Home Blog Page 39

Emotional Wellness – Rabbi David Sutton & Dr. David Katzenstein, LCSW-R

Don’t Fool Yourself!

Suppression is a psychological mechanism that refers to the deliberate effort to consciously avoid or inhibit thoughts, feelings, or behaviors. It is a form of self-control that allows individuals to regulate their thoughts and emotions, so they can align with their goals, values, and social norms. From a psychological perspective, suppression is often seen as a coping strategy that can help individuals maintain mental balance, especially in the face of stressful or challenging circumstances.

The Impact of Psychological Suppression

Suppression has been the subject of much research and has been found to be an effective, but also a limited, form of self-control. While suppression makes it easier to navigate challenging situations, it can also have negative consequences, as it requires a significant amount of mental effort and can result in feelings of psychological distress, especially when used over an extended period. Research has shown that repeated suppression can result in emotional exhaustion, and that the energy required for suppression is taken from other cognitive resources, resulting in decreased performance on tasks that require attention and memory.

One study that investigated the impact of suppression on emotions, “The Cognitive Control of Emotion” by James J. Gross, published in the Annual Review of Psychology in 1998, analyzed the effects of emotion regulation strategies, including suppression, on emotional experience and physiological responses. The research found that suppressing emotions did not lead to the elimination of the emotional experience, but instead led to an increase in physiological arousal, which subsequently fostered an increase in psychological distress. Furthermore, suppression was associated with decreased cognitive control and increased negative feelings.

Developing Better Strategies

This highlights the importance of understanding the mechanisms behind emotion regulation, and the need to develop more adaptive strategies for managing emotions. This study and others like it have contributed to our understanding of the impact of suppression on emotions and have helped to inform the development of more effective emotion regulation techniques.

Suppression is also to be avoided when it comes to working on our middot and avodat Hashem. We must acknowledge the negative feelings we have and not suppress them. But acknowledging these negative feelings must be sincere.

 Lesson from Rav Wolbe

There’s a difference between what Rav Wolbe calls a “frum Kriat Shema,” which means just closing our eyes and thinking of all of the high and holy things, and saying Kriat Shema in a real and sincere way. Rav Wolbe discusses how easy it is to fool ourselves, to close our eyes and pray aloud with a lot of kavanah. To imagine walking in joy to die al kiddush Hashem, but having no idea what’s going on inside of ourselves.

Our job is to be sincere and serious and realize what’s going on inside of ourselves. Kabbalat ol Malchut Shamayim means that our ears won’t listen to devarim assurim, our mouths won’t speak devarim assurim or eat prohibited foods or do so l’shem taavah, and so on and so forth. In Rav Wolbe’s words, “If you really know yourself, you’re going to realize all these forces are not agreeing to kabbalat ol Malchut Shamayim.”

TAKEAWAY:

Look at yourself honestly and ask yourself: What am I REALLY willing to give up for the sake of Hashem?

Exploring the Wonders of the Human Anatomy

Are Teenage Brains Really Different from Adult Brains?

Although your brain is full size by the time you are a teenager, your prefrontal cortex isn’t fully developed until your mid-twenties. The prefrontal cortex is responsible for higher brain functions, such as reasoning and good judgment.

Additionally, there is a specific region of the brain, called the amygdala,which is responsible for the person’s immediate reactions, including fear and aggressive behavior, and this region develops early. This explains some of the risky behavior of older teens, as their actions and decisions are guided more by the emotional and reactive amygdala and less by the thoughtful, logical prefrontal cortex.

Other changes in the brain during the teenage years include a big increase in the connections between the brain cells and in the effectiveness of the brain pathways. Also, the teen years is when nerve cells in the brain are developingmyelin, an insulating layer that helps the cells communicate better. All these changes are essential for the development of coordinated thought, action, and behavior.

These brain differences don’t mean that teenagers can’t make good decisions or tell the difference between right and wrong. It also doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t be held responsible for their actions. However, an awareness of these differences can help parents and teachers understand, anticipate, and manage the behavior of teens.

Adult Brain versus Teenage Brain

On the outside, the brain looks similar throughout one’s life. But some parts of the brain develop faster than others, especially in the early years. The parts that seek new thrills and exciting events develop faster than those parts that think through situations and avoid danger. Older teenagers are almost twice as likely to take risks than anyone else. As we grow older, and different parts of our brains develop, we tend to make safer choices rather than take risks.

Fact or Fiction??

Your brain gets smaller as you get older. This is true! As a person ages, hisbrain loses weight and shrinks a bit; however, only a few ounces are lost by age eighty, and most of that is water.

The Importance of Hazzanut and Tradition

Victor Cohen

Our traditions in large part define our community. Many of us are named after our grandparents, giving us a link to past generations. When our community first arrived in the United States, we focused on staying close to each other and to keeping our beloved traditions alive. We treasured our pizmonimand our different customs. Our community was well-known for how connected we were to our past and how we worked together to keep from assimilating.

Over the past century, we have largely avoided being consumed by the culture around us, popular culture has still seeped through, in ways large and small. We follow sports, listen to popular music, and participate in popular American activities. This is not all bad. However, unfortunately, being distracted by the culture outside of our own has meant that over time, our own songs and customs have started to become forgotten. Few people in our community now wake up for Bakashot, like those attend the Ades Synagogue in Jerusalem.

Certainly, our traditions have been completely abandoned. In large part, the younger generation is bringing them back, studying the songs of our ancestors and reviving them. Someone leading the charge is the prominent community hazzan, Ikey Levy. He has been a hazzan for over ten years and has been the hazzan for the Eatontown Synagogue for the last four years. Let’s listen to some of Ikey’s insights into the world of our heritage with traditional music and how it is making a comeback today.

Building a Connection to Our Heritage Through Hazzanut

Ikey has always had a great voice, but he did not always sing. Here’s how he got his start. Ikey’s father liked singing the song Habibi at the Shabbat table with Ikey’s older brother Aaron, who was eleven when Ikey was five. One Friday night, Aaron, who also has a great voice, was not around. So, Ikey’s father called him over to sing, and was astonished by what he could do.

Ikey’s father taught him the basic pizmonim and took him to various sebets on Shabbat so that he could hear how others sang. “He’d take me to two sebets a day sometimes just to hear them,” Ikey reminisced.

Then Ikey’s training really went to another level. “When I studied in Israel,” he said, “I went to study by Moshe Habusha with a group of five other boys. Habusha is one of the top hazzanim in the world.” Ikey studied there for nine months, and Habusha gave Ikey a strong foundation in hazzanut, from which he could expand.

Inhazzanut,there are certain musical scales called ma’amat. They start and end on certain notes, and when training to become a hazzan, you learn how to sing many of them.

One can incorporate his own creativity when it comes to when and how the ma’amat are used within a passage. “Sometimes when you listen to the music or have instructions from another hazzan, you have instructions on how to infuse one maqam with more personality,” Ikey said.

He explained that the key for an aspiring hazzan is to listen to Middle Eastern music, which will help you expand your options. In a way, it is similar to learning to play chess. You can study by learning all of the different openings, or studying different patterns, but there is something special that comes with watching a true master perform. The same goes for hazzanut, and the more a hazzan listens, the more he can become inspired in his own songs to try out different methods. It is a highly creative, fulfilling pursuit with lifelong learning.

Educating the Community

Ikey taught pizmonim in YDE for five years, then taught keriah and pizmonim in Hillel Yeshiva for two years. Currently he tutors privately, and also tries to help encourage knowledge of our community’s traditions. To that end, he began a community minhagim WhatsApp chat, which is not dedicated only to hazzanut. In the chat he informs members about traditions from Aleppo, Damascus, Lebanon, Jerusalem, and Egypt. “Things get mixed up,” Ikey said, adding that “we just want to know where each custom originates from.”

Certain customs we follow today were not always done universally. “In Halab, they did not stand for Alenu Leshabeah.” Everywhere else in the Middle East, they stood.

“Aleppo used to be unique in that way.” Ikey said he knows one elder who, following this custom, still sits during Alenu! “I’m not saying that we all start changing what we do, but to me it is fascinating to see where certain customs originate from. In Syria, some didn’t have the custom to bow at all for Barechu, others did a small bow based on the Ben Ish Hai’s opinion, but in Egypt they stood up and bowed.”

The Weakening of Our Customs

There was a certain beauty to the old customs, accompanied by a level of devotion and a sense of community that is not easy to capture in words. Ikey described how he used to go to Bakashot when he lived in Brooklyn. “In my time in Brooklyn, I’d wake up Shabbat mornings 6am for Bakashot by Rabbi Mansour’s old Knis. Between 6:30 and 7:45, every Shabbat morning, Menachem Mustaki, Mordechai Salem, and Haim Eliyahu, were all there.” When Moshe Habusha, Ikey’s teacher from Israel, came in, the whole room filled up.

“It was very electric in the building,” Ikey reminisced. “It warms my heart when we do those things, because people forget what our community did in the old days in the Lower East Side and in Bensonhurst where they’d sing Bakashot in people’s houses.

“Unfortunately the greater part of Bakashot, most of our community has forgotten,” Ikey said. But pointed out how parts of Bakashot live on in other forms, such as songs, for example: Ki Eshmera Shabbat and Yom Zeh Shiru Lae-l were originally from Bakashot. Today, the Bakashot still are heard early Shabbat mornings at Rabbi Mansour’s new Knis.

Ikey recalled howsebets used to run, “lead by the hazzan, the crowd would sing pizmonim well into the afternoon with the Hacham speaking words of Torah either before or in between. Today, however, there’s more emphasis on speeches from friends and family members along with other genres of songs being sung with much less of our pizmonim in focus. Again, I’m just pointing out the change.”

The New Revival of Our Customs

In an interesting twist, though, this decline is beginning to reverse itself where it was least expected. It is the younger generation that has begun to revive the old music. While some of the melodies are a little archaic, there are many that are still being sung today. “There are nineteen-year-olds singing in Arabic today,” Ikey said. While much of the decline was due to the overwhelming popular culture, we are starting to see a certain yearning for what came before. “If you look at Shaare Zion today,” Ikey said,“the younger crowd is reviving the old ways within the community. That is happening.Our job is to keep it going for as long as possible.”

Ikey pointed to a positive development. “The hazzan David Shiro is putting out albums of new songs, taking our old songs and putting new packaging to them. If people hear it, they might be inspired to hear more.”

Hopefully, the revival of our community’s old ways continues to grow from here. We have the unique ability to look both back to our history and forward to our future at the same time. Informed and enriched by the traditions, songs, and ways of our past, we can strive towards the future, holding close to what makes us special.

Hazzan Ikey Levy performs professionally at weddings and special occasions.  Please contact him at 347-715-0350. He can also be found on Instagram @hazzan_ikey and on YouTube at youtube.com/@IkeyLevy.

Inventions & Innovators

Inventions are the ingenious gadgets and machines that have made our lives a little more fun, interesting, and easier. Real inventions are the things that we did not think were possible yesterday, and yet, it would be difficult to live without today. From the tiny paperclip to the massive jet engine, every month we will explore the history behind our world’s most famous inventions and learn about the innovators that designed them.

This month we explore the history behind an invention that most of us likely just take for granted…

SUPER GLUE

As a publicity stunt, a Russian program risked a man’s life, just to prove the strength of a new type of Super Glue. They had their producer hanging upside down below a hot air balloon, with nothing but the glue to hold him in place!

The crew glued the soles of the producer’s shoes to a wooden board attached to the underside of the balloon, before flying it up to a height of 5,000 feet. Thankfully, the glue proved to be strong and the man did not fall.

A surprisingly large number of inventions owe a degree of unexpected good fortune to their success. This was certainly the case with the world-famous Super Glue which is found in most households. As a matter of fact., Super Glue was invented by accident, not once – but twice!

In 1942, chemist Dr. Harry Wesley Coover Jr. was attempting to make clear plastic gun sights to be put on guns used by Allied soldiers in WWII. Dr. Coover was experimenting with a form of cryanacrylic which while clear, proved unsuited for the role as it stuck to anything it came into contact with. Dr. Coover abandoned that formulation completely as it obviously wasn’t suitable for his current project, being too sticky.

Nine Years Later…

Nine years later, in 1951, Dr. Coover was working at Eastman Kodak. He was the supervisor of a project looking at developing a heat-resistant acrylate polymer for jet canopies for jet aircraft at Kodak’s Kingsport plant in Tennessee. 

While working on the project, one of his technicians, Fred Joyner, used the rediscovered Super Glue and tested it by spreading ethyl cyanoacrylate between a pair of refractometer prisms. To his surprise, the prisms became stuck very solidly together without the need of any heat or pressure. Rediscovering the substance, Dr. Coover now realized the great potential of such a product and appreciated its attributes. He tested it on various objects within the laboratory, and sure enough it worked consistently. Providing there was a small amount of moisture on the surfaces to be bonded, the objects stuck permanently each time.

Super Glue is Born

Dr. Coover eventually registered a patent for the glue and worked on refining the product for commercial production. Super glue first went on sale in 1958 under the name Eastman 910 before later naming it “Super Glue.” Eastman 910 was soon licensed to Loctite who dubbed it Loctite Quick set 404.

During the 1970s, various manufacturers produced their own take on the fast-setting glue with the strong bond, using Coover’s cryanoacrylic formula. Today, it has many names such as Krazy Glue, Glue Stitch, and SurgeSeal – but to most people it is Super Glue. Dr. Harry Coover became known as “Mr. Super Glue,” which pleased him.

Daring Stunts

Over the years, publicity stunts demonstrating the extreme fixing power of the adhesive have been publicized. One famous advertisement was broadcast on the Russian program, Chudo Tehniki (Wonders of Technology), which showed a man dangling upside down a hot air balloon at an altitude of 5,000 feet, held only by boots super-glued to a small wooden platform!

Medical Marvel

Dr. Coover was also proud of the adhesive’s lesser known but crucial role in medicine. During the Vietnam War, field surgeons found that cyanoacrylates sprayed over wounds incurred in battle could act as an emergency method of staunching blood blow. Today, newly-developed forms of cyanoacrylates are often used in surgery to close up incisions in conjunction with or in place of traditional sutures.

Acknowledged and Awarded 

Dr. Coover worked for Eastman Kodak until he “retired” in 1984 at the age of 67. But he never slowed down. He started his own consulting company. And for nine years, he was also a board member of a large chemical company.

In 2010, Dr. Coover, who had been involved in obtaining 460 patents during his career, received the National Medal of Technology and Innovation from President Barack Obama.

  • Dr. Harry Coover

Dr. Harry Wesley Coover Jr., the inventor of Eastman 910, commonly known as Super Glue.

  • Eastman 910

Super Glue first went on sale in 1958 under the name Eastman 910.

  • One and the Same

Today, Dr. Coover’s Super Glue is available in a variety of names.

  • Super Glue Patent

A copy of Dr. Coover’s patent which was filed in 1954. 

  • Photo of Dr. Coover receiving the award from President Obama.

Dr. Harry Coover being awarded the National Medal of Technology and Innovation from President Barack Obama in 2010.

Ask Jido – May 2025

Dear Jido,

My children are being withheld from me for almost three years now. Until recently, I was still able to spend time with my youngest child every other weekend, but that seems to be ending.

I granted my ex a religious gett without hesitation or conditions, but now, perhaps because of dissatisfaction with the monetary award decided by the court, exercising my 50/50 visitation rights to see my children has become almost impossible.

I fear they are being turned against me, Gd forbid.

The first time my youngest son asked, “Daddy, do you love me?” I didn’t think much of it. But by the third or fourth time, it became clear that something was seriously wrong.

I wish my ex and her family only good b’ezrat Hashem. But the children we both care so much about will undoubtedly suffer needlessly if their father is pushed out of their lives.

I have pleaded for help from my kids’ yeshiva and from many rabbis who have some connection to my ex and her family, but to no avail. What should I do?

Signed,

Heartbroken Dad

Dear Heartbroken,

What you write is truly sad. The love of a father for his children never ends.

I find it very surprising that the Rabbis would not be willing to intervene. It is a fact that if the custodial parent does not allow the visitation rights as decided by the Court, that that parent can actually be forced to surrender their custodial rights to the other parent. This is unless there is substantial evidence that continued association with the estranged parent would be detrimental to the well-being of the child(ren). I’m assuming that this does not apply here.

This is standard practice of the Courts but it may not be well known to the people you have been speaking with.

My advice is to meet with one of the senior Rabbis of the community. (You choose one based on where you are both holding.) Urge him to contact both your ex and her family and advise them of the potential dangers of her actions and of your intent to pursue your rights.

Of course, the best method is to pursue peace by meeting together with the Rabbi and your ex. Let her detail to him her reasoning and convince him that she is justified in refusing to allow you to spend time with your children. Be prepared to be flexible in whatever compromise can be made in the hopes that as your children grow up, they will naturally gravitate back to you.

If there is no progress, get permission from the Rabbi to go back to the Family Court of New York. Generally, we are prohibited from using the courts of the goyim but in this case, a Bet Din would not have jurisdiction over custodial rights.

I wish you much luck.

Jido

Mabrouk – May 2025

Births – Baby Boy

Jacob & Linda Gindi

David & Francine Zagha

Hymie & Fortune Chera

Felix & Marielle Ades

Ezra & Ester Yedid

Joe & Mollie Betesh

Ikey & Leah Rudy

Jack & Shelly Sasson

Joseph & Rachel Sitt

Births – Baby Girl

David & Pearl Sabbagh

Andrew & Corine Cohen

Sammy & Rakefet Habbaz

Hal & Naomi Doueck

Jesse & Sarine Antebi

Mr. & Mrs. Yehuda Chazon

Mr. & Mrs. David Moses

Mr. & Mrs. Yitz Kanefsky

David & Rhonda Dweck

Steven & Danielle Esses

Bar Mitzvahs

Abie, son of Rabbi and Mrs. Leon Cohen

Michael, son of Jack and Frances Haddad

Engagements

Nathan Botton to Elle Cohen

Sammy Doueck to Jessica Saadia

Mark Gindi to Linda Warren

Meyer Sakkal to Jamie Shamah

Weddings

Ariel Edelstein to Norma Serrur

Michael Salem to Marlene Levy

Eddie Salameh to Stelly Swed

Abie Shomer to Mazal Zami

Medical Halacha

Medications on Shabbat

Rabbi Yehuda Finchas

“Rabbi, what should I do?” Michelle asked with a concerned look on her face. “I heard it’s forbidden to take medication on Shabbat, but I suffer from terrible migraines and I take blood pressure medication daily. Can I take those medications on Shabbat? And what about Ronnie when he has heartburn?”

Rabbinic Prohibition on Medication

It is generally rabbinically prohibited to take medication or engage in healing on Shabbat unless one is bedridden (Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chaim 328:1). This prohibition stems from a decree by the Hachamim, who were concerned that people might grind herbs to make medicine, which would be a violation of an issur d’oraita (Gezerat Shehikat Samemanim, Shabbat 53b).

However, this prohibition only applies to someone with a meichush – a minor ailment that causes mild discomfort but does not incapacitate. Medication may be administered if one is a choleh she’ein bo sakana (an ill person not in danger of death).

When Medication Is Permitted

A choleh she’ein bo sakana is someone who is bedridden or incapacitated, for example, someone suffering from influenza, a serious headache, or stomachache, etc., that prevents them from functioning normally. In such cases, they are permitted to take medication on Shabbat. Hacham Ovadia, zt”l, goes further and rules that in these situations, one should not be stringent and should take the medication to relieve the illness, as there is a mitzvah to experience oneg Shabbat – joy and happiness on Shabbat (Halichot Olam, Vol. 4, p. 163).

The permissibility of taking medication on Shabbat depends on the category or severity of the illness:

Choleh She’yesh Bo SakanaLife-Threatening Illness: In cases of danger or acute illness, such as a severe allergic reaction, serious heart issues, or diabetes, the use of necessary medication is unequivocally permitted and even required. Additionally, in situations involving chronic conditions, like hypertension, where regular medication is necessary to maintain health, it is permitted to take medication on Shabbat forpikuach nefesh, in order to prevent sakanat haim – a danger to life.

Choleh She’ein Bo SakanaNon-Life-Threatening Illness: This refers to someone who is incapacitated or bedridden (nafal lemishkav), where the entire body feels weak or painful, such as in cases of influenza, a severe headache, or stomachache. Although not life-threatening, such an individual is permitted to take medication as they cannot function normally. This is true even if someone is a safek choleh she’ein bo sakana. In other words, taking medicine is permitted when one is in doubt and it is difficult to evaluate the category of illness (Hazon Ovadya, Shabbat).

Meichush Be’almaMinor Ailments: These are minor conditions that cause mild discomfort but do not prevent someone from functioning normally. For example, a person suffering from cold symptoms or heartburn typically falls into this category. These conditions are not severe enough to justify taking medication on Shabbat. On one hand, delaying medication would not cause harm; on the other hand, there is a concern of Gezerat Shehikat Samemanim, as mentioned earlier. Therefore, the prohibition remains in place for minor ailments. However, leniency may be applied if there is a risk of the condition worsening to a category of choleh she’ein bo sakana (ibid).

Conclusion

Although heartburn is unpleasant for Ronnie, it does not usually qualify as a serious illness and is categorized as meichush be’alma unless it is a more serious condition that incapacitates him. Therefore, it is forbidden to treat heartburn on Shabbat, as it falls under the general prohibition of performing refuah (healing) for mild ailments.

However, Sandra’s condition is different. She is classified as a choleh she’ein bo sakana, as she suffers from migraines and is a choleh she’yesh bo sakana for severe hypertension. Even if these conditions are not life-threatening, she should take her medication on Shabbat.

Next month’s column will deal with exceptions when other forms of medications can be taken on Shabbat.

Rabbi Yehuda Finchas is a worldwide expert, lecturer and author on Medical Halacha. He heads the Torat Habayit Medical Halacha Institute. His latest book is “Brain Death in Halacha and the Tower of Babel Syndrome.” To contact Rabbi Finchas, email rabbi@torathabayit.com.

Sefirat Ha’omer FAQ

By Rabbi Moshe Arking and Rabbi Hayim Asher Arking

The days of counting from Pesah to Shavuot are in anticipation and preparation for the goal of yesiat Misrayim– receiving the Torah. Regarding Avraham Avinu it is written, “…and Avraham became old, coming in days.” This refers to the greatness of Avraham Avinu that as he grew older, he came with every day, as each day was another step to achieve more. Sefirat ha’omer is a time to prepare for Shavuot when we accept the Torah. We can master that greatness, one day at a time. The counting should be accompanied with a plan that one can visualize and have a takeaway of a tangible accomplishment like each day of Avraham Avinu. We should make every day that we count – count.

When is the best time to count?

One should count right after nightfall, which is approximately forty minutes after sunset, so that he is counting the entire coming day. If one is concerned that he will forget to count, then already after sunset one may count with a beracha.

One who did not count at night, counts by day without a beracha and then on subsequent nights with a beracha. Therefore, we have a custom to mention the count during Shaharit, so that one who forgot last night will fulfill his obligation then.

Can I eat supper before counting?

From a half-hour before the time of a mitsvah, such as tefillah, keriatshema, and counting sefiratha’omer, one may not eat more than a k’beitsah (50 grams) of bread or mezonot. Other foods, including rice, chicken, meat, etc., may be eaten even in larger quantities. However, if one appoints a family member or friend who is not eating to remind him to count after his meal, he would be allowed to eat a full meal of bread or mezonot

Why do we stand?

When we perform mitsvot, such as shofar, lulav, pidyon, etc., we stand. The source of standing by mitsvot is actually from omer as the pasuk states, “from the beginning of the sickle harvesting –bakamah – the standing crop.” The word bakamah also teaches us that we perform the mitsvot while standing.

I mistakenly counted the wrong number. Do I recite a new beracha?

One who counted the wrong day did not fulfill his obligation and is required to count again with a beracha. If the mistake was realized immediately – within approximately one and a half seconds – the correct day should be recited without a beracha. After that time, he will need to recite a new beracha and count.

Can I recite the beracha and then figure out the correct number by following the person next to me?

Like all berachot, before one begins, he should be saying it upon something known and specific, i.e. before reciting ha’ets, he should preferably know exactly which fruit he is reciting upon and even hold it in his hand. Therefore, one should preferably know the correct day before he starts to make the beracha.

Another important point is that one should realize what number he is counting. It is not merely about saying certain words that fulfills the mitsvah, but rather to understand the number counted.

I am not sure if I missed a day, do I continue?

According to some opinions, the forty-nine days of sefiratha’omer require a continuous counting without missing a day. In deference to this opinion, one who misses a day, although he will lose the beracha, is required to continue to count on the following nights. However, if one is not sure if he missed a day or not, he will continue his counting with a beracha.

I always end up missing a day! May I start counting with a beracha?

Yes. Before a day is actually missed, one would still count with a beracha even if he knows that he will definitely miss a day. Therefore, if someone has a scheduled surgery or something that will prevent him from counting a complete day of the omer, he should still begin to count with a beracha.

Do women and children count the omer?

Young boys should be taught to count once they reach the age of hinuch– six years old, like every other mitsvah. A minor who missed a night of counting is different from an adult and should continue to count with a beracha. However, women do not count at all, even without a beracha.

I told someone what day it is. May I still count with a beracha?

When asked what day it is, it is best to respond, “Yesterday was such-and-such.” In order for one to fulfill his obligation, his counting has to be prefaced by saying, “Today is day…” Therefore, if one did not yet count and responded, “today is day six,” he would lose his beracha. However, if he just answered “six” or “it’s six,” he may still count with a beracha.

What if one becomes bar mitsvah in the middle of sefirat ha’omer?

A minor who will become barmitsvah in the middle of sefira should start counting with a beracha until he turns thirteen. After his barmitsvah, the question arises whether it is considered that he is starting anew in the middle of the omer; therefore, he may not be able to recite a beracha. For this FAQ, we would refer one to his rabbi.

When is the earliest time I can take a haircut, listen to music, etc.?

All the customs of the sefira (i.e. weddings, music, haircuts) apply until the morning of the thirty-fourth day. Regarding music, however, the custom is to be lenient on Lagla’omer if the music is being played at a hilula for Ribbi Shimon Bar Yochai.

Can I buy new clothes during the days of sefira?

One may buy new clothes during sefira. However, for clothes that require a sheheianu, it is preferable to wear them first on Shabbat and recite sheheianu then. Sheheianu on fruits may be recited even during the week.

Why do we study Pirkei Avot during sefira? As mentioned, these days are in preparation and anticipation of receiving the Torah. We therefore learn PirkeiAvot which motivates one to the observance of Torah and mitsvot, and the study of the foundation for Torah – our character traits. Secondly, Pirkei Avot focuses a lot on our interpersonal relationshipsthat were at a low point during this period and therefore require our attention to study properly.

Mourning the Loss That Could Have Brought Mashiah Imagine today a rabbinical learning program with twenty-four thousand rabbis going to cities throughout the world. If they had been around even one century ago, the exponential number of religious growth worldwide would be on such a grand scale, the Mashiah could come! This is how we can view the magnitude of this tragic loss of the students of Ribbi Akiva. They passed away over two thousand years ago – it could have been a transformation of our nation beyond epic proportions. In respect to the mourning of this period, we do not marry, have parties with music, take haircuts, and other limitations.

Positive Parenting – Raising Resilient Kids

Tammy Sassoon

Every parent wants their children to have the ability to live an active, productive, happy life.  The question is how do we get the kids there?

Unfortunately, it is not unusual to watch families struggling with their children’s poor attitudes about doing work.

Uch, I have to put my plate in the garbage?”

“I hate homework.”

“You always ask me to set the table.”

“Why do I always have to help you?”

These are nothing short of horrific comments that reflect the emotional demise of our generation.

The New Normal – Condemning Hard Work

First, let’s look at what has gone wrong in our society today. Why do people complain so much about having to work hard? Our great grandparents knew that hard work was good for them. Unfortunately, it became the norm in our society for people to avoid hard work. Let’s recognize that this new generation’s contempt for the value of hard work is all wrong.

In Dr. Martin Seligman’s book, The Optimistic Child, he states that he was baffled by the emotional state of American society that was plagued by rising levels of depression. So, he researched why this was the case in the second half of the 20th century. He looked to understand why it was that in a generation that had more conveniences than in any time in history, people were so miserable.

Seligman concluded that for thousands of years, parents raised their children to believe that hard work was good for them. You want to be happy? Do something hard that affects positive change in the world around you. However, after World War II people adopted the belief that the best antidote to pain was indulgence. Basically, there was a cultural shift, where the old philosophy of “Do for your family, do for your country, do for your religion,” became outmoded. It was replaced by the hedonistic take on life, “Do for yourself. Eat, drink, and be merry.” This take on life, however, is a sure recipe for misery! Many people sensed that something was wrong, and those are the ones who held on to the old value systems.

Happy Work, Happy Kids

Above all, modeling always takes the win! Let’s model for our children that we, too, love hard work. It will take time and mental energy to transform yourself into this type of person, but anyone can do it with patience and practice. Even though we live in an age of fast food and remote everything, we CAN remember that having the ability to do hard work is an awesome privilege.

And that leads us to recognizing that parenting is truly a tremendous privilege. Yup, waking up at night, changing diapers, being there emotionally, etc. are healthy opportunities for us. They are opportunities to give, to bring more joy into the world, to become happier people ourselves, and to help us reach our full potential. If our children see that we view things this way, they too will believe that hard work is good for us. Do whatever it takes to adopt this attitude. Attach fun to it. Put on music while you are changing your 12th diaper of the day. Take good care of yourself.  And as your eyelids are drooping at the end of a long day of hard work, always remember that parenting is a privilege.

Teaching Kids the Value of Hard Work

We want to raise our children to know that hard work is good for us. Use phrases often like, “We love hard work, hard work makes us smarter.” When you leave the supermarket with your children and everyone is carrying grocery bags to the car, make sure to comment, “What a gift! Carrying these groceries makes us stronger.” And say it like you mean it! When your children complain about a child in their class or a counselor in camp, after you have empathized with them, smile with confidence and say, “Who knows what great things in life this challenge with them is preparing you for?!”

Words of Rabbi Eli J. Mansour – Dealing with Financial Anxiety

Financial anxiety is at least as old as it is common.  Actually, it’s even older – as old as the Torah.

This month, we read Parashat Behar, which discusses the remarkable mitzvah of shemittah – the “Sabbatical” year.  For an entire year, farmers in the Land of Israel must desist from all agricultural work, and declare all their agricultural lands ownerless, allowing anyone who wishes to help themselves to the producein the fields.

A modern-day equivalent to shemittah would be a storeowner who is compelled to shut down his business for an entire year, and keep the doors open so that anyone who wants can come and take the merchandise which he had not been able to sell before the onset of that year.

The Torah anticipates the anxiety that farmers will feel as the shemittah year approaches:

And if you say: What shall we eat during the seventh year, given that we will not sow and not gather our grain?” (25:20). 

Understandably, farmers will be very concerned about the grave financial repercussions of a one-year shut-down of their enterprises.

Hashem responds to this question by assuring the farmer that his fields would yield an extra abundance of produce during the sixth year, and this surplus will suffice to feed him and his family during the coming years.

At first glance, these verses require no further elaboration.  Gd assures us that we will never lose by adhering to His laws, by following His commands, even when this entails great sacrifice, as He generously rewards our compliance by providing us with our needs.

However, the discerning reader likely noticed a glaring difficulty in the text.  The Torah foresees the people worrying about what they will eat “in the seventh year” given the restrictions on farming.  We must ask, why are they concerned about the seventh year?  They farmed throughout the sixth year, so there will be plenty of food available for the seventh year, the year of shemittah.  The problem arises not during shemittah, but aftershemittah, following an entire year during which nothing was planted and the fields were neglected.  The people would, seemingly, be worried about a food shortage during the eighth year, not during the seventh year.  Why, then, does the Torah foresee the people asking, “What shall we eat during the seventh year?”?

One answer is offered by Rav Samson Raphael Hirsch (Germany, 1808-1888), who explains that the people would need to begin reducing their consumption already during the seventh year.  Knowing that they are not farming this year, and are thus not producing any food for the eighth year, they are compelled already now, during shemittah, to “tighten their belts” and eat minimally in an effort to ensure that some food will remain for the eighth year.  Hashem responds that this is, in truth, not necessary, because the sixth year’s yield would be double the normal output, providing enough food for both the seventh and eighth years.

Setting the Price of Lands in Eretz Yisrael

A different, and especially novel, reading of this verse was offered by Rav Chaim Berlin (1832-1912).  In order to understand his explanation, we must first discuss the commands presented by the Torah following its presentation of the laws of shemittah.

The shemittah is not the only year when agricultural activity is forbidden.  Every 50 years, the nation is to observe yovel – the “jubilee” year – when a number of special laws apply.  All the restrictions on agriculture that apply during shemittah are observed also during yovel, and, in addition, all lands return to their original owner.  This means that when a person sold his field in the Land of Israel during the periods when yovel was observed, the transaction was temporary, as the property returned to the owner on the yovel.  (This was true also of homes, except in walled cites, which were subject to different laws.)

The Torah introduces the laws of yovel following the laws of shemittah, and it then proceeds to discuss the impact of these laws upon real estate transactions.  Since the sale of lands would be temporary, effective only until the yovel, the price for the property must be set accordingly.  The Torah strictly forbids sellers from taking unfair advantage of buyers by unreasonably overcharging.  Therefore, the Torah commands those who sell property to adjust the price according to the number of years that have passed since the previous yovel.  If a person sells land shortly after yovel, such that the land would belong to the buyer for nearly 50 years, the seller may charge a higher price.  But if the transaction takes place later, shortly before the onset of the yovel, then he must charge a lower price, since the buyer’s benefit from the property – which he must soon return to the seller – will be very limited.

Returning to our original topic – the question of “What shall we eat during the seventh years?” – Rav Chaim Berlin keenly observed something else peculiar about this verse (in addition to the question we posed earlier).  He noticed that this verse appears not immediately after the laws of shemittah, but later, only after the Torah discusses yovel and its impact upon the price of lands.  We would of course have expected that after the Torah commands discontinuing agricultural work during shemittah, it would then immediately address the people’s understandable concerns about their food supply after shemittah.  But instead, the Torah first digresses onto the laws of yovel, and their ramifications with regard to the price of real estate, and only then returns to the topic of shemittah, allaying the people’s fears about how they would have enough to eat after not tilling the land for a whole year.

Clearly, this sequence requires explanation.  Why doesn’t the Torah first complete its discussion of shemittah before proceeding to the topic of yovel?

The Hidden Value of Everything

Rav Chaim Berlin offers an ingenious explanation – one which not only sheds an entirely new light on this verse, but also provides us with a meaningful lesson, relevant to each and every one of us.

He contends that this question – “What shall we eat during the seventh year?” – is not, in fact, expressing fear and anxiety about the food supply as a result of neglecting the fields duringshemittah.  Rather, it is a question that a buyer might ask in response to the Torah’s guidelines regarding the pricing of land.

As mentioned, the Torah requires determining the price of land based on the number of years remaining until the yovel, as this is the number of years during which the buyer will benefit from the property.  Rav Chaim Berlin brilliantly points out a problem that the buyer might have with this arrangement.  If, for example, he is purchasing a field 20 years before the yovel, he will actually not be receiving 20 years of benefit from this field – because two of those 20 years will be shemittah, during which he is forbidden from making use of this field.  The Torah requires calculating the price based on 20 years of benefit – but the buyer will be benefitting for only 18 years, not 20.

Rav Chaim Berlin creatively explains the verse as addressing this question.  The question, “What shall I eat during the seventh year” means, “What benefit will I be receiving on the seventh year?  Since I cannot work the land during that year – I receive no benefit, so I should not have to pay for this year!!”

The Torah answers that in truth, the buyer will be receiving 20 years’ worth of benefit from the field – because the field produces more than usual during the sixth year.  Gd sends His blessing to those who observe shemittah to ensure that they lose nothing by complying with this most difficult mitzvah.  Hence, the land yields double the ordinary volume of produce during the sixth year – such that the one who had purchased a field for 20 years receives 20 years’ worth of benefit.

Our Beneficial “Fields”

Everything we own, and everything in our lives, has been given to us for a reason.  Like the field owner during shemittah, we might occasionally look at some of the things in our lives and wonder how they help us, why Gd made them happen, what benefit we gain from them.  We all – without exception – have these kinds of “fields,” things happening in our lives that annoy us, that inconvenience us, that challenge us, that upset us, and that seem to offer us no “produce,” nothing beneficial.  We must recognize, though, that even these “fields” in fact help us, even though we cannot understand how.  Like the farmer who observes shemittah, we are guaranteed that everything we have has value and offers benefit, even when we cannot see it. Let us stop complaining about the “fallow fields” in our lives, about all those things which seem to give us nothing other than headaches.  Let us firmly believe in the hidden value of everything we have and of everything that happens, trusting that Gd knows far better than we do what we need, and He would never give us anything or put us in any situation if it did not offer us significant benefits.  Living with faith in the great value of even our “fallow fields” can spare us so much aggravation, disappointment and anxiety, and allow us to enjoy joy, peace of mind, and serenity under all circumstances, no matter what we are going through.