-misheh-misheh-misheh-misheh-misheh-misheh-miiiiishenichnas Adar…”

This familiar jingle begins ringing in our heads already on the first day of the month of Adar, and continues doing so through the celebration of Purim two weeks later (and for some, even beyond…).  The words come from the Gemara (Ta’anit 29a), and instruct that “When Adar enters, we increase our joy.”  Although the festive holiday of Purim is still nearly two weeks away, already on the first of this month, from the moment when Adar arrives, we are told to increase our joy, to be festive and to celebrate.

This “introductory” period of festivity is unique to Purim.  No other holiday requires us to begin feeling joyous before the holiday begins.  True, before Rosh Hashanah, we prepare for a month by reciting special Selihot prayers and making an effort to improve ourselves, but this is done so we are free of sin when we stand trial before Gd on Rosh Hashanah.  There is no mitzvah to begin feeling joyous two weeks before Hanukah, before Pesach, or before Shavuot.  What is unique about Purim that necessitates two weeks of “getting in the mood” by rejoicing?

The IDF’s Pre-Purim Megillah Reading

The source for this concept – beginning the Purim festivities already before Purim – can be found already in Megillat Ester.

Toward the end of the Megillah (9:22), we read of the establishment of the holiday of Purim, and the Megillah mentions that these two days (the 14^th of Adar is most locations, and the 15^th in walled cities) are celebrated during “the month that was transformed for them from anguish to joy, andfrom mourning to a holiday.”  Curiously, the Megillah speaks of the entire month of Adar as having been “transformed” from anguish to festivity. 

This strikes us as odd, because, seemingly, there was only one day – the 14^th of Adar – that was “transformed.”  Haman drew lots to determine the day on which he would annihilate the Jews, and the date chosen was the 14^th of Adar.  This day turned out to be a day of festive celebration, as the day before, the Jews successfully waged war against those in the Persian Empire who set out to exterminate them in accordance with Haman’s edict.  Thus, there was just one day that was “transformed” from calamity to festivity as a result of the Purim miracle – the 14^th of Adar.  Why, then, does the Megillah describe the entire month of Adar as having undergone a transformation?

Even more fascinatingly, this point finds expression in practical halachah.  There is a view that if a person knows ahead of time, before Purim, that he will be unable to read the Megillah or hear it read on Purim day, then he should do so before Purim, as early as the first of Adar.  As the Megillah speaks of the entire month of Adar in the context of the Purim celebration, we can infer that in some sense, the time for celebration begins already with the onset of this month.  Accordingly, one who will, due to circumstances beyond his control, have no possibility of reading or hearing the Megillah on Purim should ensure to read or hear the Megillah before Purim.

Lest one think this discussion is purely hypothetical, such a ruling was given as practical halachah last year, in Adar, 5784 (2024), to our beloved IDF soldiers who were on active duty in Gaza.  Certain units knew ahead of time – or had reason to anticipate – that they would be participating in military operations on Purim, and would thus be unable to read or hear the Megillah on that day.  A number of rabbis instructed them to read the Megillah prior to Purim, following the view discussed above.

This only reinforces our question: What significance is there to the month of Adar?  If the day chosen by Haman for the Jews’ extermination turned into a day of celebration, why is the entire month of Adar affected?

Dividing the Months

The answer is rooted in a deep Kabbalistic concept.  As with all teachings of Kabbalah, the profundity of this concept lies well beyond our grasp, but was can at least understand it on its most basic level.

The Kabbalists taught that Yaakov Avinu and his twin brother, Esav, made an arrangement whereby they divided the twelve months of the year.  Yaakov took for himself the months of Nissan, Iyar and Sivan – months on which we celebrate Pesach, Pesach Sheni (the 14^th of Iyar), and Shavuot.  Esav then took to his side the next three months – Tammuz, Av, and Elul, which have no holidays.  (In fact, Tammuz and Av mark periods of mourning for the destruction of the Bet Hamikdash.  As for Elul, the Kabbalists teach that Yaakov insisted on seizing this month from Esav’s grasp, as otherwise we, his descendants, would be unable to properly prepare for Rosh Hashanah.  Needless to say, this lies beyond the scope of our discussion here.)  The months of Tishreh, Marheshvan, and Kislev – which include Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Sukkot, Simhat Torah, and Hanukah – belong to Yaakov, whereas the next three months – Tevet, Shevat, and Adar – are under Esav’s control.  It thus turns out that six months belong to Yaakov, to the force of sanctity, whereas the other six are under the control of Esav, the forces of impurity.

With this in mind, we easily understand why the Megillah speaks of the “transformation” of the month of Adar.

This month is included in the domain of Esav, Haman’s evil ancestor.  As such, Haman’s edict should have succeeded.  The lots fell on an inauspicious time for the Jewish People, a month which was under the power of Esav, when Am Yisrael was thus vulnerable to Haman’s efforts to destroy it.  In order to rescue His beloved nation, Gd needed to do more than just foil Haman’s scheme.  He first needed to transform the month of Adar, to transfer it, as it will, to Yaakov’s domain.  Gd essentially upended the spiritual makeup of all of creation, shaking the very foundations of the universe so that Adar would no longer be under Esav’s control.

This is why “mishenichnas Adar marbim besimhah” – we begin our joy and festivity already at the beginning of Adar.  The Purim miracle began with Adar’s transformation from a time cut out for disaster to a time of immense spiritual potential.  Before Mordechai’s call to Ester to intervene, before she approached the king unannounced at the risk of death, before the banquet with Haman – the first step was changing the essential nature of the month of Adar, from a month of danger to a month of greatness.

The Backfiring of Haman’s Plot

Among the questions raised about the Purim story is why Haman decided to allocate just a single day for the extermination of the Jews.  Why did he not do what his ideological successor – Hitler, ym”sh – did many centuries later, and devise a program of extermination that would be carried out over the course of an extended period?  Would this not be far easier?  What advantage was there to planning the annihilation for a single day?

One of the commentators offered a creative answer – one which sheds new light on our discussion.  Haman knew Jewish history, and realized that his plan could backfire.  He knew about the miraculous survival of Am Yisrael, and so he himself had some doubts about the prospects of his plot’s success.  And, Haman knew that if his plan backfired, the period that had been designated for the Jews’ annihilation would be celebrated as a holiday.  He therefore designated just a single day – so that in the event that his plan failed, the Jews would not have more than one day to celebrate!

Remarkably, even this aspect of Haman’s nefarious plot backfired sensationally.  He did not take into account the transformation of Adar from a month of tragedy into a month of festivity, such that his edict not only gave us the joyous day of Purim, but an entire month of joy and celebration!

We are Never “Stuck”

The theme of transformation, which features so prominently in the Purim story, can be truly “transformative”for each and every one of us.  When we understand how far Hashem went to protect His beloved nation, changing the order of the cosmos, upending the fundamental nature of an entire month of the Jewish year, we are reminded that anything in our lives – and, collectively, anything affecting the Jewish Nation as a whole – can be transformed.  If Adar can be transformed from a month of calamity to a month of immense joy, then any situation we ever find ourselves in can similarly be transformed.We are never “stuck.”  There is no problem that has no solution.  The fact that we see no solution is owed to our human limitations.  Gd, however, is unlimited, and is thus able to solve any problem in ways that we could never imagine.

When Beneh Yisrael were trapped against the sea, they never imagined that the water would split and then fall back on the Egyptians.  When they found themselves without food, they never imagined nourishing food falling from the sky each morning.  When Haman decreed the Jews’ annihilation, they never imagined that days later he would be hanging from the gallows, and Mordechai would be serving his position as second to the king.

No matter what we are struggling with, and no matter what difficult challenges we jointly face as a nation, either in Israel or here in the Diaspora, we must believe that Hashem has an infinite number of ways to help.  We of course must do whatever we can – just as Ester was called upon to approach King Ahashverosh – but with complete faith in Hashem’s unlimited capabilities.

May the merit of our faith and hope bring the transformation of all our sorrow to joy, all our struggles to triumph, and all our anguish to festivity, and the arrival of our final redemption, speedily, and in our times, amen.

QUESTION:

Dear Rabbi Ali,

I’ve been married for 19 years and my marriage has been anything but good. My spouse has caused much heartache and refuses to change. We’ve been arguing about this for so long and I don’t believe he will ever change. I have never spoken to anyone about this and I don’t know where to turn. Do you have any advice for me?

R’ Ali’s Response:

As I mention often, anyone who feels that their marriage is not in a great place should not rely on a response in a short email. Although I try to offer a new perspective for you and the readers, I  mainly offer food for thought, which is in no way, shape, or form a substitute for professional assistance.

I would like to address a few points that you mention that are relevant in many marriages and are not exclusive to those who are struggling.

First is something that I often see when counseling people. Couples wait far too long before they reach out for help. There are a number of reasons for this. The simple reason is that people are embarrassed to let others know that they are struggling. Although this is normal, there’s truly nothing to be embarrassed about. We call our rabbi for assistance with our children, business, or even struggles that we have personally, but with marriage we tend to hold back. People do not reach out for help also be because marriage is a private relationship and we’d rather not let people into our private lives. There are professionals who specialize in this area and keep everything totally confidential, so there is no need to refrain from getting help.

Another reason for waiting to seek help is that we feel maybe things will just work out, or “I’ll figure this one out.” This is also a huge mistake. If you are getting stuck with the same issues over and over again, most likely things will not “just work themselves out.” I’ve spoken to many people who were stuck with the same issue for five to fifty-five years. All they needed was a third party to point out where they were going wrong and to give a few simple tips to get things in order. Just as an example,a woman once called me up in distress and explained to me how overwhelmed she is and how her husband doesn’t help out at all. She drives five kids to school every day and picks them up. Of course, she has asked him to help out and he said he would but never did. I simply advised her to discuss with him the drop off and pickup and what works with her schedule and his. They made simple arrangements. I advised her to let her husband do his job, which most likely entailed letting him oversleep and drive the kids to school late for a day or two. After a week, she had things in order and he offered more help on top of what he was already doing. This is just an example of a couple in distress who needed a few tips to get things in order.

One more reason people refrain from seeking help is plain old stubbornness. Many people will realize that their relationship is not in such a good place, however more times than not, they believe that their spouse is causing all of the problems. They will say things such as, “I don’t need help, you do, go fix yourself.” Or, “Why am I going to couples counseling if I’m not the problem?” Although I do believe that one person can contribute to a bigger percentage of the problems, both spouses are contributing to some part of a relationship issue. This might be a hard pill to swallow but it’s true. Even if you feel as though your spouse is contributing to most of the problems in the relationship (which would need a third party to determine that) you are still part of this relationship and are responsible to do your best to make it work. You may not be at fault, but once you sign up for a marriage you are responsible to make it work. It’s reckless to sit back and wait for your spouse to change or get help. Be proactive, for yourself, your spouse, and your family.